“And even worse- when the opportunity arises to actually come clean with the soiled spots of our life history- we instead make believe everything is, and always has been, a series of perfect events. And in doing so, we make ourselves into the very fakers we detest. We convince ourselves that this is what Jesus wants– a wipe clean facade.”

“It is in the rough stuff where we truly become more and more like Christ, because it is amid the lousy where we experience life on a deeper level.”

“Our lives are not shattered pieces. This whole world is a puzzle and each of us fits next to those around us.”

– Mark Steele

Perfection.

It’s a premise we hide behind. Through our social networks, we pretend that we lead the perfect life: we have the perfect job, the perfect set of friends, the perfect family and of course thenperfect boyfriend. We often hide away behind our computers trying to make ourselves appear something that may not be exactly close to home.

And it’s not like I’m promoting for you to broadcast every single detail of your life on the internet but truly the underlying question is this: what drives us to always want to embody perfection?

Today I started reading a hilarious book called Christianish by Mark Steele and in the first two chapters alone, I have compiled a sizable amount of quotes that would take me hours to take me hours to transfer from the book to this entry (yes I still do that :p)

Basically Mr. Steele (not the Anastasia kind :p) challenges us to ask ourselves why we think that being a Christian means we hide away the ugly stuff in our lives. He proposes the question feared by most to voice out, “If something wrong happens to me or if I do something wrong, will I be condemned?”

Yes.

I believe that being a Christian does not give me a free card– in fact by surrendering all of I am to Jesus, I am finding a better version of myself– but only by His grace.

But guiltily, there were times that I kicked the bad stuff under my bed out of the fear that if i wasn’t perfect i had no business saying I loved Jesus.

So it felt like i was living two lives: one that I showed in public and one that anguished away at home.

I didn’t realize that it was okay to cry sometimes and to not know what to do next.

I thought being lost meant i lost faith in Jesus– but in truth by becoming desperately dependent on who God is , i was getting into a more intimate relationship with Him and that was what empowered me to move forward.

Loving Jesus does not equal perfection and does not require it. Loving Jesus simply means coming to Him as we are in complete trust that He will be the one to clean us and love us and our messy, uncoordinated lives.

The truth is, being a Christian is not complicated nor does it require for you to perfect an obedience checklist.

At the end of the day, it really is not about what we did but what Jesus did and settled for you and me.

Also, by sharing our stories (our real stories) we step out and encourage others to do the same and in that we find healing and strength because we are not alone, we’re putting the pieces together. There is unity in our differences.

Our stories connect us to each other and in the relationships we weave, we find the love of Jesus.

So whatever it is that you are hiding behind, please know that God loves you and will never condemn you, He came to save you, not accuse you.

He has no checklist, He just wants you and yes, that includes everything, whether good or bad.

So take His hand and see your freed life unfold.

He only has good plans for you. 🙂

It has been said that often we hurt the ones we love the most because we get overly familiar with them and unfortunately, I have hurt someone I love dearly over the weekend.

My dear friend, Jaiza Cosina, celebrated her 24th birthday last Sunday and the date somehow slipped my mind and I forgot to greet her.

And I feel extremely bad because a) I’m not the kind of person who forgets birthdays and b) I love her like a sister so forgetting it was insensitive.

Jaiza is one of the most remarkable people I know, also one of the toughest. She has gone through so many in her younger years and somehow she has emerged a better person because of it.

She maybe a tough shell to crack but she is truly a softy inside, one who does not fail to encourage me on my bad days and my insane dreams. The tough exterior is simply a defense but she’s one of the best people in my life, once the walls are down — she truly is amazing.

I know a blog entry could never make up for missing your birthday (I’m sorry!!!!) but I hope you know that I truly wish you all the great things life has to offer and that you deserve God’s best in all the areas of your life.

That your birthday may have not been good, but you still have 362 days of amazingly awesome days to look forward to!!

I love you 🙂

“God made everything beautiful in itself and in its time”

                                                                                          – Ecclesiastes 3:11


She would love for it to happen now: the butterflies, the late night talks that travel well into the early morning and of course, the wonderful reassurance of knowing that someone will hold her hand no matter how dark or sunny it is out.


“It’s not a priority,” whispers her head firmly to her heart and her heart that has been hiding in the depths of my soul for so long agrees– still too weak from past bruising to argue.


The heart knows it wasn’t time and in due time, when the stars are right and God says yes, everything else will fall into place.


But the heart wishes to say something to the one God has prepared for her. 


Although she has never seen him, never touched his hand and never shared a conversation with him, she knows his heart as well as she knows her own.


She was familiar to him in so many ways and yet so strange– what did his laughter sound like? What was it like to spend Saturdays with him? Did he love God as much as she did? 


Was he praying for her the way she was praying for him? 


Or was he spending every Saturday night with a different girl, she shudders at the thought– often left wondering if there would be a piece of him left for her when they finally meet in God’s appointed time.


But she knew that no matter what, if they were meant by Him, none of the others would be significant.


Every morning she walks out of the door wondering if that was the day  and sleeps with hope knowing that she was closer to meeting him every time she wakes up.


Her days are lost in a rush– doing the things that she is passionate about and she admits that on most days, she forgets about him or at least tries to, often wondering if he really was out there or he was a dream that would never be realized. On days as such, she clings tighter to the promise of God.


Her common sense tells her that she is not yet ready and that if she met him now, everything will unravel simply because the time is not yet appointed for them, there are a lot of adventures to go to, a lot of stories to write and a whole lot of self to build.

She is not yet completely whole and she knew that she doesn’t have much to offer him yet


She needs to be completely sold out to the Lover of her Soul and that was the best that she could offer him. She was not a beauty queen or one of those models that surround him, but she trusted God knowing that whatever He has planned from the beginning will come to pass in His time.


That God did not need her foolish schemes. That when it came to the matters of the heart, God did not need to be told what to do. He just needs her to trust completely in His timing and in due time, she will see how He has arranged everything from beginning to end.


She couldn’t help but rest in the promise that even before they were born– their story was already written.


It maybe taking awhile, but she knows they’ll get there in time and for now, the best that she could do is pray and rest in the love that has been graciously given to her.


And soon, she’ll turn a corner and the dominoes will fall into place one by one.


Until then…her heart rests, waiting expectantly.

I am not confident — at all.

Check out Dea’s Cool Adventures: Deadaily.tumblr.com

Dea was Carl’s classmate in high school and I (act, pretend) to be her older sister, but most of the time, she is the wise one who gives me words of encouragement.

“No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead.”
– Philippians 3:13

Admit it.

There are days when you are doing particularly nothing that requires concentration and you suddenly remember something you did during your younger years and you stop whatever it is that you are doing and shout a defeated, “nooooo!!” because you know that no matter how loud you shout what’s done is done and can no longer be changed and so it sticks with you forever.


I don’t know particularly what it is about today, but I’ve had several flashbacks about the decisions i’ve made when I was younger and how foolish I was to devote my time on things (and people) who could never truly satisfy me or my life.


When I was younger, I often said that I was surrendering all to God without doing anything to actually make it real in my life so the consequences were a lot of tears, sticky situations and foolish choices that simply make me want to run and hide.


As I gaze back in the past seven years of my life, I could only do two things a) shake my head at how utterly selfish I have been and b) thank God profusely for taking me out a life of denial and hope in things that made me look desperate.

God is soo good.


I understand that that statement has been turned into a cliche, however, at the core of it, that is all I can say. Because God loved me and had a plan for me even before I even thought of giving everything to Him, that even when I was set in my foolish ways, He was patient enough to wait for me to get out of the hole that I have created for myself and seek His love, a love that goes beyond anything that I could ever imagine.


In the past seven years, God has been continually faithful through my tears and during moments when I thought that I’ve reached the dead end and there was nothing left to hope for, God showed me that as long as my self-worth is founded in Him, I will never lack hope– which I believe is truly the only reason why we wake up each day.


I must admit that before, I have often placed my worth in the guy I was dating, my job, my grades and my friends.


There is such freedom in knowing that those areas of my life: friendships, relationships, my job do not define me and is not dependent on me. I cannot make something stay in my life if God did not will it to be in my life in the first place.


Because of this truth, I have become freer in the sense that I no longer constantly seek the approval of people in order to enjoy my life. I have been trapped by that stigma for so long.


And of course, this realization does not really erase my past, but it does say one thing about it: God’s grace covers it all.


That yes, I have done so many things in my past that I am ashamed of, but then again why should I hide in my shame?

My past only shows that no matter what i’ve done or how badly I have treated people because I was also broken inside, God has redeemed me from all of that and has chosen to love me despite all of my hidden shame.


His grace and His love was more than enough for me and without it, I would still be a walking mess.


So yes, I do have a past but thank God through Jesus, it is all washed by the blood.


Now that’s what I call “a brand new beginning” 🙂

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men,”
– Colossians 3:23

I remember in high school when we were asked what we wanted to do after college, I was one of the first few who was quick to say, “I want to become a teacher.” 


Of course in high school, I never had an inkling of what it truly entailed to become a teacher and only brought with me this (detailed in my pink journal), I want to teach because I want kids to feel special and never to feel rejected.


Okay, it was definitely a child’s dream but still I believed that I would be able to do just that and make each kid (at least each of my own) would feel special. So two years into my corporate job, I quit and decided to embark upon my lifelong dream: teaching.

It has been two years since then and I am truly grateful at how God has fulfilled my childhood dream because apart from becoming an educational therapist (a job I love to the core), as of today, I am also a pre school teacher!


Which is both exciting and scary. The rush of emotions I felt today as I laid the final touches of my classroom (with a lot and I do mean a lot of help, I am still the girl who cannot, for the life of me cut a straight line!) were insane.


I was fearful, excited and just amazed at how God has worked in my life and yes, it may have taken a different route than what I have expected but I truly would not have it any other way because the route was yes, challenging, but it was in that route that I truly knew how to trust (still learning) in God and God alone.

So here’s a toast to new beginnings! Can’t wait to share my brand new adventures with a blog that has been with me through it all *tear*. 🙂

PS: Don’t worry, God is working on your dream too.

Today it rained like crazy in the Metro. 


As usual, there was crazy flood everywhere and people were just scrambling to get out of the rain.

Just like that summer has decided to leave and the rainy season decided to descend today, leaving everyone else surprised.

It may be because of the bad weather, but today I felt a little blah.

It was truly a lot of things all rolled up into one but basically there are some days when one feels not worthy enough to even be on the planet. It’s just one of those days and sometimes the hole gets deeper as one feels all kinds of self-pitying thoughts.

Shamefully, I let the thoughts consume me the same way the raindrops fell on the pavement.

I thought I was going to sleep with a heavy heart and once again, God intervened and answered my semi prayer of “I want to give up. Send help.”

And help came in the form of a good friend who said that yes, there are difficult days but all it takes is resting and leaving it all in the hands of a God who sees and controls it all.

And it also came through this video, that eventhough I may not have all the answers to all of my problems, but at least I have the peace in knowing that God has a mission perfectly crafted for me.

And the like the geek that I am, I found tears in my eyes because I was reminded that yes, I may not look like a supermodel, but God made me look the way I am for a purpose, that if He wanted me to look like someone else (Miranda Kerr anyone?), He would have but I know deep in my heart that that wouldn’t have pursued the purpose of my life.

But He didn’t. And even on days that my insecurities threaten to eat me up and destroy me, I remember and whisper Psalm 139, reminding myself that this is the way God made me to be and I might as well trust my Creator who knows what truly is best for me.

So to Jonno Rushbrook, even though you may not know me, I am thankful that you took the time to make this video.

It truly did make a difference.

(Video via SheHasWorth.Com)

                                                 – Matthew 6:8 (MSG)


Ahh,


I am Little Miss Know It All and me admitting it could be the first step to total freedom.

Eversince I was a pesky seven year old, I always knew that my way was the best way and everything else was simply not good enough because I was not the one who worked on it.


So imagine the difficulties I faced (still face) on a daily basis because I know I have to give everything to God and trust that His plans for me are for the good.


I have probably written about this a million times and yet I still struggle with it everyday (Thank you Lord for grace!) simply because I am an idealistic dreamer.


Up until a few days ago, I have always thought that I will have a perfect life (most especially in specific areas of my life) and disliked the idea of anything else than what I have imagined take place.


But then I realized that someone knows my heart more than I do — my maker.


My ideals for the past 23 years may have not been based on what God has for me simply because I may have molded my heart based on the truths of the world but not His truth.


And on days when all my choices have fallen apart I have come to realize that there is a reason why Jesus is asking me to surrender it to Him.


On my own, I am messy and often act out of my emotions without seeing the big picture. Giving all the pieces to Jesus enables me to rest while He works the details out.


I truly do not know God’s plans for me and I really don’t know where I’m going next, but my confidence relies on God who sees everything from beginning to the end.


And I know soon enough I’ll be living my God given dreams instead of my own selfish dreams and on that day, I’ll be glad that God allowed me to surrender it all to Him.


Part of surrendering to God is knowing that His plans may never be aligned with mine, and that scares me and at the same time, frees me because finally it is not up to me and the smallness of who I am, instead everyday I know that there is someone bigger than me, someone who knows exactly what He is doing and I can rely on His greatness and goodness. I know that His love is the only love that I don’t have to second guess because it is the love that gave the best for me even before I knew who He was.

“God is educating you, that is why you must never drop out. He is treating you as children. This trouble isn’t punishment, it’s training.” – Hebrews 12:6

Testing.

Even in school, we never liked it. I remember clearly when I would detest exams and spend hours preparing for it, however when the final bell chimes, the feeling is inexplicable.

Today, I realized it is the same with life although on a much higher arena.

In life, unlike in school, you don’t really know what the test is for but as the verse suggests God is training us for something greater.

Of course the end goal is Heaven, God is training us for eternity, but at the same time, we are also being trained for our purpose here on earth.

If God did not have a grand plan for our lives, He would have zapped us out of earth the moment we accepted Jesus into our lives, but He didn’t.

Instead, we are here on earth for a purpose that God intended for us even before our parents fell in love.

Truth is, God has a plan whether it is clear to us yet or not, and the things we go through, no matter how painful, has a purpose in the grand plan.

These things will not harm us because remember God’s mighty hand of protection is upon us at all times.

It might be gut wrenchingly painful right now, but the end goal, the fulfillment of all of your God given dreams is worth all the temporary pain.

So, if you feel like getting overwhelmed by all the hurdles, cry awhile but believe that the greater the test, the greater the reward.

Don’t give up.

I believe that as you read this there is a voice whispering in your head, telling you to keep going because God has something great planned for you, you may not enjoy the training period but you will definitely enjoy the reward at the end of your race.

Just think about the other side. Your pain and circumstances are temporary, keep going, tomorrow could be the day all of your dreams come true.

And don’t worry, you may not feel God’s hand but He is holding you right now guiding you to your promised land.

I love books. 


I am also especially intrigued by fascinating stories. 


This little blog entry is a little bit of both.


You see in mid 2011, I was intrigued by a specific celebrity’s autobiography, only because it spoke so much about God’s power in His life, however, I decided not to focus too much on him as a person and instead focus on him as God’s servant.


I grew up in a Christian home with Christian grandparents and Christian Values, safe to say that I have been around Christians my entire life. Growing up in a school that mainly focused on PACES, I have come to know great Christians who lived way before my time who gave up their lives for the wonderful cause of Jesus. 


Around the same time, I have been hearing and believing the power of the grace of God. I understand that we are all sinners and that is the reason why Jesus have died for us, however, I often got uncomfortable whenever people, who proclaimed themselves as Christ’s servants often did things the easy way and used the grace card to get away with whatever it is that they did. For a time there was a huge disappointment and sometimes I felt guilty for being overly judgmental. 


So you must believe my skepticism when the news suddenly spoke of a guy who was using his fame to bring glory to Jesus. I was a skeptic but at the same time I was also amazed at how brave he was and so the search for the elusive book began. 


I searched Canada, Singapore (through well meaning friends), and even the biggest bookstores in the Philippines but never found it. It took months for me to search for it and I couldn’t find it, so I went ahead and gave up on the search.


Until one day, out of the blue, the book found me. To some, it may not seem dramatic or even worthy of a blog entry dedicated to it, but i’ve always been a big believer of divine connections, appointments and interventions.


God knew that my eyes needed to be opened and since I am His child and He created me, He knew the best way to get to me– through my immovable belief in serendipity.


More than anything, the book left me challenged.


I never realized that yes grace does exist, but grace is not an excuse for us to live our lives on the average. 


If God wanted us to be average then he wouldn’t have promised His supernatural strength working in us. It just amazed me and at the same time, challenged me. 


What was the life that I was living? 


And I really couldn’t comment as to whether the impact would have been the same if he wasn’t good looking or as popular as he was, however, I believe this is the platform God used for Him and it was working wonders, especially for those who dare to look beyond his baby blue eyes long enough to hear (or in my case read) what his story is about and most importantly who the story was about. 


And I am glad that I found that book because God truly has a plan for everything, because more than anything, I needed a different kind of push and passion in my life and I was beyond glad that God used my most favorite things in life to wake me up and propel my passion into something greater than the petty things I often concern myself with. 


Praise God for continually pursuing us with so much fervor and passion, truly He is more than enough.


He is a good God, an amazing one and I can’t wait for the next step in my journey.