Want to know what’s totally crazy about me? Everytime I get hurt and/or rejected, it takes awhile for me to recover. What’s crazy about the whole thing is the fact that people around me hardly know it. Only the three people who live with me know how much I cry and how much time I spend in my room pretending to read. I said pretending because most of the time I’ve gone as far as two paragraphs before breaking down. It would take awhile for me to get out of it but people really don’t have to know that.

Thing is, when I’m really upset about something I tend to be MEAN. And you know what? That kills me. It kills me when I vent out my frustrations on unknowing people who simply made the mistake of talking to me on that day. This is so wrong since I should find other ways to vent, you know? Like boxing or karate. Something violent of that sort.

Well, let’s just say that I know how to vent my frustrations and obviously that is what I’m doing now. BUT, I don’t think its enough since I don’t really write down everything in graphic detail (I really don’t think I should haha). Tell me exactly, when did I ever write down how I’m really feeling?

So, there might be a problem there. I should learn how to let it all. Keyword being learn. I don’t think its enough that I spend the ENTIRE afternoon writing it down on my journal and crying all by myself. I hardly tell people how I feel because I know that they’d either get bored of me or think that my rantings aren’t worth anything so I shut up and just keep it all in.

Cause maybe..just maybe, I’m simply being my old plain dramaqueen self. So much for early retirement.

i LOVE the new american idol!!:)

“The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. I say, if the culture doesn’t work- don’t buy it!” – Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays with Morrie.

It’s funny that whenever I meet up with:

a) old friends
b) new aquaintances
c) family

The protocol question is this:

“So, are you dating anyone?!”

Of course I answer with a NO. Some are polite enough to let me be while others tend to ask me more questions when my parents’ back are turned. Haha, as if my parents don’t know anything about me. Tough Luck.

I guess some people just don’t want to believe that a soon to be 18 year old such as myself has never been in a relationship and is really not in the market for one.

For the past four years its been getting harder to explain to people about my dating status and my purity ring. Well, for one thing, this culture does not accept the fact that a girl my age enjoys being single. They always expect some drama or some story when it comes to that. As if that’s the only significant part of any teenager’s life. Please, I have other things to worry about and sometimes when I give people that explanation, they simply think I’m cynical.

Duh. Thing is, I have this belief that these things are not things that one should look for, instead it would come.

This belief is the reason why I get irritated whenever people try to set me up with “nice guys” etc.

It would come. I don’t have to rush it.

Gad, why don’t people just get that?

I have a million and one things to do and dating isn’t really a priority…YET.

thanks jade ed girl for your comment.:) it really made me smile so THANKS:)

I think I’ve mentioned this before that the little things that don’t annoy most people annoy me. I’m unique in that sense I guess-haha. BUT for these past few days, these little annoyances has become more than just “little”.

For one thing, there’s this “friend” of mine who makes it her mission in life to make sure that she’s better than me and make me aware of it. Now that is something I just don’t understand since I have this belief that no one is better than anyone. People are different from each other, not better. It’s rather annoying cause this “friend” makes sure that she knows what Im doing at all times and makes sure that I don’t do anything that would make me “better” than her. Whatever missy, I am in no competition. I only compete with myself and so far, that has been really fun. BOO YOU!

Ginebra’s losing streak. *tear* I don’t want the season to end just yet. Gur.

This other “friend” who was constantly there when he needed something from me but quickly disappeared once I’ve done the little favor that he was asking for. Hmph. Some best friend.

People who judge me based on a few measley conversations.

Nice guys who date trashy girls. Don’t they know that they deserve more? It’s kindda sad and pathetic if you ask me. You can do SO MUCH BETTER!!

The meger supply of nice guys. And I’m not talking about nice guys to date since im not in to dating yet, i mean nice guys period. Don’t they ever realize that the “ignoring-the-girl-so-she’d-be-into-me” is so Dawson’s Creek. We’re in the One Tree Hill era already. Get over it.

Guys who play games. If you want to be friends with someone, be friends with someone. if you want to be something else with someone, tell that someone. It wouldn’t kill you. And that might work instead of constantly making the other person think without even asking how they feel. Come on, what if that “someone” just wants to be friends and you go on playing games with that someone? I better stop this is just tad confusing.

I guess its been awhile since I actually sat down and wrote anything meaningful. To be honest, my family and close friends have been the recepient of my oh-so opinionated reviews on everything including the teen edition, current movies (would you believed I actually loved m.i.3?! haha) and everything else in between.

Thing is I actually have like 5 entries, but then again you can never trust a floppy disk ever again. That’s it, I’m never using one again.

So, how have I been?

…Well, for one thing my whole family has this crazy notion that i’m anorexic/bulimic. Its quite funny and embarassing because I weigh pretty much how I SHOULD weigh, I checked on the internet. My weight compliments my height. It does not help though that I collapsed last saturday, BUT that’s due to PMS and not some eating disorder.

other than that I’M okay. Will blog again soon:) Just dropped by to remind you guys that i am ALIVE. haha:)

I anticipated the summer on the last week of school. I was dreaming about it and thought of things that I would do when I’d finally get all the free time I could muster. Now, 2 weeks into the summer and I tell you this: I’M BORED!

The bum’s life ain’t for me, that’s for sure. I’ve cleaned every inch of my room, color coded all my clothes, bags, books and dvds. I’ve finished two books already and halfway through with my third. I’m about to start my self-imposed spanish lessons and yet i’m still BORED!! I am so jealous of the top 12 housemates who entered big brother’s house last weekend. I know i’ll probably be equally bored but it would be a good experience and the prizes ain’t bad at all!

Highschool friends have that way of making you go back to who you used to be. In my case, its that unself-actual;ized girl who weighed more than your average 16 year old. She had zero confidence to speak of. Whenever I meet up with people from my highschool, I’d always be that loser who never had a date.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my highschool friends dearly, but who I was a year ago isn’t exactly who I am now. Meeting up with these friends still leave a part of me inferior. It makes me perfectly normal system go haywire and disoriented. What is it with highschool friends anyway? Or just highschool in general?

I saw “just friends” last week and I know how the main character feels like. Haha. The movie wasn’t that good (I even forgot the main characters’ names, so yeah, it wasn’t good at all hehe) but I could relate to it. Highschool was loser time for me and I can’t help but feel that way whenever I have lunch with them.
I don’t know if that exactly is a good thing. Familiarity is supposed to be a good thing but right now, I don’t think so. It kindda pulls me back to who I used to be. NOT trying to be dramatic here but yeah, its awkwards to be with these people and realized that yeahuh, you’ve changed but to your hs friends you’ll always be who you were labeled to be at highschool:)

Ecology was disappointing. But good enough anyway. I hope I did well. I mean really I hope my hard work paid off all the studying about mendel and darwin and all that population crap. Whoot. I am such a geek, I was actually studying for that during last friday’s game. It was a great game though but the game last sunday was even better.

Okay, I just had to rant. I have to get back to political science now. Haha;)

Finals is in less than a week and of course i’m freakin out like crazy. Thing is a lot has been happening in my so called life aside from school. Things aren’t as perfect or as perky as I wish it to be. *sigh* and the heat is killing me! haha, everywhere I go its just plain humid.:)

Anyway, I have to go my polisci break is almost up.

Ginebra vs. Coke on Friday.

Go kings. I miss winning! haha:)