So tired of wishing you were still here


I caught Taylor Swift on E! last night and she was asked if she was happily single, the pretty blonde said, “No I’m just single, but I couldn’t wait for the time when I could say that I’m happily single.” It shocked my subconcious because I, myself am wondering if I am truly happily single like I always say that I am. She also said, “I’ll meet someone wonderful and I’ll forget about the boy who broke my heart in 25 second phone call when I was 18″

Same goes for the boy who brought me down so many times to feel good about his egoistic self.

That’s just girl power at its finest.

I thought all the bitter girl power was enough for one night but then I was jolted in the middle of my sleep and I suddenly felt scared because the pain was very familiar to the one I felt when hewhoisntevenworthtobenamed broke my heart a few months ago.

I was scared because for awhile there, I allowed the pain to be a reoccuring one. I allowed myself to be drenched every single time and I was afraid because I felt that I was doing it all over again since I opened a window of opportunity when I forgave him.

I realized that eventhough I forgave him for my sake, he still does not deserve a spot in my life. He had so many chances and he chose to break my heart. To be honest, I’m still not over that pain, it’s still there, haunting me.

I’ve never been the same since that boy broke my heart. It’s a sign of weakness to admit, some of my friends say but I digress, I think it’s a sign of courage to admit that you’ve been hurt badly, because you’ve stepped out of denial (God knows I’ve been living there long enough!)

I’ve come to realize that he doesn’t deserve a place in my life. He didn’t even earn it, he just thought that the spot would always be open. I’ve also come to realize that moving on doesn’t mean being with someone new.

I think the real sign that you’ve moved on is if you could do it on your own and not expect someoen to take care of your broken heart. It’s time to own up, this is my broken heart, my mess and it’s my responsibility to fix it.

And fixing it means that you will no longer be part of my life.