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Finding the Real Adventure in You

I belong to a generation in love with traveling and unlike generations before me, it’s not just traveling for leisure, but traveling as a way to get to know one’s self and have an adventure.
Vibrant and brimming with life, my good friend from high school, Anna Faustino has long committed herself to a life of adventure. I have always admired Anna’s bravery to drop just about anything and explore life for what it is: raw, challenging, and adventure filled. When she first told me about her desire to quit her day job to travel the world, I was scared for her, but she did it, conquered, and then some.
This is the reason why I wasn’t surprised when Anna’s blog, www.adventureinyou.com, which she started with her boyfriend, Tom Rogers, is quickly gaining traction as one of the Philippines’ most visited travel blogs. Anna is the epitome of a person who breathes travel and you can see it in the way her eyes sparkle.
And it’s also interesting to note that Anna and Tom’s love story began with a travel story. Anna recalls, “We met while we were backpacking in Vietnam. Tom was literally rolling down the sand dunes in Mui Nei when we met. I was on the tail end of my yearlong trip and Tom was 6 months into his. We ended up traveling together all over Vietnam and Thailand. I had to go back to the Philippines for work while Tom had the rest of the world to see.” But unlike other travel love stories, this wasn’t meant to be short-lived, Anna continues, “After a couple of months apart, Tom arrived in the Philippines and never left! He ended up getting a job here until we take off to travel again.”

When asked what made him risk it all to stay in unchartered territory, Tom was quick to say, “As mentioned we met when we were traveling and when I got to the Philippines; I wasn’t even half way through my planned 2 year trip to see the world. When I arrived, we spent all our time together exploring when Anna wasn’t in work and soon after that, we began dating. After traveling together through different countries, we got to know each other really well. With that being said, within the first week of being here and spending time with her, I knew I was going to be here for a long time. Being that both of us are travelers, we were both quite skeptical of love, both having been hurt before. This time though it was different, and we both knew it. I flew back to the UK as a surprise for Christmas. After almost a year of being away, I turned up on my doorstep (wearing a santa hat), knocked the door and was shockingly greeted by my mum with, “Where is Anna?” I couldn’t stop laughing. My mum was so overwhelmed and confused to see me that this is what came out first. I had been talking to her when I was away and she was keen to meet the reason why I stopped moving around. So yes, my first reason for risking everything was Anna. I was later luckily approached and asked to join a great start-up business where I currently work. I’m continuously surrounded by positive happy people and I love it! I don’t regret my decision at all.”
The love story soon led to a joint travel blog, when asked how it started, Anna explains, “ Our blog was the brainchild from one of our many conversations about traveling. Both of us are wildly addicted to traveling, in fact, we met while we were both backpacking around Vietnam. We wanted to write about our many (mis)adventures to get others inspired to travel as well.  When we travel, we like going off the beaten track. This way, we get to see what other people don’t normally get to experience. During our recent trip to Palawan, instead of hanging around Coron town like most people, we rented a motorbike and drove along the coast, stopping in small beaches, sleeping in local fishermen’s houses and living the way they do. We even tried our luck in fishing for food, except that only ended with me falling in the water and almost capsizing our tiny fishing boat.”           
Their blog aims to look at life from a different perspective, the way traveling does. It’s more than just having a vacation but truly allowing one to experience life.

Traveling, Anna says, is what truly molded the person that she is, “Traveling has changed us in ways we both cannot describe. We have become happier people who live to make the most out of each moment. I think this is one of the main reasons why we started our blog, to motivate people to inspire and unleash their inner adventurers. Best part about traveling is getting out of your comfort zone. You gain a wider perspective of how people live, which in return, makes you more grateful for what you have around you. Aside from that, traveling gives you a complete sense of freedom. Freedom to live and enjoy life the way it’s supposed to be. We were both blown away when we realized how much more there is to experience. It opens up your world to endless possibilities which gave us a clear perspective on what is really important in life.”
**

For more visit www.adventureinyou.com
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Wheel

“Do you ever regret believing the best in people?”


Elizabeth Gilbert was once quoted saying that she has often been a victim of her own optimism and for years, I’ve held on to this quote. You see I have this Tinkerbell mentality that everyone you meet is a good person. Don’t get me wrong, when I was younger, cynical, and wore black all the time, I used to think the worst in people but through the years (and through God’s grace) I have learned to see that people are the way they are for a reason. I don’t think anyone gets out of bed in the morning thinking hmm, I want to be a bad person. People because of their hurts, past experiences, and inner demons tend to be the way they are for a reason. We are quick to judge thinking the world revolves around us and we are quick to retreat when we’re hurt, but in truth, some things have nothing to do with us.

A quote by Pastor Ariel Marquez says, “If you are easily irritated or short-tempered with other people, you have to face the fact that you’re self-centered. Remember that your feelings are not the most important things in the world.”
So it just means that sometimes people can’t pay you attention or leave because of reasons other than your own. I guess it’s safe to say that this blog entry is a follow up to my last one but I’m assured everyday that this is a good way to look at people, especially those who have hurt us. More often than not, people (especially those who care for us) are not out to break our hearts, they just have their own stuff that they can’t seem to get through and we have to respect that. We have to accept also that walking away from you has more to do with them than with us and we shouldn’t berate them for that. Give them that freedom, don’t judge them (I’m still learning this), and believe the best for them. Pray that they get over all of their junk so that they can finally be happy and sometimes, it takes a lot of courage to realize that sometimes that happiness has nothing to do with you. And that’s okay because it doesn’t take anything away from you, it just frees up space for the people who’s meant to stay. The wheel of life isn’t cruel, just ask John Mayer.

So to answer that question, no, I don’t regret believing the best in people even if more often than not, I do end up disappointed. Because I know that believing the best in people may be what they need to truly discover that they are indeed good and that’s is worth the risk and often times, even the pain.

Nothing good is ever wasted.
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It Has Nothing To Do With Me

A few weeks ago, I had an entry about Amy Poehler’s popular catchphrase, “Good for her but not for me”. The entry explored how collectively as women we should learn to celebrate the differences in our lives and be confident enough to realize when something is not for us. 


Today, I begin again with another sentence, “It has nothing to do with me.” As human beings, it’s quite easy to blame ourselves when relationships of any kind fall apart. We instantly agonize over what we did wrong and the things we wished we did right. It’s an endless game of could haves, would haves, and should haves. We constantly wonder why things went sour and we think of ways to repair it. I don’t know about you but it’s extremely difficult for me to accept that I could have done something and yet I did not. So I overthink, I over analyze, I over react and this I am not proud to say, I also blame myself until I go insane. 

But the wonderful truth that my mom told me earlier in the middle of yet another overly emotional rant was this, “it has nothing to do with you”. A person’s choices and that includes not wanting you to be in their lives is THEIR choice. It may not be the choice you wanted yourself but it’s the choice they’re standing by. Some people are decent enough to tell you why but I’ve learned that most people just walk away without even saying a word, but then again that is also their choice. 

We have the tendency to think that everything in the world revolves around us and that if we just tried harder, it would have worked. But often life isn’t like that, us making a decision doesn’t speak for the other person. We ultimately cannot control why a person chooses to stay or walk away. We can give out all and do the best we can but that’s really all that there is to it. That’s the best we can do. We can even apologize and make it up to the person but if the person chooses to not be in your life, we can join the circus and it wouldn’t even matter. 

You can ultimately be the best version of yourself and still be unwanted. That’s the tough reality of life but the silver lining in all this is the fact that it has nothing to do with us. One’s choices often reflect their own inner life and not ours. We’d like to think that but more often than not, IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH US. 

This one sentence one can save us many sleepless nights and hours of over analyzing. It will also help us remain our inner peace and most importantly frees our heart from being bitter. Situations just don’t workout because maybe they’re not meant to but there’s no use constantly crying over them or berating ourselves. Learn as much as you can and then move on. 

Free the person who left and believe that one day, there would be people who would stay even if you don’t ask them to and I believe that’s worth the wait. 

But until then say this and believe it, “it has nothing to do with me”. 
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Dignity

Carl and I would often describe the popular Facebook site Berlin Artparasites as “masaydong madaming alam” because it often hits you right smack in the middle of your feels. But tonight, this post that I’m sharing with you takes home the crown. It’s everything I wish I penned. I’m “reblogging” this tonight to remind me and so I never forget.

  1.  The moment you realize that the person you cared for has nothing intellectually or spiritually to offer you, but a headache.
  2.  The moment you realize God had greater plans for you that don’t involve crying at night or sad Pinterest quotes.
  3. The moment you stop comparing yourself to others because it undermines your worth, education and your parent’s wisdom.
  4. The moment you live your dreams, not because of what it will prove or get you, but because that is all you want to do. People’s opinions don’t matter.
  5. The moment you realize that no one is your enemy, except yourself.
  6. The moment you realize that you can have everything you want in life. However, it takes timing, the right heart, the right actions, the right passion and a willingness to risk it all. If it is not yours, it is because you really didn’t want it, need it or God prevented it.
  7. The moment you realize the ghost of your ancestors stood between you and the person you loved. They really don’t want you mucking up the family line with someone that acts anything less than honorable.
  8. The moment you realize that happiness was never about getting a person. They are only a helpmate towards achieving your life mission.
  9. The moment you believe that love is not about losing or winning. It is just a few moments in time, followed by an eternity of situations to grow from.
  10. The moment you realize that you were always the right person. Only ignorant people walk away from greatness.

                                                ―Shannon L. Alde ‪#‎ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmm‬

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Super Bianca 2.0

If I were to honestly describe 2015 so far, there would be no better word to use other than this one nakakaloka. In the chaos of my days, there are just moments when I sit down and stare at the reality that my life has indeed been nakakaloka of late. But of course, as a publicist (naks, still can’t believe that word actually refers to me!), I have the tendency to conceal how I really feel with the phrases, “I’m fine”, “life is good”, “life is amazing” while slightly cringing because it’s really not all roses and butterflies. In truth, I really don’t like burdening strangers or even close acquaintances with certain situations in my life brought about my intense need to overthink every single thing.
And sometimes, I can’t help but feel guilty about complaining when there are so many other things to be thankful for. So lately, I’ve been working extra hard to find the real treasure in every trial, even if it involves digging so deep in the mud to just to see it. But often, being optimistic and happy despite the most challenging times can prove to make anyone feel like a champion. Often, being able to withstand whatever life throws your way can make anyone feel like Beyonce.
So instead of boring you with the details (because I am also extremely bored with this whole drama already, puwede kasi mag move on na Biancs), I will share the treasures I’ve learned through the crazy month that has been because I believe that in finding the gold in any situation that challenges you is making good use of any hurt. There’s no use in dwelling in how I ended up here but I believe the situation will mean something if we pass on the lessons. Which brings us to the lessons:
What you want isn’t exactly what’s best for you. Ang sarap ng answered prayer, but there are days when you realize that what you wanted for so long isn’t really what’s the best for you. The real challenge is in accepting it. A teenage dream will always be exciting but sometimes, at some point, you have to know when to walk away because you know that there is something better than what you’ve dreamed of when you were 15 and in love with Nathan Scott.
Respect someone’s personal space. At the beginning of the chaos, my good friend Trish Conorado was quick to remind me to respect people’s personal space. I wouldn’t forget my frantic calls to her often ended in her reminding me that everyone has issues and that in the same way people are respecting mine, I should respect others as well. She also reminded me that not everything is about me so I should stop thinking that things didn’t work because of me. It’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned and in learning that I’ve learned to see things from a different perspective and has allowed me to be kinder and less judge-y with people and situations. I’ve used the phrase ‘eh ganun’ talaga more times than I have in my entire life in the past month and in saying that I’ve learned to appreciate people more instead of constantly looking at how they don’t measure up.
It hurt because it mattered. I took major risks in the past month and my type A personality couldn’t help but think that I wish I was smarter with the choices I have made. Madaming sana. But then again, if it weren’t for the risks, I wouldn’t have these lessons to share with you. I appreciate the lessons, however, what I don’t appreciate is the hurt. And it was a hurt that I’ve never experienced before, matindi, masakit, the kind of hurt that woke you up in the middle of the night because your heart was physically hurting kind of hurt. But looking back, I’d like to think that it hurt that way because it mattered so much. Also, life is a balance. Yes, I’ve been hurt but I’ve also experienced happiness I’ve never felt as well. So it’s a win win, we can’t expect life to be all rainbows 24/7. We have to experience the storm because in the storm, we become kinder, we become more empathetic, and repeatedly I will say, we learn. Don’t fear getting hurt because cliché as it may sound it is in our most excruciatingly painful moments that we learn the most.
We can never truly know a person until we hear their story but despite this, they too can still remain a mystery. I wish I could expound this further but all I can share without divulging details is this John Green quote, “Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are. People are different when you can smell them and see them up close.” People are the way they are for a reason, so be patient.

Let people in. In a world as small as ours all thanks to social media, we have the tendency to have biases about people. We hear about them, we’re warned about them, and we’re given conclusions about them even before we have our first hello. I used to be the kind of person who ran away whenever I heard “people” reviews but now I realized that the beauty of life lies in letting different people in. Meet people different from your crowd, relish in them, and when it’s time for them to go, let them go.

Nobody loses, we all win. Life is not a competition. Just because one thing didn’t work for you but worked for another person doesn’t mean you lost in life. It just means life has something better for you. It’s hard to understand this concept sometimes but the truth is, sometimes, it really has nothing to do with us. So don’t be bitter. I know it’s easier said than done, but look at it from this perspective: something in your life is what another person prayed for and didn’t get so quits lang. Your time will come, believe me, and it will be glorious.

Don’t be bitter. So you let a new person in, you tore down your walls, you showed a side of yourself that you were too scared to share before and it wasn’t reciprocated, in short, you were rejected. Sakit diba? Because sana you didn’t start it na lang, sana you just listened to what everyone said, but really, what would be the point? It’s so easy to be mad at the person’s irresponsibility or recklessness with your heart. It’s also easy to be mad at yourself, but what would be the point of that? Nothing. Madadagdagan lang ang pupunta sa Sagada.Life is really like that because of our hurts and issues, we tend to hurt other people as well. Hurt people hurt other people. Understand that the person didn’t mean to hurt you, that person just has issues that need to be dealt with. If they knew better, they would have done better. As for yourself, don’t regret being the bigger person, don’t regret giving the purity of your heart, it hurts yes, but did you lose anything in becoming a good person? I firmly believe in the wheel of life and love, so whatever you put out there will come back to you in time. But at the same time, don’t do it for people, do it unto God and you will be assured that in His kingdom, you are always taken care of.

Kaya ko pala.  In everything that I’ve been through in the past month, I have come to realize one gem about myself: kaya ko pala. We often underestimate ourselves and the pain we allow ourselves to feel. We hide behind the mask of not being strong enough but when you go through the storm, you realize that you’re stronger than you thought you are and there’s a gem in that. It gives you life bragging rights and it makes you believe in the greatness of God because you just went through your worst fear and you’re still okay. Yes you cried and yes there are days when you just want to give up BUT God gave you strength to move forward.

Don’t forget the moments. Because you know there were good times, don’t discredit it just because you were hurt or it didn’t go the way you planned it to. There are timings and seasons in our lives, accept that the moment is over and be thankful. Be grateful for that time and move forward. It was what it was and now, it is what it is.

Let people love you. Because they honestly do. Stop shutting well-meaning friends, colleagues, and family members away. Believe in the good they see in you while also appreciating what they think you should improve on. People who love you tell you all the things they appreciate about you while honestly wanting you to become a better version of you so you make better choices in the future.
So with those things being said, it’s time to understand that nothing is a waste, not even your hurt. So cry for a bit, pat yourself in the back, and use the lessons for your next adventures.

Believe me when I say and I know I keep saying this but indeed the best is yet to come.

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Miss Independent

When I was in college, I never had a definite plan of what I wanted to do but I was always definitive of who I wanted to be. I wanted to be a woman of strength and independence. I didn’t know how to get there when I graduated at 19 but I was singleminded in my pursuit: I didn’t want to depend on anyone.

And now, nearly eight years later, I realized I have become the woman I have always wanted to be. But the road to getting to where I am was not hurt free. I once thought that independence meant being free from rejection, disappointment, and hurt but I realized that true independence means going through all of that and not buckling. The road, eight years down, was difficult and there are just days when I cry in utter helplessness but I remind myself of the woman I’ve always wanted to be. I remind why I decided to take the path less taken and I’m filled with strength again. 
Encouraging messages from friends help a lot too and soon, I stop asking life what it’s been giving me lately and remind myself that the only way to make the most out of this independence is to give back to others. 
So I’m just virtually giving myself a pat on the back, especially after the month I’ve had and I keep going again. 

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“To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, you have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in a the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world.”

-Little Prince
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Confessions of a Former Mean Girl

For more on this article, click here.

I have a confession to make: I used to be a mean girl. Quoting Katy Perry’s latest tweet, I was the epitome of “Regina George in a sheep’s clothing.” In my young mind, I wasn’t the mean one, but rather the victim. A victim of bullying at an early age (although not as bad as some of the cases I hear of today), I transformed myself into someone who could no longer be bullied – tough and with a quick mouth to show for. So what I was doing then was in defense of the years I’ve experienced on the other end of the stick.

 

To be clear, I have never done things that were outwardly mean such as physical altercations or even name-calling. I was a good student with good grades and often hid behind the premise of being the “good one”. Just like Regina George, I was more stealthily, often gossiping about people, pointing out their mistakes, and making sure that people knew I was the good by highlighting the faults of others. I am not proud of myself, however, at that time, I didn’t think I was doing anything wrong. It was a long process of introspection, painful truths from people who truly cared about me, and facing my own faults that led me to realize the mistakes of my past. It wasn’t an easy journey, but it is one that I am proud of.
It was through that journey that I have realized that the words we speak of others are often a reflection of what we feel about ourselves. Also, speaking ill of others did not put the other person in a bad light, but spoke greatly about my character.
 
Fast-forward to nearly ten years later and I have come to realize that even at 26, bullies exist. Just like the bullies of our younger years, adult bullies are still the same high school bullies they once were and still on the prowl to leech on energy from those they perceive are above them. Bullies to this day still try to yield their power around, in whatever form, shape, or size. Due to social media, bullies have a new way to “flaunt” their powers and surprisingly so, people are still magnetized to their sweet yet deceptive ways.
 
My new mindset refuses to let in any of this toxic drama to be let in in my life. I try, as much as possible, to surround myself with people who are kind, positive, and most importantly, real. There is no longer room in my life for people who gain power by tearing down another. And while it is a noble cause, dealings with bullies are still widely inevitable. When I was younger, I used to think that bullies got the best of me when they treated me badly but at 26 and by the wonderful grace of God, I have come to realize that their bad behavior only reflects upon themselves and how unhappy they truly are in life.
 
Morrie Schwartz once said that, “people are only mean when they are threatened.” Bullies, who snap at people for no reason, and point out others mistakes, have deeper issues that I truly pray they resolve in time. No normal, happy human being wakes up in the morning with a mission to destroy. No matter how one tries to hide it, inner demons come to play. I know this because I went through it.
 
It takes a lot of prayer, a lot of wise and truthful feedback from people who love you, and humility to accept our faults to truly overcome being a bully. In fact, we never truly get it right 100% of the time, but we have to always go after peace: peace in ourselves, peace in others, and peace in the life that we have been given.
 
My greatest realization was that my former mean girl ways were fueled by the fear that everyone else were getting more than I was in life and I didn’t like it. Moving away from this mentality and realizing that everyone deserves a good life and no one is getting “better” out of life than anyone allowed me to finally be kinder and actually be happy with another’s success.
 
The world and all of its 6 billion people are not out to get me, in fact, just like me they are making the most of what this world has to offer and the least I can do is to mince my words and offer a smile instead.

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Rebirth

As a child, Easter was the time the entire country jolted back to life. You see, a few years ago (okay maybe more than just a few years ago), Holy Week meant an entire week of silence. And by silence, I do mean silence, there were no TV shows, malls were closed, and streets were basically empty. Easter was joyous because it was finally time to get back to the streets and feel alive again after days of being in the dark.

As I reflect on what Easter used to mean to me, I couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of it all. How many times have we lost ourselves in the dark, wanting to be found by the light? As we grow older, we realize that Easter has nothing to do with traditions and has everything to do with shedding light on the dark places of our lives. Sometimes finding the light only takes a week, but most of the time, finding the light takes weeks, months, and even years.

Most of the time, we don’t even realize that we’re in the dark. Not until light comes through the cracks of the pit that we’re in and we see that life could be better than it currently is if we only to follow the light.

Easter has always had a powerful meaning. It’s a symbol of a powerful Father rescuing his beloved children who are the most undeserving of all by sending his own child who did no wrong. When you’re in the harvest season of your life, it’s easy to celebrate this gracious gift but it when you’re down on your knees that you realize its true significance.

As I grew older and did away with the superficial traditions of Easter, I grasped a deeper understanding of what it symbolized – forgiveness, and most importantly, redemption. Redemption from old habits, past hurts, and even offense we personally carry within us that we can’t seem to shake off.

Offense is often targeted at those who have hurt us – whether intentionally or unintentionally, sometimes it could also be directed at ourselves but more often than we would like to admit, it’s often directed at life and how bitter we can be over the fact that it didn’t turn out the exact way we wanted it to be.

Easter offers us a time to reflect on all the things we must let go of in order to finally let the light in. No matter how much pain we carry inside of us, we are collectively brought together by our desire to have more light. To finally let go of what could have been to usher in something better than we have planned out in our heads.

Easter always feels like a restart, a rebirth but first we must be redeemed from everything that happened or didn’t happen in the past. It comes with accepting certain realities but not giving up on the hope that tomorrow’s reality could radically be better if I just learn to let go.

And in doing so, in breaking cycles, in releasing hurts, and most importantly, in accepting the greatest sacrifice of all, His love, we allow ourselves to not just accept the light, but be the light.

And it is in being the light that we finally escape the dark places, never to return again.
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“It’s all about falling in love with yourself and sharing that love with someone who appreciates you, rather than looking for love to compensate for a self-love deficit.” —Eartha Kit