Been watching One Tree Hill for the past month and in the fourth season, all I could hear from Rachel and Mouth and Brooke is this line, “I could have loved you forever”.

And I never truly knew what that meant until well, until recent events.

I don’t know how to explain this without having to divulge anything extremely private and personal, since this story is extremely close to my heart, something that I’ve had in me since I was thirteen.

Something that I prayed for since I was thirteen, but it didn’t happen, it’s not going to happen simply because maybe, it’s not meant to be.

And in a way, it kills me. It kills me because I thought I got over it, I thought its cool and I guess I just hate the feeling of regret! The feeling that something so beautiful cannot be mine, it’s not merely for my sake, but for his as well. We could have been perfect.

There’s that phrase again: Could have been. Could have been. Could have been.

Thinking of him and what could have been can be very therapeutic at times. In a way, what could have been is a good thing because it gives you hope; hope that maybe your most favorite dream would come true. That the star would finally reach down and touch you.

At this point, it may be pointless, but it gives me that smile and inspiration that I haven’t felt in awhile.

It’s that hope. Maybe that’s why I keep coming back to you, you always always gave me hope.