“People are like stained glass windows, they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within”

– Elizabeth Kabler Ross

As usual, I was going through the Philippine Star’s Sunday edition and I came across an article that this guy wrote (excuse the bad memory) about keeping the faith during the toughest of times and allowing one’s belief to follow through. Also, one of the quotes I cam across in Jackie Lou Blanco’s article said something about remaining beautiful despite of the darkest of days.

Both articles made me feel sick to my stomach and guilty as hell. Yes, I’ve been going through tough times but I have failed to keep the faith and I don’t think I’ve done anything that even resembles “beautiful”.

It may be safe to say that I wanted to retaliate. I guess it’s part of our animal instinct to retaliate when you get hurt, or get ganged up on, or be fooled (or made appear like a fool). You want them to feel the same things that you’d experienced.

But breaking even is only good in profits. Revenge makes everything else messier and in the end, no one wins.

Sad enough, I think my faith wavered. This isn’t something that I am proud of but then again, it’s the truth.

Everything in my life right now is just plain confusing and I don’t know what to cling to anymore. Before, during tough times there was one aspect of my life that I could cling on to, but now everything is just one giant mess.

The light has somehow died, but in a good way. I guess when everything’s a mess, you struggle to make some sense out of everything and you start again to pick up the pieces and try not to make the same mistakes (that would be foolish of me).

Cliché as it may sound, you learn and then you live again. Bruised, but better.

Now, I hope that this would be my last emo entry, I’m starting to be happy again and no one can take that away from me.

Not this time.

Hell no!