Would you believe that even after two years friendster is still reinventing itself?
I’ve been a memeber for two years and I must admit, I’m still hooked.
Except for the who viewed me part.
Who cares how many people view your profile?
Ohwell.
***
Racquel finally got booted out last night.
I guess the third isn’t the charm.
Whaaaaaa?
I so didn’t get that. Hehe.
I wonder thou, if she’s gonna be showing up everywhere.
What’s the point of big brother if everyone’s
going to be showing up in your faces
after evicition?
They should have stayed in the house.
It was more entertaining.
Ohhh…
Question…
Is Sam gay?
HALA!
***
Please watch JACK AND BOBBY.
It’s amazing.
And it’s more than just love interests and the like.
It’s the life of a soon to be president of the United States,
again…
Amazing.

I had another one of my realizations last tuesday.

No one’s perfect.

Not even the smartest guy in your class who always had the answer to every single question.

Yeah, he’s okay looking…but guess where the defect is?

It’s in how he relates to people.

He’s too darn arrogant for his own good.

I had another weird dream last night. Of course, once I got up I simply had to tell my mom about it. (I really can’t write down the details of that dream, its too darn complicated)

After retelling the tale, she simply said
“You still love him, don’t you?”

I almost choked on my yakult. Love was NOT the word I was looking for.
So I gave her a shrug and she said another thing that almost made me jump out of my seat
“In fairness, he understood you. You had the same views on life. That’s not something you find easily.”

Uh, thanks for rubbing it in MOM.

But, I knew what she was talking about, inasmuch as I tried to deny it, what my mom said was true. In the four months that I’ve been in college, no one ever came close. Well, most of them came close to being jerks… but you get my point.

*sigh*

life’s stupid ironies.

somewhere out there,
Beneath the pale moon night,
Someone’s thinking of me,
And loving me tonight.
Somewhere out there,
Someone’s saying a prayer,
That we’ll find one another,
In that big somewhere out there.
And even though i know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star,
And when the night wind starts to sing
A lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the
Same big sky.
Somewhere out there,
If love can see us through,
Then, we’ll be together,
Somewhere out there,
out where dreams, come true.
And even though i know how very far apart we are,
It helps to think we might be wishing
On the same bright star,
And when the night wind starts to sing
A lonesome lullaby,
It helps to think we’re sleeping underneath the
Same big sky.

I got out of bed early today considering that my class is at 11:45. So, what exactly did I do today? I went to the gym ( haha, laugh your heart out my dear hs friends, I actually got around to doing it. *wink*) Anyway, instead of doing the normal weights, I went in and joined the aero class.
Good choice.
I wasn’t able to dance at all. Instead, I was laughing my way all throughout the excersice. I don’t want to be mean, but I swear… its so funny. Imagine all these well “older” women dancing around and if the instructor tells them to go to the right they go to the left and vice versa. I wish I could have recorded that excersice and placed it in my multiply account. Haha… mean again.

I really want to write a million more things but I realized that my class is starting soon and I still have to do a lot of things.
So ill blog again soon.

Spread the love;))

As I gave myself a break over the weekend, I couldn’t help but realize that everywhere I turned, something reminded me of KC. KC was a wonderful childhood friend, whom at 16 was killed at a fire that blazed through her house almost a year ago. With all the frenzy college life has brought in, memories of KC hardly come though I remember her every single day since she left. But last weekend was different, last weekend it was as if this gateway I kept locked opened and suddenly all the memories flooded in one by one.
While I was watching Brothers Grimm last Saturday, I remembered the time when KC, Camille and I were eleven and the G4 cinemas were fairly new, Blairwitch was the movie to see and it was the first time we went to the movies without the ‘rents. Back then we were so proud that we tricked the ticket lady into thinking that we were thirteen. We hated the movie and spent the entire time snickering about the couple who were making out behind us. I also remember the times we’d spend lazy afternoons at her place and she’d always insist on doing dreadlocks on my hair using tin foils, she always told me that she knew how to do it but I knew she didn’t. We played with her huge collection of Barbie Dolls I recall, whenever we’d get bored with that we’d troop from her house to CSA to simply stare at the clouds or play with the field and cover ourselves in mud, that was our idea of fun. My first taxi without the rents experience was with also with KC, we managed to break away from school, along with our other friends and rode a taxi from CSA to Glorietta, another thing we were proud of.. until her older brother Christopher caught her and brought her home. I thought my KC memories ended there but even after I was entertained by the movie and was about to have dinner with my family, memories continued to manifest its ways in the weirdest of places.
On the way to the restaurant where my family and I would have dinner, I caught a glimpse of two kids playing air hockey in Timezone and remembered the time wherein KC and I would spend hours playing doubles with Daisy and Carmina ,of endlessly walking around the mall, hoping to find something to buy, but instead we ended up eating. Another thing KC always nagged me about was my weight, at eleven and in fifth grade, KC and I tried numerous ways of losing weight. In her trademark KC smirk she’d always tell me whenever she caught me munching chocolates from her trusty refrigerator, “Bianca, that’s why you’re so fat eh, you keep on eating eh!” KC introduced me to all kinds of diets, including one that consisted of fruits such as dried grapes and Kiwi, I always told her I was following the same diet, but in reality, I wasn’t. KC introduced me to Starbucks, Gurlpages, email, the internet, Sixpence none the richer, Freddie Prinze JR., Dawson’s Creek, Full House reruns and Sweet Valley Senior Year. I also remembered her proudly telling me that she only used three shirts a year, including a gray Beauty and the Beast shirt that was so worn out. This was coming from a girl who had a million and one designer clothes left unused in her closet, KC was the first modest rich person I knew. And even till now, whenever I’d encounter people who always managed to remind people of what expensive things they had, I’d always tell myself, “KC had every right to brag and yet she never did.”
KC and I were geeks, we’d talk hours on the phone discussing everything and anything under the sun. A lot of books have been shuffled between us and autograph books wherein KC would always tell me to live life to the fullest in those cheesy dedication pages, KC also never let a day pass by without teasing me to my then crush. KC loved Britney Spears and she lent me her second album while telling me that Britney Spears wasn’t lame and neither was she for liking Britney Spears. We never got to play Dance Dance Revolution in public because we were too shy, although I know KC was never shy. She simply put on an exterior that pretended that she was but KC was always tough. She never cared about what people said about her and managed to live her own life without caring about other people’s business, whenever I’m faced with a problem that concerned people saying things about me, KC would always say, “Bianx… It’s not a big deal” and somehow, I believed her. KC was funny, loved teasing people as much as I did and she always gave me advice on my then “love life” (in fact, she never failed to tease me to my then crush every single day). KC was lotsa fun, she was real and didn’t mind joining me in all the geeky things I so loved doing.
Ever since KC passed ten months ago, this is the only time I allowed myself to relish all of these memories and this is the first time that I didn’t force myself to stop because it didn’t seem real, it hurt too much or because I felt guilt. You see, after I left CSA to transfer to a different school, KC and I lost contact for awhile. Looking back, it made me feel guilty to lose touch with such a wonderful friend, but I guess we both were too caught up with our own high school lives that it must’ve slipped our mind. And yet, we got reconnected in the middle of my sophomore year and an exchange of text messages was once again shuffled between us. We always vowed to meet up with each other … unfortunately, she wasn’t available the weekend we decided to meet up. KC was gone forever. KC’s last message to me was a quote (sent a week before she passed) that thanked me for being there, not just when things are up and running but also when things aren’t going so well. This leads me to a quote she sent me in fifth grade during the height of quotes and text messages, “ A lot of people would want to ride with you in your limo, but me? I’d take the bus with you when your limo breaks down and all of them has gone” And now when I think about it, KC was truly that kind of person.
KC, at eleven was my soul mate. She understood me and my many quirks, never judging me, we never ran out of things to say to each other and somehow, numerous secrets have been passed between us. There was a time wherein all my middle school friends turned their back on me and yet I remember there was one person who stayed, KC. I don’t want people to think that KC is perfect, she wasn’t and she was never ashamed to admit that. KC had insecurities but she knew her way around it, KC always focused on the positive and never the negative. That is how I always want to remember KC. I don’t remember her as Joe De Venecia’s daughter or the girl who had radical colors in her hair or as I always put it, the girl KC was in high school. KC, to me would always be that smart girl who always had something to say in fifth grade, who always had a joke ready and just like me, unsure of herself. Kristina Casimira Perez De Venecia was a real friend, no words could ever describe how truly wonderful and real she was.
As I end this entry, I no longer find tears in my eyes, instead I feel happiness. I now found a way to share with people how incredible KC truly was, and she was incredible because of who she was and not what family she came from or her money, KC knew everything about treating people right. Now, despite still the many questions in my mind, I think I may know the reason why she was called home too soon. It’s simply because her mission on earth has ended and she has already given everything she had to everyone, her love, her life and most of all the courage to be one’s self completely. KC, from the start was never like the rest which is why, to me and I hope for the rest of the lives she’d touched, she would be that imperfect, rebellious, unique and beautiful angel. One I’d never forget for the years to come for it was KC who truly inspired me to live.

It’s amazing to think that just last weekend, my heart was totally crushed and I felt the need to go back to the “hole”. But after a week into the second semester (meaning that a lot of schoolwork and readings and reports have been bombarded into our faces) I just woke up and realized that i’m over it. No matter how crappy he is or whatever it was he did to me, I just realized that I just wanted to let it go. By letting it go, I don’t mean that I’m going to jump into something as complicated as that. By letting go, it just means that Ijust want to live my life and MOVE ON. I’ve been trying to for the longest time, but I haven’t been sucessful. But i’m putting my foot down. I really have to move on. There’s nothing left for me to do. Trust me. Nothing.
Its time for me to give myself a break..
once and for all.

My ipod’s confusing me. I should’ve just asked someone to do it for me. Gurr.. No i have to survive a few days without it.. Gurr… Gurr… Gurr…

I was supposed to do my marketing practice homework this morning when my dropped me off really early for my eleven forty five class but guess what I did? Yes, I started wasting my time trying to fix my xanga site and posting a bunch of nonsense on this one. I have no idea what happened to me, its like I’ve lost my ability to FEEL. I read my first blog, the ones that truly captured my senior year (unauthorized.blogdrive.com) and I am surprised by that person. She was so emotional and had so much to give, she had so much hope and passion for … well, love. I just look at myself now and I realize that I no longer believe in sucha beautiful thing. Well, I don’t think i’m the one to blame right? After all the crap i’ve been through and all the rejection I dont think I would want to go through that again. Getting hurt means that you’re alive, well i’m pretty damn know how alive I am. Hahahha. Don’t get me wrong, I so want to feel that kind of passion again, I’m just hoping that the next time I do…
it wouldn’t hurt so much anymore.

I seriously expected the second term to be so much better than the first. Okay, okay I know i shouldn’t conclude anything yet since the first week hasn’t ended yet, but still I can’t help it. A lot has changed. I really can’t get into detail but yeah… a lot has changed.

boo-hoo.