Finally vday is over. Gad. I was so pissed with all those people indulging themselves in the mush. Eeww. I don’t want to be a cynic, but I can’t help it. Its such a useless holiday anyway.
****
My friends were nice enough to spoil me though and my dad gave me my yearly dose of roses. Haha. SO I guess it was all good after all. Except for the little mishaps. Im not going to elaborate though. Some things must be kept private. *wink*

(I’m a cynic and forever will be. I still believe that Valentine’s day was made as an excuse to spend money on useless things and for the unfortunate singles to sulk. BUT, I was reminded earlier that Valentine’s Day isn’t just for those with significant others, in fact its for everyone. So here are my thanks to those people who fill my life with love and laughter. I’m alone this Vday but because of these people, I am not lonely)

Zena- Tsong! We’re actually in college already:) Thank you for keeping in touch, I really appreciate you still being there for me and checking up on me from time to time. Tried and tested, twolet ka talaga:-) Kailan date natin ha?!

Karla- The distance didn’t maim our friendship, it even brought us closer. Thanks for confiding in me and for the testimonials I’m always giddy to get.:-) You’re coming home soon! YES! Manila’s been missing you and so have I!:-)

Ashley- ASHLEY JUDD, HUH? I was going through your letters about a month ago and I can’t help but laugh about the things we used to talk about. How shallow could we get huh? Haha! I miss you! When are you coming home?! Thanks for keeping in touch and thanks for always putting a smile on my face with your whacked out sms’es, testimonials, messages and phone calls. CALL ME SOON, I MISS YOU!:-)

Candice- So, we never really got to see each other na?! Grrr. I miss you;-) And I miss the good old orange days. Haaay, when did we grow up anyway and why did it happen so fast? We’re turning 18 soon! *sigh* Thank you so much for talking to me that one time that I really needed someone. Thank you for still being the same old you. When I talk to you, its as if I’m twelve again.:-) I am blessed to have a friend as wonderful as you.:-)

Daisy- Chimangas! I am so sorry I don’t get to call anymore.:-( School’s been really hectic, more hectic than usual. I miss your kwentos na (how’s nico? Haha don’t kill me because I posted this on my blog, haha!) and your oblivious way of making me laugh. I miss us dissing people… waaah! I miss you daize! I will call you soon, reply to my messages kasi noh! Sometimes all I can ever do is text hehe.:-) Stay sexy, thanks for being the daisy I always knew and loved.:-) Don’t change when you’re in La Salle na, awayin kita eh! Haha. Mwah!

Pia, otherwise known as MY SOEUR- 2005 was an amazing year cause the Lord blessed me with a little sister like you;-) Its crazy because most of the time, I feel like the 15 year old instead of the 18 year old. Thank you for listening to me when I’m grumpy, ecstatic or just plain bored. You are a blessing in my life.:-) I really appreciate you opening up to me and sharing all the its and bits of your life.:-) Our Soeurs’ Day Out is still pending, we MUST MUST see each other soon.:-) I love you soeur! Stay beautiful inside and out my little sister, there is a lot out there for you. You deserve the best cause you have such a big heart.:-)

Pao- Marcelo! Haha! I miss you nate! Hehe. Our friendship is something that I could never understand. We hardly see each other but you’re always there when I need advice, they make sense so thank you.:-) When are we going to watch the game together? Haha, magaling ka lang mag plano eh! Haha, thanks for replying everytime I need you.:-) Hope to see you soon! Player parin ba? – basketball? *wink*

Kax- Hey, we never get to see or talk to each other anymore eversince this chaos, otherwise known as college, started but still I want to say thank you for ever being so encouraging. You encourage me a lot and I have no idea if you even know it, so I’m telling you now. You have always been an amazing friend. I miss you my onelet:-) I am just a text away. You are so pretty already… Huh, further proof that ugly ducklings do grow into swans, huh? Mwah:-)

Ann, TWIN- We’ve always had our differences before and its quite amazing that you are one of the very few people I keep in touch with. Our “conversations” make me smile and its funny to think that we think exactly alike- twin intuition? Hehe. Thanks for the messages (especially during Christmas!) and thanks for the encouragement as well. The single life is the good life, noh? I am looking forward to our date, wouldn’t miss it for the world:-). Mwah mwah mwah!

Sasha- chika! Hehe, I know we hardly get to talk or hang out, but you’ve been the sweetest and I really really appreciate it. We shall bond more ha? And thanks for always leaving comments on my blog. Mwah 🙂

Inah- hyper buddy!:-) Your text messages make me giggle and smile all the time.:-) Thanks for sharing with me the kilig kwentos.:-) Thanks for being such a cute friend.:-)

Jen- mamuch! So, where is your debut going to be ba and what do we have to wear? Get your computer fixed, I miss your entries! Thanks for introducing me to the world of blogs in 2004. Thanks for everything and I do mean EVERYTHING. I know you’re happy and I am glad you are. Don’t sweat, the Lord is simply preparing the BEST guy for you. Wait for him because I know that he will be worth the wait. Call me soon!:-)

Mady- beautiful! Hehe thanks for the quotes. Mwah.:-)

Jericho- peaches, flattered ka you’re on my list. Haha!:-) Thanks for making me smile with your bolas! Hehe. For the record: they don’t work. Haha!:-p

Carlos (Galant!)- Why don’t you treat me as much as you treat them? ANG DAYA! Hehe, seriously thank you for being so nice and generous ha! It is very much appreciated. Thanks for the advices too (suddenly I realize that I ask everyone for advice, haha!). Thank you for being so nice:-) Oh and thanks for enduring the “girl talks” we indulge ourselves in every break time. Hehe.:-)

Pierre- thanks for being a grouch… haha!:-) Where’s my blueberry cheesecake ha?!

Yukari- Thanks for being so sweet.:-)

Mark- textmate!:-) Thanks for helping me out with EVERYTHING. School, life, love life, ecology (ohmy! He can really talk for three hours straight *snore!*) Thanks for truly being a kuya to me.:-) I wish you all the best because you deserve it:-) See you soon! We never got to to go to E.K. and we never got to ice sakte! Boo-hoo. Miss you!:-) Neck tie ko! Haha:-p

Karsy- I really really miss hanging out with you.:-( I miss our talks on the phone too.:-( Thank you for the quotes and for never failing to greet me with a smile everytime you see me. Thanks too for sweet testimonials, I know they’re heartfelt, thank you:-) I miss our service moments with mike! Oooohhh which reminds me, thank you for keeping “the secret”. Hehe. I miss you talaga karsy:-( I really hope to talk and hang out with you soon. Thanks for being a real friend, my hyena.:-)

Chorong – Krung Krung gumanda ka lang you forgot about me na!:-( Joke lang, hehe!:-) Seriously, I miss our conversations too! They always made sense, remember the times before second term and we talked and texted almost everyday? I miss that:-( Thanks for being there for me during that time and thanks for keeping my secret!:-) I am really happy for you and your new love life (cuttie ah!). Stay beautiful and I miss having classes with you.:-) Don’t transfer na kasi! Hehe. Love you bru! Mwah!:-) (by the way, I so didn’t get your testimonial, make me a new one naman… hehe:-))

Pinky (Skip-her)- You are so SWEET. You aura never fails to make me smile.:-) I am so glad that you are one of my closest friends. Thanks for being so nice and sweet.:-) And thanks for not being such a paranoid girlfriend, nol’s safe with us.:-) Love you pinx:-)

NOLAN (JUNAR!)- Haay, where do I start? Oh wait, did I tell you that I actually thought you were gay? Haha! Thanks for helping me out during 1st term registration. Junar, you are more than a comic, you are an AMAZING friend and I super love you for it:-) You never fail to make me laugh and snap me out of a bad mood, but when you listened to me last Tuesday, I was really touched.:-) Thanks for showing me your concern and thanks for being a REAL friend.:-) UY, flattered. Seriously, you have been such a blessing.:-) Stay Junarish. Love ya! Mwah!:-) TO more junarisms ah?!

Shine- SHINE! THE SINGING SUNSHINE OF MY LIFE.:-) I know we’ve had our misunderstandings before but I’m glad we got passed through that and we’re better friends. Ay nako, your advices and encouragements always inspire me to do better.:-) Thank you so much for believing in me, thank you for all the nice words you have to say about me and thank you thank you for always always making me smile with all your kabaliwans:-) They brighten up my day talaga.:-) TO more tres hyenas moments, secret buddy (awww, from the start pa lang, destined to be dissers na, haha!).:-) I love you sunny, stay beautiful, amazing and crazy:-)

DUO!- WHOA! Where do I even start? Gash. You’ve been the best friend I never had (aww… gush gush). I know right now we’re experiencing bumps in the road (not bumps elsewhere! Huh, what are you thinking of ha? Hehe) but I know this would only strengthen our friendship. Thank you so much for everything- chocokak, new songs, burnt cds, letters, galaxy chocolates, cute boyfriend pictures (my Nathan picture is in my planner), diet methods (whoops, secret’s out haha) and secrets. Thank you for being such an amazing DUO!:-) I am so blessed to have a sister, a co-disser, a co- basketball fanatic (you should watch with me soon) and a bestfriend all rolled into one.:-) Our chocokaklandia dreams shall come true soon.:-) Loveya duo.:-)

Carl- for spying for me. Haha.:-) As far as younger brothers go, you aren’t that bad. Haha.:-) Get rid of the faulty mood swings or else you’ll turn into me. Haha. 🙂 thanks for being cool my little brother and I know you don’t tattle on me ALL THE TIME, just half of it. Oh and please let me use the landline every once in awhile, I actually get phone calls you know. Haha. I love you and you will always be my baby. 🙂

Ate- thank you for all the things you send! Haha! 🙂 I am so spoiled! Hehe.:-) Thanks for answering my emails all the time, I know some of them can be pretty lengthy! I miss you, please come home soon OR I hope I visit you there soon. Come home for my 18th!:-) I love you!

Kuya- haay. Where do I even start? Thanks for being my inspiration, you have been that idol my entire life and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.:-) I love you and come home again, we didn’t get to spend a lot of time the last time you were here! Hehe:-)

MY DEAR PARENTS- I love you both. Thank you for EVERYTHING. I am so not going to enumerate EVERYTHING that I want to thank you for because I know you guys know them already. I am so blessed to have parents like you, its not a perfect relationship but I know you guys love me to death and that alone is enough.:-) The both of you inspire me to do better in all aspects of my life. Okay, I am stopping now this is too mushy- even for me.:-) Love you both oh so much. 🙂

TO everyone else who I may have forgotten, forgive me, I may have forgotten you but I don’t love you any less. You know me, I feel older than Sir Lewis most of the time because I keep forgetting things. 🙂

TO those of you who actually have someone this season, I hate you, break away from it, you need your freedom… I’M JUST KIDDING!:-p What I’m trying to say is actually the opposite, take care of that relationship, you don’t know how many people wish they had it. Don’t ruin it because of something totally random, cherish it. 🙂 Go celebrate Valentine’s Day 2006 in the mushiest way possible (and be included on the list of people I want to whack in the head because of too much PDA- ewww…KIDDING again. Okay, half kidding)

And TO those of you who don’t have anyone: Join the club! HAHA. Anyway, don’t worry, don’t frown it’s a wonderful world and there are other ways to share the love( take it from me, kidding again) 🙂 I really don’t need to tell you that there’s someone out there because I know you’ve heard it before. Enjoy this season despite the feeling of animosity felt towards those people all kishy-kishy and surrounded by all of those roses/chocolates. Even if it seems like no one shares your pain, be optimistic and trust in the fact that: YES THERE ARE PEOPLE LONELY FOR THE 18TH VALENTINE’S DAY IN A ROW! Haha!:-p

Seriously, live to love guys:-) and just like what I told Jen… someday, it will all be worth the wait:-) I love you guys:-) Enjoy it:-)

I hate having to feel so bitter knowing that the dreaded V-DAY is just around the corner. I know I can be a major cynic at times but that doesn’t mean that I cant be happy for the people around me and its not like I don’t get enough love and spoiling from the people around me…but i guess its just complicated.

People can be so mean, you know? They can be so freakin’ insensitive.

Gad. I almost fell for it.

Glad I didn’t.

THE THINGS I HAVE TO DO THIS WEEK:

*Study for the business admin. quiz for next tuesday

*Do one eco homework this week so I don’t have to bother myself with it next week.

*Finish watching Family Stone, Rumor Has It and Breakfast at Tiffany’s and oh Memoirs of a Geisha

*Review Ecology Notes (what notes?! haha!!)

*Advance read on public relations

*Read a chapter for IBC and chapters 10-12 for MAR.

I am only half way through but the good kid that I am, ill accompany my dad to go and watch the final game of the season 🙁 he probably won’t notice if I just stayed in starbucks to study…okay, that’s what im doing…haha but i love basketball too much to pass it up so nevermind…haha!!!:)

GO kings!

Finally, hell week’s over. Im still stressin’ over the fact that the midterms are coming up and all the term papers should be finalized and really nothing freaks me out more than SCHOOL. Anyway, I’m still upset over the fact that the kings lost last sunday:’c hooo-hooo… Ohwell, there’s always the next season. Crap! three weeks of no basketball *tear*
**
Anyway, life’s been treating me good lately. A few bumps here and there but its okay nonetheless. I’m happy. I became happier when I learned to let go of something that clearly wasn’t meant for me. I’m going with the crazy flow of life and learning how to live life one day at a time.
**
Jen’s debut on saturday. I can’t wait. I miss my hs friends like crazy and I couldn’t wait to take a million pictures!!:)

I finally got to finish memoirs of a geisha. It was an amazing book. Too bad the chairman was so stupid. sayuri-san likes YOU you know and not NOBU-SAN!!!

Since Sunday, I’ve been looking forward to the lunch date I had set with the ‘rents yesterday. Okay, I know its not like they don’t bring and fetch me from school everyday or its not like I spend all my weekends partying that I hardly see them, but really with my younger brother tagging along everywhere, I barely get the time to really sit down and have a decent conversation with them- not that there is a lot going on in my life, but still, there are simply times that I love to spend quality “alone time” with them. It was quite funny actually because my dad who’s been really busy for the past weeks finally got the low-down on my “circle” and let me tell you, my stories freaked him out.

HIS REACTION TO A STORY THAT I CAN’T DIVULGE HERE BECAUSE I’VE SWORN TO SECRECY. (Don’t worry I didn’t include names or anything, I do know how to keep a secret, I was just merely asking for advice, you know from a parent’s point of view, I so don’t tattle on my friends. Okay, that made me sound like a first grader, but I don’t tattle, okay?!)

DAD (HIS EYES HUGE, HIS LIPS TIGHT- ITS HIS “SHOCKED” LOOK):
“What?! How old is she?”
ME (WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO REFILL MY COFFEE WITHOUT ACTUALLY HAVING TO DO SO):
“17. My age”
(My dad’s eyes are now wider, you can see the creases in between his eyebrows, uh-oh not a good sign)
DAD: “WHAT?! WHERE ARE HER PARENTS?!”
ME (HAPPY BECAUSE FINALLY I FOUND A TECHNIQUE TO FILL MY CUP WITHOUT ASKING FOR A REFILL): *shrugs* “With her. Don’t freak out about it, its normal”
DAD (STILL CAN’T MOVE ON FROM THE TOPIC WHEN BOTH MY MOM AND I OBVIOUSLY HAVE):
“How is it normal?”
MOM (WHO LETS OUT A BIG SIGH):
“Duh” (I am not making up these things, they actually talk like that)
(My dad finally lets the topic go but still obviously shocked. The conversation suddenly turns into lighter subjects until…)

MOM: “We saw *toot* smoking when we came to pick you up”
(I give my mom “the look” before indulging myself in the much-awaited ham and cheese sandwich..Hmm… it was really good by the way)
ME: “Uh…yeah, I think I saw him too.”
(I was about to take another bite when my dad reacted. Uh-oh. Remind me to never tell Carl who I find cute again. This kind of information always finds a way back to my dad)
DAD (Creases between the eyebrows forming again): “You know I allow to have crushes…”
( I cut him off… politely)
ME: “Uh…duh, I’m about to be 18, besides, I don’t like that guy anymore. Haay, you can be so KJ sometimes.(giggle)”
Dad (with a little sneer. I can see that he enjoys torturing me when it comes to these things. My dad the joker): “Even when you’re forty, I’ll continue being one if I know that the guy isn’t right”

(At this point, my mom and I look at each other and smile- we’ve heard this speech before)

Dad(continuing, obviously oblivious of the exchanged “looks”): “I tell you, if a guy has many vices then he isn’t a good one. He’d be a drunkard too and would be out every night. Choose one who knows what he wants in life, one who has priorities. Wag yung kung sino sino lang na walang direksyon! And don’t believe everything they say… Alam mo na!”

(I give him a smile. Its crazy because I know what I want and my dad knew too. He seriously has nothing to worry about.)

ME: “Uh… I know dad and I’m not just saying this. I know what I want, I won’t be swayed easily. I am just being nice, I actually what’s sincere and what’s not”

(Creases between the eyebrows finally soften and this makes me happy, you know why- I actually meant what I said. I continue on with my ham and cheese and my mom opens up another topic and I give my dad a smile saying this, “Trust me dad, I know what I want when that time comes”. Mom agrees on me with this one.).

My dad is probably the coolest dad ever. He’s not rigid or strict at all, impossible as it may sound, my lifestyle is actually my choice. I am at home all the time not because I am not allowed to go to places (well, uh, technically, maybe…but I know you get my point) but because I chose this kind of lifestyle. Different people, different choices. My life may not be that exciting… yet, but I’m happy and blessed with and its kindda amazing that every once in awhile, through conversations like these, I am made to realize that I am actually making the right choices in life. I know some people may find my life boring, but heck… what do they really know anyway? *wink*

I am in my political science class and its quite interesting (seriously). We’re talking about this article written by Adrian E. Cristobal and its about the NSO and the ‘would be elections’ (it was an article dated before the 2004 elections). Its interesting but not interesting enough to make me stop surfing friends on friendster and blog. Haha. Amazingly enough, I came across this blog on friendster from someone I don’t even talk to in school. I just know who that person is but I never realized that that person had such deep words to say. Everyone sees that person’s arrogant side but what they fail to see is that underneath it all-that person has something that most of us are afraid of-individuality. Its so admirable. So brave. If only they would give that person a chance…Hehe.

****
I cry like a baby when I don’t get my way
Do you want me?
I won’t apologize when I make a mistake
Do you want me?
I got scars on my heart and they won’t go away
Looking for someone to take them from me
Everybody knows I’m a little insane
Do you want me?
Oh I try to be normal
I try to put one foot in front of the other
And I fail
You don’t even know
I’m aliveI open my mouth cause
I’m waiting for your love to fall from the sky
And I fail
You think that I’m out of my mind
And maybe your scared to be right
But you’ll never know till you get me alone
Do you want me?
I tell it to you straight so we can’t get worse
Do you want me?
I want to show you me but first things first
Do you want me?
Looking for a saviour to save my soul
All the damage I have done has left a big hole
Everybody knows I just want someone to hold
Do you want me?
****

OMG! I’ve been so caught up in the little annoyances in my life that I forgot to mention that
MANNY PACQUIAO WON!!! I actually watched the fight (partly because I found eric morales cute-haha!) but anyway he won!!:) Haay…Galing…I now appreciate boxing more:)

I have no idea what i’m bitchin’ about. Really, my mood swings kill. Haha. I can be so moody its crazy. And the thing with me is the things that really annoy me and get my moods swinging are the little things. My ate constantly reminds me to not sweat the small stuff and yet I do. I should let the little things go. I am so weird. The big problems, I can handle head on but those little ones, like getting pissed over little pet peeves, really really turn my mood sour. Its kindda psychotic when you think about it, the big problems I could face with a smile on my face but the little ones……well, you know my pouty face. Hehe.

I hate it when people disappoint me- intentional or not. I know I shouldn’t demand or expect from people a lot and really, I don’t. But sometimes when people take me for granted…well it hurts most of the time. I hate being taken for granted. I really hate it.

I also hate it when people become so nice to me when they need something or not with thier friends but become meanies when they no longer need anything or when in the presence of their “crowd”. I know once again that people have thier reasons for doing such but again, its a pet peeve.

I also hate the fact that people get judged based on what they look like. Its crazy. During my lunch break earlier, I was quietly observing people in the cafeteria and realized that yes, everyone looks different and unique, but that doesn’t take away thier right to be loved. Everyone has the right to be accepted for who they are and loved sincerly despite what they look like, what they wear, who they’re with or who they really are. There are times when im hopeful of the fact that there are still amazing people on earth who are genuine, sincere and honest. But on days like these, oh gad…where are they? Sometimes, I even think that I’m not up to that.

When would people start treating other people right? When will that certain kind of love finally arrive for those who actually deserve it? Sometimes the world is so full of deceit and conceit that you can hardly find anything real, simple or uncomplicated anymore. Everyone has to have thier drama and it sucks. I used to be pride myself in being the “dramaqueen” (okay, don’t laugh) but now I realized that I don’t need or deserve anymore drama in my life.

Okay, now that’s out of my system, I finally feel better. I hope its just one of those days caused by the stupid weather. Ohwell, at least the day’s over for me and I feel hopeful because tomorrow is definetley another day:)