We all have that one friend we can depend on and for me, that person has always been Elyds. 

As a child, hilig ko na talaga magsulat. There’s nothing more exhilarating than having your thoughts transform into words right before your own eyes. I never thought much of my passion for writing. I thought it was just a past time and a way to let go of my angst. 

It has been ten years since I have been introduced to the world of “blogging”. As a sullen, Hilary Duff wanna be, the internet served as an escape. This was way before the domination of Friendster, Facebook, and Multiply and blogging was more of having a sacred space online where you can freely share your thoughts without being judged. For a time, nobody understood the concept of blogging and simply defined it as an online diary. I’ve spent way too many hours in my school’s library, hunched over in a corner, typing up entries I never thought anyone would read.

This blog of mine has been with me through it all: the crazy bouts of adolescence, surviving college, entering the real world, and yes, even heartbreak. It has chronicled my life’s highest highs and lowest lows and in a blink of an eye, it has now accumulated ten years worth of cheers and tears.

When I started this blog, I never really thought that I would be a “legit” writer (and yes, everyday I still get that pinching myself because I can’t believe it moment) and yet, God has been gracious enough to allow me to share my love for words in different portals.

In a way, this blog would forever be a reminder of where I was, who I was, and what God has done in my life. In a way, looking at it, in all its simplicity would always remind me of what got me started in the first place. I simply wanted to be able to freely express my thoughts without the fear of them not being enough.

Today my blog has transitioned into a legit adult blog (and no, not in that sense) now that it is a legit .com! My sixteen year old self is probably snickering in delight because what started out as a project has turned into something worthwhile over the years. I’m glad that my younger self took the risk and just wrote, despite the typical fears that came along with adolescence. I’m glad she was brave enough to write the first sentence that eventually turned into a thousand words. It was her idealistic courage that led me to where I am now.

It has been an awesome and exciting ten years but I do believe that there’s more in store and I cannot wait to share it with my blog and all you kind ones who actually take the time to visit.

Cheers to new adventures!

About a year ago, I came across this quote:

I don’t recall why I posted it on my Instagram account then, but tonight, I do know the reason why I’m posting it.

You see, it’s so easy to post quotes and pretend that we truly understand what the words mean. Personally, there are times when I post it just so I can be reminded of the right way to feel and the right way to do things. However, it’s never quite that simple.

As an example, I have been feeling off for the past week. Admittedly, there has been nights of crying to my best friends and nights of intense prayer. You know, those Job like prayers where you feel like all the doors are shutting firmly and you just can’t see the light.

It felt that way and once again, I felt like giving up. But of course, there came the BUT God. 

You see, walking with Jesus means that life never quite turns out the way that we want it to. And it is quite true that when we pray, more than just changing our circumstances, God changes our hearts. Once again, this is a quote I’ve read so many times over the years but never quite understood until I’ve experienced it myself. 

Tonight, I experienced the encompassing power of kindness. And not just fake kindness that you do to win a new friend over, but kindness that comes from a place of darkness. You see, it’s so incredibly easy to be kind to a kind person or someone we need something from. It’s ridiculously easy to be kind to someone who just gets us or to people who are on the same wavelength as us.

All of these things are easy. What’s difficult is to be kind to people who want nothing but to see you unhappy, particularly someone who sees you as a threat and a competition of some sort.  While I do hope that one day we live in a world where girls are kind to each other, instead of constantly competing with each other for the affection of men (as inspired by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie), I learned to empathize with her instead of creating a checklist where I showed up to be better. 

For the first time in my life, I didn’t play the victim card, instead, by God’s grace, I looked at her as I would myself. And I finally understood that the reason she felt the need to do what she did. 

Life, I’ve learned, is not a competition.  

And in understanding, I finally had the courage to be free. Free from wanting to prove myself, free from wanting to be the better one, and free from wanting to win.

It made me recall the times that I too felt that way towards other women and made a vow to break the cycle. It made me realise that being kind to those who are not deserving is one of life’s greatest victories. 

And now, as I write this, I thank God for changing my heart. He is the reason why I’m no longer the angry and insecure girl I used to be. And while I’m still a work in progress, I have learned that it’s important to celebrate the little victories. 

For someone like me who used to be extremely insecure (I still have those days), wanting to see someone else win what I would want for myself is a victory in itself.

So tonight, I thank God for this victory.

Lord, thank you. May I remember feeling this way and may I feel this way for a really long time. You’re the best.

A few days ago, my dad said something about how people project their lives on social media, “Of course everyone is smiling on Facebook and Instgram, but we don’t know what’s happening behind closed doors.” 

Less than two hours to go before we enter into 2015 and I would just like to spend time with blog (we’re turning ten next year!!) and just let the whole world know that God has been faithful and has been truly good. At church earlier Sister Shoddy said that even if 2014 was a hard year, God’s goodness still shined through and I believe that is the most important lesson I learned this year.

No matter what I achieved, what I lost, or what prayer wasn’t answered, none of that matters because true satisfaction is found in Jesus. That while I thank Him for blessing me and my family in more ways that I have ever dreamed of or imagined, none of that will make a dent unless I put Jesus first. With Jesus, I truly have everything.

It’s amazing to me as well at how gracious God has been and that while there are people who are no longer in my life, my life is filled with the ones I wouldn’t replace with anyone else. Truly, our God is good and He knows what’s best. My heart is filled and excited because I know that when the clock strikes 12, God’s blessings will overflow in tremendous ways.

Welcome 2015 with grand expectation that the best is yet to come.