No matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, if something is not meant for you, it’s never going to fall into place.

On the other end of the spectrum, if you will be blessed to have something or someone in your life, no one nor any situation could stop you from having it.

God’s working. God knows what He’s doing; He really doesn’t need my help.

God can change situations in a matter of seconds so you really don’t have to worry about anything because at the end of the day, it’s God’s will that pushes through.

I’ve come to learn, that at this day and age, it’s not about how you look. It’s your aura. It’s how you value yourself. If you love yourself, you will attract people who would love you as well.

Honey, if you don’t love yourself, who will?

***

The Most Beautiful Rainbow

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that
wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You
will have your heart broken probably more than once and
it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so
remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight
with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things
an old one did. You’ll cry because time is pass i ng too fast,
and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too
many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never
been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset
is a minute of happiness, you’ll never get back. Don’t be
afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin.

John Mayer is a personal hero so when I came across this blog entry of his entitled, “From the heart”, I wasn’t surprised.

The content is timely and I think reflects a little part in all of us. If there’s a blog entry that you’d read today, let it be this one. I pasted it just for you.

This is about the girl in her bedroom who poses in front of the camera she’s awkwardly holding in her outstretched hand. She’ll take a hundred photos until coming up with one she’s happy with, which inevitably looks nothing like her, and after she’s done poring over images of herself, will post one on her myspace page and then write something like “I don’t give a f*ck what you think about me.”

This is about the person trying out for American Idol, who while going off about how confident they are that they were born ready to sing in front of the world, are trembling so badly they can hardly breathe.
This is about me, the guy who walks through a throng of photographers into a restaurant like he’s Paul Newman, but who leaves a “reject” pile of clothes in his closet so high that his cleaning lady can’t figure out how one man can step into so many pairs of pants in a week.
This is about a young guy who maintains a celebrity blog that subsists on tearing other people down but who has wrestled with a lifelong battle for acceptance as a gay man.
This is about us all. Every one of us. Who all seem to know deep down that it’s incredibly hard to be alive and interact with the world around us but will try and cover it up at any cost. For as badass and unaffected as we try to come off, we’re all just one sentence away from being brought to the edge of tears, if only it was worded right. And I don’t want to act immune to that anymore. I took the biggest detour from myself over the past year, since I decided that I wasn’t going to care about what people thought about me. I got to the point where I had so much padding on that, sure, I couldn’t feel the negativity, but that’s because I couldn’t feel much of anything. And I think I’m done with that.
I’m not the first person to admit we’re all self conscious, Kanye was. But what I want to do is to shed a little light on why we’re all in the same boat, no matter the shape of the life we lead: because every one of us were told since birth that we were special. We were spoken to by name through a television. We were promised we could be anything that we wanted to be, if only we believed it and then, faster than we saw coming, we were set loose into the world to shake hands with the millions of other people who were told the exact same thing.
And really? Really? It turns out we’re just not all that special, when you break it down. Beautifully unspectacular, actually. And that truth is going to catch up with us whether we want to run from it or not. The paparazzo following me to the gym ain’t gonna be Herb Ritts and the guy he’s following ain’t gonna be Bob Dylan. It’s just a matter of how old you are once you embrace that fact. And for me, 30 sounds about right.
What now, then? I can only really say for myself: Enjoy who I am, the talents and the liabilities. Stop acting careless. In fact, care more. Be vulnerable but stay away from where it hurts. Read. See more shows. Of any kind. Rock shows, art shows, boat shows. Create more art. Wear hoodies to dinner. Carry a notebook and hand it to people when they passionately recommend something and ask them to write it down for me.
Root for others.
Give more and expect the same in return, but over time.
Act nervous when I’m nervous, puzzled when I don’t know what the hell to do, and smile when it all goes my way. And never in any other order than that.
And when it’s all over, whether at the end of this fabulous career or of this life, which I hope takes place at the same time, I should look back and say that I had it good and I made the most of it while I was able. And so should you.

(Connected to the previous entry, so please take the time to read)

Because of that John Mayer entry, I started wearing my heart on my sleeve and realized that my current blog entries are not up to par to what I expected them to be when I put it up five years ago.

I saw the current “apple of my eye” today and I nearly fell over when he smiled. He reminded of this kid I used to like in high school. He’s so different from the “Danny” the guy whose real identity I’d rather keep to myself, he’s bringing back feelings I haven’t felt since high school. You know those crazy little butterflies, but again those butterflies should serve as a warning because Joey Potter said that the butterflies never accompany the right person. But what the heck, I’m keeping my fingers crossed this time.

I’m so damn tired today. I don’t want ever to wear these killer shoes again although they really look pretty on my feet.

I really want OBAMA TO WIN! I read a book written by him and a book about him, they both blew me away. Let’s go Obama!!

Joel Osteen is probably the most influential person in my life right now and I haven’t even met him. But if there’s one gift that I would give to everyone I love, it would definitely be his books. I’m telling you, it can change your life!

I hate mind-games but I guess that’s what makes the trip sweeter. So I’m more open to it now. BRING IT!

I didn’t like my graduation picture taken today. It was INSANE! I hated it but really, what can you do?

I love where I am now primarily because I know that the Lord brought me here.

I miss the Britney-NSYNC era. Those were the days.

I had a laughing fit earlier. I haven’t laughed like that in a really long time. It made me feel good inside, it made tears fall down my face.

it feels damn good!

***
Graduation picture taking tomorrow. It’s a hassle really, especially for those people who are busy with meetings, logos to design and whatnot. Haay.

One good thing: I’m seeing nolan tomorrow and i know i’ll be laughing like crazy once again 🙂

Let’s all be merry. 🙂

I’m too jelted by photoshop to even know what jelted means. Photoshop gods, please be kind! I have to finish two more logos by tomorrow!

How do you exactly describe how I’m feeling this moment?

*Tired but so fulfilled

*Sad but really happy

*Bored but busy

“Danny would always be the realized dream and yet he wasn’t. For the first time since I was fourteen, my heart didn’t do this crazy flip flop thing and my stomach didn’t feel like I just ate a gallon of ice cream to get over heartache. The only thing I felt was, relief.

In an ironic twist of the tale, I really don’t know why I felt relived. I don’t know why I felt this irrepressible need to run and sing “freedom” at the top of my lungs. It was like I finally saw the world without my rose colored glasses and the first idealism that I had to let go of was Danny and me. The thought just made me squirm, I guess the main reason I clung to that idea for as long as I could was because at the back of my mind, I knew that it wasn’t going to happen. My heart didn’t know that it was going to happen. My heart was never at peace with the idea of it. It was never going to be a reality for me and in the oddest sense, I always felt at home in the land of Neverland. But I knew in my heart that the fairy tale had to go, if for the only reason is that my life is unfolding the real fairytale before my eyes. I knew I had to let go of the old to bring in the new. This is what this moment of realization is all about. Letting go of the familiar and grabbing the unknown.”

Truth be told, I’ve been writing fiction since I was ten and this is taken from the most recent one I made. I guess in a lot of ways, it explains what I’ve realized over the holy week and what I’m feeling over the future.

Gad, my high school buddies would be so proud of me but I’ve finally learned to let go of silly idealisms about how things should be and just finally letting things be.

Don’t take it too seriously though, this may be a result of a Dawson’s Creek over dose (I’m a certified freak, I consumed the fifth season in two and half days!) but it may also be a result of something we all know too well: growing up.

In the past few days, I’ve reflected upon my life in the weeks past and how much I’ve reacted to certain situations or how much I didn’t have a reaction for it.

I just let things be. Let things fall into its proper place and I’ve come to a point where I am not as easily attacked by my emotions and my tears don’t freely fall as they used to.

Would you believe that I didn’t cry over the premise of 27 Dresses which has been the premise of my life ever since I was in second grade?

Just like what my short story conveyed, I am finally letting go of the things I used to be. I guess in a way, I’ve always been afraid to accept my faults, I’ve always been afraid to reexamine what was inside because reexamining it would mean parting with it and parting with something, no matter how ugly it is means severing ties with someone I used to be.

But after an argument yesterday with someone dear to me, I realized that maybe it’s the only thing holding me back. That old insecurities must be let go of for it’s the only way that I could truly move on and “fulfill my destiny”. I wasn’t afraid to reexamine myself yesterday (in between Dawson’s Creek and a cheesy tagalog film that they could only show during the Holy Week, I mean really, what is up with Piolo and the long hair? Eww) and try to let go of the bitterness.

I’m not a saint. I haven’t fully let go of it but I’m in the process of it. Which is a great big step for me, I guess the familiarity of it made me blame something when things go wrong. Accepting this fact made me realize how much I’ve grown, that I’m finally being accountable for my actions.

The story above doesn’t just signify an ill-fated teenage crush, but also a lifetime of pining and mapping out my own story instead of allowing the Lord to do it for me. I’ve been immersed in Joshua Harris and the Ludy Couple’s books for as long as I can remember, but until the past few weeks, I never really surrendered my lovelife. I mean come on, what if I get married to someone like Mouth?

But that’s beside the point. Just like my short story, I’m at peace with what didn’t or did happen in the past few days. When you see it from a bigger view, I guess everything’s falling into place, just not the way I expected it too.

But it’s pretty good. In fact, at nineteen, I’m pretty much at peace with who’s in or out of my life, what I have and what I don’t. Those things would come in time and I’m only excited how the Lord would unravel those things.

For the meantime, I’m sticking to making myself better. I’m sticking to giving myself to others instead of just one person. Of making the little things count.

I’ll always be a dreamer, that’s something that’s innate, something in me that you really can’t erase with time. That’s who I am.

But my feet have landed and I confine my daydreaming to the simple ones we all have: marrying a famous actor, receiving an Oscar, you know those things.

Because you know as countless books would say, once you’ve achieved a full life, once you’re at peace with what you have then that’s the time that someone or an opportunity would knock at your door, when you least expect it and at that point in time, I’d just be happy to look back and say, “it’s a good thing I let go of “Danny”.”

Whoever Danny symbolizes in my life.
But then again, that’s a whole different story. Hope your Holy Week was as blessed!

I cannot stress enough how amazing the Lord has been in the past weeks of my life.

All it takes is a little faith.

I giggle over other people’s love stories the same way I cry over the demise of any relationship.

I love looking at pictures of people in love.

I love figuring out my friends’ love stories.

I love giving advice to the lovelorn.

I love the idea of being in love.

I’m a sap: I just hope you can handle it.

I really don’t know why people try to fight it. I really don’t know why people run away from it, God knows I have ran away from it more times that I can count on my two hands.

I don’t know what makes people so afraid of wanting it. So afraid of having it in their lives.

It’s a gift and we refuse to accept it.

We refuse the privilege to be happy just because we’re afraid that in the future, we’d get our hearts broken and they always say that it wasn’t worth it.

But if that feeling is close to what I’m feeling now then for sure I know it’s worth it.

It’s worth it to be smiling over a cheesy song.
It’s worth it to wake up in the morning and have something to look forward to.
It’s worth it to have your prayer answered.
It’s worth it to have something that makes you smile in the middle of a stressful day.
It’s worth it to feel important, to feel special.
It’s worth it to know that in your own little way, you’re making someone’s life a little brighter.
It’s worth it to know that you’re understood.

So, my dear friend, stop running away from it. Don’t run after it.

Just accept it! It’s there for the taking.
What else are you waiting for?