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Monica Lewinsky and The Price of Shame: What We Can Learn from America’s Favorite Antagonist

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“We talk a lot about our right to freedom of expression, but we need to talk more about our responsibility to freedom of expression. We all want to be heard, but let’s acknowledge the difference between speaking up with intention and speaking up for attention. The Internet is the superhighway for the id, but online, showing empathy to others benefits us all and helps create a safer and better world. We need to communicate online with compassion, consume news with compassion, and click with compassion. Just imagine walking a mile in someone else’s headline.” – Monica Lewinsky

Monica Lewinsky has been in over forty rap songs. For almost two decades, she has also been the target of punchlines, puns, and comedy sketches in more ways than one individual can count. A lifetime has passed since the scandal that rocked the United States and in some ways, it’s evident to see that Bill Clinton has been forgiven, Monica however continues to wear the invisible scarlet letter that labels her as just one thing and nothing more.
I first learned about Monica Lewinsky in the fourth grade. And while I don’t recall as to how I came across her, I do remember how violently she was attacked. In my young, impressionable mind however, she was given the treatment because she deserved it.


Fast-forward to 2014 and Monica comes out of her “self imposed” decade of silence by speaking up to Vanity Fair. No longer 10 years old, my curiosity as a 26 year old couldn’t help but click on the link to see how she could have possibly survived a scandal that can’t seem to escape her. She thought her silence would be enough to wash everything away but that wasn’t the case.
So she decided to speak to give herself a chance to change her narrative and while reading through her article, I couldn’t help but think how many mistakes have we made that caused people to think of us differently?

As I read through her recollection of what happened in the past 17 years and how it has affected every facet of her life, I couldn’t help but be thankful over the fact that my life’s biggest mistakes were not broadcasted on a larger scale. How difficult it would be to introduce one’s self when a perception has already been made and how difficult it is to jumpstart on a life that has already been defined by others.

In a world where everything happens in a click, it’s no surprise to note that many ordinary people deal with what Monica dealt with a good seventeen years ago. There used to be a time when our mistakes could be hidden in the shadows, however now, with the rise of social media and overly efficient gadgets, mistakes are brought to larger scale. And instead of just dealing with our physical community, we are faced to also answer to a larger, anonymous one: the Internet.
This new culture of humiliation as penned by Monica is what made her come out of hiding. Imbibed with passion, Monica is determined to promote a culture of sympathy and empathy within the internet community and while it may seem like an impossibility, it is not improbable.
Most of us are still grappling with our understanding of the Internet. No other generation has been given such freedom and with this freedom comes many perks, the ability to work from home, the wonderful opportunity to connect with loved ones, and even the prospect of meeting the love of our lives online. However, attached with these perks is the abuse of it. How many stories have we heard of cyberbullying in the past three months alone? How many lives have we lost because children, who are not yet equipped to handle the mental and emotional distress of being humiliated, have chosen the easy way out too soon?
Our gadgets give us the chance to be in control, however, how control are we truly? The truth is there is no control. The moment something is uploaded on the internet, it stays there forever. So while it’s equally important to take care of ourselves and what we post, we must also apply the same caution to those around us. If we know that what we’re uploading or sharing will cause harm, do we continue to upload it for the sake of a few more likes? Or do we stop and wonder, what if this was me? My mom? A loved one? Will I humiliate them in this way?
Empathy is so difficult to find on the internet, but it really isn’t difficult to adhere to. All you have to think of is this, “If this was me, how would I feel?”
It takes us back to kindergarten, our earliest values, and yet sometimes, these are the values that we easily forget. It’s time to wake up and once and for all believe that bullying, especially cyberbullying, will finally come to an end.


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The Social Media Shift

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How many times has this happened to us?

We walk into a restaurant, meet someone for the first time, exchange pleasantries, and at the back of our minds think, “I’ve stalked you several times on Instagram but let’s just pretend I haven’t shall we?” We therefore proceed to pretend that we haven’t stalked their glorious selfies for days while they share about what they do, the things they’re passionate about, and what they like to do, all of which you are already aware of because the person (surprise surprise) also has Twitter.
For people who aren’t on social media, the whole she bang might seem a bit odd but this is the reality that we live in today. We are the social media generation and what Friendster innocently started almost ten years ago has ballooned into the greatest phenomenon our social lives have seen in quite some time. Today, people who aren’t on social media are considered to be shady (Ay, walang Instagram si Kuya, kahit Facebook, siguro he has ten side chicks) and believe me when I say that many relationships (both romantic and platonic) have thrived and died because of social media.

In its most simplistic terms, social media is intended to make lives easier. With one click, we are able to share our lives through our photos, personal thoughts, and even our likes. Social media has opened up possibilities that were previously not possible before and for that, I am grateful.

For people who aren’t on social media, the whole she bang might seem a bit odd but this is the reality that we live in today. We are the social media generation and what Friendster innocently started almost ten years ago has ballooned into the greatest phenomenon our social lives have seen in quite some time. Today, people who aren’t on social media are considered to be shady (Ay, walang Instagram si Kuya, kahit Facebook, siguro he has ten side chicks) and believe me when I say that many relationships (both romantic and platonic) have thrived and died because of social media.
In its most simplistic terms, social media is intended to make lives easier. With one click, we are able to share our lives through our photos, personal thoughts, and even our likes. Social media has opened up possibilities that were previously not possible before and for that, I am grateful.
However, at the same time, it has also opened a Pandora’s Box of challenges. For one thing, it’s easier to be a predator these days and has become more difficult to be a teenager and a human being in general.
Many have argued that social media has encouraged people to live double lives, meaning that they try to make their lives appear perfect through the many filters and angles. Social media has also become an avenue of seeing which one of us have been living better lives. Aminin na natin, we sometimes use social media to prove to the people who used to be in our lives that we’re better off. And this is where the pressure begins.
Do we lead double lives because of it? Are we constantly on “image” mode because of the life we portray online?
I’d like to believe that social media has also shifted the way we date. If before we used to rely on phone calls and text messages to let us know that we’re liked, now our papansin has gone to entirely different levels. We should be following each other on Instagram with likes or comments or else you’re probably not serious with me. Come to think of it, medyo baliw lang diba? I’ve also heard stories about couples breaking up because of who one follows on social media (seryoso, what is your relationship built on?).
Have we really diminished ourselves and our self worth based on a few likes? Have we abused how we used social media? Do we do things out of the desire to have something to post?
Most importantly, are we being authentic? 

These are just a few things to ponder on and hopefully change the way we perceive things. Or better yet, is time to put down our phones and get to know someone in real time? That maybe we should let down the filters, the angles, and our guards, and just be our authentic selves because in truth that’s all the world needs anyway.
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The Fascination with Cara Delevingne

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About a week ago, my social media timeline went abuzz when the trailer of John Green’s much anticipated Paper Towns hit the internet. And while the story of the movie is quite fascinating and will surely bring teens and non-teens alike to tears, what made it magical was the appearance of Cara Delevingne.
As a disclaimer, I have never been the kind of woman who adored models and not because I’m anti beautiful women, but simply because I never really connected with them in a way my other friends did. I just never seem to get it until I came across the ethereal Cara Delevingne.
Cara first hit international stardom when she was named model of the year at the British Fashion Awards that was soon followed by gigs for Chanel, Burberry, H&M, and Victoria’s Secret to name a few. Cara then landed on every single runway from New York to Paris but this was merely the tip of the iceberg for the 22 year old who also quickly became a social media sensation. As expected, Cara didn’t just take the fashion world by the storm but also engaged Hollywood through her many diverse talents that bring the term supermodel on an entirely different level.
As seen on her social media sites, Cara isn’t like any picture perfect supermodel. Very much unlike the supermodels before her, the former tomboy is quick-witted and isn’t afraid to have fun even at the expense of breaking rigorous rules imposed upon models. My fascination with Cara began early last year when she was linked with Michelle Rodriguez, for someone who has guiltily followed Entertainment Tonight and People Magazine all her life, seeing someone so successful be so upfront about her choices in life was well, both inspiring and encouraging. Also unlike models who hide their tattoos, Cara’s tastefully covered in them, another way she defies convention and sets out on her own.
Her raw honesty about who she is doesn’t stop projects from coming. In fact, more and more projects are coming her way because she is unabashedly who she is and for some reason, I can’t help but admire her for it.
And while some of her activities may be too wild for my taste, I can’t help but applaud her for being who she is. In a world where most people would hide their true identities to the point of being unrecognizable, Cara fearlessly shows the world that you can be different and still be successful. Cara taught me that you don’t have to be ashamed to be your own person because no matter what, someone out there will appreciate you for being that bold.
It’s refreshing to see a woman who stands up for what she believes in and authentically doesn’t care what other people think of her. For someone who’s been caged in her box for so long, it’s inspiring to know that I can make my choices, be firm about them, and still have the life I dream of having.
And most importantly, she unknowingly encouraged me to be the woman I desire to be regardless of what anyone around me says.

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Questions, Answers, and Moments at Walkway

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It’s safe to say that Holy Week in the Philippines is an experience in itself. Touted as the biggest Christian nation in Southeast Asia, the Philippines treats Holy Week like no other. It’s a time where everything comes to screeching halt giving people more time to reflect and reassess their faith.
And while the country celebrates collectively, more and more people understand that faith is intimate, personal, and is not just subjected to rules and rituals. Having been raised in a Christian home and schooled in Catholic schools, I have had my own share of experiences with regards to the development of my personal faith. As a fan of churches, I have been to more than a few both big and small out of curiosity and there has never been one quite like Church Simplified.
I’ve heard of Church Simplified through friends from the South (where it really is a small world) and through posts on social media. For quite awhile now, Church Simplified has also been associated with Walkway, the interactive, modern Stations of the Cross housed in Bonifacio Global City every Holy Week.
I was given the chance to know more about Walkway and Church Simplified when one of my bosses, Divine Reyes, introduced me to lead pastor and founder, Bebo Bharwani.

For quite sometime now, I’ve thoroughly enjoyed listening to other people’s journey of faith and how they got to where they are simply because it helps reestablish and reinspire my own.
In fact, Church Simplified was born out of Bebo’s own personal journey of faith, “I actually grew up in church, but the short end of it is that I ended up being very cynical for a lot of reasons. One of them was that I didn’t always see the claims of life change to be real. And this mainly for my own life, but it seemed that the hype for the changed life was really what it was, mostly hype.”
He continues on to explain, “I think in the church world, there’s a temptation for us to celebrate a lot of external things, like when a person stops cussing or being able to kick of vices or jail house conversions. I found that when it came to things underneath, changes inside of me, was rather slow, so slow that sometimes you really doubted if change actually was taking place or if it was even possible. Issues like self-righteousness, pride, arrogance, greed, and lust, they plague all of us, whether you are a young believer or the old faithful.”


Despite Bebo’s cynicism he couldn’t quite seem to shake Jesus off, “However cynical I got, no matter how Much I even came to points where I even disdained church, I just couldn’t bring my self to totally abandon the idea of who Jesus was.  There was something about him, you couldn’t write him off so easily. There’s something about the life he calls us to live, one hand it’s counter intuitive – to gain life you must lose it, on the other hand it feels like he makes so much sense, that it’s so crazy and so unexpected that it could be true. Plus also, I didn’t really see an alternative to him that made sense to me.”
He went on to say, “I kept crawling through my journey, and I feel like God has met me. Not in some “the earth shook or the sky opened way” but in a way where it’s made enough sense to get me to the point where I found a ledge from which I could take a leap of faith from.”
It was this need for an alternative that led to Church Simplified, “CS is predicated on the idea that everyone is on some kind of spiritual journey. This journey is made up and influenced by your context, your life experiences, your joys, your pains. In other words, and because they are so unique, there will be no other journey like yours.” He emphasizes that our relationship with Jesus is very personal and is authored by God, one that is based on a very deep and intimate relationship with him and the eventual outcome is that one would find life, a full and satisfying life.
But Bebo understands that one’s relationship with God is personal, God also designed us to lead you to people, “God rigs it in such a way where your personal unique journey with Him will eventually run into my journey, and when our journeys interface in such a way where we can begin to help each other move forward, and where we can begin to run, walk, and even crawl together, that is the essence of church.”
CS is about trying to identify form from essence, the mechanism from the heart of what it means to follow Jesus and what it means to be a community of seekers, “Everyone is welcomed in CS but I guess we tend to attract people who have the same baggage. Essentially it is a church for cynical people who aren’t brave enough to abandon faith. Seriously, it tends to be for people who can’t seem to shake people off.”

And there’s a need for a church like this in the city, “There’s a need for a place where seekers can come and poke around. There’s a place for people with little faith, whose faith is constantly hanging by a friend, that’s us, that’s Church Simplified.” In fact, its mission statement boldly says, “Helping each other take the next step (whatever that might look like for you in your life) in the journey of faith towards Jesus.”
I couldn’t help but ask what made CS different from other churches, Bebo was quick to stress that it takes all kinds of local churches to meet all kinds of people, “We see diversity as the outflow of the creativity of God and it’s just natural for people to seek communities and experiences that is compatible with their uniqueness, the uniqueness that God had authored. We’re beginning to acknowledge the reality that some people like or even need structure which gives so much value to liturgy. Some people like expressive acts of worship, mainly through music in the midst of a large congregation, some people, and this is becoming more true of me as I’ve gotten older, – we just need to get out into nature with close friends  and experience the beauty of God there. Some are extroverted and like to be surrounded by a lot of people, others have a large internal world and feel comfortable with just a few people. Like individuals who have distinct personalities, local churches as well, have dominant traits that will lend to specific people.  This liberating for all us, we can be who God has called us to be. There are a lot of great churches in the city both big and small who are really making a difference in the lives of their communities and each church is absolutely living out what they have been called to do.”
Bebo, along with Church Simplified, believes that Christianity is different for each person and this is exemplified through Walkway, an interactive stations of the cross in the heart of Bonifacio Global City that has been staged for six years now. Walkway has attracted people from all walks of life and different beliefs.
“We do hope that Walkway will be a catalyst for people to explore their faith further, maybe even inspire them to seek out a church, if they don’t already have one,” Bebo is also quick to say that while the Walkway aims for that important moment, “It’s an end to itself, we believe in the power of a moment, that sometimes a moment is all God needs to do His work in a person’s life. We’re just merely providing the space by which this connection can happen.”
Through feedback, they have heard of stories about those powerful moments at the Walkway, “It has revealed some powerful moments, powerful stories. People deciding to forgive others, themselves, and in some cases, even God. We just wanted to bless the community by creating the environment for their “aha moment” with God.”

The goal of Walkway is to be able to highlight one’s awareness of God and this is done through art, “The thing that is so powerful about art is that it has the potential to make us think, feel, and experience that which we know is already true about ourselves but can’t express. Art also has the ability to breathe new life into ideas we know are important but have forgotten why they’re important, like why it is relevant to daily life.”
Bebo uses the cross as an example, “It’s such a powerful symbol. It tells us so many things about what God is like. It tells us that God is committed, He doesn’t given up, He doesn’t take the easy road, that God fights for love, that He loves extravagantly. It also tells us about the broken condition of our hearts, the broken condition of the world, what we’ve made it to be – that it would take God to humble himself, to stoop down and experience the worse we had to offer – he did this so he could heal us. But because we’re so used to the image of the cross, because we see it everywhere, we have the tendency to become too familiar, the message of the cross flies over our heads. Art has a way of stopping us in our tracks and remind us why this matters.”

He then explains the convergence of art and belief at the Walkway, “That’s what Walkway is – it’s using art – in this case, installation art and music to help us get a fresh vision for what we’ve known and embraced to be true.”
This is what has attracted people from all kinds of faith at the Walkway every year, “But even if you didn’t believe in God or Jesus, it’s still such a great love story, at some level it will still ring true because deep inside everyone wants to be loved the way God claims to love us.  I think that’s why even non-christians are still attracted to Walkway.”
Of course, I couldn’t help but ask a pastor what he can say to those who have been cynical and skeptical about their faith and he was quick to say, “We feel you, in a lot of ways, we’re still cynics and skeptics ourselves, we’re just managing daily to take one more step in this journey of faith.”
He then debunks a myth about the church, “The thing about church is, it’s made up of broken people. It’s the reality of whom Jesus came for. He didn’t come for righteous people – he came for those who were messed up. Although we agree, we could all do a better job at admitting we’re messed up. Sometimes we wonder why God would stake his reputation on us, we’re so prone to not representing him well.  But for whatever reason, God chooses to work through people.At the end of the day, we must resist the temptation to pin the responsibility of our own spiritual journey on what others have done or did not do. The responsibility to seek and pursue truth falls on all of us as individuals, it is our own responsibility to respond. This is your journey, we believe God is calling all of us to him. We have to make the choice to move toward him -and the catch is that, you’ll need people.”
And to end, I asked about what he thought Christianity was all about and he said, “Christianity is about one message. God is for us. God is for you!  He has always been pursuing us. Jesus is the proof of that pursuit. Everything that has happened to you, your context and life experience has been designed so that we would seek God and reach out for him and that we would find, that he had been seeking and reaching out for us all along.”

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When Abuse isn’t Black and Blue

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Just like any other girl, she dreamt of meeting her prince when the time was right. So she waited and waited until the time finally came. She was 20 years old, a fresh graduate when she met him and from the get go, he seemed like everything she has prayed for when she was younger.

 

He wasn’t as handsome as she wanted him to be but his charm was more than enough to make up for it. He was also brilliant; graduating with top honors from a school abroad and came from a supposedly good family. Her family was excited, their baby girl who never dated looked like she hit the jackpot at her first try. He was sweet at the beginning and she constantly thanked God for the answered prayer until the story slowly unraveled.

 

It ended as soon as it began, with his eye traveling from one woman to another. She was going to have none of it but he had a way of coaxing her with words, but it was also these words that destroyed her. The girl, just like any other women, constantly worried that she wasn’t good looking enough. She grew up as the lesser sister and she always looked for ways to overachieve and be wanted. He maybe knew where to hit her so he began to destroy her.

 

It started out innocently, gentle reminders for her to lessen her food and go on a good exercise program. He said with her height, she’d look like a model if she just dropped a few. The reminders slowly ate her up, with her resorting to crash diets to be accepted by him. Once again, she felt like she was not good enough so she tried harder but he always made her feel she wasn’t hitting it.

 

She no longer liked how she was treated so she started entertaining other male suitors. That was when he reverted back to his sweet ways, trying to win her again but she wanted to stay away because of his inconsistency. He got back at her by telling everyone who asked that she was too fat for him and he was the one who rejected her. It even reached a point where he would call her “stupid” during meetings and compared her to women he defined as better than her.

 

The girl, who was 22 when the saga finally ended, walked away without realizing that she may have left him and the environment she was in but the words continued to ring in her ears.

For years, his words of her not being smart enough, beautiful enough or even skinny enough rang in her ears. And this caused her to build walls so high even the most gallant of princes could not climb. She felt she will just be replaced with another more beautiful than her and at 26, she is still recovering from the lies he spewed.
 
For the longest time, we have always associated abuse with the physical black and blue bruises. If the men we were with didn’t hit us physically, there will be no damage or even a residue of it. And while physical abuse is a grave matter no one should endure, there’s one with effects that no one sees simply because there’s no visible evidence.
 
Abuse is defined as the improper usage or treatment of an entity, often to unfairly or improperly gain benefit. Abuse in simplistic terms is when we hurt people to make us feel good about ourselves.
 
Abuse is almost always also coupled with manipulation as well. The abuser will always make you think you’re at fault, that the harsh words are for your own good, and that he’s doing this because you’re insecure but never him.
 
But truth is, only a human being with his own issues can destroy another. I used to blame him but then again, he may have been brought up in an environment that fostered verbal and emotional abuse. He may have been neglected or maybe he hasn’t found a deep sense of wholeness so he destroyed those who didn’t need him. Being needed made him feel like he won.
 
It has been four years since then and I would say that I am blessed with a family who taught me the power to be found in the grace of God. I am also fortunate to have a father who looks out for his daughter and constantly reminds me what I deserve. Because of how he raised me and how he treats my mother, I am reminded of my own worth and what I should and shouldn’t tolerate.
 
Because of this, I healed slowly and by fully discovering the truth of who Jesus is and how he makes everything turn out for good, I have also learned to forgive him. He simply didn’t know any better and I can only wish that he has already changed.
 
I am sharing this story to remind you beautiful woman reading this that you are not alone and that when a guy hurts you whether through his brute strength or his words, walk away. You were created to be loved and appreciated and believe me when I say that staying will not change him but even make the situation worse.
 
By loving yourself and being brave enough to walk away, you are stopping him from repeating the same behavior and at the same time, inspiring women everywhere that you don’t have to take what you don’t deserve. By taking the stand today, you at also making the world a better place for little girls to grow up in.
 
Love doesn’t have to hurt. read it, believe it and live it.

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Meeting Jesus at the Walkway


Most people would be quick to admit that getting to know Jesus is a personal journey that involves no one else. In as much as we would like to have rules to what is probably the most important relationship of our lives, it is often intimate and personal.

That doesn’t mean however that we can’t collectively acknowledge what He has done, especially during Holy Week. Holy Week is sacredly celebrated in the country and one of fastest rising ways to do so is by visiting Walkway in Bonifacio Global City. Walkway was jumpstarted by an independent organization, Church Simplified, six years ago and has been attracting people from different walks of life, regardless of their own personal beliefs. The Walkway allows one to rediscover their faith through art installations, interactive stations, and even concerts by international Christian artists like Jars of Clay.

When asked what drew crowds to Walkway, Church Simplified founder and lead pastor Bebo Bharwani says, “The thing that is so powerful about Art is that it has the potential to make us think, feel, and experience that which we already know is true about ourselves but can’t express. Art also has the ability to breathe new life into ideas we know are important but have forgotten why they’re relevant.”

He continues, “The cross for example is such a powerful symbol. It tells us so many things about what God is like. It tells us that God is committed, He doesn’t give up, He doesn’t take the easy road, that God fights for love and that He loves us extravagantly. It also tells us about the broken condition of our hearts, the broken condition of the world, what we’ve made it to be– that it would take God to humble himself, to stoop down and experience the worse we had to offer – he did this so he could heal us.”

The Walkway allows one to rediscover this glorious gift on the most important week of our faith, “Because we’re so used to the image of the cross, because we see it everywhere, we have the tendency to become too familiar, the message of the cross flies over our heads. Art has a way of stopping us in our tracks and remind us why this matters. That’s what Walkway is – it’s using art – in this case, installation art and music to help us get a fresh vision for what we’ve known and embraced to be true.”

The Walkway also attracts agnostics and atheists and for Bebo the attraction could be because of the great love story displayed on the cross, “Even if you didn’t believe in God or Jesus, it’s still such a great love story, at some level it will still ring true because deep inside everyone wants to be loved the way God claims to love us.  I think that’s why even non-Christians are still attracted to Walkway.”

The Walkway also allows one to simply stop life’s busy routine to reflect on who God is personally for each person. It’s taking the time out to sit down and simply be aware of God’s presence in an interactive manner.

To end, Bebo how he would define Christianity and he was quick to say, “Christianity is about one message. God is for us. God is for you!  He has always been pursuing us. Jesus is the proof of that pursuit. Everything that has happened to you, your context and life experience has been designed so that we would seek God and reach out for him and that we would find, that he had been seeking and reaching out for us all along.”

**

Visit the Walkway at Bonifacio Global City from March 29 – April 05, 2015. International Christian artists Mutemath and Kye Kye will be performing as well, for more details visit Church Simplified on Facebook.
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When Bookworms Collide

Books have always been magical to me. Ever since I was a little child, my love for books has always been a way to escape and often found myself hiding my favorite novels under my schoolbooks during class discussions (yup, I was that student) to keep me awake. Books, in all its shapes, forms, and sizes continue to be a huge part of my life and this is the reason why I always get excited when I meet people who are just as passionate, possibly even more passionate about them than I am.

Books surround Stef Juan every single day. As the acquisitions and book editor at OMF Literature, the largest Christian book publisher and distributor in the country, Stef is in charge of finding and helping writers develop their books, recommending books for importation, scheduling writers’ workshops, and also spearheading the launch of their fiction category.

A graduate of Creative Writing from the University of the Philippines, Stef has had extensive experience in writing and communications as an editor for big named magazines such as People Asia, 24/7, Nocturnal Navigator, Lucerne Luxe, Metro Society, and up until recently, Hola! Philippines.

The switch from magazines to books came as a surprise but when the offer came, Stef grabbed the opportunity as saw it as a chance for her to grow and stretch in her skills as a writer and editor, “It’s not as glamorous as my old job, but I have always loved books and reading.”

Her love affair with books began at home. Her mom previously worked at World Book and as a result, their home was always filled with encyclopedias, books, and magazines. Her family were vicarious readers so as a child she read everything she could get her hands on including Funny Komiks, Marvel and DC superhero comics, and even National Geographic magazines.

For Stef, books provided her younger self with a new reality that was otherwise not possible for her to experience, “The best part of reading when I was younger was the promise of being transported into another world, of living and seeing through somebody else’s eyes and the anticipation of learning just for the sake of learning.” Through the books she has read, she has become different characters and have visited different places.

As an adult, Stef continues to to fall in love with the written word while developing a deeper affection for it “Now that I’m older, words have become my trade, new books are like new friends, some times I learn something new, or learn a new way of seeing things. Sometimes, new books challenge me, or, more often now, articulate thoughts that I have been ruminating on for a long time. And there’s satisfaction in that too. Old favorites are friends and family that I visit and revisit more and more often now. They give me a lot of comfort and reading them again and again is restful for me.”

Despite the many distractions presented to today’s generation, Stef hopes that people will continue to read and devour books, “I believe people need to read more to widen their horizons, to help themselves focus in a world filled with distractions. It takes us out of our own heads and lets us be more aware of the many other point of views in this world. The printed word gives validation to stories outside our own. Reading also helps us think, to challenge status quo and can drive us to keep on making our lives better. I believe good books inspire us to excellence, keeping us from being too self-absorbed, and it’s something that every generation needs.”

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Calm

“How are you?” is the way we start most conversations. We answer the question without thinking twice, “I’m fine”, “I’m good and you?”. 

We answer in such a manner that doesn’t leave room for introspection and most of the time, furthering the conversation isn’t necessary so we answer the question and move on to what we were doing before being interrupted. 
I have always been labeled as the “most talkative” by family, friends, teachers, and bosses for as long as I can remember. Close friends of mine would never describe me as quiet for thoughts run in and out my mouth through words a million miles per minute. 
But lately, I’ve learned to appreciate the essence of silence and not having to explain myself. In a world saturated with so much noise, there’s beauty to be found in shutting up.
TimeHop has just reminded me of the crazy, roller coaster year it has been for me and I couldn’t help but think that I could have avoided so many lapses and mistakes if I just kept my mouth shut. But that’s what experiences are for: to learn and to become better. 
I have been keenly aware that for the most part, I was making noise for attention. And with humility, I admit, there are so many things that need not to be discussed, whether through conversations or social media. 
It also comes with an understanding that there is nothing to prove and I am not in competition with anyone. 
It’s been a tidal wave of crazy, now I entertain the calm. 

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The Woman I Aspire to Be

“Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”—Proverbs 31:11-12

GROWING up, it was evident to see that my mom was unlike any other moms. She is one of the feistiest individuals I have ever come to know, and with her, there were no mincing of words, no sugarcoating of realities, and most importantly, no coddling.

My mom says it like it is without worrying about what others thought about her. People who are not used to this kind of personality may be surprised upon meeting her but people eventually love and value her for it because with her you never had to second-guess her intentions.
Because of this, my siblings and I grew up in an authentic environment.

There are many people who claim to be real and authentic but were simply lurking in the shadows of who they really were; my mom is and never was like that. So in our household, black is black and white is white. This taught us to be honest in all our dealings despite living in a world that wasn’t as pure or as straight at times.

From an early age, my mom exposed us to the realities of life. She would lay our choices down on the table, telling us the consequences of hastily made decisions and how one wrong turn can impair one’s life purpose.

Because of this, we grew up with a strong sense of self because my mom never let us see life with rose-colored glasses. By dealing with reality at an early age, it was inevitable for us to grow tougher. We were free to make our own decisions because she’s confident in the values she has placed in us when we were younger.

Yes, she was a disciplinarian who often said no growing up but we don’t resent her for it. All the things she kept us from taught us discipline and threw entitlement out of the window. Our college graduations were never celebrated with a big bang or with lavish gifts simply because my mom believed that graduating college shouldn’t surprise anyone because it was only to be expected for us to finish school.

It’s my mom also who taught me, by example, that love languages can be different. While her love language may not be through words or affection, her dedication to our family by first quitting her high profile job with an advertising firm when I was born, to waking up at 5 a.m. to make sure breakfast is served. My mom also taught me to vicariously feel my emotions, to not hide from them, but fully embrace them.

My mom also continues to teach me to fight for what’s right. She never backs down from a battle when she knows she’s right or when someone’s aggrieved. And never, not even once, did she ask my dad to fight for her. Even before feminism became the rage, my mom was already that kind of woman, and I am grateful to grow up with that kind of example.

But more than anything, I will forever be thankful that my mom taught me about God and His grace. My mom, despite her tough exterior, raised my brothers and I to be kind, to be generous, and to be empathetic with people. She despised people who looked down on others and believed in helping the unfortunate no matter what the cost.

She would often remind us that we were not better than anyone no matter what jobs we were in, who we married, or who we were friends with. Those things wouldn’t matter if you were not kind, loving, or sympathetic.

On her birthday, I would just like to say thank you mama for being you, for raising us, and most importantly, for sacrificing your own personal success to do so. And while some people may never understand you or appreciate you, know that we do and know that without all you’ve done, we will never be as tough or as loving as we are.

We love you.

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“Listen,” he says. “You’re never gonna get the same things as other people. It’s never gonna be equal. It’s not gonna happen ever in your life, so you must learn that now, OK? The only time you should look in your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don’t look in your neighbor’s bowl to see if you have . . . as much as them.” 


– From the show, Louie