the entire world demands us to know every single detail of our lives on any given day. there is no room for second guessing or being indecisive, in order to move forward and be successful- you just have to know.


however, God operates on an entirely different level. God, although He leads, does not give us the entire story immediately, just like Peter who was moving away from the boat into the water, it takes one step at a time, our eyes solely fixed on Jesus, nobody and nothing else including our circumstances.


much of our walk with Jesus includes trusting Him with blindfolded faith, knowing that as we trust Him, we will never be led somewhere where He cannot see us or save us.


God has His eye and hand on you all the time, simply let go, focus your eyes on Him and watch your best life unfold.

It has been a not so easy week.

I have read somewhere that character is built when you don’t get what you want.

This week, I didn’t get something I wanted really badly but unlike before (thank God) I didn’t spend a second blaming God for it.

Whatever our circumstance God is always good and at the end of the day– He will turn it around for our good.

Also, no matter what happens, emotions should be in check and kindness must override whatever negativity we feel.

In our generation today, we have the tendency to feel entitled, like failure is not an option. I am not saying that it is wrong to want it but I’m saying God blesses us in different ways– in far greater ways than we have ever imagined.

So it may seem like a cliche but it’s always best to walk away from a shut door so we can truly enjoy the other, wider doors God has freely opened for us.

Have a good opinion of God, He only wants what’s best for you.

Trust Him. All is well.

A word I never truly associated myself.

I never just really gave the word much thought simply because I never really understood what it meant or how it affected me.

It was one of those things posted in the halls of my Christian high school but never really thought about or discussed.

Safe to say, and mentioned previously, that I grew up in a legalistic environment where good deeds meant that good things were coming your way and living your life as a Christian meant you never stayed out too late, got drunk, wore short shorts or dated a trillion guys plus some other activity.

Being a Christian meant you stayed within the very fine, minute and rigid rules set out before you, that steering away meant you were bad and therefore your environment was bad. I was also sucked into thinking that whatever people say about me defined who I am.

I never quite understood the principle of being loved simply because God created me. I never understood that my life had a purpose and I was not walking aimlessly in the world trying to find it, I had purpose inside of me and God, everyday no matter how minute would reveal it to me until that work is completed.

It took me years to understand that no matter what I did or didn’t do, all of these things don’t matter unless I get to the cross, that no matter how many verses I memorize or how high I scored on my Values exam, my life will pretty much stay the same– messy and often times unbearable.

When I first learned about the measure of God’s love for me, I was flabergasted. Simply because I have not known that kind of love– in human sense we never could understand the kind of love God has for us. His love for us is not measured about the things we do for Him, but by the things He has done for us through Jesus Christ.

We could never understand why, despite our brokenness, mistakes and failed attempts at “doing good”, we are still loved and most importantly, we have been saved.


I could never, in any way, deserve what Jesus did for me, of how His love for me were represented by the scars on his hands and his feet. That no matter how many times I have failed in the past or how many times I will fail in the future, because I know I will– I am still loved. I am still saved. 


Jesus said, “It is done” on the cross and I believe that everything is done in His name. I may not understand it, maybe I wasn’t meant to, but I know that Jesus thought I was worth it and in return, all i could is praise Him for that.


I could never measure up. My deeds would never be good enough. But that’s the great thing about grace.

But at the same time, Jesus’ love for me is what will transform me.

From broken into beautiful. From a life once lived in sin to a life that is willing to be restored by Him. When we have truly felt and have been deeply touched by the love of our Savior, it is quite impossible to go back to the person we used to be.

That my relationship with Jesus has nothing to do with rules. That it has nothing to do with being perfect but has everything to do with confessing that yes I do mess up, that yes I still cry, yes my life is not exactly the way I want it to be but with Jesus my previous life becomes a testimony of His healing power, my tears are turned into laughter and my life is better than I have dreamed of.

There is no formula. No rulebook. Just a relationship with Jesus.

Start with Him.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast.”
                                                     – Ephesians 2:8-9

today i heard something that girls should never ever hear: “you gained weight” which actually sounds worse in tagalog “ang taba mo”, said in such a way that totally makes you feel like you’re the reason for the country’s problems.

i used to be extremely mad whenever this comment was directed my way, however today, i smiled and walked away although my insides were screaming to grab the nearest chair and hurl it somewhere (to the person, maybe).

suddenly, in the middle of a coffee shop, i wanted to break down and cry, it was also probably because of my monthly visitor, but alas, as a girl i have experienced the pressure of not being good enough and i have probably written about countless times in the five years that i have written here and yet the pressure of not being good enough hits a little close to home.

in reality, God sees us as beautiful and His idea of beautiful is quite different from the way the world looks at it:

“And I want women to get in there with the men in humility before God, not primping before a mirror or chasing the latest fashions, but doing something beautiful for God and becoming beautiful doing it.” (1 Timothy 2:9-10 MSG)

now i’m not saying that it’s wrong to take care of yourself because it is important to feel good about yourself by eating healthy and releasing those endorphins, but what’s wrong is being extremely obessesed with it that you don’t get to enjoy other things in life because all you want to do is be stick thin because you think this is the only way to be loved.

truth is, being in love with Jesus makes everything around us, including us, beautiful and those who judge us based on our waistline shouldn’t really be a part of our lives. we should love them– yes, since breeding hate is unhealthy in so many ways, but that doesn’t mean we allow them to constantly dump their garbage on us until we feel so little about ourselves by believing their lies.

instead, we should learn to love and value ourselves. Jesus Christ came to save you and that means saving you from your insecurities. that although you are not perfect– you are loved and you are good enough. this is the truth about you– whatever it is that you have done, whatever it is that you look like– you are beautiful and your looks will not determine where you will go in life, instead God made you look the way you do for a purpose and one day God will let you see the purpose behind it.

so relish in who you are and watch things change for the better.

you are beautiful girl!

“The pursuit of excellence is gratifying and healthy. The pursuit of perfection is frustrating, neurotic and a terrible waste of time.”


– Edwin Bliss

I remember clearly, it was the summer after freshman year of high school and I was happily doodling in my moon journal a short ten years ago and I promised myself one thing, “I was going to be perfect.”

I was going to have the perfect body (ya, thirteen year old self, good luck on that), perfect group of friends (channeling Cher) and perfect grades.

From that moment on, I pushed myself to be the “best” that I could be which included spending ridiculous amounts of time on things that didn’t really matter. Being the perfectionist that I was, I didn’t really take the time to work on relationships or projects if they didn’t seem perfect the first time around.

I would skip workout routines and instead starve myself (especially in college) to get quick results. Perfectionism demanded things to be perfect right here and now and there was no such thing as delayed gratification. I have to be perfect today — not a minute early, or a minute too late.

Soon enough, I was dreaming of switching from one job to another, thinking that I was defeated because I could never have things just magically fall into place. I could hardly say no to people or bosses or my parents simply because I didn’t want to fall short of being perfect. I just wanted to control everything and broke down whenever things didn’t go my way.

All of these things going against the gift of grace from Jesus, also at the same time, it was making everyday barely bearable because I felt like I always needed to look perfect, speak perfectly and be close to a size zero. Potential mates were instantly shoved out of the door simply because they were nothing like Jake Ryan.

But thank God, all things, including my neurotic need to be perfect.

Coming across this book at work just opened my eyes and made me say “yes” to every single item about perfectionists, including the perfectionist’s drug of choice “drug of choice– caffeine”. What stuck was this, “healthy, well-rested, chemical-free people feel better, look better and perform better.”

I have never realized that addiction to caffeine was damaging both physically and psychologically. I was in love with the idea of java simply because it was the only time I was able to sit and actually relish something. It wasn’t nicotine, but it was sure pretty darn close.

Perfectionists also struggle in other areas such as depression and eating disorders sometimes all of things together simply because they expect life to be perfect. Now, I’m not saying that one shouldn’t take responsibility for one’s life and shouldn’t think positive at all times– in fact thinking positively would definitely get you through just about anything life throws your way because sheer joy is from God (see Nehemiah 8:10).

However, as Hugh Grant put it in my favorite movie of all time, Two Weeks Notice, opposite neurotic Sandra Bullock, “nobody wants a saint,” it simply means there is no purpose in being perfect simply because perfection is a lie and nobody could ever live up to it.

I’m grateful that God has redeemed me from my deep seated insecurities and has allowed me to let go, albeit it be a slow, sometimes painful process but I know that if ever I do bump into my thirteen year old self I would most definitely smack her in the head and tell her that her ultimate goal in life is quite stupid and that she should simply relish in being who she is– messy handwriting and really bad math grades.

It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to fail and it’s okay to not be a size zero.

All of these things cripple you from having the best life that God has intended you to have. Step out in fear, take the risk and you will find yourself more fully aware of who you are and how great our God is. Simply be who you are and God will take care of the rest.

Remember, you don’t have to be anyone else in order for God to bless you. He made you with a purpose in mind and this doesn’t include constantly checking your weight or running after the “next big thing.” Perfectionists are also the biggest worry warts, always wanting to be sure that the next moments of their life would be perfect as well.

Relax, God loves you as you are. Enjoy life, messy parts, muddy playdates and broken hearts.

Wanting to be perfect also makes you miss out on the fun things that life has to offer like dancing in the rain, staying up all night eating chocolate while with friends and all the other magical things. Let. Go. God’s got your back.

Everything works out in the end.

I have no idea which part of the world you are in, what the color of your eyes are or how your laughter sounds like. I don’t know what you are doing right now or how you’re feeling.


I hope I knew. I hope that I am with you today, dancing barefoot in the sand in the moonlight and all those other cheesy stuffy but instead I’m here in front of my computer, wishing that i’d meet you soon.


I have been waiting an extremely long time for you.


At first, I was just anxious. I just thought that i was being punished for not meeting you sooner and not having the memory of taking you taking me to prom and what not.


However, now I’m just grateful because I know that God has a purpose for not yet allowing our paths to meet. 


I now understand that God wants me all to Himself first because when the time comes, He would bring us together and our love story would be a testimony of how great of a matchmaker He is. But first, we must know Him truly and understand how beautiful of a God He is.


I just hope you know that you are worth the wait, the tears, the rejection and sometimes the loneliness.


I know that when I walk down the aisle and see your face, I would laugh and cry at the same time but all in all, I would be bursting such joy and happiness because i’m going to tell myself that “i’m so glad God made me wait, i’m so glad, I didn’t give up.”


But for now, I’ll set aside the thought of you first and fall in love with our first love.


And in time, I know, He will take my hand and lead me to yours. The world may seem like such a huge playground, with other adult kids running around but it doesn’t scare me, because at the right time at exactly the same place, God will make everything fall into place and our love story will unfold.


And I hope you know, that at this moment, I am already falling hopelessly in love with you.