Hope.

It is ultimately my most favorite word in the world and whenever this word is mentioned, I instantly get kilig on the inside, knowing that speaking the word alone is powerful.

Joyce Meyer said that the only way we can have faith is if we have hope — hope that things are going to get better and hope that our future is better than today.

It is sad to note that so many people fail to have hope simply because their circumstances have become so dire and no matter where they look, there is just darkness.

Unfortunately, most of our fellow Filipinos face this kind of sadness and hopelessness on a daily basis simply because they can’t get the proper healthcare that they deserve. And healthcare is something that everyone should have the right to, but then since we can’t correct that problem ourselves, it doesn’t mean we can’t help.

I’d like to think that more than anything, the best gift we can give others is the gift of hope and while it may be such a daunting task, it really isn’t.

You can even begin with the P100 in your pocket at this moment. I have written about this effort that I am truly passionate about in The Manila Times but I would just like to share it with you again.

Tito JB Baylon, the effort’s largest proponent, tells us that a hundred may be a little, but collectively it could impact a lot of lives.

And that is something.

We may be just one person but if we put our faith out there that our act of good will do someone else good then I believe we are creating a positive spirit of hope that could greatly affect the country in the years to come.

Imagine, just by skipping one Starbucks drink you can actually save a life. Meaning someone’s child, someone’s parent or loved one gets to live just because you sacrificed a hundred pesos once.

Hope is such a beautiful thing to have and a beautiful thing to share. I can imagine how lighter our side of the world will be if we begin to open up our hearts and be a person giving hope.

I believe that hope, though intangible, is one of the greatest forces that can create positive change in a person and eventually, in a country.

And come to think of it, the price to pay for hope is very minimal, it all begins with your desire to create good in the world. It all begins with YOU, not a legislator or anyone else, but YOU.

So with that challenge on the table, I would like to ask you, how are you going to use that power today?

Are you a Person Giving Hope? Photo Credit: Cris Nieto

Here are ways you can help. Photo Credit: Cris Nieto

Yes, I am the kind of consumer who gets easily swept away by emotionalism.

I am the poster child for the phrase “Do Not Settle”.

I wish I was the one who copyrighted it, but sadly I didn’t. And for someone who’s been saying this phrase for over a decade, I’d like to think that what I’m saying next is going to come as a shock.

No, folks, don’t get ahead of yourself, nothing radical has changed since the last time I spoke about this topic, but then at the same time, I know that the biggest changes in one’s life don’t have to be big in order to be significant.

On most days, the change is such a tiny wave that you don’t notice until the waves crash into one another and you wake up and realize that, hey I am looking at things differently.

I have always been dead set about not settling. I often cringe over friends who choose so poorly when they can do so much better. And I still believe in that phrase, really, I do.

I strongly believe that a girl should not settle for a boy who:

a) hits her
b) verbally abuses her
c) expects her to get to the place on her own, pick up the tab and go home on her own.
d) is a womanizer
e) doesn’t believe in God

I also believe that a woman should work on herself and her relationship with God instead of trying to be defined by the guy she is currently dating.

A woman should also have a strong sense of self-worth before entering into a relationship so she won’t get consumed by it.

I still believe that.

But there are so many beliefs that I may, or may have not shared on this blog that when I go back to now, I cringe.

You see, I have always seen myself as “idealistic” and on most days, I still am.

I often say why go for second best when you can be THE best. And that’s a good attitude when it comes to work, schoolwork and working out, but sometimes, when we always think that we deserve the best, we often judge everyone else, snubbing them thinking, “they will never be good enough for me.”

To begin with, who am I, in my finite human strength, to define what is the best for me? And who I am, a mere human, reject who God has planned for me?

You see, I had to learn this the hard way and since this is a mature, twenty something blog, I will not mention names or events but let me just say that I once thought that I have come across “the one” simply because he looked absolutely, ridiculously good on paper.

And I mean ridiculously, this is it Lord, the wait was worth it kind of ridiculous.

And if you are perceptive enough, you would know that that did not turn out well.

It was like I found the guy version of me and I did not like it– not one bit.

If I was anything like him, and to his credit, he does have cool points and I’m sure the timing was just whacked, but seriously he felt like the world owed him a Christian Barbie Doll and for the longest time, I was just disappointed.

Of course, I never quite admitted it to myself, but man was this guy harsh simply because he thought he “deserved” the best simply because he has been praying for the best. I was so angry and agitated with the phoniness of it all before realizing that, oh my goodness, I am the exact same way.

He wanted beautiful, Christian girls who also looked like they were going to be on the cover of Vogue and rejected anyone who didn’t fit in the category and I realized wow, I was holding out for perfection and had a checklist just to make sure that those who didn’t fit would be thrown out (o diba, confidence!)  without realizing that I was judging every single guy I met based on my “Mr. Perfection List.”

I was going to get the “BEST” but I was professing that I was waiting on “God’s best for me”, which are two entirely different things. I wanted to tell the world that I could get a Jeremy Lin/ Tim Tebow simply because I prayed and waited for it.

And don’t get me wrong, I believe that there are wonderful girls out there who are praying for the two perfect guys above and will end up marrying them, but that’s because God planned them for each other.

For the longest time, I was trying to get God to do what I wanted to do and twisted my belief system to make it look like I deserved a Jeremy Lin or a Tim Tebow. I never sat down and asked God what He wanted for me, I just went ahead and said what I wanted. 

And you know what? It was nothing but PRIDE. I wanted to prove to the world that I was the one better off.

I am not ashamed of what I’ve done, really but thank God for grace.

Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t think God will bless me with someone who would turn my entire world around because I know He would, but now I no longer (hopefully, by God’s grace) walk around with a chip on my shoulder, constantly huffing, “I’m better than you so I deserve better.”

And now don’t get any ideas, I won’t date just for the sake of dating (I love my TV shows way too much to give up my Saturday nights) but I won’t close my doors either on someone completely opposite of what I’ve always had in my mind just because I am still waiting for Jeremy Lin.

I’ve also realized that it has nothing to do with who deserves who and it’s all about being the perfect match. Two people could be completely wrong for each other and yet feel completely happy.

Now there’s no more pressure and lesser disappointments and in a way, I still feel that I am not settling for less but actually giving myself a chance to truly be the one I was meant to be with simply because I stopped trying to figure out something that only God knows anyway.

Also, I realized that by constantly assuming what my life would be like, I always end up being disappointed in my life and God simply because life didn’t turn out the way I wanted it to.

I shouldn’t be calling the shots anyway.

My future may or may not include someone wonderful and you know not knowing is okay for now because just like what my brother said: there is beauty in the unknown and for now, that is enough.

Footnote: No, I am not throwing out the list. There are things that I still have on that list that can never, ever be compromised, but at this point, I am not even looking at it. I guess that’s what people mean when they say, “Let Go and Let God!” Such freedom!

I don’t ever recall wanting to be sixteen when I was sixteen so it comes as a surprise to myself to even write a blog entry about revisiting it, even for just a few hours.

Well, yesterday I did.

I recall being one of those sixteen-year-olds desperately wanting to become older just because I heard it was always better in the future. However, what most people didn’t know was that under the cynical, tortured artist sixteen year old was a relentless daydreamer who often dreamed of being rescued to optimism by a handsome prince (specifically, Nathan Scott).

It was good to have an escape from all the teenage drama by daydreaming albeit for awhile about boys I’ve only seen on my TV screen and swoon over their TV personality that is likely far from their own.

Ah, truly on most days, ignorance is bliss.

So it was safe to say that I was extra excited when my dad got invited to coach one of the teams in a much-awaited Royal Affair: Game Three of the popular teleserye Princess and I simply because I knew there would be a lot of tweeners screaming their heads off for the two handsome boys of the beloved show and I got the chance to squeal without being heard.

And boy did I underestimate the lungs of sixteen year old girls and their childlike wonder. More often than not, we belittle their childish wonder but truly it is what we need to get by in life: to believe in the good in people and to be happy over the littlest of things. That we shouldn’t demand for life to hand us over “big” things but we should make a decision to always be happy over the most minute blessings.

The event was, for one thing, loud but it was also so youthful in a way that it was inspiring.

There is always something about events as such that makes one hopeful again. It reminds one of how beautiful it is to be young and highly expectant about the future. It makes someone remember how it is like to not be jaded and God knows that with what has happened in the past week, I needed that kind of hope again, I needed to be inspired enough to believe that there are great days ahead and that there is something to look forward to.

Some of the photos from the game and the afterparty:

The kids waiting to go inside

Enrique Gil dancing his signature Dougie.

Fan photo of the night and it’s official: my brother  cannot take a flattering photo of me.

My favorite part of the night: meeting the Teng brothers! I secretly heart Jeron!

Robbie Domingo dancing with ladies of Hooters!

The Crowd! All Seats were full!

The girls went wild when they called Gino in. This kid is cute!

In fairness, it was a tight game from start to finish!

Of course, I had an obligatory photo with the Princess herself

I refuse to accept the fact that on some days, I get lonely.

I don’t accept it simply because there are far more people worse off than I am and yet live their day with enthusiasm and optimism

And yet there are days when I do feel it and while I try to deny it out of fear that it makes me a lesser person or makes what I believe less impactful or less true.

But in as much as I hate to admit it, I am human after all and while being lonely is… lonely, it doesn’t really damage or bother me as much, except on days when I feel that it’s never going to happen.

Knowing that my future would be without it makes me sad for awhile but it also makes me grateful for the things that I have that others are merely wishing for at this point. The same way that I am blessed with numerous things that people spend all day praying about.

It would be nice to be a child and whine about it, but at the end of the day I could only be thankful for what is and hopefully I can forget about what isn’t.

The holidays were a joyous time of eating, sleeping in and just devouring every dessert given by friends and family so it shouldn’t really be a surprise when a person receives a “you’re so fat!” comment.

Especially when one has been working hard to eat right and run more but the truth is: it stings and makes one want to run away and hide away until she becomes skinny again – which seems to be the only acceptable way to look in society.

But then again, why should they?

Even after all the media attention on eating disorders and the like, ordinary citizens like you and me still find the need to taunt each other by relaying how fat we’ve gotten and subconsciously saying that we have no use on earth just because we gained a couple of lbs.

It may be an extreme way to look at it but really why do we destroy another with our rather useless comments? Do we think that this person doesn’t own a mirror and think it’s our divine responsibility to tell them of what they already know?

Or do we do this because we want to feel superior by putting down another? Isn’t this another form of bullying?

Is this our way of gaining power? Do we ultimately feel good about ourselves when take away someone else’s self-esteem?

Why do we taunt people who are in a bigger dress sizes? Aren’t they people too? Don’t they like the same things we do? Don’t they cry over the same things we do?

And who are we to banish them as ‘unworthy’ of being loved just because they are NOT a size 2? Why do we obsess about looking like Victoria’s Secret Angela and think that if we don’t we somehow fail?

Why must we constantly make one feel ashamed of their weight? Why must we constantly dictate about another what they do or don’t deserve?

Why do we spread hate by spitting vile things such as that comment from above?

Why do we never say kind things? Isn’t a person’s beauty based on how kind they are or how gentle they are with others?

I don’t know about you but a comment as loaded as a “you are so fat!” must be thought of carefully. So the next time you spew one so insensitively maybe you should consider all the questions above.

I fell in love with The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein in high school when a cool, hipster classmate of mine (of course, di pa uso hipster noon, we were just the odd kids! Now I feel like the hipsters are the cool kids and I have still remained odd) lent it to me and since my students are required to submit a presentation at the end of their camp, I have decided to lend this beautiful work of art to them.

And since I love the super wonderful people who take the time to actually visit my random thoughts, I am sharing it with you as well.

My favorite line from the book is this: You cannot roll with me but perhaps you can roll by yourself. But to further understand its depth, do click on the slides!

Enjoy and I wish for nothing but for you to find your perfect piece, in due time!

2006 wasn’t a good year for me in College for reasons I no longer remember. What I held on to so tightly was this blog of mine and my intense passion to write everything down.

I have never really thought of myself as a writer until a very distinguished man in our school gave me the chance to become an editor of our school paper. The dean of the school believed in an unstable, emotional and highly inexperienced 18 year old and it has changed the course of my life.

Truly, there are no words to express how deeply saddened I am by his passing and there are not enough thank yous to express how grateful I am for his encouragement.

But please know, Mr. Alfred P. Milevoi, that I will be thinking of you every time I end an article and i will dedicate each article to you because if it weren’t for your faith in my minuscule ability, I wouldn’t even have the courage to string words together beyond this blog.

May you find peace in the arms of our Father and may your spirit continue to live on in the lives you’ve touched.

They are countless.

Stones in my luggage. Luggage is heavy enough to carry around. There was also something about water.

I’ve heard countless metaphors of how the past can certainly weigh us down and ruin our future. I’ve heard them but never quite understood them.

You see, I am wired to remember stuff.

Of course, I constantly need my planner (color coded this year!) to remember deadlines, meetings and so forth, but I don’t need anything to remember trivial things like the year Britney Spears lost her hair or what Lance Bass’ favorite song when he was “dating” Danielle Fisher.

And unfortunately, I remember painful events in my life with great detail that is often followed by the sharp pain I felt when I went through that painful memory.

Without realizing it, my baggage has become heavy. I used to think that going back to where I used to be would remind me of what got me to where I am today. What I didn’t realize was how destructive this was and constantly going back meant I was never going to be able to fully move forward.

Today, I came across several people from my past and it was as if something inside of me was telling me, “Let it go. It’s in the past.” And as fate would have it, the first preaching of the year was centered on leaving our baggage behind and moving forward — freely in 2013.

As I’ve said, I’ve read the books and I’ve heard the metaphors but it was only today that I truly understood what it meant. Our past victories encourage us to trust in God and they are good “milestones” to keep, however, whatever bad has happened previously is like an anchor, stopping us all from setting sail towards greater seas.

Pastor Paul mentioned, “If you want to move forward, LOOK FORWARD!” which really is overwhelming enough without the whispers of our past hurts haunting us. God has said that His mercies are new every morning meaning that whatever we have not forgiven ourselves for, He has already forgiven us for and all we have to do is to step out and receive that.

All this talk about carrying baggages remind me of the American version of the film Shutter where Joshua Jackson’s back was constantly in pain because the woman he once hurt was literally living on his back. I can just imagine how many pains we carry on our backs on a daily basis, could this be the reason why it may be harder for us to get up in the morning with hope and expectation?

God has so many great things ahead and I believe this with all my heart, but I realized that I could never truly move towards what God has for me unless I have let go of all things I have done wrong and most importantly, what others have done wrong to me.

I cannot keep my scorecard and expect to be free. I can’t constantly play the “my-life-is-better-than-yours” game and expect victory.

I can’t expect my life to move forward victoriously if I am constantly carrying revenge in my heart. My intentions have to be clear, I cannot constantly expect good things in my life simply because I want to tell everyone who hurt me in the past that I am better off.

Oh, what a complicated web I have created.

But what’s refreshing to know is that God’s mercy is new every morning, it’s like we’re given a new beginning to get things right and to ask God to set our hearts right so we no longer hold on to grudges that eventually weigh us down (and if you’re an emotional eater like me– it starts to show!).

So I’m extra thankful to God because He has given me a chance to unload my suitcase, albeit painfully, at the beginning of the year and make room for the new memories that are to come.

You see, the great thing about God is the fact that while He closes doors, He is also the God who opens doors and really, at this point, I am more excited about walking through those doors than constantly asking God why He closed the others.

His ways are above my own and why, that is just truly something to rejoice about!

Can’t wait for your wonderful 2013 to start as well!!! So what else are you waiting for? Happy unloading!