At the beginning of 2008, I had this big dream: To have a boyfriend on 888.

Just because the date would look cute, but aside from work nothing exciting really happened today except for the following things (i’m contradicting myself again):

1) People from my past haunted me today.

2) I got lost on my way to a school presentation

3) I was called “Little Red Riding Hood” by my officemates.

4) The first branch of our Siomai House opened (which is really the biggest blessing of all)

Maybe 999 will be a better date, what do you think?

According to John Maxwell’s “The Difference Maker”, in order to solve a problem you have to get to the root of it. That’s the only way that you would be able to move on and I think that the only way that I could finally stop all the binging and all the denying is if once and for all, I finally allow myself to move on and allow my heart to heal.

It’s been going on for six months and I think I could taste unrequited love even in the depths of my Cadbury Dairy Milk Bar. The bittersweet taste has become evident even in my most favorite things which mean that if I continue to allow it, it would slowly poison my life and my relationships.

And for the first time in my life, I’m actually enjoying the relationships I’ve built and I don’t want them ruined in a spontaneous attack of jealousy.

Unrequited love can come in many forms: a boy never returning the feelings of infatuation you’ve invested, the boy liking you but never quite falling the same time you did or the boy going against the fact that he could fall for you but decided against for reasons still unknown.

Or maybe the boy hasn’t found himself yet and that’s the reason why thinking of someone other than himself is completely foreign to him.

It remains unclear and trying to figure it out has been some sort of a burden which is why it’s better for me to leave it be.

Writing this entry is becoming more difficult because memories I’d rather run away from are resurfacing and it’s beginning to form a dark cloud above my head, but the day has been shitty anyway so why not end it on the same note just so tomorrow would be better.

I mean it this time I want my tomorrow to be better.

These are the logical reasons why I should move on:

1) Because I’m subsequently blaming GIO for everything that Henry* did which is unfair. Truth of the matter is, I don’t even like GIO.

2) Because I’ve been eating lots of chocolates

3) Because I cannot for the life of me concentrate on what I should concentrate on

4) Because my self-esteem has reached its all time low and it’s not funny anymore. All those “The Tyra Show” episodes have been flushed down the drain. The whole adage of “loving myself” before anyone could fully love me rings true. He cannot ruin what I spent my whole college life building.

5) Because my blog entries have been emo-filled and I don’t like being emo. No offense.

6) Because he doesn’t deserve me. Because if he does, he wouldn’t keep hurting me the way he does.

Whew.

After that list I really don’t need to write anything else right? I feel a different sense of freedom now that I’ve let it all out. I’m sorry if my past entries have all been bitter laden. I didn’t mean them to be that way.

It’s just a phase and I’m about to out grow it. I’m no longer bitter really. I wish him well.

I wish he finds himself for his sake. He’s a sweet boy, if he wasn’t then my heart wouldn’t been wretched.

I should give myself more credit, it’s not that I fell head over heels ga-ga for him, there’s just something to be said about seeing someone you’re trying not to like every single day of your life. That makes the whole process complicated (remember Carlo?).

The moment high school ended, Carlo was nothing but a forgotten memory (as wonderful as you are). That’s my nature, I cling to familiarity. Above everything else I cling to the familiar instead of jumping into something new.

Gio* was truly the only one so far who pushed me out of my limits and forced me to try something new and exciting (okay, I admit, it was exciting) and I think it ended the way it did because Henry* still had that effect on me and I have to move on or at least forget about him because I owe it to the next Gios to come my way.

Henry should no longer be the guy that everyone else gets compared to.

So there tomorrow would be better.

Damn, when did growing up get so complicated? When was the last time that being friends with a boy was just that? Being friends with a boy?

*Names have been changed to protect the not-so innocent J

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

1. If he doesn’t, nothing can make him stay.
2. Never let him know everything, he will use it against you later.
3. Men will always be men.. nothing more, nothing less.
4. Make him miss you. Sometimes, when a man always know where you are and know that you’re readily available, he will take you for granted.
5. You should never ever look for someone to complete you, a relationship consists of 2 whole individuals.
6. Letting go doesn’t always mean you have to lose someone forever.
7. You have no reason to be angry with God for things that don’t come your way. He has a reason for everything.
8. God will never put you into something that you can never get through.
9. Cry it all out then leave it all behind and get over it.
10. Separate your past from your reality now.
11. Learn from your mistakes.
12. Never let your past control you.. nothing will ever happen.
13. Learn to open your heart and love again.. It’s the only way to mend a broken heart. (believe me)
14. Nothing is permanent.. even love fades.
15. Life is too short… make the most out of it!ü

If you’re having a relatively good day, I’m warning you: DON’T read this entry because you might accuse it of being a baggage dragger and I really wouldn’t want to ruin your bad day through my ever zealous pessimism.

It’s been a year since I’ve read The Secret and I must admit this week has been the only week that I gave up.

I gave up thinking that through the “signal” that I send out to the universe, things will magically appear.

I gave up thinking that there’s something better for me.

I gave up thinking that if you were nice to people, the universe will be nice to you too.

Case in point is that: I JUST GAVE UP.

I just had one of those weekends.

The kind of weekend you blog about because it turned out to be one of those weekends you end up blogging about because it did something significant to your life.

The weekend started out with a crazy migraine that almost killed me. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating, but that’s how it felt like, also the two dolfenals I downed didn’t help much either because it was as if I was a fish drowning in coke.

I pretty much slept through the whole Saturday because I was too tired to do anything else and knowing that I’m not doing anything just paralyzes me so I decided to do the next best thing: sleep.

Sunday rolled around and all I wanted to do was once again: sleep, watch a few episodes of Grey’s Anatomy, down a few more pain killers and try to get some work done.

But my parents knew me better so instead of forcing me out of bed, they lured me out of bed saying that right after church we’d have lunch at Conti’s–which is really a bribe if there ever was one. Also, I felt guilty, Sunday was the only day that I could offer the Lord and I could manage my headache for a few hours and pray. God knows I need some guidance.

So, I went to church and that’s when I realized that I needed to get to church and the Lord only used Conti’s to get me out of bed. (He does have a sense of humor sometimes)

He did that because He had something that He wanted to make clear to me. I think He’s been saying that to me for a really long time and me being my usual stubborn self, I failed to listen to His warnings.

This charade has been going on for six months and I never learn. I never really learned the essence of moving on simply because I chose to stay stuck in this rut and obviously over the weekend, both my heart and my body gave up.

I ended up watching a movie I vowed never to watch (it was sooo goood) and it took that movie from me to get up from my pathetic self. There were a lot of tears involved (oh, who cares, no one saw me anyway)

I just realized that all my actions in the past month were in direct residue of the effect of one person in my life. I was stupid when I vowed that I never would be.

Ms. Len told me that in order to move on, one must admit that you liked the person, stop living in denial, pick yourself up and finally finally move on.

That’s my goal for August: Grow up and Move on.

I’m reassesing myself this month and i’m looking forward in good cheer 🙂

Whats your current problem?

Absolutely nothing, honey

Looking back, did you ever waste too much time on a certain boy or girl?

YES!

Coke. Not that I’m planning to take drugs other than that.

Do you have a best friend?

OF COURSE.

If the person who hurt you the most in your life apologized and told you that they loved you, what would you say?
“what took you so long?” (Kidding!)

Do you still talk to the person you fell the hardest for?
on a daily basis :((

Have you ever broken someones heart?
AM I A HEARTBREAKER???:))

Who was the last person who looked at you and smiled?

rosh 🙂

Do you care what people think of you?
Not really.

Last thing you got yelled at by your parents about?
haha… its about work and certain life choices. but hey, i made a right choice, right?

Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?
Let go of them easily, life is too damn short!

What is one thing you’re supposed to do daily that you haven’t done today?
workout! haha 😀

Could you ever be friends again with someone that broke your heart?
Hmmm…. After awhile maybe 🙂

Who do you talk to when you’re sad?

Len. Girls at the office. Karla. Nolan. Nolan is my get happy pill.

Do you have an accent?
nope

Who did you last talk to in person?
Len

Last time you saw someone you hate?
Yesterday? Love to hate you, damn cheesy! 😀 hehe:)

Have you ever liked somebody and never told them?
of course!

What would I find if I looked UNDER your bed?
my sneakers… i work out in my room! haha 😀

Do you hate people who are obsessed with things like High School Musical, and hannah montana?

Not really because I’m one of those people… HAHA 😀

Have you ever liked someone who all your friends hate?
HAHAHA…. YES! That’s my current situation 🙂

Who was the last person you had an argument with?

haha… 🙂 JERSEY 🙂

Last person to laugh at something you did and what was it?
My officemates for obvious reasons 🙂

What do you wish you had right now at this moment?

chocnnut!

What’s the reason you last threw up?
sick:p

Last person you gave up on?
GIO. POINT OF NO RETURN NA 🙂

Do you go to the library?
yes. i looovvvee books!

Do you and your best friend have ‘a song’? What is it?
karla, do we have a song?

Have you ever kissed anyone whose name starts with a S?
nope

Vegetarian?
i wish

Have you ever done anything illegal?
hmmm…. ask my officemates 😀

Future child’s name?
benedict and madison

Would you be able to date someone who had a kid with someone else?

If you’ve read my entry last friday, you’d know that Dorky Girl was choosing between Jaded Geek and Experienced Jaden.

Dorky Girl has made her choice and it has nothing to do with the two boys that fate kept throwing into her face. Dorky Girl has finally realized that somtimes, growing up meant letting go of certain vices that are way too addictive for her own good.

Oh who am I kidding? Everyone knows that I’m Dorky Girl but since I’m trying to be modest, I’d rather keep the identities of the two boys under wraps. Besides, this is my blog and this is about me and my adventures.

For the next month, I’m staying away from boys and all thier complications and would rather bury myself in my work and making one hell of a syllabus that when all the hardwork is done, I wouldn’t even know which way is up. Boys suck really (except for Nolan, he’s the only guy who’s impossible to hate) They break your heart and don’t expect you to want commitment.

Work’s lovely because even if it demands so much from you, it rewards you with so much. It And even if it tries, it would never break your heart.

Relationships are overrrated anyway, the same comfort that a boyfriend brings can be given by exciting basketball games, friends, chocolates, ate ruth or a good movie. So why bother with all the drama?

I cannot believe how much of an independent woman I have become but don’t you dare be fooled because underneath all this, I’m still this old fashioned woman who prefers commitment over the whole boring adage of being friends with benefits.

That’s the stupidest way to describe a situation, personally I think it was invented by men without the balls to commit and those are the boys I’d rather stay away from.

I think Dorky Girl was right about her decision, even if she feels guilty about it.

She made the right choice.

Hey Jersey,

I don’t know if anyone told you this but I’ll go ahead and say it anyway: You’re Wonderful. You’re sweet, amazing and fun.

The whole point of this entry is to say thank you because I’d have something exciting to tell my grandkids when the time comes.

I didn’t mean to burst your bubble or bruise your overwhelming ego, because honey you’re one of the sweetest, kindhearted souls ever. It’s your ways that distract me. You deserve more than what you offer the girls around you.

Thanks Jersey.

In your own little way, you do rock.

Girls check you for not calling them.
Grown women are too busy to realize you hadn’t.

Girls are afraid to be alone.
Grown women revel in it-using it as a time for personal growth.

Girls ignore the good guys.
Grown women ignore the bad guys.

Girls make you come home.
Grown women make you want to come home.

Girls leave their schedule wide-open and wait for a guy to call and make plans.
Grown women make their own plans and nicely tell the guy to get in where he fits.

Girls worry about not being pretty and/or good enough for their man.
Grown women know that they are pretty and/or good enough for any man.

Girls try to monopolize all their man’s time (i.e., don’t want him hanging with his friends).
Grown women realize that a lil’ bit of space makes the ‘together time’ even more special-and goes to kick it with her own friends.

Girls think a guy crying is weak.
Grown women offer their shoulder and a tissue.

Girls want to be spoiled and ‘tell’ their man so.
Grown women ‘show’ him and make him comfortable enough to reciprocate without fear of losing his ‘manhood’.

Girls get hurt by one man and make all men pay for it.
Grown women know that that was just one man.

Girls fall in love and chase aimlessly after the object of their affection, ignoring all ‘signs’.
Grown women know that sometimes the one you love, doesn’t always love you back-and move on, without bitterness.

Spotted:

Dorky Girl choosing between Jaded Geek and Experienced Jaden.

She’s always made the right decision, will she follow through with this one?

***

Yes, that’s my pathetic attempt at being Gossip Girl. 🙂 I have so many stories to tell, but I’d rather keep it to myself this time around.

Wish the Geek LUCK.