I haven’t written in over a week and my friends have been worried sick.
Just in case you are wondering how’s school and my friends.
Well, they’re great.
And I am sorry.
A lot has happened over the days I haven’t blog.
And I don’t think I would gain this perspective if I haven’t knelt down
and cried my heart out to My Lord.
It happened last Saturday and unfortunatley,
I was in the “hole” again.
I felt so alone,
and I felt as if I was going nowhere in life.
Until I prayed.
Don’t get me wrong,
I pray everyday,
its just that this time it was different.
I mean I pray everyday after my devotions,
but this was different.
I was reading a book the other day and I came across this,
“Blessed are the weak. For when we are at our weakest,
we leave everything behind and lean on God.”
That’s what happened to me.
I was at my weakest and the only thing that I could do
was trust God.
I should have done a long time ago.
But I was too afraid to let go and let God lead the way.
I feel so much better about everything.
and my future.
It is all in His hands.
On a lighter note, I am graduating in a week!
Can you believe that a week and im out of highschool.
I sure feel like Jessica Darling from Sloppy Firsts and second helpings.
Still believe in destiny.
I still believe that there’s someone out there for me.
And I don’t have to do anything.
I just have to focus on other things
and believe that the Lord would bring Him to me
at the right time and place.
When I’m ready.
TO SENIORS BATCH ’05:
I am writing this down now because I may not be able to blog
again in a few weeks, so I’m taking advantage.
Thank you guys for everything. As I’ve said in my yearbook thanks,
I thank you for the laughter, the tears and the lessons learned.These were the best times of my life and I don’t regret any of it.
Sorry you know tempermental I am.
There are still a lot of things I want to say,but this sums it all up:
“Ill miss you loads. Keep in touch”
Heck, I know we will. Tayo pa!=)
I love you guys.=) *mwah*
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you
and not to harm you. Plans to give you a Hope and a future”
There are great things in store for us.
All we have to do is lean on Him.
I’d like to think that these are just one of those days,
or one of those weeks,
or one of those months.
I’d like to say that life is perfect and rosy.
I’d like to, but that would be a lie.
Some may call it issues, some may call it my usual drama antics.
I have no idea what to call it.
But if this is metamorphosis, why does it hurt so much?
Why do I have to go through a lot to reach that “point”.
Why have my so called friends suddenly lost interest on me?
Why don’t they even call to explain what’s going on.
They have just turned thier backs without a word whatsoever.
I thought my senior year would be trival.
I thought my senior year would be unforgettable.
I’m not even on that stage and I want to forget about highschool
Okay, so it wasn’t that bad,but it was still forgettable.
What did I do wrong?
I’ve tried my best to be fair and just,
but no, they still judge.
I am so sick of pleasing people who don’t even care.
I am thankful for my old friends who accept me for me.
I am sorry to be saying this but it is the truth.
My soon to be alma mater is sick with something that is hard to
That’s what thier sick with.
Nobody ever wants someone to succed or change.
Its not something Im proud of and I am not exempting myself
I used to be like that,
come on if the crowd is like that most likely
you would be like them.
But I chose to turn away from it.
Do I get backup on my decisions?
No, the reason why I no longer have friends.
I thought they were real friends,
I was proven wrong.
I am thankful for my old and rusted friends,
they never left.
They never judged.
I could choose to remain bitter for the rest of my life.
I could choose to remember every hurt and not move on.
I could choose to do that but then I’ve decided
to use these things to motivate me to become better.
I want things to be better.
I’m gonna work for it.
Trust me on this.
You know what got me out of my “snooty” mood?
Dora, the little explorer.
Seriously, it is so fun to watch and you get to learn a little spanish too.
Its so funny.
And Will and Grace.
OMG, it could take me out of the “hole” more often than you think.
It is so funny.
Make Dora and Will (actually Jack’s the funniest!) your new bestfriends.
You’ll never regret it.=)
oh, and who could forget karen?
I’ve had enough drama to last my a week,
no a month actually!
Things are generally better.
I am better.
I’ve gotten over all the negative thinking
and I’ve done enough lashing out yesterday.
School’s almost almost done,
all we ever have to do are those graduation practices and recordings.
Honestly, I don’t know how to feel.
Its as if I want to move on but then stay.
I don’t know if this is once again my paranoia working
but I feel as if my friends have changed overnight.
I am not sure if I did something to offend them,
or this is just my imagination working.
I really don’t know.
I hope that things get cleared soon.
Everyone should watch The Pacifier,
it stars Vin Diesel and it is actually the first time I found him cute.
Its a really cute film.
I am in particular happy state today.
Happy and Content.
The Lord can truly do miracles.
Its in those little things we tend to neglect.
Miracles are everywhere,
waiting to be found.
I have no idea why I named this entry that,
I don’t even know what it means.
I just seem to feel that way today,
booshy and nosey.
Well, I cried myself to sleep last night and
still I was crying this afternoon.
Okay, nothing major happened and I don’t know why
I feel oh so sad.
Okay, I have my reasons.
But since Im trying to be an optimistic person,
I really don’t think I should write down all my rantings in detail.
I’m really trying so hard to focus on the positive and not the negative,
but sometimes it rubs in your face and you lose track of what’s important.
That’s how I’m feeling today.
Again, I was watching that local game show earlier
and again it featured kids.
One of the reasons why I cried today was watching those kids
who again were working for a living.
I know its unfair for me to complain about things,
when I am so blessed in life.
So,I asked for God to help me channel
all these pain into something positive.
Like helping out.
And im not helping others out
because its the “beauty queen” thing to do,
Im actually helping others out because its what I want to do.
Why do people always tend to judge and compare and so on?
Why can’t they just keep thier mouths shut if they have nothing nice to say?
Is that so hard?!
Why can’t people just understand that words are hurtful?!
That words could pierece through the heart and leave
wounds that could take years to heal.
You try to run away from the things said and done to you in the past.
But it haunts you.
It never stops haunting you especially when your at your weakest.
I’m at my weakest now
and its killing me.
So, please if you have nothing nice to say just shut up.
Criticzing someone doesn’t make you a better or bigger person.
Oh and my real friends are lost if you ever found them
please tell them im looking for them.
1)Go to Ireland.
2)Go to Boracay.
3)Finish writing a novel (even if it never gets published)
4)Learn two new languages.
5)Help in those build-a- home things.
6)Help in as many charities as I could.
7) Learn how to paint/draw
8)Buy myself a car
9)Buy myself a house
10) Take my parents to London.
11) Fall in love.
So, I only have one more test to go before my senior year is over.
Technically, it isn’t over yet for another two weeks,
The sentiment’s there.
Everybody should try jollibee’s chicken torpedo and fish fillet.
It’s soooo good and really cheap.
I still haven’t tried mcdo’s king something,
but shan said it was really good.
I should try that.
Before I begin,
Happy Birthday Paolo!=)
Expect Marie to take me out of my bummed out mood.
She’s so darn funny.
Me: “He’s in the new ad of Ahead”
Marie:“Talaga? Diba rubber shoes un?”
(This comment made me laugh and she asks why)
Me:“Sira! Tutorial center un!’
(She laughs boisteriously while repeating the words, “hindi nga?”
Eh kasi may rubber shoes na A din nagsstart di ko lang alam ano”)
Me: “Is Tru Calling nice?”
Marie: “Band un diba?!”
(I wait for her to laugh at her joke, apparently it wasn’t a joke.)
Me: “Show un”
(laughter errupts again.)
Don’t think that those are the only things we ever talk about.
Although, most of our conversations turn out to be that way,
we also talk about serious things.
Like taking risks (we have resolved to take more risks..yeah, right.)
What are we going to do if we are finally going to be introduced to the
parents of our significant others (a huge “as if” comes after this).
We also talked about how unfair our lives were (as usual)
and of course we talked about KC and how we should be as
optimistic as she was.
And yeah she said something that made me smile,
“College is your time to shine. Just wait.”
Thanks Chi, for cheering me up for the nth time=)
I was watching a game show yesterday on a local channel.
The participants were kids, street kids, mind you.
One of them has nine siblings, only one working parent
who earns thirty pesos a day and five out of the ten kids were working.
I know this isn’t a new thing here in the Philippines,
but still I was stunned.
They were working instead of studying.
Because the taxes we pay (technically our parents pay)
all go to beautiful houses in executive villages,
expensive jewelry and luxury cars of our gov’t officials.
While these kids are working extra hard just to be fed.
Where is the justice in that?
I could only shake my head.
Thank you again to zen, my forever life saver,
if it weren’t for you i would have ended up passing
that project that resembled a first grader’s work.
Thank you so much!!!
only two more tests to go and im good to go.=)
So true, I never learn.
Whenever I say that nothing’s happening in my life,
a bomb drops.
And one has just dropped earlier,
about twenty minutes ago
and it poured on me like a bucket of cold water.
So, what poured on me?
Well, it was another form of betrayal.
When I started this new blog of mine,
i was hoping that everything I write would be positive.
But, hello, this is me we’re talking about.
I have resolved to no longer be cynical with the beautiful life that I have been blessed
I plan to stick to that resolution,
but that doesn’t mean that I couldn’t say how I feel today.
I feel betrayed,
I feel cheated.
these feelings aren’t new anymore.
I must admit that I am not mad or angry.
Just deeply dissapointed.
He isn’t for me,
I deserve better.
Again, I know these things.
And now I understand them.
But what’s ,kind of hard to understand is the fact
that my supposedly good friend didn’t even tell me what was going on.
She made me look stupid.
She made me think that she was my friend.
Okay, she’s still my friend,
it would be cheap to not be her friend anymore.
But still it stings.
So things have to change.
I have to stop trusting people too much,
this time they have to earn my trust.
I should stop focusing on those negative things.
I should be more sure of myself.
I should stop blaming myself for things I cannot control.
I have to change.
i seriously have to let go.
I know I have.
But again, betrayal cuts deep.
Whatever that means.
I am so sorry if my blog doesn’t seem to make sense these past few days.
I just don’t have the time to just sit down and write my thoughts.
I’ve been super busy with school and graduation.
But don’t worry,
ill be back to my senses soon.
I want to make a difference.
I want my inner light to shine,
the inner light that could only come from My Savior.
I want to influence people in a positive way.
I want to be better.
Okay, that was cheesy but so so true.
Its our last quarterly examinations this week.
Still believe in destiny,
not that it matters.=)