I’ve been having dreams lately. A lot of them involving people from both the past and the present. Having people from my present doesn’t really scare me. What scares me is having people from the past. Having one particular person from my past haunt me. We’re friends now, which is how it should be. But for the past few days I’ve been caught in the middle of a web of ironies and coincidences and in a way, its pulling me back. The emotions im feeling right now are scaring me. I don’t want to get into something that could considerably hurt me again. I want to enjoy the company of my friends and family and take care of myself. I want to be with him, but if the Lord’s plan does not include Him, then I shall let go. For the past three years its been sucha mess and I’ve hurt people on the way as well. I just want to let go, I think we deserve better.
Speaking of people from my present. Its funny, three months have passed and I haven’t felt a wave of “ero” emotions (as Arvin puts it). But I must be honest, I’ve been attracted to someone and although its not harmful… it could be distracting. At the beginning of the year when I promised myself that I don’t want to involve myself anymore, I didn’t realize that I meant it. In as much as I would want to get lost again in a wave of emotions.. I stop myself because this time I’ve set my priorities and I know which comes first. Again, there goes the law of equilibrium. One must go up and one must go down, I’m willing to sacrifice my love life. And yes, the mush in me still believes that someday, when the time is right… My Prince in a white horse would come save me. Not that I need saving, but then again, that is another story. *wink*