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My Freedom Story

If you have been kind enough to read my blog in the past year, you will know that summer 2015 has been extremely definitive for me in way that heartbreak does. In the middle of that one of a kind storm, God gave me the beautiful opportunity to share my freedom story with the women of Arise Philippines. It has been seven months since this wonderful chance to share my heart and the secrets I have kept in the dark over years.

At first I was shy to share this video for the shallowest reasons (I was still a few pounds heavier, no make up, bad angles) but ironically, my freedom story is God freeing me from my insecurities so I’m sure that is part of His plans as well.

I am continually amazed at how God continues to work in my life for I have learned a lot as well from the time I shared this testimony and how He continually uses all things including my own mistakes, failures, and heartaches to mold me into the person He has always wanted me to be.

O Lord, you have examined my heart

    and know everything about me.

2 

You know when I sit down or stand up.

    You know my thoughts even when I’m far away.

3 

You see me when I travel

    and when I rest at home.

    You know everything I do.

4 

You know what I am going to say

    even before I say it, Lord.

5 

You go before me and follow me.

    You place your hand of blessing on my head.

6 

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

    too great for me to understand!

7 
I can never escape from your Spirit!

    I can never get away from your presence!

8 

If I go up to heaven, you are there;

    if I go down to the grave,[a] you are there.

9 

If I ride the wings of the morning,

    if I dwell by the farthest oceans,

10 

even there your hand will guide me,

    and your strength will support me.

11 

I could ask the darkness to hide me

    and the light around me to become night—

12 

    but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.

To you the night shines as bright as day.

    Darkness and light are the same to you.

13 
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body

    and knit me together in my mother’s womb.

14 

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!

    Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it.

15 

You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion,

    as I was woven together in the dark of the womb.

16 

You saw me before I was born.

    Every day of my life was recorded in your book.

Every moment was laid out

    before a single day had passed.

17 
How precious are your thoughts about me,[b] O God.

    They cannot be numbered!

18 

I can’t even count them;

    they outnumber the grains of sand!

And when I wake up,

    you are still with me!

19 
O God, if only you would destroy the wicked!

    Get out of my life, you murderers!

20 

They blaspheme you;

    your enemies misuse your name.

21 

O Lord, shouldn’t I hate those who hate you?

    Shouldn’t I despise those who oppose you?

22 

Yes, I hate them with total hatred,

    for your enemies are my enemies.

23 
Search me, O God, and know my heart;

    test me and know my anxious thoughts.

24 

Point out anything in me that offends you,

    and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

– Psalm 139

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Yellow Umbrella

Today, I came across iflix, which is the closest Asians could get to Netflix (but no, I ain’t chilling with you) and discovered my love once again for Ted Mosby. Ten years after it has premiered, Ted continues to captivate my heart and makes me believe that a character was created just for me, I am Ted, Ted and I should have ended up together. 

What got me was what he told Robyn in the pilot episode:
 
“You know what? I’m done being single, I’m not good at it. Look, obviously you can’t tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can’t. I’ll tell you something though, if a woman, not you, just some hypothetical woman, were to bear with me through all this, I think I’d make a damn good husband, because that’s the stuff I’d be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father and walking her five hypothetical dogs.”
And it hit me because today, I just realized to embrace who I am, quirks and all. As the eternal Little Miss Sunshine / Stargirl, I couldn’t help but let every single person in. And that includes people who constantly abuse my kindness. 
You know those people who sweet talk you to feel good about themselves, people who promise a lot of things (and not even grand things, just small ones), and those who always leave you hanging for no reason. Friends say I shouldn’t expect so much and I often don’t but the least I expect from a person is decency. 
People who keep their word or at the very least, show you that you’re valuable, even as a friend. 
And yes, I can’t be a chill girl who plays the game but I can be a good and loyal friend. However, a person has their limits and to be repeatedly treated indifferently or as a way to stroke one’s ego is tiring. 
So today, Little Miss Sunshine cut her ties  and while I do feel guilty, it does feel empowering, not to mention freeing. 
It’s not much to ask to be treated with respect and no, you don’t have to be a “bae” to act on your word and do what you say you would do. 
And while being Ted in a world of Barmeys maybe tough, I’m proud of who I am because one day, the yellow umbrella will arrive but until then, I’m good dancing on my own. 
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Empowered by the Beautylista

“When women empower each other, incredible things happen.”
As a woman, I firmly believe that it is incredibly important to surround one’s self with women who encourage, empower, and promote each other. When we were younger, bickering and competing with each other seemed to be the way women treat each other. However, as you grow older, you realize that nothing brings greater joy than having a solid group of girlfriends who would tell you what selfie you should post, when to cut communication with that flaky guy, and women who would cheer you on when you’re both losing and winning in life.
Because of this belief, I always strive to be this kind of friend to the girlfriends that God has blessed me with. In the same breath, I make sure to consciously surround myself with women of substance and positivity.
One of my favorite girlfriends in the world is Angela Medalla- Yeo. The wife of famed Green Archer and now professional basketball player, Joseph Yeo, Angela and I met when Joseph and my dad were in the same basketball team together. We then developed a friendship out of our common love for optimism and everything else in between.
In my head, I would often describe Angela as a superwoman who does it all. A graduate of De La Salle University, the commercial model used to be a pre-school teacher before becoming a hands-on mom to her two adorable daughters, Mariana and Helena. Aside from taking care of her girls 24/7, Angela is also an entrepreneur who has Fizzle Fries branches of her own.
But Angela’s biggest passion lies in the field of make-up. After giving birth to her first child, Angela, pursued her interest in make up by studying in the famed Center for Aesthetic Studies. This led to bigger stints with Mega Fashion Crew and opportunities to share her work through magazine editorials and print ads.

However, what excites Angela the most is the opportunity to empower women through make up, “Make up empowers women in a way that makes her feel good about herself. It makes her feel confident and gives her the power to interact with people daily.”
This is the reason why she set up Beautylista on both Instagram and YouTube and launched her very own blog that will soon host her make up tutorials and other how-tos that will guide other super mommies like her.
Angela stumbled upon the idea when followers of her personal account started asking how she did her make up and what products to use. She then decided to use the power of the Internet for good and decided to pay it forward, “I learned so many things from watching YouTube videos so I felt this was a good way to share what I know.”
A one-woman team, Angela meticulously takes care of the production of her videos and she finds it a lot of fun, especially since she is able to do it while her girls are in school. For her, the greatest satisfaction is found in knowing that other women, through her tips, will be able to find ways to empower themselves, even through something as simple as perfecting their eyebrows before leaving the house. 
When asked what the secret was to her superwoman lifestyle, she was quick to say, “ Learn how to take care of yourself so you can take better care of others and don’t worry if you’re not perfect because there’s always another day to make things better.”
**
For more, follow Angela on Youtube and Instagram @beautylista and visit her blog www.beautylista.com.

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Me Again

Just in case you’ve been living under the rock, we’re already in the 10th month of the year. In less than 80 days, we will once again be ringing in the New Year and just like that, 2015 will be nothing more than just a memory.

It has also been three months since I turned 27 and it feels like I have already been 27 for 20,000,000 years! To say that 27 has been challenging so far would be an understatement but let me just make one thing clear, while it might have been challenging, it has also been a blessing.

To be ridiculously, painstakingly honest, I lost my way for a little while. When your entire world crumbles and when your worst fears come true right before your eyes, on the day of your birthday nevertheless, you become a different version of who you are. I’d like to believe that you lose your essence for a time and for a season, you’re just floating in and out of consciousness until one day, you realize that you’re tired of retelling the same old story over and over again. You’re tired of having to explain your broken heart because in reality, nobody has the right to tell you that what caused it wasn’t such a big deal. Nobody has the right to minimize your pain but at the same time, you’ve gotten tired of the ache you feel when you wake up. You also get tired of trying to wonder why it had to happen to you, you’re tired of being angry, and most importantly, you’re tired of not being who you really are.

The journey to getting myself back together was obviously a long and tedious process (as vaguely documented here). It took a month long vacation, a lot of quick fixes, getting over those quick fixes, a lot of conversations with friends, and still a lot of tears for me to be able to see the sunshine again. The sunshine came back into my life slowly and none of it was because of what was happening externally. Believe me, I escaped as much as I could but I realized that at the end of the day, no matter how many well-meaning people walked into my life, I wouldn’t be completely okay unless I stopped relying on external things to make me whole again.

What hurt me the most throughout the process was the fact that I lost what made me me. As a young girl, I have always brought the “sunshine” into the party, wherever the party was. I was everybody’s cheerleader and I loved everyone around me until I bled. Having someone take advantage of that in the worst possible way scarred me to the point of no return. I no longer wanted to be the girl who gave without question. I hid in my cave to protect myself and just like the Beast in Beauty and the Beast (of course, there’s a Disney reference), I decided to hide away.

But today, as I had a wise conversation with a good friend, I have come to understand that the reason why I was so frustrated was because I lost what God has put inside of me out the fear that I would once again be rejected and betrayed. But while I didn’t experience pain, I also didn’t experience joy and most importantly, I didn’t give it out and I was tired of it. I lost what made me me and it left me frustrated.

There is a possibility that I will get rejected and hurt again but that shouldn’t stop me from being who God made me to be because in His name, I find strength and in Him, I begin again. It has been a humbling journey to know that we have a Heavenly Father who loves us, no matter what we’ve been through or how far away we have strayed.

So today, with no big hoolah-balooh, I decided to be me again and it felt good because I missed me.

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Of Coffee and Cocktails

I started drinking coffee at the tender age of six. I don’t know really what started the addiction in me, but I remember being six and demanding my dad to get me another cup. The addiction stayed with me well into my college years where I was taking in about five cups a day to stay awake.
As I transitioned out of college and into the working world, coffee shops became a place of solace. More than just taking coffee because of my dire need for it, it has become an experience, a time that I rest from the world and just be (which also means a lot of occasional people watching).
I associate my coffee drinking with relaxation, the first few minutes before my day starts or the minutes in between deadlines and meetings. It may come with age but I am also enjoying quality time spent with myself with just a good book, without my phone, and a new restaurant to explore. There’s something about being twenty something that gives you courage to go to unknown territories without questioning the whole concept of doing it alone.
However, there are just days when you want to fill the silence while experiencing something new and my go-to person is my good friend, Jap. Jap and I have been working together for almost three years now and our relationship has evolved from strictly professional to overly personal over the years (yes, she is often the recipient of my just woke up selfies). One of the new places we visited in our second home, SM Aura, is UCC Mentore. UCC Mentore is the spin off of the original Titos of Manila place, UCC, and just like any spin off, it is hip, exciting, and offers exciting ways to enjoy coffee.
UCC Mentore’s fine collection of Coffee and Liqueur Connoisseur selections basically puts together two incredible things together: coffee and liqueur. Mix that in with a great afternoon of Baked Brie with Fig Jam, Truffle Mac and Cheese, and good ole’ Lengua and you’ve got an afternoon to remember. Jap and I gabbed the afternoon away along with newfound friend, Janna Arceo and it made me realize that while doing things alone can be liberating it, you have a choice to actually not be alone. 
You have the choice to pick up the phone, ask your best girlfriends to hangout with you, and indulge in an afternoon of drinks of all kinds. While more and more places are welcoming brunch cocktails, UCC Mentore is the only place that gives you the opportunity to have a mix of coffee and cocktails at the same time during the day.
Our favorites in particular were Bailey’s with Sumiyaki Beans (Yes, coffee and Bailey’s right beside each other) and a Willy Wonka, which is a mix of vodka, espresso, lemon zest, and frangelico. So the next time you feel like you need a jolt of espresso while at the same time an hour of relaxation, UCC Mentore is the way to go. UCC Mentore in SM Aura also boasts of a Mini Golf putting area, which your friends can use to unwind or you can use during business meetings just like in the movies.
Truly, at the end of the day, all a busy woman really needs are her girlfriends, good food, strong coffee, and yes, a cocktail to get through just about anything.

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Grati-dad.

I’d like to believe that my dad is a walking fountain of well-meaning wisdom. As strong and as silent as he is, my dad doesn’t hold back from giving advices to those around him, he feels that this is his mission in life, to share what he has learned as much as he can to those younger than he is. As his daughter, these words of wisdom are often dispensed during our morning car rides while my brother and I tutor him on The Weeknd and other new artists (he hates listening to what he describes as ‘old people’ music).
One of my personal favorites is when my dad reminds me to be grateful for all the things going right in my life whenever life takes a bad turn. My dad is not a man who takes whining lightly. For one thing, he survived so many things growing up and for me to complain about mundane things frustrates him to the core. Ironically so, my dad has taught me to “man up” and pushed me to see how I can help make the world a better place instead of constantly asking, “what’s in it for me.” For him, life is not perfect but there’s always something to be thankful for and somebody to help.

This is the reason why I got overly excited when Absolute Distilled Drinking Water invited me to visit Dr. Fabella Memorial Hospital in Manila. As many of you know, Fabella Hospital is known to take in mothers who do not have the means to give birth. September is a rather busy month for them since this is the month that produces as much as 70 babies a day. Fabella, while recognized by the World Health Organization as the model maternity, still needs all the help it can get in order to ensure that every mother who goes to them for help is attended to. Absolute wanted to make sure that the hydration of the mothers and babies are well taken care of by giving away tons of bottled water. Truly, a little goes a long way.
The team was briefed prior to visiting the maternity ward. We knew that sometimes up to four mothers, along with their babies, share two beds and this has become such a common occurrence that people are no longer surprised, but I was. I must admit that in the weeks leading up to my visit to Fabella, I have been consumed by situations that I shouldn’t have even wasted my time on.
And suddenly, in the sea of mothers who were just trying to ensure that their newborn babies were taken care of even if it meant surviving in a cramped and rather hot room (Fabella is doing a great job in taking care of the mothers although maybe a little more help would be great, can someone give them air-conditioning already), I realized just how selfish I was. These mothers, who were sweating while breastfeeding their babies, were actually smiling, as if oblivious to the plight of their lives. Most of them didn’t know where to get their next meals or where to get the milk to feed their babies and yet, they smiled. It was as if they didn’t have any care in the world. They didn’t ask why life was like that; they just knew that at the end of the day, they will be okay. They trusted in the goodness of life and it made me wonder why I had such a hard time believing it.
It is often said that we help in order to make the lives of those less fortunate around us better but in truth, in helping them, we truly help ourselves.
My dad was right, if we learn to look beyond ourselves and life’s petty problems (most of them we created ourselves), there truly is a lot to be thankful for.

And this is what keeps us going even on our worst days.
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Finding a Home in the Sky

On a regular, average day, it is not uncommon for people say out loud or think in their heads, “I really need to get away from the city.” The city, though highly amusing and entertaining at times, can be extremely limiting in terms of breathing space. No matter how much we enjoy our lives, we reach a point where we just need a break and somewhere to escape to.
Thankfully, VConsunji Incorporated, Stephen Ku, and Slater Young fulfills this dream through the Busay Sky House. Nestled in the beautiful mountains of uptown Cebu, Busay Sky House brings together smart and stylish while not being far away from metro giving everyone a chance to having the family / vacation home of their dreams.
The exclusive mountain top development boasts of Sky Houses, a visual once only seen on creative Pinterest boards as conceptualized and developed by real estate heavy weight Victor Consunji along with friends Stephen Ku and Slater Young and Architect Juan Serina of H1 Architecture. The literal sky house of our dreams is actually a unique modern Cliffside home that takes advantage of the beautiful view of Cebu City.

The sky houses feel like the tree houses of our childhood daydreams, floating above the cliff side, above tree top canopies with views that can leave anyone breathless. But more than just being strikingly beautiful, it’s meant to be a home, Consunji says, “We are primary home developers. This means no matter what the design or the location, our utmost interest is to create a lasting home for our home owners. A home that is big enough for their family, well built with premium finishes, organized and expandable to grow with their future needs. A home, whose design is lasting and adaptable, and architecturally forward looking to be as timeless as possible.”
The Sky Houses are conveniently located in Busay Hilands which is the right combination of desirable factors such as the view and the terrain and is the right mix of convenience and lifestyle. It’s being in the Metro without actually being in it, it gives you that needed space in between where you have to be and where you want to be, a place that gives you the solitude, fresh air, and privacy that you need.

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Sweet Home Santa Maria

As I write this, my almost five week vacation is about to wind down. Days have been spent visiting the most famous cities in the world, visiting memorable spots and seeing so many beautiful people my eyes can barely decide where to look. The last stop of our trip is in a quaint little town in the Central Coast, Sta. Maria. It has been my Ninang’s home for the past 25 years and my Mamang’s for quite some time now. After the busyness of the first three cities, it’s safe to say that Sta. Maria is a different change. For one thing, there is hardly any activity; it was so quiet that my baby brother Carl asked our dad if he was planning to place us in our very own witness protection program. My phone, which I haven’t been on that much in the first three stops, was now turned on actively. I have finished a total of three books in a span of three days and have completed so many writing assignments and yet still find so many hours stretched in between. I have also committed to double a day work outs and the days still couldn’t be filled.
I was looking for a activity. I was looking to see different people and see scenic places without realizing that I was in Santa Maria for a reason: to spend time with my still strong 80 year old Mamang and spend time with my Ninang. For the longest time, family often meant just our small family of four since everyone has long migrated to the United States so adjusting to family other than my parents and my brother took awhile. And for someone who fills her days to the brim, sitting down beside my Mamang while she indulged in her favorite teleseryes was a radical change. It brought me back to the simpler days where she took care of us after school. She constantly asked me what I was doing on my phone and was content in just being still. After a few days of adjusting to the slower paced lifestyle, I found myself enjoying the presence of my grandmother, who is possibly the funniest person I know. She is so like my mother that I couldn’t help but appreciate my mom even more. Our random conversations were peppered with wisdom. My Mamang is the real feminist because even in the 50s she walked away fearlessly from anyone who didn’t treat her the way she should be treated. She raised her three children on her own and to this day, continues to be independent. I see a lot of myself in her and it was good to be reminded.
Spending time with my Ninang has taught me the essence of how important perspective is in life. Also ferociously independent, my Ninang has been taking care of herself for years and her no nonsense attitude about life has taught me that life is a choice. One of the strongest women I know, she has inspired me to be strong and to love life, no matter what.

I was itching to get away the moment I landed in the quaint town but I must admit that it is already growing on me. I realized that I could see all the glitter that the world can offer but spending time with family is priceless. I could see the entire world anytime but to spend time with my Mamang doing nothing is something I cannot replicate. Everyday, I’m thankful to God for slowing my life down at the right time and for making me see the importance of the little things because these little things, it’s what makes life beautiful.
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Breathe Fire

Girls, from the moment they are young, are taught to be pretty. They’re given frilly dresses to twirl in, beautiful shoes to walk in, and shiny glitters to put on their hair. Princesses only get their happy endings once they are given a make over making that transition from ordinary to stunning. Fairytales are cute and entertaining, this is the reason why they’re never questioned. Parents often just need a way for kids to entertain themselves and there’s nothing wrong with a little amusement but what are the underlying messages in it? Unconsciously, little girls grow to believe this – that they are only worthy when they are beautiful. So they spend hours primping, going to the gym, battling between not eating and eating, angling in front of their camera phones and choosing the perfect filter. Don’t get me wrong, there are strong women who do it for themselves, but at one point or another, we have become that woman. We have longed to become so beautiful so we get to be chosen. We hope against hope that we are the fair maiden that gets saved (with J.Cole screaming ‘don’t save her, she don’t want to be saved) at the end of the story.
Women are raised to be ornaments. If you are beautiful enough, you get to be the trophy wife. You get to be the prize the handsome knight wins at the end of the day. Nobody ever talks about the man being worthy enough for the maiden, by being male, he is already worthy. As a child, my father taught me to become a thoroughbred. Looks were not a major factor in our home, or maybe, I was the daughter who was taught not to rely on it. I was taught to focus on school, on being my own person, and growing into my own woman. This made me focus on school, priding on grades instead of dates but at the end of the day, any dorky girl wishes for one thing: to be noticed for her looks and not just her ability to crack a sarcastic joke or know the statistics of a basketball game. It’s true when they say that we often crave for the things we don’t have. But what happens when you finally get it?
Let me tell you one thing: nothing. Nothing changes. There is no magic, there is no pill, unlike the fairytales we love so much getting what we want doesn’t change much if our inner self isn’t right to begin with. We can get all the glitters in the world but at the end of the day, it doesn’t mean anything. For what is it to gain the world but lose our soul?
Happiness cannot be found in external sources. We can get all the praises in the world but once the excitement fades away, we’re left with ourselves, do we like who we are? Also, must we constantly find our worth in what the opposite sex says about us?
A recent viral post by a Georgian mom, Jessica Kirkland, over the Duggar scandal puts things in perspective:

“As a mother of daughters, this makes me ill. Parents, WE MUST DO BETTER BY OUR DAUGHTERS. Boys, men, are born with power. Girls have to command it for themselves. They aren’t given it. They assume it and take it. But you have to teach them to do it, that they can do it. We HAVE to teach our daughters that they are not beholden to men like this. That they don’t have to marry a man their father deems ‘acceptable’ and then stay married to that man long, long after he proved himself UNACCEPTABLE. Educate them. Empower them. Give them the tools they need to survive, on their own if they must. Josh Duggar should be cowering in fear of Anna Duggar right now. Cowering. He isn’t, but he should be. He should be quaking in fear that the house might fall down around them if he’s in the same room as she. Please, instill your daughters with the resolve to make a man cower if he must. To say “I don’t deserve this, and my children don’t deserve this.” I wish someone had ever, just once, told Anna she was capable of this. That she knew she is. As for my girls, I’ll raise them to think they breathe fire.”

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Quick Fixes

We live in a society mesmerized with quick fixes. We want everything quick and fast and we groan every time we’re asked to wait for something. We’re not used to taking anything slow. The world today has given us many opportunities to get everything we want when we want it as quickly as we want it. We have lost the beautiful art of waiting for anything worth having and we constantly wonder why consuming more actually leaves us empty?
As a child, my mother trained my siblings and I to wait. She would take us with her wherever she went and we were tasked to entertain ourselves without a single complaint. It was in those moments waiting for her that I discovered the joy in reading, often taking three to four books with me to be safe. My mother didn’t believe in being bored. She didn’t find ways to entertain ourselves at home, we were expected to be productive even if we were just confined in the four walls of our home. So my brother and I learned to use our imagination rather wisely. We also didn’t have our own phones until we were in high school and didn’t have our own computer with a proper Internet connection until I was in college. We learned to value our time without wasting away in front of the computer. But of course, as the years progressed, we are now given more freedom to spend more time in front of our computer screens and our smart phones. My work requires me to be online 24/7 and I must constantly be updated. Seeing my friends no longer required driving and actually seeing each other, a simple message on Viber (or Blumr!) would be sufficient to update each other and while it’s convenient, it doesn’t beat real interaction.
We live double lives. We make sure everything is posted, uploaded, liked, or swiped right (or left). I once met a guy who once said he found joy when he “matched” with someone on a highly famous (infamous?) dating app and I don’t judge him for it. When you’re brokenhearted, feeling rejected, or in need for a boost out of boredom, it’s easier to go on an app with over 2,000,000 users and relish in the compliments of strangers rather than actually sit down and deal with what’s truly bothering us on the inside.
I speak about this because just recently, I too was lured by quick fixes. In today’s fast and easy society, there are a lot of quick fixes offered: food, clubs, parties, friendships, and yes false relationships. When life disappoints us, we tend to run away. Instead of facing the reality of our situation, we have the tendency to place blame (a common quick fix) or just cover up the situation by going into something new. We fall into the thrill of new beginnings without realizing that once the euphoria of something new and shiny fades away, we’re back all alone in our bedrooms, the monsters slowly creeping back in. We can get all the Band-Aids in the world but a wound doesn’t heal unless we see the reality of the pain and let it hurt first.

Before going on my one month sabbatical, an officemate of mine warned me to not use my vacation as a band-aid, instead she encouraged me to use the time to look inside and heal internally in ways that the external shiny things could not. And slowly but surely, the days, empty of routine and busy work schedules, was filled with exploration, tears, and thankfully, healing. I have been quick-fixing my life for a time but this time, God gave me the strength to go beyond the temporary happiness in the hopes of finding a lasting one.

And the journey, though extremely painful, has been fulfilling. And my wish for you today is for you to go beyond your quick fixes and find joy in last things, in the things not of the world but in the things that would truly make you whole.