it has been said: people’s real identity is often seeped through their twitter pages and since there are days when i’m completely bored out of my mind, I tend to do what a normal person would do and jump from one twitter page to another.
gone are the days when one has to open an autograph book to know one’s deepest thoughts. all it takes is a URL address.
so while browsing through another person’s twitter page, i couldn’t help but notice this one particular model/host whose entire twitter page is dedicated to another’s.
and she does it so with such subtlety that it’s kind of like watching a train wreck.
but then again, the reason why i try to avoid all kinds of twitter sites other than my friends’ is because it’s so much easier to pass judgement.
however, her twitter page merely reflects what a million girls have gone through in their lifetime.
i’d like to think that most girls are like chameleons at best and this has been something embedded unto us, passed down from the earliest generations to the next and even though we have been liberated from the Maria Clara thinking, some of us are still going down that route.
most girls change how they look, change how they feel towards a specific sport and even to the extreme of changing a job just to make sure one gets the guy.
and it relatively pains me because a man should add sparkles, rainbows and sunshine in our lives, however he must not become our lifeline.
to be constantly changing just to make a guy like you only leaves things complicated, for one thing, he will never know or love you for who you truly are.
he would love the mask you’ve put on specifically for him.
and it’s sad because there has to be something more to us girls than simply changing faces to accommodate a new guy.
we must not simply drift in and out of our lives, waiting for a guy to save us and until then being stagnant. most of the time, the women who say they are against it are the ones slowly furiously trying to reinvent themselves to be liked.
you are already beautiful and a real man would appreciate that without you having to compromise anything.
Uncategorized
March 14, 2011: Day Two
Since I cannot upload the picture into my blogger site, I am putting in the link here: http://plixi.com/p/83932260
Basically, I know that my God provides, whatever the situation is and that He loves me, no matter what.
I know that one day I’ll know what it is that He has called me to do and I will stand strong in His name.
The Beginning: Happy Birthday Mama!
Happy Happy Birthday My Dear Mother.
I pray that this year brings you great prosperity, joy and love š
Also this day marks the beginning of Project 365 year 2. Decided against tumblr, pretty much a loyalist to blogspot =)
God is good. God is great.
My current circumstances do not define how good and how great my God is. I know that there is a breakthrough waiting along the way.
But until I get there, I know God is molding me and teaching me something so I would be prepared for that breakthrough.
2011 is my year. This is the year where I look back and say this has been my greatest year so far.
God is good all the time. He is on my side, therefore I win.
Eternally 22.
One of my biggest goals for the year is to start saving.
Like seriously stop spending over the little, cheap things that later on turn into really big things and eventually you just have no idea where you money went kind of thing.
I simply want to be more responsible with my money and the frustrations get to me every single time, especially now that I have opened my own checking account and wanna scream till my lungs fall out because it’s not even within limit.
I guess i’ve gotten better at saving my money, trips to the nail salon have lessened and i’ve been putting my money on really pretty grown up things.
i guess i should really celebrate where i am and just keep moving forward until i get to where i want to be yada, yada, yada.
this is really not helping me because when i’m stressed, i either a) eat or b) spend.
gaa. me and my superwoman tendencies.
blah
Imperfectly me. Perfectly Loved.
āGod does not respond to what we do, we respond to what God does. Weāve finally figured it out. Our lives in step with God and all others by letting Him set the pace, not by anxiously or proudly trying to run the parade.ā -Romans 3: 26-27 (MSG)
Earning.
Itās something that Iāve been accustomed to ever since I started being an adult in mid-2007. Ever since that time Iāve been busting the hours away to earn my keep, and earning not just in the financial sense, but in the sense that I needed to earn the respect of my peers, colleagues and so on.
It was a new concept to me as a fresh graduate, however, earning for something was entirely new to me, I just probably called it something else.
In pre-school in order for me to āearnā an extra hour in the playground, I needed to behave in the classroom. In grade school, in order to āearnā high grades, I needed to spend an extra hour slaving over the multiplication tables that never made sense (till this day it is really complicated to me). In high school, I needed to work out and not eat in order to āearnā an upperclassmanās attention.
It seems like the concept of earning something has been around even before the first time I had cashed my first pay check.
Itās like my entire life, Iāve been trying to adjust to the pace imposed by society, people close to me and at one point, guys. I was on the eternal, hypothetical treadmill always trying to earn good grades, earn good money, earn good friendships.
The concept of āletting things beā was a foreign concept to me. I could never sit down and wait for things to happen. No I had to get out there and control things just because I could.
It didnāt help that in college, I attempted and miserably failed at being Superwoman. I needed to be on top of things, I knew that no one would take care of things for me; thatās why I decided to take care of things myself, sometimes even refusing help from people who cared the most.
In November of last year, the faƧade that Iāve been carrying around finally cracked. I realized that thereās no way I could handle everything on my own.
Especially my relationship with my Savior.
You see, everything in my life needed to be earned and from day one, I was suck into thinking that I needed to be good in order for me to be loved and accepted. When I was thirteen I blindly thought that if I was perfect, everything else will fall into place. Mistakes were not allowed and I was always on the defense. I could never simply sit down and not do something about a situation. I needed to be on the proactive side.
So whenever someone in church talked about āletting go and letting Godā I was baffled. Another concept that totally baffled was the fact that even though Iāve made mistakes, that even though I donāt always feel like praying and when I did something I knew I shouldnāt have, God still loved me.
I was not living in freedom as I should be, I was living in a cage filled with fear and doubts simply because I thought that one wrong step would lead me to another spiral. In a way, I was thinking I could manipulate Godās blessings in my life. If I was good then good things would come my way, if I was bad, bad things would come my way.
And although I understand the concept of āsowing and reapingā, I wasnāt āsowingā for the right reasons. Instead, I was doing so to be good. What freedom it was to do good things not because I wanted to impress God but because I loved Him. There was a huge difference in the two things and I was often fooled in thinking they were the same thing.
Deep down I was still that girl in high school, desperately trying to be perfect so everything else in my life would be perfect. Up until recently, I donāt think Iāve ever fully rested in the way that the Bible defines resting. I was always on the go, always analyzing things in my mind, until I was doing something about it, I couldnāt rest.
The guilt was overbearing as well.
Up until finally I figured out: itās really not about what I do or what I donāt do, itās all about what God has done for me.
And no matter what I do or donāt do, God wonāt take it against me. No matter how many times I stumble or fall, Heāll be willing to pick me up and lead me out of the mess, one step at a time.
In His name, I donāt have to be perfect, I just have to be me.
The best that He asks from me is my willing heart to do what He wants me to do and even if I donāt get it right away (which is often the case), He wonāt take it against me, Heād still love me and Heād be patient enough to wait.
Itās kind of unnerving to think that King of the Universe would always have my backāno matter what.
Now finally I can put my feet up, knowing and believing that things are working out the way they should and that no matter what happens, I win not because of who I am but because of what He did for me.
A is for Awesome. A is for Abi.
“what if we get used to this independent, alone thing?”was what my awesome friend Abi Portillo asked me over YM a few days ago.
Abi and I have been friends since 1992, although I really disliked her because I always lost whenever we played hopscotch and the neighborhood kids always called the fat kid in the Smokey Mountain Classic, “The Coconut”.
However, she grew up to be an amazing woman (thank God no more blue and white dresses or white headbands) and became one of the coolest people in my life.
She’s a wonderful friend in that way because she always makes me think and she’s probably one of the very few people in my life who I trust with all my heart.
She’s also the kind of friend who always pushes me to take risks because i have this tendency to clam up and hide instead of going out there and going for something.
Abi is the kind of friend that everyone should have.
For one thing, she’s ridiculously honest and brutal, but in a way that makes you truly change your perspective about a specific situation or a person. And although she’s brutally honest, Abi doesn’t use this as an excuse to put other people down.
She says what thinks about a situation and that’s it, nothing more, nothing less.
This girl also has this crazy confidence that i wish I had, although it’s something she makes sure she shares with everyone else and she has this amazing ridiculous view of the world that’s really a positive way of seeing things, only she turns it around and makes it her own.
I also hope she knows that she’s one of the bravest girls I know.
I also appreciate the fact that our conversations go from highly intellectual to highly… well, unimportant, although I do love the fact that our perspective over specific situations, people and events have shifted for the good.
I can’t wait for all the awesome things that would happen to you this year, you above everyone else deserves to have a good year.
So just in case I haven’t told you lately, thank you Abi. Thank you for adding your own little ray on sunshine into my life.
PS: I really hope you find that equally awesome person who would appreciate you for all the awesome things that you are and not stifle you like Ryan Gosling did to Michelle Williams in Blue Valentine.
You deserve a man, not a boy š
The Harry Shum Jr. Effect
I have this shameless obsession on the “other asian” from Glee.
I remember clearly when my friend, Thara kept talking about him during the first season and since I was so into The Schue and Finn, I couldn’t quite figure out who the hell Harry Shum Jr. was until that crazy episode at the beginning of the season.
I must admit, it was tv land love at first look.
And after that crazy Somebody to Love number, I knew I was in love.
In reality, I couldn’t really speak about the reasons why I think Harry Shum Jr. is awesome other than what I find on the internet, but I guess this obsession with a semi-imaginary guy came at the right time.
I’m trying to be objective about this blog entry and I’m really trying to say what I mean without dissing anyone or speaking ill of anyone.
Well let’s just put it this way, i’ve always been attracted to the same type of boys, you know the ones who party all night, date all the pretty girls just to see if he’s got the swag or not, basically self-centered, selfish guys boys who never had the chance to grow up.
Guys with no drive, no passion and lived for themselves and no one else.
I don’t know really if this is affected by the way I see myself but I suddenly found myself wanting out of that hell hole.
I’ve had enough of those boys.
I’ve had enough of those boys who would put me down just to feel good about themselves. Also tired of saving guys when I should really just be worrying about the guy and how he treats me as a princess.
I’m not saying that girls should get the free card but i think girls deserve a guy who actually want something in life and would do absolutely do anything to get there.
I guess the real reason for this Harry Shum Jr. effect is passion.
You see Harry Shum Jr. and you don’t just see his abs or his amazing dance moves, I look at him and I see someone who is so passionate about what he’s doing that he’ll do absolutely anything to do what he loves to do and he doesn’t mind sharing it with someone else or the world.
For once in my life, I want a guy who would be passionate about life, about something other than being the most famous, having the most twitter followers or getting a celebrity girlfriend to up his status.
i want a guy who is so passionate about his life and everything in it, not about the number of ladies he has.
i guess to sum it all up, it helps to say that I want a man and not a boy.
and it really wouldn’t hurt if he did look like Mike Chang.
a girl can dream.
Life is good.
Just because it is.
Not because I’m walking side by side with something. Or I got a really awesome bag. Or I became friends with someone I thought was too perfect for me.
Life is just good. As i sit here in front of my computer, i have nothing else to say but that, life is good.
But the amazing thing is God is good.
God loves you.
And it’s the kind of love that doesn’t go away. It’s the love that loves you even after you’ve made a mess and you can’t seem to get out of it, He still loves you.
So hang on to Him because with Him on your, it’s impossible to live a life in defeat.
