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Day Nine

Day Nine: Breakthrough

My life hasn’t always been the most perfect and i’ve had my fair share of emotional breakdowns that usually cut to the core and i’ve had my fair share of drama in my life.

But i’m only 21 and I want to break free, I want to reach that point in my life where I’m dependent not on other people or situations to make me happy but instead on the Source. It’s been an ongoing struggle, but I declare that that bond is broken and it no longer has claims onto my life. That’s what I’m declaring and that’s what I know will happen soon.
Breakthrough.

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Day Eight


Day Eight: Family Bonding Time

My kuya visited us and it felt like the old times. I don’t think he knows how much I miss having him at home. It used to be just the two of us since my sister was in the States and Carl was a… baby. So I’d constantly bother my brother who was in high school, listen to his music and wear his plaid polos.

I do miss him and it’s nice to have him around every once in awhile. I’m not so sure if I’m expressive enough, but I hope he knows how much I appreciate him.

And in a few month’s time, i’m looking forward to seeing a new addition to our family: Franzea Cosette aka Frankie to us.

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Day Seven

Day Seven: Basketball
There’s no escaping it.
My classmates’ dads were doctors, lawyers, businessmen, architects etc etc and my dad was home all the time because he had half day work weeks and for some weird reason, everywhere we went, my dad knew someone.
I never really got into the whole scene until I went to high school and actually started enjoying watching the games, since then I’ve fallen in love with something that my dad has been doing since he could remember.
It’s a blessing but just like any other industry, it has its pitfalls, its heartbreaks and its rejections.
But all that aside, the game in itself is wonderful, filled with adrenaline rushes and moments when you just can’t help but jump off your seat, it’s just one of those things in life that you have to experience yourself.
I had a wonderful time with my cousin yesterday, nothing beats this. Nothing.
Photo Credit: Jaja (she had a better shot!)
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a little rascal no more

i’ve been spoiled for the past three weeks.

i’ve been going to my past job inconsistently and i’ve been spending days on my computer trying to dash from one place to another as a wedding coordinator while enjoying Drop Dead Diva and Vampire Diaries (which I haven’t finished yet!) and now, before you know it, I would start getting up at 6 again and would return to my trusty planner once again.
and although i’m excited about my new job, i couldn’t help but miss the feeling of doing nothing and just waking up, go through the motions and not do anything.
but at the back of my mind, i was getting scared. i was scared that i would get used to that life and of going to work in the afternoon alone and on most days instead of going to work and actually doing something.
i guess i was in a state of shock for awhile and i just wanted to cleanse myself from all the bad things that has happened and just move forward and i’m pretty happy to still have my afternoons so i could still cultivate myself and for me not to be shocked with a new environment.
so yes, i will miss my little dasher and endless marathons but it’s kindda nice to go back to the real world, because no matter how much we escape it for awhile, we never really could.
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Day Six

Day Six: Reflection
In my favorite black attire that’s my get safe attire for any day, I’ve realized that the person in the mirror is not as important as who God is cultivating on the inside of me.
The little note in pink reminds me of what’s important, of what Jesus did on the cross, it helps me to remember that my insecurities are pretty much worthless because God’s love was given to me and that should be enough. However, I’m a girl and I forget about what’s important on some days.
On your right is my bookshelf, probably my most prized possession. I love my books. They define me.
I really wanted to watch Valentine’s Day but it got rescheduled to Monday.
Oh well, this is God ordaining my steps.
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Day Five

Day Five: Classroom. Reality. Friendships.

Mondays now belong to my Foundation of Education 2 class. I’ve been taking Educ Units since June of 2009 and they’ve always been therapeutic and exciting.
Not one class goes by without me laughing out loud or just feeling better about myself and life.
I love my classmates. I love my professor. Will definitely miss them when class ends this March.
This picture represents the people I care most about, the ones I never thought I’d develop such precious friendships with.
This picture also proves that I really have to get FIT (reality, babe!).
Missing in Action: Susan Lara and Ana Larruari.
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Hi. Hello. *awkward silence* it was nice meeting you. bye.

There’s something awkward about meeting someone new. That’s a given.

But really, why go through all that torture?
Okay, so you meet someone right?
You say your hellos, your “hi-s” and once all the bases have been covered (where do you work? where do you live? where do you? what do you?) it just ends with an awkward silence and then after appropriate time together spent staring at your beer bottle and peeling off the sticker, you’re done and the torture begins.
You know the torture on the way home pretty much sucks because the events of the night play in your head and you’re wondering, damn, this guy should have gotten my number or I shouldn’t have said this, did my thighs look fat.
Oh, the freakin’ agony, plus the fact that I wasn’t schooled in flirting and I feel myself horrendously pretentious when I even try.
So today, I just really want to say that I don’t want it anymore and last night I simply stopped trying, instead I became myself and since i wasn’t trying, I wasn’t disappointed when things didn’t turn out the way i wanted them to.
Yes, i’m not that girl that intentionally flirts to get what I want or the commercial model that turns heads but i’m me and i’m pretty good with it.
There’s a lot to say about a girl who doesn’t have any insecurites, after being bothered by them for years.
It feels nice to go home with a smile on my face because finally I wasn’t trying to be anyone but my irrationally geeky self.
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Day Four

Day Four: Just Another Regular Day

I used to dislike Sundays simply because I had to get up for work the next day and go through another week of… work. But I love them now, Sundays represent a new week, a new something to look forward to.

That’s my favorite necklace at the moment and it represents timing. The butterfly popit represents something that I have finally decided to let go of and the star with a boy sleeping beside it represents new dreams.

My brother and I also decided to take care of ourselves more and just focus on getting fit.

I’m pretty excited.

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Day Three

Day Three: Walking on Water

Spent the morning with Iman then spent time in Pergola to watch a dog show among other things. Spent most of the day with my favorite little girl, Pipay. Watched Definitely, Maybe (thus the blog before this) and headed to Iago’s Grill for a few drinks with good friends.
I’ve been reading, “if you want to walk on water, get out of the boat” and i’ve learned so much from it, this picture represents the lessons i’ve learned and the calmness of my life right now.

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My Definitely, Maybe.

I just finished watching Definitely, Maybe and yes I’ve seen it before but it hasn’t made much sense till today.

It’s true, some of the best love stories takes years to stitch together and it takes a lot of patience to see the happy ending that I believe every story has.

You know, for one thing. We have to stop our idealistic view of happy endings. We often think that love stories end happily only if we end up with the person. That’s the idealistic view of things, but when things end badly, it means that there are good memories to relish on, meaning that not everything was crappy and not everything was horrible.
Today, Carl reminded me of some good memories I had with the first person I ever loved without any selfishness and I really wanted the memory to go away not because it reopened old wounds but on a weekend such as this one, it does make you feel lonely.
And as i type this on a good friend’s computer, her playlist drums on, and an old Colbie Calliat song plays and for a moment, i’m taken back to the time where I believed that something as wonderful and powerful as love was enough to hold people together. Of course, at nineteen, its never quite what its supposed to be, but at that time it was what it was supposed to be.
But despite my distaste towards this fabricated weekend, I have to be honest, this is the first Valentine’s Day that i’m not feeling anything negative towards it or towards my status.
Because you know, in the depths of my heart, those stories came alive because at that time, it was what I needed and they do have a purpose, even though I don’t know it yet. And i’ve gone past the point of knowing it, because you know sometimes not knowing the answer is enough. Sometimes, the power of not knowing, ignorance, at its best is truly bliss.
And yes, i haven’t lost my whimsical nature of believing that someday, someone’s going to sweep me off my feet and never cheat on me or trade me for a cheaper version. I haven’t stopped believing in that.
However, I did stop believing that it’s not going to be perfect. Sweeping me off my feet may not include fireworks or a horse drawn carriage, or even the rain, but it will include him and me, and that would be enough.
And maybe the reason why I don’t feel animosity towards this horrendous hallmark holiday is because I have a lot of love to celebrate about. So many good things in my life that’s celebrated once a year. So much love.
And you know, it did suck for most part. It did suck to get your heart crushed, but i’m not writing about that anymore, because I’d only like to write about hope. Hope keeps us alive, agonizing over what didn’t happen would only crush the spirit, so I look forward with enlightening hope.
And as I look back, because I know I will, I’m not a Transformer after all, I know i’d look back with a smile on my face and appreciation, because all of those crazy, psychotic ones that littered the broken road led me to a wonderful beginning and a wonderful person who is out there.
The person I didn’t have to look for. The person I didn’t have to pretend to. The person who’d love me even if I’d rather stay at home on a Saturday night and blog. The person who wouldn’t think I’m fat or would forbid me from wearing heels. The person who appreciates the brilliancy in the middle of my talkativeness.
The person God made just for me.

So, now even if we haven’t crossed paths yet, i’m celebrating Valentine’s Day, because even if our story hasn’t started yet, this part of the story, the waiting part, the Definitely Maybe part, is what makes the story worthwhile.