People close to me, most especially my family are weirded out by surreal belief in destiny. I have no idea how and when I started believing in destiny but I do. Yes, I do.
I believe that there is that one person out there for every single one. But then when I was discussing this with guy of logic, Arvin he asked me this questions that still haunts me up to this day. “If there is someone out there for everyone then why are there people who are alone?”
I was baffled because I didn’t have an answer ready for that, I was asking myself the same thing. If there is someone out there for everyone, why are there people who aren’t with someone. I told you Arvin has a great way of messing with people’s minds. But anyway, that in a way gave my bubble of hope a burst.
My cynical way of thinking took over the hope that I had. What if I was one of those very few who didn’t have anyone in their lives? What if I was destined to be alone? What if I would never ever get to have my first kiss ala Drew Barrymore or what if id have it when im fifty (stupid I know)? You see those are the thoughts that come to my mind when I go and think about my destiny.
But from time to time my hope comes back (this happens when Arvin isn’t around,he he he) and I start thinking of the day when my “destiny” and I would finally meet. I still have doubts. But I have faith.
I am still cynical but deep inside of me, that part of me that people don’t see wishes that there is someone out there for me. Someone I actually like, not just someone for the sake of having someone.
I have my conviction of staying single until the time comes, but that conviction does not take away the days of depression and cynisim (that aptly describes today).
But whatever my mood is, I still strongly believe in destiny, in fatum, in serendipity. I believe that making choices is vital that’s what makes life interesting but despite all the choices we make, no matter what road we take if we’re destined to be with someone no matter how far away we are from that person your going to see each other, fall in love and all that sappy stuff that movies are made of.
but for the meantime all you can do is wait. wait and hope that all the crap that ive been ranting about in this entry is true.
*wink*

(another revised entry)

Basketball is fun. The adrenaline rush you get cannot be explained. The food is also a major plus, nothing beats watching a game while muching on all that junk. But with all the good things that come with watching a game, there are also sucky things that come with it. Loosing tops my list but there are other things as well.
Actually watching a basketball game is pretty much like going to school, you see the same people. You gain friends but you cannot please everybody. Okay, let me back this up a little bit and explain. You see I view watching a basketball game as first a blessing because it is my dad’s job. Second, an outlet (if you feel bad nothing beats watching a basketball game to let you forget about that broken heart) and a hobby (aside from Coke, I also cheer for other teams). I view it as a school, but others view it as a party. What do I mean by this? Some people view it as a time to get dressed ( more skin the better), hooking up with boys (well basketball players are somewhat hot) and showing off thier “connections”.
I honestly couldn’t care less. I respect people if they view as that I respect that. Until the last game. You see for the last couple of games there’s this certain mother and daughter (i know its as if we’re in a beauty pagent) caught my attention and my mom’s.
How? Well, wouldn’t you notice people who on purpose show off thier close to certain players (hint: they came from an amateur league but not from dear ADMU or DLSU) and look at your from head to toe and make snide remarks about what your wearing with matching evil stares.
My mom and I just ignored it and continued to ignore it even if their stares and comments became more obvious. For example last game since we came from my graduation we arrived early in araneta, we were able to catch the first game. So carl and I left my mom in starbucks and we decided to watch the first game. When we got inside there were guys sitting on our seats so the usherette asked them to move since those weren’t thier seats. No problem with the guys until this girl who wasn’t seated on our row started talking loudly (it was the mothe)”Bakit? Ticket namin yan ah,saan ba galing ticket nila?” It was way biatchy but carl and i just sat down and enjoyed the game but the usherette replied,”Wala ho akong magagawa ticket nila yan.Hindi naman sainyo un.” The mother continued the debate (I wish like hell that arvin was there,haha) but the usherette went on her way obviously pissed. Carl and I were quiet, I was busy texting linette (lily, i miss you!) when suddenly i heard a rather loud girl (it was the daughter) shout, “Go kuya *name of that basketball player here*” She looked at me as if to say, “kilala mo ba un?” Again, I ignored her. Then she passed infront of me without even saying excuse me and talking loudly on her phone saying,”Ay naku! Andito na naman ang baduy ng suot. As if naman. Upuan namin un eh” Hello, enough with the seats.
Again, I ignored them until they left.
What’s with all the hating? There’s no competition going off court. Its all for the pure love of the game. No room for hating anyway and judging. Its a small world, see we even bump into each other from time to time. I hope you and your mom realize that we haven’t even formally met so there’s no need for hatin and harsh talking. It doesn’t help anyone, not even yourself and your “status” (whatever you think your social status is).
Let’s forget all this hatin’. Let’s just respect each other and root for our teams. Its more fun that way. Besides, I don’t comment on your clothes anyway.

“Don’t go and sell yourself to self-esteem,don’t be plasticine. Don’t forget who you are.” -Placebo

“You are what you feel and what you are is beautiful” -Slide, Goo Goo Dolls.

“Never let anyone make you think that you don’t deserve what you want”

“Accept who you are and revel in that,” Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays with Morrie.

Never be afraid to be who you are if the people around you don’t accept you find another group of people who do. It may be difficult at first but then it would all be worth it. We all have the right to love, be loved and made feel worthy. Never let anyone make you think otherwise. Life would be easier if you accept this fact.

He puts God first.
He has a lot of friends but has no trouble with being alone.
He can dress lavishly but chooses to keep it simple.
He is not materialistic.
He doesn’t spend every night drinking, partying, smoking and getting laid (excuse the pun but it is true.)
He makes everyone laugh,even himself.
He gets me even when I don’t say anything.
He has direction.
He loves his family.
No sign of an ego-at all. (even if he has a number of things to brag about)
He can get along with my mom, my dad and my grandmother.
We can never bore each other, even if we’re just spending the day at home.
He’ll treat my friends, family and me right.
He’ll sincerly fall in love with who I really am, help to change me for the better and allow me to do the same.
***
The Lord hasn’t sent that person to me yet. But im willing to wait because in His perfect time everything will be perfect as well.

( A revised entry. I posted the first entry in my other blog.)
Flip flops, tanning and the new line of Louis Vuitton can be found in the lifestyle section. Terri Schiavo, the pope’s latest condition,world hunger and the complimentary room given to our first husband (or whatever they call him) can be found in the main page.
I understand the difference of these two parts of the newspaper but that doesn’t make me less apalled. People have better things to do rather than worry about tanning, flipflops and Louis Vuitton. Okay, maybe the “overly fortunate” can benefit from this but not the ordinary middle class people that this country is composed of. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good but showing people these expensive things that is very much impossible to afford for most of the population is not helping anyone. Yourselves and your social status maybe.
I commend most of the writers of YS ( a section of the Philippine star every Friday). They brighten up people’s days but being real and not pretending to be perfect. I think its snnobish of these people (not the writers from YS) to talk day and night about fashion and make it appear that a person would die and is not worthy if he isn’t wearing the “right labeled clothing”. I love clothes, i love getting dressed and I love my flipflops but I don’t think im better than everyone else just because I do.
What am I saying here? This is exactly what’s wrong with the world today. These are the people that send off the wrong connotation of beauty. And its sad to think that instead of going against this wrong connotation we just ride the wave and conform.
SO WHAT IS BEAUTY?
Beauty is giving yourself to others in terms of service.
Beauty is not judging based on superficiality.
Beauty is respect.
Beauty is loving unselfishly.
Beauty is forgiveness.
Beauty is passion.
Beauty is being real.
Beauty comes from the love we get from having a relationship with Christ.
Christ is beauty.

We all have something beautiful inside of us and it won’t be brought out be even the most expensive line of cosmetics or clothing. It can only be brought out by Christ.

If you have Christ in your life, you are the most beautiful person in the world.
And that’s a fact, no matter what people say you are beautiful.

That’s what my good friend and dear batch mate Anna said and it is true. Last wednesday text messages were flooding in and most of them included this sentence, “till we meet again”.
Highschool has ended and a new chapter is about to begin. We are all scared but at the same time excited. We are leaving each other when we so badly want to stay. I am so going to miss highschool but I am also looking forward to starting a new life outside of highschool.
So, my dear seniors ’05 do not be sad. A new world has been opened for us. Let us explore, make the right choices and be models of Christ.It won’t be easy but I’m sure it would be fun. I truly believe we are the best batch. I am proud of all of you and I am really happy that we all graduated. YEEAHHHAAHHHA!=)
See you guys next week for the promised movie cause Anna’s right its not yet goodbye.
I have been blessed because I have spent the last three years with you guys. Never forget to spread the love guys.=)

I just came from a debut, yes a good friend of mine just turned 18. They had cotillion, dancing and everything else needed to make a debut special.
Oh, did I forget to mention that my friend is deaf mute.
Yes, she’s deaf mute and the thinking of a seven year old.
I’ve grown close to this particular girl over the past two weeks, her younger brother is my younger brother’s classmate.
She’s really a sweet girl.
So anyway, I attended the party and of course everyone invited were her classmates who were like her as well. I was deeply overwhelmed and touched by the party.
There they were people my age who couldn’t hear or talk but still tried to dance.
They had disabilities but they were having fun.
It made me think,
these teenagers enjoyed themselves.
No insecurites. No pretensions whatsoever.
It made me feel guilty. I have been blessed with so many things in my life and still I complained on and on.
That party served as an inspiration,
my new friends taught me a thing or two about life and how we should live it.
Even if they couldn’t talk to each other they could still communicate.
Thier laughter and love of live was evident
and no they certainly did not need words for that.
=)

1) Sir Ben-that’s a given.
2) the smelly canteen. (haha)
3) H.E. practicum.
4) cramming sessions.. (“Jho, hindi ko maintidihan!!)
5) foundation days and all the other events our school made up for the sake of having events.
6) Lance’s accents and drawings.
7) my beautiful desk with lotsa pictures.
8) the highschool hallway.
9) recess
10) third year days.
11)“sir bukas ko na lang ipapass, naiwan ko” -when in fact you didn’t even know that you had to pass something.
12) SF meetings in the field.
13) second year music class.
14) making up some sorry excuse to Sir Apawan since you’ve been late for the third time that week.
15) Sir Apawan a.k.a. dodi daga. (sorry lily!)
16) jen’s corny jokes.
17) ms.monette and her magazines-free time!=)
18) “Si ***** nasa meg ba this month? May Meg na ba?” and everyone answers, “haay naku pano mapupunta sa Meg un?” this leads to an arguement, yours truly defending him of course.
19) “Ang ingay” this comment is made by Ton, Gene and Lance. oh and paolo of course.
20) “Bawal mag computer! Wala ba kayong klase?” we respond, “sir wala!”
21) never ending jokes.
22) the rumors(haha some of them were so silly I swear!)
and most of all..
23)falling in love, arguing, making up,rekindling broken friendships, growing up.

there are still a lot but that sums it all up…
batch 2004-2005
WE MADE IT!!.
Keep in touch..
i love you all very very much!!=)

So,what did I do for the Holy Week.
Nothing,I tell you.
I didn’t go out of town.
But I was able to reflect.
Aside from that I was also able to watch an eleven episode marathon
of Gilmore Girls last Thursday.
it was so cool.
Really.
So, here comes the next question.
Dean or Jess?
Seriously I was thinking of it myself.
Okay, so you’ve been with dean for two years
and Jess comes along,
what do you do?
They’re exact opposites.
One’s reliable,
and one’s a rebel.
So, what does a girl do?
Not that I am ever going to encounter something like that,
but its something you think about when your totally bored.
I came up with this conclusion:
I go for Dean.
I mean Jess is HOT and all,
but Dean would never ever not call when he said he would.
I don’t care if he shows up with two tickets to some concert,
he has to call me when he said he would.
Is that too much to ask? I have no idea.
I’ve never been in a relationship,
so I wouldn’t know.
But back to the topic.
I chose Dean because I want someone reliable.
I chose Dean cause I know he wouldn’t hurt me even if he tried.
I chose Dean becauseI know he’ll be there all the time.
I chose Dean because he’d treat me the way I want to be treated.
Too bad cause in real life,
I don’t see any Dean in the horizon.
boo-hoo.

I haven’t written in over a week and my friends have been worried sick.
Just in case you are wondering how’s school and my friends.
Well, they’re great.
And I am sorry.
A lot has happened over the days I haven’t blog.
And I don’t think I would gain this perspective if I haven’t knelt down
and cried my heart out to My Lord.
It happened last Saturday and unfortunatley,
I was in the “hole” again.
I felt so alone,
useless
and I felt as if I was going nowhere in life.
Until I prayed.
Don’t get me wrong,
I pray everyday,
its just that this time it was different.
I mean I pray everyday after my devotions,
but this was different.
I was reading a book the other day and I came across this,
“Blessed are the weak. For when we are at our weakest,
we leave everything behind and lean on God.”
That’s what happened to me.
I was at my weakest and the only thing that I could do
was trust God.
I should have done a long time ago.
But I was too afraid to let go and let God lead the way.
I feel so much better about everything.
My friends.
My family.
My self.
My choices
and my future.
It is all in His hands.
****
On a lighter note, I am graduating in a week!
Can you believe that a week and im out of highschool.
I sure feel like Jessica Darling from Sloppy Firsts and second helpings.
Hehe.
***
Still believe in destiny.
I still believe that there’s someone out there for me.
And I don’t have to do anything.
I just have to focus on other things
and believe that the Lord would bring Him to me
at the right time and place.
When I’m ready.
***
TO SENIORS BATCH ’05:
I am writing this down now because I may not be able to blog
again in a few weeks, so I’m taking advantage.
Thank you guys for everything. As I’ve said in my yearbook thanks,
I thank you for the laughter, the tears and the lessons learned.These were the best times of my life and I don’t regret any of it.
Sorry you know tempermental I am.
There are still a lot of things I want to say,but this sums it all up:
“Ill miss you loads. Keep in touch”
Heck, I know we will. Tayo pa!=)
I love you guys.=) *mwah*
***
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you
and not to harm you. Plans to give you a Hope and a future”
Jeremiah 29:11
****
There are great things in store for us.
All we have to do is lean on Him.