If Only


And she saw Danny again, but this time there were no sparks, there were no knees weakening, it was merely two old friends seeing each other after almost a year.

It felt good to see him again, but at the same time, it haunted her.

It haunted her because feelings that she thought were gone were back again and she realized how complicated things were and how they would remain that way because that was what their love story was about- a web of painful and complicated heartbreaks.

Danny smiled at her, with those intense eyes of his, “So this is how its going to be huh?” She barely smiled, it was a bittersweet fact, she felt saddened by the fact that there were so many emotions lost in thier silence, so many words left unspoken.

Finally, she took the opportunity to speak up, “We could have been great you know”

His eyes convened the same amount of depth that she had in hers, “I know”. It made her heart leap, but only for awhile, it went right back down because there were situations that they both could not control, and it made letting go the only option left.

Even if she accepted this fact 365 days ago, it remained the bane of her exsistence. She was right, it could have been a love story for the books. It was something she prayed for, a gift she wished was hers to keep.

Sometimes, she wonders why she spent so much time praying for it. What was the outcome? What was the prize?

“In another lifetime, maybe” Danny said, out of the blue, the freeze finally ending. Tears caught in her eyes, words tried to escape her aching throat, “Yes. In another lifetime, we could have been perfect”

And with that, it was her who walked away.

Enough of the dwelling, enough of the sadness. She wasn’t going to go through the motions of losing again.

She has let that go, she has dealt with the pain, but sometimes, in moments like the one she just had, it was better to simply relive the good times.

If only is such a sad phrase. It defined what she and Danny could have.

It also defined what they would never have.

It broke her heart for awhile and just like that, she was able to get her act together and realize that even if things didn’t end the way she hoped, she had those few moments with him, moments she’d remember forever.