I went through my old notes on Facebook yesterday and I cannot exactly pinpoint what I’m feeling. Relief, I guess?
The greater part of me is grateful, grateful, because after the rollercoaster of the last couple of months of 2008, I am at a better place, less emotional, more rational.
Another part of me is breaking because of what I went through, sometimes, I take a step back and wonder how I went through all of it with a brave face.
But then again, I’m here aren’t I? And I’ve created a greater understanding of the world- and I’m at the point wherein I no longer resent it.
That Tagaytay trip is truly defined my life.
I was scared to go back to work and to a different environment, but the work that the Lord has done in me is here and it’s not going away. It’s there. Everything served its purpose, so I’m here and at peace with myself and the world.
I just realized that happiness is not based on what or who I have in my life. It’s about the people the Lord brings in and how much joy and miracles they sprinkle my life with.
Sometimes, I forget that KC’s gone.
Sometimes, I still feel her whispering to me and giggling over something random I just did that it makes me think she’s still here. It makes me realize though, that she was never gone and that her crazy and gentle spirit is still with me. It guides me in her unique and whacked out way.
I just realized just how much I missed her still. KC was truly one of the greatest people I’ve known. And her death inspired me to become better and to treat people better.
I still dream about KC sometimes and sometimes, I still become stubborn and try to fend off her warnings but most of the time she was right.
Wherever she is, I still carry her laughter and kind words in my heart.
And Kace, this time, I’m listening to you. In an extremely weird sense, I believe you’d approve of this one. I just know it.
Thanks for guiding me all the time beautiful, heaven is lucky to have you there. I bet you’re coloring all of their hair and insisting that a foil wrap can actually turn the angels’ hair into dreadlocks.
Oh and I still think of you every time, I see a washable blue colored dye. I cannot believe you talked me into it!
I love you Kace, you are still missed.