I caught Clueless on HBO a few days ago. I still love it. I cannot believe that in some ways I can relate to Cher. Okay, Cher minus the whole wardrobe, lack of involvement and popularity. To make things clearer maybe Cher mixed with Laney Boggs and Sam Baker. You probably get the picture.
Although, in some aspects I know I can be such a know it all, but most of the time I am just plain clueless. I try to stick my nose into other people’s business, fixing things for them to make them happy but when it comes to my own life, I hardly come up with any solutions. (I guess that’s what Abbie and Daisy’s there for. Lucky me.)
Helping other people (okay, maybe “helping” isn’t really the term here, more like “poking my nose in other people’s lives” fits better) is easier than having to sit down and sort out my own chaos.
I told you I am just plain clueless. This may sound totally whacked but solving a calculus problem is so much easier than having to go through brain surgery, trying to figure out where you went wrong, what you should be doing instead… blah… blah… blah…
So, that’s me whacked and totally clueless…
As-if.
Hahaha…=)

Text messages are keeping me happy. Very happy. Haha, especially the one Jen sent me yesterday. The whole 5-6 thing. It was so darn funny, I edited it and sent it to Pao, Zen and Carlo. It was so mean. Haha.=)
Anyway, so what have I been up to? Well, I’ve been watching a lot of basketball games lately and not just of the coke variety (by the way majorly upset with our standing and the fact that we lost against talk and text last night, even the fries couldn’t cheer me up.boo-hoo). I’ve been watching the NBA games ( I was actually rooting for Sacramento!) and other PBA games (I am now a major fan of SMB, haha). If coke’s not going to be the one to win this season, I hope SMB does. I really have no idea why people take this whole team thing seriously. Its hard to explain but then again its like a mortal sin if you cheer for a team other than yours. Its not, my dad knows I cheer for SMB. Oh and I know someone who dislikes Coke because she dislikes me. Weird noh?!
Okay, aside from basketball I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. I finally got reinspired to write and write and write. So, there believe me that takes up most of my time and helping out at home and getting myself ready for the new phase in my life. Hehe…=)
So there… my life is dull it never fails to amaze me. Maybe that’s the reason why no one ever visits this site. haha=)

(Something isn’t right with the title, wahaha.)

My brother and my dad got into an arguement the other day. Over what? you may ask. Well, it was because my dad accidentally cracked my brother’s JoJo cd case. I have no idea how that happened, but let’s just say that it caused a little chaos at home. I sigh at the realization that my baby brother has found his first “perfect dream girl.”
This incident makes me smile, because five years ago the same thing happened, only that time it was me and it was an O-Town cd (im cringing as well.) I was 12 and my life evolved around pop stars, gossip about pop stars and wanting to be like pop stars.
When I look back its so funny how I was so obssesed with Nsync and Lance Bass. Up to this day, I couldn’t part with the Nsync memorabilia that I have gathered over the short time that I was “in love” with Nsync. (Maybe, I still am.Wahaha.)
Its funny because at that time I knew everything that was to know about this so called pop culture, I had every magazine and MTV was the main channel at home. Now, at 17 all I ever follow are the shows on ETC and I don’t even watch American Idol faithfully. I believe some kids would laugh at my ignorance. Its funny how my taste in music has evolved and how I have learned to keep myself busy with other things and its funny how things that use to matter a lot don’t even ring a bell to me these days.
But what’s amazing me is the fact that what I went through five years ago my brother an those of his age bracket are going through right now. And I know its not just about knowing what’s in and what’s not. I know that they are also feeling insecure, the way I did when I was that age ( I believe there are times when I still am) and the way I was confused about what I wanted and who I was.
I wish I could give them a book on how they should take on the next five years of thier life. I wish I could hand them a “first aid kit” to mend thier hurts that come from rejection, not fitting in and realizing your weaknesses. I wish I could. I wish I could shield them from everything that I’ve been through. I wish I could make them believe me that its okay to be a geek, to be different to not be a part of the popular group and that not buying from that “cool new” store wouldn’t matter. I wish I could but then again when I was that age and I met someone like who I am now, I wouldn’t like her very much.
I think its something each and everyone of us has to go through as difficult as it may seem. Now, I know why parents worry so much.
Okay, so this entry started out as the story of my love affair but ended as something that Dr. Phil Mc Graw would end up using. I swear these long summer days have affected my brain.

IF YOU WERE ON TRIAL AND SOMEONE YOU KNOW WHO ISN’T A LAWYER, HAD TO ACT AS YOUR LEGAL REPRESENTATIVE, WHO WOULD YOU WANT TO DEFEND YOU?

** Arvin, without a doubt.


IF YOU COULD THE DIARY OF ONE PERSON YOU DON’T KNOW PERSONALLY, WHO WOULD IT BE?

** “2.3”…=)

IF YOU COULD HAVE A REALTIONSHIP WITH ANY FICTIONAL CHARACTER, WHO WOULD IT BE?

** Michael Moscovitz from Princess Diaries or Marcus Flutie from Second Helpings. Wahaha.=)

IF YOU COULD LIVE THE LIFE OF ANY FICTIONAL CHARACTER, WHOSE LIFE WILL IT BE?

** Mia Thermopolis and that’s not just because of Michael. Hehe.=)

IF YOU COULD CHOOSE BOTH MAJOR CANDIDATES FOR THE NEXT UNITED STATES PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS WHO WOULD YOU PICK?

** Spongebob Squarepants (Patrick for V. Pres) and Buzz Lightyear (Woody for V. Pres)

IF YOU COULD SPEND ONE YEAR LOOKING FOR ONE THING IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD YOU SEARCH FOR?

** World Peace. (beauty contest?) seriously, 2.3. but I guess i’ve found it na…haaay naku so complicated. i really love complicating things.

IF YOU COULD PICK ONE FAMOUS PERSON TO BE YOUR NEIGHBOR, WHO WILL IT BE?

** Oprah or Mc Donalds.Haha.=)

IF YOU COULD MAKE ONE FAIRYTALE COME TRUE WITH YOURSELF IN IT, WHICH WOULD IT BE AND WHY?

** This sounds like a beauty contest question (don’t get me started on beauty contests). Beauty and the beast. Why? because belle fell in love with the “beast” even before she saw how he really looked like. now, if that isn’t a good enough reason then i don’t know what is..

do i bag the title?

give me a break.=p

Love love the title.Haha. Its been a long time since I’ve blogged not thanks to the fact that our computer at home still ignores internet or anything else that is as hi-tech as the internet such as DSL. I’m afraid to say that our computer is technically challenged, and its something that zena cannot fix. boo-hoo. Im glad that the whole thing that i’ve been ranting about in my past entries have been cleared already, thankfully=) (glad na, thankfully pa.hehe)
So, its May already and I just had myself enrolled today. It was such a long process and the whole drug test thing is still freaking me out. Haha. I’ll be in college soon. FYI, I have decided not to go to DLSU, AC or UAP. I have decided to go SISC and I would specialize in SPED (I can hear you going, “bagay sayo, bia”). College. Scary. Ho-Hum. Most of my college friends are saying that its just like highschool. I guess id find out for myself soon. Yikes.
I have been addicted to Joan of Arcadia, Veronica Mars and American Dreams. One Tree Hill’s just a teeny bit boring and the excitement’s all gone now that Paolo told me that Haley isn’t going to end up with Nathan. Boo-Hoo. Wrong move, haley.haha=) Smallville’s new season is sooooooo nice and exciting. I wonder whatever happened to Pete.hehe=)

X-CESS:
Buy Meg’s May issue if you want to see my rather good looking friend IJ or shall I say mr. yabang? (Joke, IJ. Love ya!). And I changed my friendster name to Carla, my first name. Wala lang something new diba?! for college…hehehe=)

What’s on the surface hides what one truly feels. The face can hide the emotions, but the eyes can show the real depth. People can never pierce through what’s real and what’s faked. The little girl hides it well. Her laughter, if you listen closely echoes the hollowness of what she feels. Her smile is tweaked because it isn’t complete…
at least it isn’t yet.
Don’t be fooled by what you see, she ain’t as perfect as you assume her to be.

I crave for simplicity, diversity and realness.
I long to get out of this sugar coated world,
and not do what is expected of me.

I want to dance,shout and be free,
just sing and say what I feel.

I am real,
I just crave for freedom.

Freedom to be who I am and not be afraid.

I close my eyes but still unafraid,
because I know when I open them your still there.
But this moment could not last for long,
I dare not think of the minutes
when you wouldn’t be here anymore.
I just think of this moment,
this perfect moment with you.
The sun, the water,
your arms around me,
this simply conspires with our DESTINY.
I dare not think of what tommorow brings,
because I know we would once again,
be miles apart.
I smell your scent and open my eyes,
your warm smile greets me
and i fall deeper..

Bliss,

this is what it is.

( a month too late…but still)

To Chi, “ahead” rubber shoes especially made for you, cheat sheets for your college entrance tests, six friendship bracelets for our six year friendship and a drama queen crown to match mine=)

Abbie, I leave mang jeff’s blue bus,a radio tuned to 89.1 and a journal that would soon be filled with your wonderful and optimistic thoughts.

To Arvin, my dear, my fiance (yeah right.hehe), a president’s medal of valor, a huge trophy for being a good debater and a better friend. A tree that would never ever be moved (hehe) and my awe forever.=) you are my superman=)

Marc, Christmas’03 text message, my 15th birthday cake and a friendship out of nowhere.

To Cokie, a box of chocolait and a letter that would recount the “infamous” chocolait story and a loyalty award.

Candice, I give you your own phone line, a scrapbook of our favorite boybands (those were the days) and orange’s first album.=)

To Mia, wings to go with your angelic voice, a new guitar and another envelope, this time filled with not just my love story but the story of our beautiful friendship=)

Zena, a thousand nicknames, a huge garfield stuff toy, your cellphone otherwise known as my baby, “HTML”, videos of our short lived 3rd year REPLICA days (kalokohan yan), your own computer shop, my internet cards, portraits of sir bong and ben, difficult math problems that you could answer in an instant, UA&P tests, interviews and “seminar”, MEG november’03 issue and my friendship forever..=)

To Thea, my amazement cause you are such a great person, white oleander, another FCUK t-shirt (this time in red, i love the yellow one!), chuck taylors shopping spree (my chuckmate forever) and individuality that you never seem to run out of.=)

Miguel, “one voice”, an inbox full of messages, “advices”, handcuffs from foundation day ’03. Regrets over a friendship lost.

To Jen, my maaaaammm!!=), my daduch’s heart, heart wreching love stories, your own bathroom stall where we could bawl and cry our hearts out anytime, a gift certificate from national bookstore and goodwill. one year supply of internet cards.=)

Miko, my mamuch’s heart, a pair of new goggles.=)

To Paolo, my brother out of nowhere, “boom-boom!”, a number 15 ATENEO jersey! ONE BIG FIGHT! and that sweatshirt that’s just like Lucas’.=)

Kara, a room full of books, journals and pens. Recordings of our many conversations and a huge thanks for our real friendship.

Lily!!!, Japoy’s C5 billboard, the “nilja” nickname, papa alec secrets, the key to papa A’s office (yuck!!), bus tickets to manila from baguio and viceversa, more corny jokes and my deepest gratitude for accepting me and my many quirks.

My twin, stiff competition, starstruck one days and a better friendship.

To Marti, an award for your exceptional point of view and taste in music. Batteries for your MP3.

Lance, “psst…may ballpen ka?”, stamps and envelopes so you could send me your caricatures, a girlfriend you truly deserve (just so you could stop sulking and start cracking more jokes to cheer me up.)

Shamie, my “summer sister”, field trips, a friendship gone awry.

Janine, exciting new days in college and a new playlist on your MP3.

Gerald, southborder cds,nova,a week’s worth of walks home, an umbrella, DVDs, “what men live by” and more blings to be ala duncan.hehe.=)

Asian, a spot on fashion TV, my beshi’s heart

To Beshi-Bop, singkil bonding moments,another sun cellular sim and polvoron=)

Lala, more inspirational text messages, my awe and thanks for being my one woman pep squad!=)

and lastly…

To Carlo,
a burnt cd containing “if your not the one”, “kung ako na lang sana”, “forevermore”, “tattoed on my mind”, “burnout” (and baduy natin.), “moses prince of egypt” reruns, my first real infatuation, fragements of my broken heart, regrets and the sincere wish that goes with my genuine friendship that you would find someone who would be upfront with her feelings, won’t complicate things and allow you to move on…
To simplify…someone who isn’t me…=)

I feel guilty with my previous entry (not the ryan merriman one,he is AMAZING,don’t you think?). but I have the right to say what I feel right? whatchathink?