Arvin dear, i miss you!! i really really need your advice right now…

Chi, i need you to take me out of this stupidity i’ve fallen flat on my face on.. i mean, how could I??!! arggg.. call me soon…hoo-hoo

Jen, I also need your advice. Arvin’s all logical, you have heart.

Zena, i need your magazines, i need your jokes. I just need to rant. Dude, buti na lang talaga hindi ako nag-assumption, hmmppp!!!!

Kax, i need your reassurance. boo-hoo.

Pao, for the first time I need your kakulitan and in a weird way you reassuring me by telling me that his a loser.

Lance, i need your jokes. I need your caricatures.

Ces, i need you telling me, “bruha ka talaga. magwowork din yan”

Abbie, i simply need you to tell me what to do.

Lily, i need your jokes and all the funny kwentos about your “boys”

Thea, i need your individuality right now.

Sir Ben, i need you to demand me to pay attention so i could focus on theorems instead of this whole rut!! (ha.ha.ha.)

sf, i need our radio so i could sing the troubles away..

mia, i need your voice that is accompanied by shanneeh’s guitar…hoo-hoo..
i really have a great song in mind.

beshi boo, i really need you telling me na, “beshi don’t be sad na. wala lang un”

boo-hoo just miss my friends that all. if it wasn’t the summer i wouldn’t even be thinking of these things. man, i wouldn’t even have to worry about these things cause as my friends would like to put it,
“as if naman kasi noh. as if seryoso ka. as if lang talaga.”

ohwell, i think what really tops my list is this:
a huge pint of chocolate ice cream while watching my bestfriend’s wedding for the nth time or never been kissed or serendipity. boo-hoo..

i should stop saying boo-hoo..
but that describes how I feel…
boo-hoo..

i need you guys please please don’t all run away for some vacation..

i am still here!!!

hehe…

cge kayo mamiss niyo rin ako..
hmmppp…

I got so caught up in reading a walk to remember for the nth time today. I was crying buckets when I reached the end. That book always gets to me. But this time, it meant so much more. You see, I read that book when i was thirteen. I know, I know what did I even know back then huh? So, anyway I thought that the whole landonandjamie thing could never happen in real life. Since, hello where did you ever see a popular guy fall for a girl like jamie.
This gets my mind thinking-again. You see I know a new landon and jamie. Really and thier story is real since its happening now at this time and age. As cheesy as it may be (trust me i am not like this all the time, just really want to figure this whole thing out…)

Landon is three years older than Jamie. (unlike the book where they are both seniors) Jamie’s never had a boyfriend (just like in the book but this jamie doesn’t have one by default but the single status has grown on her and she has decided to wait). Landon is popular with girls chasing after him, having girlfriends that are considered manila’s finest. Jamie isn’t ugly, just plain looking just like in the book. She’s had her share of heartaches so she’s choosen to wait on the Lord. She sees Landon and knows nothing about him. She’s attracted. And has been for almost two years now. As Jessica darling would say it, “its better to convince yourself that your in love with someone you know nothing about”. Go figure.
But finally Jamie gets to know him, at least a side of him. And its not what she’s expected. They’re total opposites. Jamie’s sweet, serves the Lord and does not go and count boyfriends. Landon does believe in the Lord, goes to a good school and is probably reponsible, but what irks Jamie is the fact that Landon may be all over the place. This fails to meet her overly high expectations.
So what happens to her and Landon now? Well Jamie doesn’t know. She doesn’t even know if Landon know she exsists but still she’s praying for him ( like what Jamie did in the book, dont want to believe me? Read chapter 11 page 218).
This is where my question comes in does jamie even have a landon? Is she meant to spend her entire life looking at him from the sidelines? Does landon even know she exsists?
This scares her so much. The idea of being invisible scares her. but still she prays, hopes and strengthens her faith. (isn’t this what the real jamie did?).

So, I guess there isn’t really an ending to this story yet. But still guys could you help Jamie out? Should she go out with someone totally opposite from who she is? Should she let him in when the time comes?
See,that’s what’s wrong with Jamie, she’s too damn scared and the even scarier thing is what she fears the most might be true. Landon may be another jerk who’s about to break her heart-again. Cynical? Ohwell. maybe that’s just the way it is.
I really hope she’s wrong. I really hope that Landon isn’t like that.
would she ever have him?


….i figure myself…

boo-hoo…

Me: “Sometimes I think its unfair. I am only asking for one person. Some have everything or rather everyone. This is the first time that im ever asking for something. Why can’t He give me that?”

(silence. i am such a whiner.)

Abbie: “Bia, maybe He’s just calling you back. He can give you everything-anything but He has to be sure that You focus on Him and always put Him first”

(it takes a minute before I can fully take this all in.)

Me: “Well, can I still pray for that person?”

Abbie: “of course but you have to be patient and have faith. That’s all you need. Seek Him first and His kingdom, everything else will just follow.”

(silence. i say nothing because I feel guilty that I lost faith over such a petty thing)

Abbie: “You’ve said it yourself when the time comes it will be perfect. We’re too young to worry. Fall in love with God first, everything will be easier to accept-the good and the bad. He will bring you someon better than you can ever imagine.”

(this brings me to tears. know why? cause she’s right and im too damn stubborn to realize that.)

Thanks Abbie. Your the best. Your one of my bestest friends, my adviser, my counselor. Thank you so much cause when it comes to the Big Man up there well you know a lot. Thanks, I gained perspective.

…hey maybe you should too… *wink*

(entry for april 6)
Hey dear, i miss you. It could have been your seventeenth today. I know your happy. Your at a place that’s better than what we could ever imagine. The angels are probably singing, celebrating with you. I know you are laughing and smiling with them, having a blast-as always. I know your happy. I just miss you that’s all.
But i know your in paradise.
I miss you so much my dear amgel. I love you.
’till we finally meet again in paradise.
always,
bia

I seriously have to do something this summer. This whole not doing anything is getting to me and my mood swings. Yup, its worse than before. Wanna know why? well probably because when your home all day long your mind starts working. Its starts working going into overdrive. Its burnt already but still it continues running. arggg.
I still don’t know though what i should do. I want to try a million of things but again the whole college thing gets in the way. I have to focus on that too.
Something made me happy last night. Ryan Merriman is the new the ring movie. For the record I don’t even like horror movies, but id go through the whole ring thing. its not even that scary. well at least i hope so.
These are the days that i miss arvin and his levelheadedness and his logic. boo-hoo. i really miss arvin. . .

Its official summer has now turned me into a hopless, pathetic romantic. ha. ha. ha. I should do something this summer maybe i shouldn’t be watching too much one tree hill, but its so addicting. as if nathan really exsists in this world we’d like to call “reality”.
I am so grateful for basketball games, two hours of that and all the cheesiness is drained out of my system. ha. ha. ha.
I haven’t been watching dora, the explorer for the past three days and i miss it. boo-hoo.
I have been running out of funny stories, must be because I haven’t spoken to chi in ages, tee-hee-hee.
I was so happy yesterday. I taught my favorite kid a new trick. well it really isn’t a “trick” basta I taught him how to hug!! ha.ha.ha. i am so happy all i have to say is, “love cy love” and he’d wrap his arms around you and sputter words that I cannot understand. he is so adorable..=)
I am happy with my life right now, everything’s falling into place. a bit empty but nonethless fun.=)

Message: LADIES…Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot,who calls you back when you hang up on him, whowill stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait forthe boy who kisses your forehead, who wants toshow you off to the world when you are in yoursweats, who holds your hand in front of hisfriends, who thinks you’re just as pretty withoutmakeup on. Wait for the one who is constantlyreminding you of how much he cares about you andhow lucky he is to have you. Wait for the one whoturns to his friends and says, “…that’s her.”

GUYS…
Find a girl who calls you baby faced instead of hot or sexy who can’t stand it when you hang up on her and calls right back, who would sitthere for hours looking into your eyes, whodoesn’t care what you look like, but what’s insidecounts the most, Who looks at you with the twinklein her eyes and kisses you on the cheek instead ofthe lips, Wants to be with you in public, even ifyou wear those old grass stained and ripped pantswith the bleached jersey like always, Wait for thegirl who is a constant reminder of your happinessandjoy, who makes you smile just by knowing shelovesyou back. Wait for the girl who you give piggyback rides to in public and she still is in viewof her friends, while she gets off and you hear her go: “you’re the one for me, for always”

I have a huge crush on Alec Baldwin. I know he’s so old but he’s so cute. I told my dad about it the other day and he was like, “That guy’s older than I am” And I reply, “I know but still he’s so hot, no wonder jennifer love hewitt went out with him.”
My dad just laughed, it was just one of those things. one of those days. I have to go see spongebob squarepants the movie.

1.what do others think of you?
maarte, snobbish, odd, totally out there. I really have no idea how people think of me. some say im nice, some say im unpredictable, nothing ever comes close. im just a million of things they probably couldn’t figure me out either.
2. what’s one thing you like to do alone?
read.write.talk to myself. daydream, nothing beats daydreaming.
3. what is your favorite line to say when your drunk?
i drink but i don’t get wasted.
5. how many drinks before you’re tipsy?
see number 3
6. do you ever have to beg?
no.
7. what kind of books do you like to read?
the kid in me adores princess diaries. but im also into john grisham types, nicholas sparks, harry potter and self help books. ha ha ha.
8. do you think you’re cute?
nah…
9. do you have a problem changing clothes infront of your friends?
yes…
10. favorite communication method?
face to face, no one ever uses the landline anymore and i don’t trust text messaging either.
11. do you care?
hmmm…not all the time..
12. what do you eat when you raid the fridge at night?
milk and ritz crackers with cheese although my ritz aren’t in the fridge.hehehe.
13. if you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done?
happy with myself but probably my nose..ha ha ha.
15. describe your bed?
you can hardly see my bed its filled with pillows.
16. spontaneous or planned?
i love having a schedule and being beaten up by it but i know spontaneous is more fun.
17. do you know how to play poker?
no
18. what do you carry with you at all times?
phone.
19. what do you miss most about being little?
the fact that nothing mattered and you get everyone to do what you wanted them to do. “get me water, food, toys.” ha. ha. ha.
20. are you happy with your given name?
yeah but its too boring. . .
21. how much would it take to give up the internet for 4 months?
let me see… one year worth of shopping sprees from am eagle and A&F (make that a lifetime), a room full of chucks and my own mcdonalds…hahaha
22. what color is your bedroom?
vibrant RED…no kidding…LOL
23. have you ever been in a play?
yup…
24. do you like yourself and believe in yourself? why is that?
i believe in myself, sometimes you just have to. but do i like myself? there are times when i want to kick myself and throw me out of the window…see, that’s where the contradiction happens.
25. do homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you?
i have heart for these people but what sucks is the fact that parents drink and smoke and all that crap while thier kids go and work for them. that annoys me-bigtime
26. do you consider yourself to be a nice person?
yes, i try to be nice to everyone but i have my limitations.
27. do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends?
i spend a lot of time watching TV…hahaha…=)
28. what’s one thing you wish you could do but can’t? why is that?
I wish i could leave this summer and travel alone. I wish I could just leave and come back a different person, like go to Irealand, better myself and then come back for college. Then maybe by that time I would be ready.
29. what is your ideal marriage location?
the beach. i have no idea why but ive seen weddings done on the beach and i just fell in love with the whole concept.
30. whats one instrument you wish you could play?
guitar and the drums.
31. something you like and hate?
i like chocolates i hate having to be deprived of them. ha.ha.ha.
32. whats one language you want to learn?
only one?! but i want to learn a lot. i want to learn spanish, french, italian, mandarind. there are just a lot of things i want to do.
33. what do you order at a bar?
san mig light. or anything with baileys on it. but again i don’t get wasted.
34. have you ever pierced your body parts?
my two ears.that’s it.
35. do you have any tattoos?
nope and im never getting one but its always so interesting to be talking about where you want to have it and what your going to get … hehehe
36. would you admit to getting plastic surgery if confronted?
hmmm…
37. whats one trait you hate in a person?
why are you so limited? i hate liars, superficial people, conceited people and those who didn’t give a damn about anyone but themselves. bite me.
38. do you consider yourself materialistic?
no.
39. what do you cook best?
im getting there…ha ha ha…
40. do you cry in front of your friend?
yes…=)