It all started in the park when we were toddlers, the prettiest girl got to wear the crown while the other girls became her maiden.

The boys had no problems at all. They were all cops or soldiers and they managed to play together without thinking of who had the prettiest sun dress.

As we got older, the scenarios changed but the essence stayed the same, there could only be one belle and the rest placed second, third, fourth and so on.

Now, I’m not saying that boys don’t compete, THEY DO, but most of the time they don’t stand in the mirror wondering who was the “swaggiest” (had to!). They got into literal competitions like sports, science fairs (my favorite kind) or fist fighting at the back of the gym. They get to decide.

With girls, it isn’t quite as simple. We primp, we starve and purse our lips in attempt to become more beautiful than we are. Because of the latest technology, we also filter and photoshop ourselves into social networking perfection.

I just wonder, however, if the likes we get on our photos or the amount of guys who tell us we’re beautiful via social network actually leaves us prettier or does it make us more pressured to be beautiful in every single picture? Never mind the fact that we don’t actually look that way all the time (if anyone has invented a life size instagram frame, let me know).

Personally and I could be faulted for this,I don’t really spend that much time in front of the mirror and in no way am I condemning those charming girls who do because I actually admire them for wanting to look their best all the time, but that’s not me.

I don’t like to shop. I couldn’t tell the difference between a blush and eye shadow and I really couldn’t care less if I’m wearing the latest trends.

Which is safe to say, leaves a lot of room for that ugly head called insecurity to bounce up and down occasionally.

It could just be me, but with today’s technology and today’s style shops readily available, everyone has the chance to look like a supermodel in an instant and it makes me squirm.

For one thing with my height, I don’t think I was ever born to be a walking stick. I was born to have depth (or at least that’s what I tell myself) and no matter how much I starve myself, I will never be petite or chinita or *insert every single Filipino guy’s type here*. I’d like to think that in the looks department, I was meant to be average.

And you know, I used to HATE IT. I’ve always carried this Hilary Duff moviesque philosophy that it’s the inside and the wisdom you have inside that counts. That my average looks could be made up by studying hard and working really hard, also it guarantees an independent life just in case nobody looks beyond the average.

Kidding aside, I have always believed in the good of people and I have always believed that people are mature enough to look beyond the pretzel like poses on instagram or the fashionista photos on facebook.

However, it’s not easy. In a visual world, the inside often gets lost in a whirlwind of photoshopped models, diet plans and people who are (pressuring?) you to drop the weight because there’s no other way to live.

While I get the healthy part, I don’t get why everyone thinks that being healthy meant looking like a Victoria’s Secret Angel.

I also don’t understand why girls pressure themselves to look like Elaine Alden when guys don’t even think twice about looking like Landry Fields.

We double standard ourselves. And while it’s a great think to want to be healthy for the sake of good health, I don’t quite understand the point of starving, throwing up and taking dangerous pills just to be accepted.

Being rejected hurts, tell me about it and being told you are too fat to be dated by anyone crushes the spirit.

However, is this the reason why we are doing the things we are doing? To please others? if one didn’t want you for who you are in the first place, why change the entirety of who you are for that person?

Constantly changing or wanting to change for another person is just setting yourself up for a life of hurt that just gets pushed away but never truly healed.

At the end of the day, insecurity roots from the fear of not being loved and not being enough.

We constantly seek for solutions on the outside: boyfriends, girl friends, shopping trips, the latest handbags, gadgets etc to fill the void. However, they never truly heal us, they are like the pretty band aids we used when we were younger, temporarily they cover up the hurt but if not taken care of, the wound seeps and stinks.

We all want to be assured that we are loved.

And you know, we are. ( John 3:16).

On most days, it is easy for me to believe that God loves me and that His love is more than enough. But when your heart is broken and aching, it’s quite hard to believe a love that is so far away.

Well you should know, that God’s love is not something that is just written in the pages of your Bible, it is the love that is meant to change your life. His love comes with benefits and most importantly, His love is the love that truly heals our brokenness. His love bandages, heals and His love restores us to the people that He has meant us to be.

Getting rid of insecurity first begins with accepting and believing the fact that God loves us beyond reason and that with this love comes the assurance that God has us where He wants us to be. Insecurity often roots also from the sense that what we have isn’t enough. Whenever we think this way, it also means that we are not content with what God knows is best for us (taken from the book Unstuff, Di Marcos).

If we truly free ourselves from wanting what may not be for us, we are freed from the pressure of being someone we’re not.

And also, by trusting and surrendering everything to God, we relinquish the control and control, though sometimes extremely tempting is actually very tiring, so once control is relinquished we feel secured in knowing that someone smarter than us is taking care of us and we don’t have to carry the weight alone.

It’s like falling asleep on a comfortable pillow, knowing that as we sleep, all our cares are taken care of and we don’t have to worry, we are where we’re supposed to be at this given moment.

And just in case you feel like you are not enough, know this, God, even before you were born, has already arranged everything in your life including relationships.

Often relationships become a source of worry because often the ones we choose to love don’t love us and that leaves us wondering what’s wrong with us. It may seem like a cliche but believe me when I say that God has already planned all the relationships in your life.

Some relationships are just meant to teach us a thing or two about ourselves, and not meant to be with us for a lifetime. It is a sad reality, but the sooner we accept it, the greater the chances of letting go of hurt and false expectations.

Also, you wouldn’t want a relationship that God has not willed for you, because those relationships will always feel like a struggle whereas a relationship with God will always feel easy simply because it was meant for you.

Simply rest in knowing that God, your Father has planned good things for you and also, He knows how to get you to where He wants you to be in time and the good thing is, you don’t have to be anyone else but who you are.

One day, someone will look at you, the real, unfiltered you and tell you, “You were the one I prayed for, no more, no less,” and you will be glad that you did not transform into someone you were not created to be.

It may hurt now, but believe that you are closer to the one day that you are praying for. You are loved for being you. So celebrate that.

Also, once you fall in love with Jesus, you will fall comfortably in the truth that His love is enough to assure you that you are enough as you are.

And one day, God will send the right people who love you even if you are not a size 0 because no matter what you believe, God does not want you to be alone on an island. He wants your life to be filled with relationships ordained by Him.

As I end this, I part with these words: you are beautiful and with this video by Jonno Rushbrook:

So go ahead and sprinkle the world with your beauty.

Stop hiding behind the facade of wanting to be someone else and stop believing the lie that you have to be someone else in order to be loved, because to begin with if God wanted you to be that someone else, He would have easily done so.

So accept who you are and revel in that as Morrie Schwartz said.

PS: Anyone who tells you that you need to drop a few pounds, dress like a certain person or be chinita to be loved, drop that person immediately– you don’t have to change, as if i haven’t said it enough but i’m saying it again: YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL THE WAY YOU ARE.

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

“Be still and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

Ideals.


We all have it, no matter how many times we try to deny it.

This is the reason why we can relate to the rise of expectations vs. reality memes. And even if we don’t verbalize them, we all have created ideals for the perfect jobs, perfect family and the perfect partner in our heads.

This could also be the reason why we often feel rejected.

Now, I’m not downplaying rejection. It is a very real thing. But most of the time, the reason we are or feel rejected is because we created this perfect picture in our head and often, it doesn’t leave room for little surprises in life. When things don’t turn out the way we want them to, we always look at where it went wrong, instead of looking at the million things that went right.

Rejection is real and rejection hurts and often this hurt turns into the person or the company or the friend who did the rejecting.

Wanting to get even or at least wanting to prove ourselves becomes a sordid reality in our lives.

And when we operate out of this system of bitterness, we only envelope ourselves in a dark cloud of anger and we know that nothing good can ever come out of it.

And if we don’t face rejection head on, it eventually oozes out into the other parts of our lives. A simple “no” from a good friend due to a good reason becomes a big deal because we are still feeling vulnerable from a rejection totally unrelated to your friend.

Truth is and this is something that is difficult to wrap our heads around but is very true in our lives, rejection does not mean you are not good enough.


You are good enough. You are more than enough actually.


The reality is, we are all created for a purpose and the paths of purpose in our lives are tied with specific people and events. And believe me when I say that sometimes, the rejection that tore you apart is actually what you needed to get you to the right direction. The rejection that broke your heart was what you needed to wake up and change something in your life.

We always run away from the word rejection. We always fear it, when in fact we should embrace it.

Yes, it hurts and yes it does make me question my self-worth as well and it makes me want to kick the person in charge of the rejecting– but what good would pain be if we don’t learn from it?

We can’t force a person to love us (I tried but Nathan Scott still hasn’t returned my calls). We can’t force our way into a promotion. We can’t make people like us by liking all their statuses on Facebook, commenting on their blogs or just by simply being nice.

There’s a reason why things are the way they are and the only actions we’re responsible for is our own. So yes, we give it our all, we become nice, we blog, we comment, we give it our best shot, we pray and yet still, all we face is a dead end all marked with the R word.

We feel wounded because nobody wants to feel like they’re not good enough.

Rejection is real so it must be good for something.

Maybe it’s time for you to break all your previous ideals about what rejection is and see it for what it could be.

Maybe the job you wanted so badly wasn’t given to you because you were meant for greater things or an entirely different career path.

Maybe the boy who seemed perfect and who seemed like the one you have been praying for since you were eleven is just really not that into you because God has someone else in mind, someone unlike your perfect fifth grader crush, but this someone is the one who could make you feel the happiest, the one meant for you.

And maybe that rejection from your fifth grader crush was truly what you needed to finally get out of the box that you’ve set for yourself. That maybe, just maybe, Prince Charming was not clean cut, that maybe he was someone entirely opposite of Freddie Prinze Jr.

Or maybe that rejection as cheesy as it may sound made you so hurt that you wanted to turn your life upside down and that change was what you needed to get you to where God wants you to be — a life far greater than anything that you have ever imagined.

A tweet by one famous pastor on twitter (forgive my poor memory) said that without obstacles, victory will be irrelevant and i believe in this with all my heart.

I believe that without those crummy crying in the dark moments, we will not appreciate the sunshine in our lives. If all of our days were the same, if all of our days felt like a walk in Central Park then would we truly appreciate the miracles in our lives or simply take them for granted?

Your guess is as good as mine.

The truth is, it’s so easy to get mad at the person who thought we were not good enough and lose our weight into their hearts, but truth is, they probably rejected you not because they wanted to spite you, but maybe because they did  that simply because they were not meant to be a part of your life. That maybe if they had a role in your life it will not be as good as the one in your head, and may even cause greater pain.

Just be thankful that God saved you from an even greater heartache.

And the most difficult part is wishing them well or actually being happy for them when they find the happiness in another person that we wished to share with them.

Truth is, the perfect job and the perfect person is out there and probably rejecting someone else at the moment, their loss is your gain the same way your loss is someone else’s gain, so even though it ridiculously hurts at the moment, here’s my advice (something I am trying to do myself) let it go. 


It will all fall into place soon and one day you will understand that the chaos was meant for something.


You’re perfect the way you are and no, nobody can take the away from you unless you let them to.


So next time you come across rejection, remember that every rejection is a step closer to that “yes” that your heart desires.

While you’re at it, use the pain to make you stronger and make you even more beautiful than you already are. There is confidence in facing something horrible and coming out of it bruised, but still okay.

You’re well on your way.

I really wish I was the one who wrote this, but I didn’t so I give credit to this bold young lady for saying the things that which most of us are afraid to say, or too busy to even think about.

Read the full article here: http://www.rappler.com/move-ph/8944-letter-to-the-president

In my opinion, Mr President, the fundamental problem with our educational system is quality, not quantity. It’s not how many years our nation’s children stay in school, but the absence of the motivation to simply attend school because of less than satisfactory conditions.

I’m not saying that Filipinos are lazy. Filipinos are intelligent, creative, and capable. We work 12-hour shifts on empty stomachs, brave the sweltering heat to earn a little extra cash, and manage to leave the country and our families just to make sure that all our children are fed. The last thing we are is lazy.

I’m saying that Filipinos want to go to school, but that our nation is discouraging rather than cultivating this mentality. With dropout rates over 50%, it is obvious that there is a dire lack of incentives for the poorest families to continue sending their children to class every day. Somewhere along the line, people stop believing that an education makes a difference.

“I’ve decided that there’s nothing better left to do than go ahead and have a good time and make the most we can out of life. That’s it– eat, drink, and make the most of your job. It’s God’s gift.”
                                                        – Ecclesiastes 3:12-13 (MSG)
” I’ve also concluded that whatever God does, that’s the way it’s going to be, always. No addition, no subtraction. God’s done it and that’s it. That’s so we’ll quit asking questions and simply worship in holy fear.”
                                                        – Ecclesiastes 3:14 (MSG)

My heart, for some weird reason, is brimming.

And it could be the tremendous amounts of coffee I had today or endorphin or whatever but I can’t complain because despite the circumstances surrounding me, I remain still because I know that whatever it is that is going on externally, I know God’s peace and plan is superior to all of it.

And what makes it even funnier is the fact that this is all strangely new to me.

You see I relish in taking control of things: where my life is going, who i’m going to spend it with and all the dates are marked off in my calendar highlighted in several shades. Being in control meant that everything was perfect and being in control meant that I don’t get hurt. I was perfect and I get to keep the perfect relationships in my life.

I also didn’t realize that while I was yes in fact not getting hurt, my heart was also not alive.

I believe that each and everyone of us has that part of wanting to be in control so that we know  exactly what to prepare for and what to avoid. I was so pressured by the time table that I have created for myself and the ideals that I’ve set in my heart that I no longer enjoyed life. Life was becoming a drag because it wasn’t anything like what I expected it to be in my head.

That was when I realized that maybe life isn’t perfect. Of course, I knew this, but I thought that I could navigate my way through it — turns out, I couldn’t.

Life is messy– but that’s what makes it beautiful.

And i’m not saying that in a cliche way like they do at the end of Dawson’s Creek or Grey’s Anatomy, I’m simply stating  a fact I have learned (the hard way?) through time.

I guess, I was living my life taking minimal risks that yielded very minimal results. Simply because I had envisioned a certain kind of life, I was no longer open to other opportunities, I was missing out on so much just because I had an ideal.

I guess what Bo Sanchez said was true, that yes, we do have dreams and we fight for our dreams everyday, but we must be open to two things: God’s timing and God’s better plan.

You see, the main reason we love control so much is because we don’t trust. I believe that most of our control issues sprout from deeply rooted trust issues. And sometimes, our trust issues is carried on in our relationship with God.

For the most part of this year, I have struggled with God in the definition of His best and everyday, it was a battle. A battle that was difficult to wrestle with simply because I was missing the mark.

I needed to have a good opinion of God while trusting Him with the outcome of my life. I may not know all the details of my  future but God has promised so many times in the Bible that His plans for me are good and yet, on a daily basis, I wrestled with what he meant by “good”. I always thought that just because I prayed for it or wished it into being, it would happen.

I didn’t understand that what may seem like a good thing may actually tremendously hurt me in the long run. I’ve held on to ideals and daydreams instead of surrendering them to God and letting things be.

It was like I was on a treadmill, running profusely without actually having a destination. I was strapped in my own cage, without even realizing that the cage was not locked anyway.

Yes, I do have big dreams and I know that my God makes dreams come true everyday, but that doesn’t mean that all of my dreams would come true– some of my dreams are futile, but God’s dreams for me are not.

So lately, I have come to rest in that goodness, and I know i’ve said it before, but it is quite a different thing when you live it everyday. There’s that certain kind of peace in the morning when you know that whatever happens in the day, God is in control and He will never harm us in any possible way and He wouldn’t break our heart without the intention of putting it back together, making it work better than it ever did before (and most of the things that break our hearts was out of our own choices, not what God has intended).

I guess, the reason we try to control things is because we don’t want to get hurt.

But what is the big deal about getting hurt anyway? What’s the big deal about crying a few tears?

From what I’ve experienced, all those nights of crying and tearing my journals were actually meant for something– they actually made me draw closer to God because truly He is the only one who can make sense out of the mess that is my life.

And no, I’m not saying that you should go out and YOLO every chance you get, but what I’m saying is, if you love control just like I do then most likely you’re afraid to take risks, truth is, most of the big things God has for us starts with a step (remember Peter on water– yep, me too!) and requires a great risk on  our part.

As an example, loving people involves taking risks. A person could be perfect and yet still hurt us. That’s just the way it is, but do we give up on experiencing something beautiful just because we might get hurt at the end of the day?

I dare say that losing control and letting ourselves enjoy the moment — whatever that moment may entail is a true act of bravery. That not knowing what happens next, yet still praising God all throughout the experience is courage and being happy despite an unexpected outcome is joy that cannot be taken.

So, I dare you to take more risks today, wherever part of the world you are in– welcome a new friend, take a different route to work, order something different from McDonald’s, love someone wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return and pray boldly, bolder than you have ever had before and simply put your heart in God’s hand knowing that your Maker knows exactly what to with it and ultimately, your life as well.

Take that step. It’s worth.

“God laughs at the odds. No matter how big the dream, how huge the request, how lofty the hope or even how statistically impossible the task, He can do it and infinitely, immeasurably more. May God be seen for how great He really is!”
    
                                                                    – Ephesians 3:20 

I am turning 24 in four days.

And somehow, I still can’t wrap around my head around it.

My mind travels back to the time when I was eleven (where you can still find me on most days) and I realize that when I was eleven, the oldest age that I could see myself as was sixteen. Anything beyond that age was quite impossible for my young self to imagine, and here I am, days away from it.

It feels like it has been forever since I’ve been eleven and yet another part of me wonders when and how the last thirteen years passed by so quickly.

My eleven year old self had high expectation of her older self– she expected her to be self actualized, popular and oozing with confidence (don’t blame her, she watched way too many chick flicks growing up).

I could only laugh at how irrational my eleven year old self was.

But I also can’t help but shake my head because even to this day, I have carried some of my younger’s self illusion (delusion?) seriously.

That sometimes, at the core of my disappointment was my somber eleven year old self demanding me to do better in life– a better job, better friends and so on. She had many demands and I always felt like I let her down simply because the life I’m living right now is nothing compared to the one she dreamed of when she was in fifth grade Math class.

These were some of the thoughts (too early for a quarter life crisis?) that crossed my mind earlier as the days to my 24th neared. I looked back at how I imagined my life to be and how it really is and I couldn’t believe how extremely blessed I am to be where I am and not where I wanted to be.

And here’s a few reasons why:

1)  You Don’t Change For Your Friends, Your Friends Love You For Who You Are


     – I’ve always thought that in order to keep friendships you have to do it right all the time. That means saying yes and doing what you are told. I never realized that real friends never judge and they love you no matter how many times you mess up. I only dreamed of friendships as such, but God has been faithful in answering a lifelong prayer– but in a different way. I am blessed to have a good group of people around me who are extremely different from each other and are not from the same environment. God truly knows the relationships we need and knows when to bring them to our lives.
       And also, I have come to realize that one can share an opinion or even say (gasp!) no without ruining the friendship, that real friends agree to disagree without making a big deal out of it.


2) The only “rigid” timetable you adhere to is your own


     – I was quite (still am) a bit idealistic. I always thought that when I reach a certain age, I would have ‘everything’ figured out (everything is still undefined). So that meant I had to be busy all the time, but then these days I have come to relish the days when I am not busy to the core. There is no timetable, especially one that I crafted without any wisdom at all, to strictly follow. The only timetable that matters is the one God designed for me– so there is no use for me to keep trying to make things happen outside of God’s timing. It has also made me understand that being busy wasn’t the key– but the key was doing the things that God has called me to do. I no longer needed to be Miss Do It All Myself. I simply had to surrender my activities to God and let the rest take shape, in His time.


3) No Family is Perfect
      – Safe to say, my dear eleven year old self, that your family will never become perfect just like The Wakefields, but guess what, something even better happens– you learn to love them in spite of it. You learn to love their quirks, their strengths and appreciate them for who they are and not who you imagine them to be. That by loving and accepting your family for who they are, you are slowly learning how to love without expecting anything in return. That it is in loving your family that you learn how truly wonderful grace is.


4) Your career doesn’t have to be a struggle


     – I am not saying that you wouldn’t have to work extra hard, what I’m saying is, when you are doing what God has called you do to do you just know. There is no forcing your way through it. It’s that peace in your spirit that knows that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.


5) People and Seasons
   
     – Ever since watching Now and Then, I know you’ve had a fascination with friendships that last forever and you have been blessed with such, but at the same time you have to understand that life is constantly moving and people will move on and grow. It’s okay, some people are only meant to be in your life for awhile, don’t run after them, but simply relish what you had and wish them well.

6) Love doesn’t lie, cheat, hurt, demand or steal. 

    – Thanks to years of watching Dawson’s Creek, I once had a deluded idea that “love” had to be dramatic when in truth, love is everything but dramatic. As we’ve read in our favorite verse in 1 Corinthians 13, love aims to give and serve, not to get and destroy, so just in case you come across a few who treat you that way, leave immediately.


7) You Don’t To Be The Same To Like Each Other


   – Nothing spells boring as a homogeneous group (yes, i’m talking to you Regina George). Accept people for who they are and never think that just because they’re different from you you won’t get along. There are so many surprises that you will encounter when you learn to embrace someone you thought you’d never get along with.


8) Prince Charming Doesn’t Come in a Box  


     – Now, wouldn’t it be great if Disney sold those Princes that they love to sell so much in a box and with a little pixie dust, viola, you’ve got yourself a Prince. Don’t we all wish that it was that easy? Well it isn’t because in the first place, God’s story is better than anything Disney has drummed up and also, what might be perfect for another may not necessarily be perfect for you. So again, it’s all about trusting in God’s timing and knowing that whoever He has destined for you is way better than anyone you have ever dreamed of.

     Yes, you are still single at 24 but no, you haven’t started collecting cats yet (although in moments of sheer depression you have thought of it)  but you know that as you continually trust God in this are, you don’t have to worry.


9)  Perfection is Boring


      – I’ve said it before you don’t have to be perfect and I owe this to my good friend, Tracy. It’s okay to ‘chill’ and relax in your mistakes– because even in the ugliest mistakes, there is always something to learn and there is always room to grow into the person God has made you to be. That being rough around the edges makes you even more beautiful.


10) It’s not about what I did, it’s all about what He did for me


    – As Joseph Prince put it, it’s not about what we ‘do, do, do’ but all about what Jesus has ‘done, done, don'”. As you learn to rest in the goodness of Jesus, you will understand that once you are secure in who you are in Him, you will find it easier to do everything else, only by His grace, of course.


So yes, I may not be a size zero or driving around in a convertible, I may not be dating the coolest guy in the world and I may not be running a magazine (or on the cover of it) and I know that somehow, I failed my eleven year old self, but really what does she know anyway?


I only wish that my eleven year old knew what I know now, that truly the only life worth living is the one God has planned for me from the beginning and yes it may not include fame or Lance Bass, but I dare say that it still is the best life for me– at this given time, and I will celebrate where I am because I know that I’m exactly where God wants me to be and I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.


I’m quite astonished by the fact that I can and will celebrate my life despite the fact that most of the things I have dreamed of is not yet realized — life is a journey, God is refining me, but until then, I rest in His goodness and I thank Him for His love for me.

Because truly, without Him, life will not make sense at all.


And that is good enough reason to bring out balloons and dance a little, okay, maybe a lot.

When I was in pre-school I was overly confident.

I realized that nobody wanted to be friends with a busybody and a bossy little miss know it all.

But then that little girl was persistent.

So safe to say that up until a few years ago, I annoyed a bunch of people unintentionally.

And that makes me wearisome (I was driving at a point really, not just randomly blabbing) of people because simply put I have been hurt by a few (and I admit, I have hurt some as well).

Which is why this is the reason why it takes awhile for me to truly trust someone.

I am quite wary of trusting and often fear being rejected so I put on an extremely thick armor and try to run away as fast as I can.

My initial response is to take flight — out of fear that I would once again be hurt, or worse– rejected.

Which is why I’m asking for patience.

I do open up, but just like a child during the first day of school, it would take awhile for me to let go of my security blanket and leave the corner, but I’ll get there.

In time. In God’s time. 🙂

From SheHasWorth.Com definitely a blog worth visiting! <3

“yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior.” –    Habakkuk 3:18

“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face.” – Job 13:15

Importance.


Most of us hide behind the premise that we are “humble” and therefore couldn’t care less about power or importance, but most of the time we jack up our resumes and our credentials in order to be deemed important, or better than others.

We don’t do this because we wish to hurt other people, but in the world we’re living in, the number of degrees we hold, the money we have in the bank, the bag we carry, the parties we go to and our position at work says a lot about who we are, so since we want to be liked, we get lost in this game.

It may seem like a painful, unspoken reality, but the way we are treated by others is based on how much we earn and what we can do for them.

It is a tainted reality of the world, one of which that I do not subscribe to, which is why the demise of a part-time job bothered me greatly because to some extent, maybe I really did subscribe to it but had a holier-than-thou attitude about it.


I have not been unhappy in a really long time. I am known for being Little Miss Sunshine who finds a silver lining in every problem so when I couldn’t pick myself up after my self-imposed time to pick myself up, I started to panic.

I sing the songs and write blog entries about it and yet here I am wallowing.


In a way, I felt shameful because I didn’t think that I was allowed to wallow or be sad.

And yet, somehow I know this was some sort of self-imposed rule, that being perfect (as i’ve said a million times) is not a requirement in praising or loving Jesus.

That loving Jesus did not mean that there were no sad times or times of rejection, He said that there will be (John 16:33) but we can rest in the promise that He will be there with us no matter what.

It is inherently easy to shout “amen” when our “fig trees” are in blossom, but it is an entirely different thing when all of our prayers come back with a resounding, majestic “no”.

I like control. I like knowing why God said no to a specific prayer (which is prideful, yes) and I want to know what I can do to fix it. Yes, pridefully, I seek how I can remedy the situation without realizing that I am not the one in control.

When everything falls apart, I blame myself first and then try to find ways to correct a situation. I don’t allow myself to feel bad about the demise of something and instead I try to remedy it.

I don’t really know how to “stand still and let God be God in my life” which is really the lowest of all weaknesses if there ever was one.

But writing this blog entry is sort of like admitting to myself that yes, I am wrong and yes, I don’t have anything figured out but I should trust God enough to know that He will never lead me wrong. Of course, it is harder to say this on days that everything seems so bleak.

But I know that the rain will soon go away and the sun will come out and in His time, everything will fall into place.

In the meantime, I continue to praise Him, in the storm and the sunshine, because whatever happens, God is good and soon enough, His goodness will be enough to change my situation– or at least how I feel about it.

There is an “F” word that I avoid at all costs and no this word is not, in any way, explicit.

It is actually commonly used in the business world or wherever you are on a daily basis. It’s a word most often thrown around without caution wrecking anything that comes its way.

Failure.


A word we often associate quickly with others, but rarely with ourselves.

Maybe just like me you don’t like failure and would rather have nothing to do with it. Failure means what it means, we failed, we didn’t make it, we’re losers.

And in as much as we would like to quote words of wisdom made by famous men deep inside we know that failure is to be detested and avoided at all times.

I used to say that failure is for my good and that failing at something doesn’t make me less of who I am but simply gives me more room to make myself better.

Because just like the Japanese said, if we’re not improving ourselves then what are we doing with our lives (yes, kaizen continues to be a favorite word of mine). However, what the Japanese forgot to tell us is this the aftermath of failure hurts.


It truly is as simple as that. There are no formulas. No explanations.

It just hurts.


And there are days really when we cannot explain why it hurts but it just does.

It could be pride and must definitely be looked into, however, it could also be just sadness because we’ve put our 130 percent into something and it just went kaput in a second.

We don’t understand where we went wrong because just like dominoes the events fell too quickly without us seeing the root of it.

I guess it’s safe to say that in the latest failure of my life there are lessons to be learned, but I dare say that it is okay to sit back and cry.

Most of us try to deny failure and immediately try to work on it without even allowing ourselves to wallow in the aftermath of losing something that meant so much and in the reality that maybe something we love to do is not something that we should be doing on a daily basis.

I truly do not understand God’s plan, but I’ve been here before and God has always showed Himself faithful.

I also know that no matter how much I try to avoid failure, I never truly could avoid it and I shouldn’t even try. Because just like those wise quotes we love tweeting so much say, it does make us better people.


I’d like to think that failure gives us more freedom and in failure, we get a clearer view of who we are, what we want, what works for us and what doesn’t and truly that is all we need to live the lives of success that we all dream of having one day.

All in a day’s work.