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“The more it matters, the lesser you want to talk about it.”


More than once in my entire social media existence, I may have been guilty of oversharing. When I’m excited, I turn into an emotional fur ball and start spewing the reasons for my excitement. However, I have come to realize that as things become more significant, the lesser I want to talk about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I wish I could tell the world what I’m feeling but instead delegated to sharing it with trusted friends who won’t turn on me when the time comes. I don’t like the tale to tumble from my lips out of the fear that the magic that goes with it will go away too.

So for now, I’m holding it all in and relishing the moment. And while it’s nothing like i expected it to be, it’s even better because it’s teaching me to love unselfishly and for the first time in my life, I am totally okay with it.

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Ride or Die

Technologically apt kids and kids at heart these days just have a different dictionary all together. Their vocabulary often consist of abbreviated terms such as BAE (before anyone else, yes, it’s not short for babe) while others are your typical English words but bested with completely different meanings such as: basic (which means you’re ordinary), #blessed (you will be surprised that this often denotes sarcasm), and shade (means you totally went there in insulting another person).
One of my most favorite terms belong to the younger set is phrase “ride or die” as in used to depict a loyal significant other (think Beyonce & Jayz). In youngster speak, ride or die literally means being there through it all: good times, bad times, sickness, health, in the limelight, and when you’re out of it. It’s basically a vow that means your significant other won’t leave when things aren’t as comfortable as you want them to be.
In the world of quick “fame” due to social media, more and more kiddos are taking this term to heart and making sure that their significant others are of ride or die caliber (it could also be because it’s a really catchy caption to put on Facebook).
While some look to celebrities for inspiring ride or die tales, I don’t have to look too far. In fact, I’m blessed (with no hashtag sarcasm) to witness it everyday through the love story of my parents. My parents recently celebrated their 28thwedding anniversary and in my dad’s line of work, that is a very long time. Their love story is a unique one considering that they’re polar opposites: my mom born and raised koliheyala from Manila without any idea about basketball and my dad, born and raised in far flung Cebu. The story of how they met is also quite exciting and serendipitous at best, making me believe that happily ever afters do exist.
However, growing up in the reality of the said love story also exposed me to the truth that perfect love stories only exist in books and just like anything else in life, take hard work, dedication, and commitment.

My parents’ twenty-eight year love story denotes “ride or die” through and through. My mom stood by my dad’s side during the years of injury, his retirement from playing basketball professionally in 1995, and the adjustments that soon followed. When the lights were dimmed and my dad hung his jersey to move to a new chapter of his career, my mom was there with even more love than she had when she first met him. My dad through the years has also shown loyalty to the woman he has chosen and this has become the foundation of their solid relationship. As a famous song goes, you get back what you put out.
In a world that constantly hungers for fame, power, and money, it can be quite easy to associate love with what you can get from your partner. But a true ride or die partner shows you that true love has nothing to do with what you do for a living or how many people call out your name. The fame, power, and screaming fans (and groupies) go away, but one thing remains: true love.
True love isn’t constantly asking what’s in it for me, but instead seeks to make the other person better and decides to be there through it all. It is patient, it is kind, and most importantly, it is not self-seeking. It’s the kind of love that makes you feel secured knowing that no matter what tomorrow brings and whether or not you fail, it will still be there guiding you quietly and bravely telling you that the best is yet to come despite what today looks like.


It’s the kind of love I aspire to give and also inspires me to be the kind of woman my mom is: loyal and a true ride or die chick through and through.
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Maraming Salamat, PBA

“Basketball will always be the country’s one great unrequited love.”
          – PBA: A Nation’s Passion Documentary
It was an affair for the books and a night to remember filled glittering lights, beautiful dresses, and dapper suits. Filipino basketball stars then and now all came together (along with their significant others) to celebrate forty years of the nation’s greatest passion: the Philippine Basketball Association (PBA).
The highlight of the night was the exclusive premiere of the league’s very own documentary highlighting forty years of stories from how it started, the famed Crispa – Toyota rivalry to today’s Gilas heroes. The well-crafted storytelling of the country’s biggest pastime brought about tales from one generation to the next, making one see the impact basketball has truly imprinted in every Filipino’s heart. Basketball is a language everyone understands- from bigwig CEOs of multinational companies to your neighborhood taho vendor. It’s a common ground, one that instantly bonds one Filipino with the other, unless of course he is rooting for a rival team. It has also be the country’s greatest source of enjoyment. During the years of martial law, the then young PBA league was a source of joy for most Filipinos proving that it is more than just a sport, but have also been a mecca for hope as the high flying players inspired others to fly themselves.
More than a night of enjoyment and catching up with friends both old and new alike, the night was extremely person for me simply because it mirrored a journey that is close to my heart – my dad’s. As the stories unraveled on screen, the childhood stories of my youth told by my dad turned into real faces and events. It was the PBA that has made my dad’s dream come true and later on gave him the opportunity to build a life for his family that was a far cry from what he had as a young boy in Cebu.
As my dad watched the reel of his real life events, he became keenly aware of how gracious God has been to him and what a blessing the PBA has been to not just him, but to the others he has worked with. He reminisced about old teammates, coaches, team managers, and previous league commissioners, all of which have helped him one way or another. He was also quick to recall the unsung heroes of the PBA, the role players and the others who have worked tirelessly in the background contributing what they can to the country’s greatest love.
The PBA (through its scholarship grant given to retired PBA players) gave my younger brother and I the chance to have a good education. It was also the PBA that has opened doors for the both of us, put food on the table, and generally provided us with a life that my dad only once imagined giving his family. For 35 years and counting, the PBA has become my dad’s second home.
And our story is not unique, in fact, countless of lives have been changed by the PBA and today, as a certified child of the league; I would just like to say thank you.
Thank you because you have provided for numerous families, made fans smile and cry at the same time, and most importantly, made countless dreams come true.
Maraming maraming salamat PBA dahil ang buong bansa ay pinasaya ninyo.

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a note to my fifteen year old self

You got in touch with him. You were able to virtually talk to him (you may not understand this in 2003, but believe me there was a way). 

While I (your 26 year old self) was getting in touch with him, I couldn’t help but feel happy for you. When I was your age you couldn’t help but faint at the thought of being inches away from him. Let’s just say that things have changed in the past eleven years and what you thought was going to be the epitome of your life well just didn’t measure up. 
In fact, it just came and quickly went away without fireworks as you have expected. Sometimes, “down the road” and “God’s timing” simply means you get over an infatuation. Jessica Darling once said something about being in love with the idea of the person, but not the person in itself.
Safe to say, I’m glad I tried for you. You have always been benevolent in being hopeful no matter how impossible the situation may seem. And eleven years ago, it was impossible. 
But somehow, your belief in making the impossible possible led you into becoming brave and into being strong enough to chase after the things you want in life. It took you awhile to get used to the idea that sometimes what you want isn’t exactly what you thought it would be, but still you persisted. This year alone, you have toyed with “fate” and went after “things” that you were once afraid of. And while some of them led doors to bigger opportunities, some also led to your biggest heartbreaks that made you question if you were enough. They turned into heartbreaks because you realized that the people you wanted most didn’t want you back. It took you months of tears and questioning to realize that maybe not being wanted back is the most humiliating and excruciating thing in the world. Maybe it was what would wake me up from things I was ignoring my entire life.

Somehow, the relentlessly optimistic fifteen year old still made its way through the cynical twenty six year old and won. You are the reason I was able to get through most of the mess of this year. You and your belief that things work out for the good because you were right, they did turn out for my good.
And not in a way that I expected, but here I am, standing strong, thankful for the peace that comes with understanding that what’s meant for me won’t miss me and those that missed me were never meant for me. It took awhile for me to accept that the things I wanted most may never want me back and that doesn’t make me a lesser person. In fact, going after these things with determination and acceptance turned into my own gems of strength.
I’m sorry the fairytale you wanted at fifteen didn’t happen even if I tried to, but let me tell you one thing, when it does happen, I do believe that it’s going to be better than you have ever expected, even if your happy ending doesn’t involve anyone other than you.
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Doc Eagle

Without a doubt, we are a basketball loving country. Every street corner is filled with makeshift courts bursting with males both young and old basking in what is tagged as “the Filipino sport of choice”. It has been a bonding ritual for fathers and sons everywhere and at one point or another, every single Filipino boy has dreamed of becoming a professional athlete one day.
However, it is also a fact that Filipino parents also have other dreams for their children. They work day and night to provide the best education for their children, hoping they’d become lawyers or distinguished doctors one day. 
These two passions have resulted in a country peppered with basketball star-wannabes and the most brilliant doctors. However, it is quite rare to find people who have an interest in both fields. One of those people who have fused the two interests rather successfully is former Ateneo Blue Eagle, Johan Uichico. Johan, who passed the medical boards just this year, was part of Ateneo basketball’s glory days from 2003 to 2006. 
Johan looks back on these days fondly, “I played with the Blue Eagles starting when I was a college freshman in 2003. We played in the finals during my rookie season, finishing second to Far Eastern University (FEU); and also in 2006 when we lost, unfortunately, to University of Sto. Tomas (UST). I was very honored to have been a part of Ateneo’s rich basketball tradition and lucky to have played with some of the best players like Larry Fonacier and BJ Manalo. I have been blessed to be able to play under great coaches like Sandy Arespacochaga, Jamike Jarin, Joel Banal, and Norman Black.”
Despite his love for the sport, basketball took a backseat when he decided to pursue medicine, “As a result of my focus on basketball, my grades suffered and were not as high as I wanted them to be. I skipped the next season to concentrate on my studies and get my grades up for medical school. I could have come back for the season after that, but my father and I talked about what was best for my future; and in the end, we agreed that pursuing a medical career was what was best for me.”
Entering the medical profession just fell through for Johan, who dreamed of becoming a marine biologist when he was younger. “When I entered Ateneo, my original course was BS Communications Technology Management. When I got the chance, I shifted to BS Biology,  hoping to pursue my childhood dream. But then I realized, pre med course na din pala ito, so that sparked my interest in the medical profession. I took the National Medical Admission Test (NMAT) and applied with the Ateneo School of Medicine and Public Health (ASMPH). Through God’s grace, I got accepted.”
And while the medical school journey wasn’t free from challenges, Johan doesn’t regret his decision of leaving the basketball court permanently, “There were many times I second guessed my decision to enter medical school instead of continuing to play basketball. However, I have no regrets. I enjoy the field of medicine immensely; the way it touches other people’s lives is just incredible.”
Medical school, he says, was taxing — mentally, physically and emotionally. He was also quick to say that another difficult aspect of being  doctor, aside from the rigorous hours during his years of internship and clerkship, were seeing the emotional reaction of people when their loved ones died. “Seeing relatives cry or dying patients took a toll on me. Also, the far-from-ideal health system of the country meant not everyone received adequate treatment, and that is sad. Everyone, regardless of socio-economic standing, should be treated equally and receive appropriate treatment.”
But what got him through were the smiles on people’s faces when their relatives were saved and the simple thank yous his patients gave him. “These things kept me going and inspired me to go above and beyond the call of duty.”

These experiences have encouraged Johan to one day be an instrument for change in the health care system of the country.
An aspiring orthopedic surgeon, Johan now plays in an entirely different court, hoping to contribute to the health care system of the country, “Being a physican is a really noble profession. The country has the potential to be great again, and I hope to be one of the reasons behind its success in the future.”
And more than the number of games he has played, Johan deserves greater applause today as he champions the greater cause of saving lives. 

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The Thing About Beauty

When I was in middle school, I was obsessed with the teen magazines that were fairly new in during the early 00s. My friends would always remind me of my fondness by telling me that it was I who introduced them to these magazines and often the culprit of it being passed around in class when the teacher wasn’t looking.

Those were indeed the good days. My relationship with magazines however came to a screeching halt in high school. The reason why I stopped reading was simple: I no longer felt the need to dive into the conformed standards of the magazine industry. It was in my sophomore year that I adapted the Kat Stratford (as in from 10 Things I Hate About You) persona – dark, brooding, and against everything that screamed cheerleader. I would like to tell you that this was brought about by my intense need to be my own person, but to be completely honest, it was more of a fifteen year old hiding beneath the mask of insecurity. Offhand, there is absolutely nothing petite about my 5’8 frame nor do I posses the divine looks of the sought after mestiza models or immaculate chinita campus crushes. I also wasn’t (and will never be no matter how many rounds of boxing and circuit training I do) reed thin. In short, I often felt left out and displaced.
The journey to self-acceptance is indeed a long and tedious one, however, I would like to say that I wouldn’t have it any other way. Because I was rejected so many times and overlooked because of my looks (sly wordplay), I learned to work harder in other areas of my life. I learned to dive into TV shows, reading, writing, and eventually, school in order to make up for being overlooked and a means of escape. It was my love for daydreaming (I have perfect the art of being an escapist) that drummed up the writer inside of me. And instead of it making me bitter, it fueled my little sunshine attitude, which always comes in handy as an adult.
Not being the center of attention has also taught me the essence of being kind to people and to never take anyone for granted. It also taught me to not rely on my looks to get away with anything in life. In fact because I didn’t always get what I wanted, I worked harder. It is during those dark times that I found strength in my resiliency. It also threw entitlement out of the window. Most importantly, it taught me to treat everyone with respect.  
The journey has also taught me that “beauty” is no longer confined by one’s good looks but instead beauty has a lot to do with how one makes other people feel. Today, I am blessed that my life is filled with people who emanate beauty from the inside out. They display depth, a good character, and most importantly, kindness. These truly beautiful people dig deep to make a difference – whether in the life of a friend or the world. These people are made beautiful by their years of experiencing life.
And in a surprising turn of events, sixteen years after I came across my first teen magazine, I find myself in the field of media and it is nice to see the messages that today’s editors convey applauding women of all shapes, color, and sizes. Editors, writers, and even stylists work day and night to convey that no matter what you look like – you matter and you are beautiful.
And while I’m nowhere near the end of the journey, I am no longer the girl confined by her insecurities. Today, I have learned that being aesthetically beautiful is not the number one goal in my life anymore. Today, I am focusing instead on how to make my world beautiful by encouraging others and trying to make my little pocket of my world a better place.

And just in case you are feeling insecure or unloved, give yourself a little credit because if you don’t love yourself, who else will?
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Friday Night

Going home from the gym is an experience in itself. For one thing, it takes me about thirty minutes to fully recover from the amount of time I spend in the ring trying to demolish my trainer (Trainer – 10 Me – 3) and doing as many squats as humanly possible (seriously though, why). 

Tonight wasn’t any different. I limped home, took a shower, and lost track of time as I went through my nightly routine. Most of the time, thoughts just come and go without leaving much of an impact. However, tonight as I was putting on my moisturizer and trying to figure out if I should watch The Office or try out How To Plan A Murder a thought hit me: it’s already October.

This only meant two things:

1) I have about a month left to fully complete my Christmas shopping and 
2) I have been in like with someone for almost a year.

And I could have gone to my immediate reaction: spite and endless why me / why not me questions. But instead (it could possibly be endorphins but worth trying still) I felt relief and surprisingly so, gratitude.

This year, to put it rather simplistically, was challenging. There was a lot of wrestling with my faith, wondering why I wasn’t getting my prayers answered, and most importantly, there was a lot of humbling experiences. 

And as I went through the things I learned and the people who have helped me learn those things, I couldn’t help but realise that what I thought was the biggest, gravest mistake of my life turned out to be God’s greatest gift.

My heart was shattered this year. It reached a point wherein I could not for the life of me get out of bed in the morning. I was depressed and felt that I wasn’t good enough all the time. It was so difficult for me to grasp that I didn’t need anyone I had to prove my worth to. I was constantly comparing myself to the “better” girls he could get without realising that I was waging a war not just with myself but with other innocent women as well.

I was feeding the monsters of envy, anger, and insecurity all at the same time and it was my shattered heart that broke me back to reality. It was also the well-meaning words of friends and family, but I believe that it was really God who broke through all the walls I’ve built over the years. He was patient enough to guide me out of the hole that I fell in and slowly but surely I started to see the light.

I would love to tell you that things are perfect now. I would love to tell you that my story rivals that of every single Hilary Duff movie ever invented but the truth is is that it’s a Friday night and I’m writing on this blog. This would have killed me years ago but tonight there’s a different kind of peace that surrounds me. It’s not the way I want it to be but I’m resting in the truth of who God is and what He has for me. 

Everything is set just right on His timetable and every experience, every heartbreak, and every rejection is setting me up for the greater days that He has ahead. 

For a really really long time, I’ve felt like I was never good enough and I felt like I always needed to be something in order to be liked. But tonight, more than any other night before this, I feel okay with me and my dorky-ness, something I pretended to be comfortable with but never truly embodied. 

It’s just tonight that I realize that it’s okay to not be liked by the one our heart desires – it doesn’t make me less of a person although some stigma have been put on being rejected. However, it doesn’t have to make me a negative person (the way that I have before), in fact, I should celebrate that bravery. To celebrate that part of me that was so brave to invest in the uncertainty of wanting someone who may never, not in a million years, like me back.

It may not happen anytime soon, but another lesson that I’ve learned is that I’d rather wait and be with someone who’s fully invested in me instead of constantly trying to prove that I am worthy enough to be with a certain people. It’s so devastatingly hard to keep trying to be someone just to be liked – nobody can last that long being someone else.

Someone once told me that when things are right, it will just fall into place and it will just be easy (meaning no hassle, no games, no whatsoever) and until easy comes, my own Friday nights will do.



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Everyday Miracles

Life is all about stories.
Every single person you meet has a story to tell and as a writer, I have been fortunate enough to both share my tale and share that of others. For me, life is one big interwoven storybook filled with characters from different walks of life. Another amazing anecdote is the fact that at one point or another, your story may have been interwoven with someone you have never even met. As you can tell, I can be quite a romantic and hearing stories about real, triumphant love in a sometimes dreary world is one of my absolute favorite things in the world.
Such is the story of Ana Amigo and William Antonio. Having known them for over ten years, the story is deeply personal, one that I am more than happy to share. Ana Amigo, one of Metro Manila’s prettiest faces, has long been known in both the fashion and TV industry, having spearheaded several businesses under her belt while at the same time also taking a dip into modeling, TV hosting, and even commercials. But what draws people to Ana is not just her good looks but also her joy and positive aura that simply radiates. William, on the other hand, was a former basketball player in the Philippine Basketball Association playing for teams like Pop Cola Panthers, Coca Cola Tigers, and the Powerade Tigers. Their love story began when common friend and also former basketball player, Ali Peek, introduced them.
Ana recalls, “William and I don’t really have a romantic story except for the coincidental way we met. William was having dinner with Ali and he mentioned how he was tired of the dating scene here in Manila. He wanted to meet someone who he can settle down with and after he described the person he wanted to meet, Ali said, you need to meet Ana. Would you believe that as Ali and William were talking, I was just walking outside the restaurant?”
The cute meet story, along with William’s persistence to win Ana over, led to a beautiful almost fifteen year marriage that is blessed with two equally gorgeous children: Raine and Cyrus. Their marriage, though solid, was not without challenges and in the past year alone, they survived one of life’s biggest challenges thus far.
Once vibrant, healthy, and full of vigor for life, Ana became seriously ill to the point where she was taking life one day at a time and praying every night that she would be given the gift of another day, “I went from a seemingly painless life to a very painful one. From a life where I was having happy journeys here and everywhere to a life bound to a hospital bed and not even able to walk on my own.”
The sickness without a doubt rocked their union but that only made it stronger, “As in any marriage that goes through life’s biggest challenges, ours have evolved. We were not prepared for this game changer, it hit us blindly, we really had to dig deep within our love for each other and for our children.”

And while Ana admits that she struggled with guilt of being a burden, both her and William decided to sit tight and plow through, “We decided to continue to live as if everything was normal because we knew this was the new normal. You can’t stop life from going on as long. So we accepted our fate.”
Despite this, Ana, who has always been a positive woman, refused to give up and instead looked for the treasures in her trials, “I quickly learned that everything has a reason. I learned that through the darkest tunnels, we discover the brightest of lights. I learned the world is full of angels, some even in disguise. I learned that what you sow is what you reap. I learned to sort out what and who is most important. I learned what the real treasures in life are. And most importantly, I learned that through persistence and prayers if asked earnestly and faithfully in God’s perfect time, He will answer.”
And true enough, Ana got her prayers answered and is on her way back to pristine health, she also dreams of one day sharing her story in her own words by writing a book about her experiences. William, on the other hand, has found a new passion in painting after retiring from playing basketball professionally.
With all the dealings in life that we encounter on a daily basis, we sometimes forget to be grateful for the joy found in simply waking up each morning. Ana and William’s tale reminds me to look beyond life’s little annoyances and believe in the good that both life and people can offer. It also made me believe that despite of life’s biggest and most treacherous storms, miracles can still happen everyday. Sometimes all it takes is a little change in perspective.  

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When Passion Meets Fashion

Fashion, admittedly, is not one of my strongest suits. My mornings often consist of bargaining with my alarm clock, a few lazy jumping jacks, and a mad dash out of the house at 6 am to avoid south of Manila traffic. Due to this, I don’t spend a lot of time scanning my closet ala Chere Horowitz on Clueless. This is the reason why effortless fashionistas have always inspired me simply because they look so put together 24/7.
One of those style mavens is Kaye Pernia. A friend of a friend’s, Kaye and I first met in 2009 in a popular bazaar down south and from the get go, Kaye exuded the mysterious confidence and sophistication that only a very few people can own.
With degrees in Basic Fashion and Fashion Merchandising from both the Fashion Institute of the Philippines and De La Salle University, College of St. Benilde, it is not a surprise that young Kaye earned a spot in the highly elite Pormada group.
Pormada, “one of the flame-starters in Philippine online retail” puts the fun in online shopping. Bringing in niche brands from all over the world and even budding independent Filipino brands, Pormada is slowly creating a wave in the fashion industry that was previously not seen before. Described as Pormada’s “golden child”, Kaye has taken on the role of Marketing and Merchandising Manager solely in charge of ensuring product availability on the website, checking of quality & workmanship and even maintain strong relationships with the different brands under their company.
When asked what it was like to work in such a high profile industry (at the back of my mind, I was wondering if it was anything like The Devil Wears Prada), Kaye was quick to say, “I am surrounded by positive and passionate people. My bosses motivate me to be a better version of myself, and also working for a start up is fun because you can be vocal. We have a mind mapping meeting every week where we share ideas, views, and suggestions. It’s one of my favorite things to do at work.”
She also adds that her job entails her to meet a lot of people, “I get to meet clients who eventually turn into friends and their passion is infectious as well and I’m easily inspired by them.”
This passion soon translated into the Go Global, Wear Lokal campaign that aims to strengthen support for local independent brands, “I got inspired by stories of these homegrown brands and I think they deserve to be known in their own country and be recognized globally.” Kaye’s campaign is simple, “By using the hashtag #GoGlobalWearLokal on their #OOTD posts, local brands can easily be recognized.” Her personal efforts were solidified by the support of her Pormada team, who is also “committed to finding distinct homegrown Filipino brands and growing them on their website.”
Aside from that, she was also quick to point out that dressing up stylishly is not as difficult or time consuming as it sounds, “It’s really about having your own personal style that’s defined by your own personality. Find what works for you and make sure you’re comfortable.” She also adds that investing in the basics and styling them with accessories such as scarves and bags make a big difference.
For her, fashion is more than just looking good on the outside but also feeling good about one’s self worth, “A bad day can easily be turned around by a good outfit. It empowers.”