Just because I’d never have the guts to tell you this in person (it’s not like you actually visit my account. That’s how “sensitive” you are)
Two weeks ago, a week before my 20th birthday, I made a decision to let go of you primarily because I knew that you weren’t treating me right and there were other ‘people’ who treated me better and I never gave them the time of day because of what you represent in my life.
But just like what my dad often says, I’m never consistent with you the same way that you’re never consistent with me.
It’s probably nostalgia and the fact that what we had before really made me smile. I don’t want to go back to that just because i’m bored or just because I’m not distracted by something or someone else. (Which is really insenitive of me right? I have my moments din pala :D)
The thing is… as much as I would love to go back to where we used to be (That was a good place) I’d rather not at the moment because in as much as I was happy, I was also hurt.
And I’m at that point where I don’t know if the happy place is worth the hurt.
I’m relatively confused because you hurt me all the time with those crude comments of yours (damn boy, you have some refinement to do) but I’ve learned to look past that because I know you don’t mean them, or you do because you don’t know how to express yourself well.
I know you better now which is why I understand you more.
I’ve tried, really tried to let go of you, you know?
But something keeps pulling me back.
I have no idea if anyone would ever come close, but as I am writing this, I know that no one else would ever come close… at least at this point.
Whenever I think of you, there’s a lot of guilt and regret attached to whatever it is that I feel when you pop into my mind. What started out to be an innocent crush turned out to be one hell of a complicated mess.
And at this point, complicated is not good.
Complicated makes me lose my concentration and complicated makes me want to run away and scream whenever you come near me.
Don’t you notice that I hardly look at you anymore? That’s probably because I’m too scared of what I would or wouldn’t see.
With the way things are going between us, I know tomorrow’s not a guarantee if we’ll be okay or if we’ll stop talking to each other again. I hope we stop this whole obsession with not speaking to each other without a concrete reason thing.
I guess this whole run-on paragraph has one point:
I like us. I like how we argue all the time and how we pretend not to care. I like how we laugh together and I like the way my eyes twinkle when you’re around and how I feel like dancing when you’re around.
I liked the idea of us, Troy. Where did we go wrong?