If I were to honestly describe 2015 so far, there would be no better word to use other than this one nakakaloka. In the chaos of my days, there are just moments when I sit down and stare at the reality that my life has indeed been nakakaloka of late. But of course, as a publicist (naks, still can’t believe that word actually refers to me!), I have the tendency to conceal how I really feel with the phrases, “I’m fine”, “life is good”, “life is amazing” while slightly cringing because it’s really not all roses and butterflies. In truth, I really don’t like burdening strangers or even close acquaintances with certain situations in my life brought about my intense need to overthink every single thing.
And sometimes, I can’t help but feel guilty about complaining when there are so many other things to be thankful for. So lately, I’ve been working extra hard to find the real treasure in every trial, even if it involves digging so deep in the mud to just to see it. But often, being optimistic and happy despite the most challenging times can prove to make anyone feel like a champion. Often, being able to withstand whatever life throws your way can make anyone feel like Beyonce.
So instead of boring you with the details (because I am also extremely bored with this whole drama already, puwede kasi mag move on na Biancs), I will share the treasures I’ve learned through the crazy month that has been because I believe that in finding the gold in any situation that challenges you is making good use of any hurt. There’s no use in dwelling in how I ended up here but I believe the situation will mean something if we pass on the lessons. Which brings us to the lessons:
What you want isn’t exactly what’s best for you. Ang sarap ng answered prayer, but there are days when you realize that what you wanted for so long isn’t really what’s the best for you. The real challenge is in accepting it. A teenage dream will always be exciting but sometimes, at some point, you have to know when to walk away because you know that there is something better than what you’ve dreamed of when you were 15 and in love with Nathan Scott.
Respect someone’s personal space. At the beginning of the chaos, my good friend Trish Conorado was quick to remind me to respect people’s personal space. I wouldn’t forget my frantic calls to her often ended in her reminding me that everyone has issues and that in the same way people are respecting mine, I should respect others as well. She also reminded me that not everything is about me so I should stop thinking that things didn’t work because of me. It’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned and in learning that I’ve learned to see things from a different perspective and has allowed me to be kinder and less judge-y with people and situations. I’ve used the phrase ‘eh ganun’ talaga more times than I have in my entire life in the past month and in saying that I’ve learned to appreciate people more instead of constantly looking at how they don’t measure up.
It hurt because it mattered. I took major risks in the past month and my type A personality couldn’t help but think that I wish I was smarter with the choices I have made. Madaming sana. But then again, if it weren’t for the risks, I wouldn’t have these lessons to share with you. I appreciate the lessons, however, what I don’t appreciate is the hurt. And it was a hurt that I’ve never experienced before, matindi, masakit, the kind of hurt that woke you up in the middle of the night because your heart was physically hurting kind of hurt. But looking back, I’d like to think that it hurt that way because it mattered so much. Also, life is a balance. Yes, I’ve been hurt but I’ve also experienced happiness I’ve never felt as well. So it’s a win win, we can’t expect life to be all rainbows 24/7. We have to experience the storm because in the storm, we become kinder, we become more empathetic, and repeatedly I will say, we learn. Don’t fear getting hurt because cliché as it may sound it is in our most excruciatingly painful moments that we learn the most.
We can never truly know a person until we hear their story but despite this, they too can still remain a mystery. I wish I could expound this further but all I can share without divulging details is this John Green quote, “Just remember that sometimes, the way you think about a person isn’t the way they actually are. People are different when you can smell them and see them up close.” People are the way they are for a reason, so be patient.
Let people in. In a world as small as ours all thanks to social media, we have the tendency to have biases about people. We hear about them, we’re warned about them, and we’re given conclusions about them even before we have our first hello. I used to be the kind of person who ran away whenever I heard “people” reviews but now I realized that the beauty of life lies in letting different people in. Meet people different from your crowd, relish in them, and when it’s time for them to go, let them go.
Nobody loses, we all win. Life is not a competition. Just because one thing didn’t work for you but worked for another person doesn’t mean you lost in life. It just means life has something better for you. It’s hard to understand this concept sometimes but the truth is, sometimes, it really has nothing to do with us. So don’t be bitter. I know it’s easier said than done, but look at it from this perspective: something in your life is what another person prayed for and didn’t get so quits lang. Your time will come, believe me, and it will be glorious.
Don’t be bitter. So you let a new person in, you tore down your walls, you showed a side of yourself that you were too scared to share before and it wasn’t reciprocated, in short, you were rejected. Sakit diba? Because sana you didn’t start it na lang, sana you just listened to what everyone said, but really, what would be the point? It’s so easy to be mad at the person’s irresponsibility or recklessness with your heart. It’s also easy to be mad at yourself, but what would be the point of that? Nothing. Madadagdagan lang ang pupunta sa Sagada.Life is really like that because of our hurts and issues, we tend to hurt other people as well. Hurt people hurt other people. Understand that the person didn’t mean to hurt you, that person just has issues that need to be dealt with. If they knew better, they would have done better. As for yourself, don’t regret being the bigger person, don’t regret giving the purity of your heart, it hurts yes, but did you lose anything in becoming a good person? I firmly believe in the wheel of life and love, so whatever you put out there will come back to you in time. But at the same time, don’t do it for people, do it unto God and you will be assured that in His kingdom, you are always taken care of.
Kaya ko pala. In everything that I’ve been through in the past month, I have come to realize one gem about myself: kaya ko pala. We often underestimate ourselves and the pain we allow ourselves to feel. We hide behind the mask of not being strong enough but when you go through the storm, you realize that you’re stronger than you thought you are and there’s a gem in that. It gives you life bragging rights and it makes you believe in the greatness of God because you just went through your worst fear and you’re still okay. Yes you cried and yes there are days when you just want to give up BUT God gave you strength to move forward.
Don’t forget the moments. Because you know there were good times, don’t discredit it just because you were hurt or it didn’t go the way you planned it to. There are timings and seasons in our lives, accept that the moment is over and be thankful. Be grateful for that time and move forward. It was what it was and now, it is what it is.
Let people love you. Because they honestly do. Stop shutting well-meaning friends, colleagues, and family members away. Believe in the good they see in you while also appreciating what they think you should improve on. People who love you tell you all the things they appreciate about you while honestly wanting you to become a better version of you so you make better choices in the future.
So with those things being said, it’s time to understand that nothing is a waste, not even your hurt. So cry for a bit, pat yourself in the back, and use the lessons for your next adventures.
Believe me when I say and I know I keep saying this but indeed the best is yet to come.
