More stressed when stagnant

There’s something disturbing about me.

I’m more stressed when I’m not doing anything.

My mind gets into overdrive and I start thinking of random things that aren’t really healthy for anyone.

Especially for me, my thoughts always tend to go to overdrive.

I think in a really sick, twisted way, the thrill of a deadline excites me like crazy.

So all day, I’ve been trying to understand Corel and it’s oh so many complexities and I haven’t gotten past importing them. So if you are kind enough to know how this foreign thing works, please message me or something!

Would you wish for anything more?

All that I’ve Got
Fergie (I’m falling in love with her right now!) feat Will I Am

Baby, baby when you’re looking deep in my eyes
I know you’re seeing past my make-up
Into the little girl that used to hide out and cry
When her parents fought
Tryin’ to be strong
You can see the hurt in me
The cover ups so secretly
And all that I aspire to be
You see, you see
You know who I really am
No entourage or caravan
And do you even give me a damn
All about that, tell me

Would you love me if I didnt work out or I didnt change my natural hair
I could be the one you could grow older with, baby
I’ll give you all that I got
See, I dont mean to scare you now and push you away
Cuz I’m not tryin’ to rush anything
But when i look into your eyes
I’m in the picture too
Like a happy family three
We’re together constantly
This could be eventually
We’ll see, we’ll see
But all that I have got to know
Is with me baby you will grow
Through sun and rain and heavy snow
Oh tell me so now baby

It’s as simple as one and two
I’m in love with you
And three and four
You’re all I adore
To the seven and eight
See I’ve been making mistakes
Cuz when you’re on my mind
I just cant think straight
Back to the five and six
I’m all in the mix and Im all into you
Without the lipstick
Without the L’Oreal
You remain the same angel that I fell for
For real, for real

What’s That AGAIN?????

I try real hard not to obsess about certain things, especially things that are filtered by the media or something that someone else is obsessed about.

Media may not be the main reason for a specific obsession but then again that’s a whole other argument.

I am pissed primarily because every single turn in school has someone waiting for me to say, “you’re gaining so much weight”

How do I respond to this?

“I really really want to grind you to dust”

Of course being the goody two shoes that I am, I ignored the comment and just smiled, the subsequent events, I seriously just wanted to slash people.

It’s Carrie all over again!

I mean, why do they really care if I gained weight? It’s me that has to face the mirror everyday and fit into my jeans.

And I do fit into the jeans that I bought a year ago and I do like what I see in the mirror everyday so

WHY THE HELL DO THEY CARE??????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


It’s too pathetic even to think of.

There are other issues in the world and it would be a better place if people would rather think of feeding food to the hungry than starve themselves so people would say, “Oh my ang payat mo na”

Gag, trust me they would be the first people who would say, “Tumaba ka”

I just people would just shut up.

If someone can answer why people care too much, I am treating that person to a Smacker.

the deal with the whole “the world is unfair” theory

This song is cute. Avril Lavigne gets prettier by the minute.


Yesterday, during law class, I was so ready to write a vey compelling entry about my life at the moment but two things stopped me:

A) I kept on having second thoughts because the said entry would definitely create some sort of wave, even if it’s just a small one because it involves people. People who when you hit the search engine, their names and thier annoying faces pop up.
We all know that that story is not about me.
B) I fell asleep. The Board Meeting and E! News kept me up later than usual.
Gad. It’s just so weird that most people sabotage thier jobs while other people strive to stay at it. I guess this is a simplistic version of what I was supposed to write about yesterday but I guess it’s safe to say that a few people know what I’m talking about.
Jerks aren’t even the word for those people.
Calling them jerks would be the understatement of the year.
Despite the many hurtings that I and the people I love has been through in the past week. I refuse to give in to giving up my faith.

Yes, Life’s been a bitch lately but that doesn’t mean I’d stop believing that there’s some good lurking aorund somewhere.
And all of this just a test.
I’ve been watching heroes lately and I have fallen madly in love with it.
Save the cheerleader, save the world”
Now Milo Ventimiliga falls after Freddie Prinze Jr., Patrick Dempsey and James Lafferty even if he’s short.!

Gad. Still Sick

I’ve been trying not to write about my misfotune that has happened to me over the weekend, but I can’t help it.

I won’t even go to school today, that makes me extra depressed despite the fact that I could watch Date My Mom today.


It’s almost our finals and this is the time that my stomach acts up.


I think I’m going to hurl again.

Damn Milk!

NO, it’s not that time of the year

From the moment that I heard my father’s voice waking me up this morning (alarm clocks just doesn’t work for me. Everyone else at home is awake, except for me) I was thinking, “No, I just want to sleep sleep sleep”

I have no idea why I was so against going to school today since I’m usually all over Thursdays since after that day, I get to rest.

I was so lazy to get up, that I pretended to “strech” for ten long minutes before I got out of bed. Turns out, we left later than usual.

I could see my dad’s ears turning red. He hates the 7:00 congestion at my school.

I still don’t have on definite reason why I didn’t want to go to school today. I’m just really so tired.

I’ve been starting to think again so much in the past few days, things that I would rather not share with the world.
Most of the time, they’re just plain boring to even spend five minutes of my day writing about.
If you’ve read my previous entry, you’d probably think, “ how shallow”
But the whole conversation with a good friend is simply just a metaphor.

“Conquer Evil With Good”

I constantly ask myself and those unfortunate people around me when I’m in a foul mood, what’s wrong with the world. I often make a long list of ways that would make this world a better place but what I failed to realize is the fact that I, myself, should start the change.

So, I’ve been trying to:

a) shut up.
b) Not retaliate when people provoke me into fights.
c) Be kind to all human beings.

Last night, those resolutions sorta bombed, no thanks to guys who pick fights with girls.

I was totally totally pissed.

I kindda shouted that he was gay.

Good thing my mom pulled me away before I could kick his a**.

He was a guy who had nothing better to do in life than pick on girls.

Oh please with my boxing lessons and legs made of steel due to the five floors that I have to climb every single day.

I can take him anytime.

Bring it on.

But, I guess that dismisses the whole point of trying to conquer evil with good.

So now I kindda feel bad that I trounced the guy’s ego.

Really, I feel G-U-I-L-T-Y.

The Big B

My newspaper day is Friday. Of course I read the newspaper every single day, especially last week when the Australian open was happening (boo delayed telecast!!). But Fridays are different, ever since I was a little girl, I would wait for Friday to come so I could read the Young Star Section which at that time was the only section that I could understand. However, now that I am 18 and almost an adult (elk), I’ve started reading more compelling articles in the other sections but still Friday is still very close to my heart. The writers have come and gone but a few favorites have emerged such as Michelle Katigbak and Francesca Ayala. Their articles yesterday were both very close to home, but I choose Ms. Ayala’s article to write about today.

For one thing, we’ve gone through the same thing.

Losing friends to betrayal, that’s what The Big B means: Betrayal. The article has come at the right time for me because I have been thinking about betrayal ever since I read about what Oprah’s sister did to her for $19,000!! It’s tricky really because most people don’t know when they have crossed the line when it comes to betrayal. Everyone always has some sordid excuse when it comes to doing something inhumane. After they’ve broken a trust, they go on and pretend that its okay, it happens that doesn’t make them a bad person.

I’ve lost so much in my life due to betrayal, ex friends spreading nasty things about me. Friends who go behind my back and steal my crush-of-the-moment, Lance Bass pretending to be straight, or just friends stopping to be friends without any smart reason why.

I have encountered all of these things that I don’t know if I can take so much anymore. The answer is: Betrayal is always present; it’s always lurking around friendships, family and relationships. It doesn’t stop; it just goes on and on and on. My question is, if it’s ever so present, how can one ever handle it?

If I had an answer to that then I’d probably not be writing this entry right now. The closest that I could get to answering that one is by staying away from people, by no longer trusting people with my heart and sincere friendship.

But, what kind of life would I have if that ever happens?


Again, I’m stumped with an answer. Any form of betrayal cuts through the heart.

But then again: Whatever Doesn’t Kill You Really Does Make You Stronger.

So maybe after all these nonsense stops, I’d get the answer to my question because experience is also the best teacher!
Haha. Clichés all the way.

Me and Anorexia

No, this is not a hard hitting confession of how much I want to get over anorexia and who to blame for my so-called disease.

This is me talking about an issue that I’ve been bothered about for the longest time.

You see in highschool, I didn’t even know what anoreixa was or maybe I did since I am a huge fan of Karen Carepenter and I knew that she died because of it. But I never gave it a second thought, I assumed that not a lot of girls suffered from such disease and only superstars or top models. I only got interested because after I shed off the baby fat, everyone started calling me bulimic, anorexic or a drug addict (who me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?). Another reason why I was so interested was because news about girls getting killed or is suffering from anorexia/bulimia were an everyday thing already. This time it weren’t just models or superstars, it was your everyday teenagers like you and me.

Another thing that shocked me was the fact that these girls troubled by such diseases are getting younger and younger. There was a nine year old girl who only ate paper because she wanted to be full but didn’t want to gain weight. The episode of Tyra Banks showcased girls who were all below eleven and who were all afraid that they weren’t skinny enough. These little girls were quoted saying that they’d rather have prominent ribs than have fat thighs and these are mostly SEVEN YEAR OLDS!!!

I was appalled. I am concerned about this issue but I’m not a hypocrite.

YES, I worry about my weight.
YES, I hate being called fat
YES, there was a time that I wasn’t eating.

This is the reason why I am upset with all these young girls who are trying to be thin. It takes so much from you. It robs you of your joy which is all you really needed in the first place in order to feel and be beautiful. It’s a psychological thing wherein you wouldn’t love yourself unless you’re at this size and this weight.

It’s fatal. Not just physically but emotionally and everything else that makes up a person.

Especially a little child.

I heard a stupid thing the other day, one top supermodel said that the reason girls suffer from anorexia is because they have weak families. Now, that is true. Girls who do not have support systems easily find it hard to cope with stress and pressures.

This was the stupid thing that she said, “Girls are striving to be thin not because of media, it’s because of thier families!”


I know she has a point, but I’m quite missing it.

Bottom line is at the end of the day, all you have is yourself.
Not the people who tell you you’re fat or the people who tell you that you’re too thin.

At the end of the day, it’s just YOU and no one else.

When you get sick, these negative critics won’t be there, they also wouldn’t be crying for you when you die.

It’s just you and your family. The people you love and who love you geninuely.

Not a boyfriend or a friend who constantly comment on how you look.

You can’t change yourself. You can’t constantly say that once society has learned to accept bootylicious women, that’s when you’d stop not eating.

Change comes from within. If you accept who you are then you’d live in a better place.

I know for some, it’s a sensitive issue.

But I’m writing this because I was once close to being the anorexic girl.

I want to save you from that, because if someone saved me, I wouldn’t be as unhappy as I was before.

(disclaimer: I was never a hard hitting anorexic and/or bulimic. I was close to it, but thank God my family was there, if not… I’d rather not think about that.)

The Deal With Forever

Eversince I started reading Your Best Life Now, I’ve resolved myself to discontinue my negative thinking. There are far better things ahead and thinking negatively will allow the negative to enter my life, so I’ve been resolved to thinking positively. However, life continue to throw hurdles at my way which is why I decided that venting out using my blog would be the greatest answer to all of the frustrations. *btw has my style of writing changed at all?*


Forever. Everyone says it. Everyone promises, but does it ever follow through?


And not just in relationships per se, but also when it comes to friendships and everything else.

Remember the friend who promised to be there forever?

Is she still with you today? If she is lucky you. But for most of us, that friend has long gone.

I strongly believe that forever is a term overused. To begin with, forever isn’t realistic. Next week isn’t either. Everyone promises and somewhere, someone gets hurt.

In as much as we know that forever isn’t likely, we still go on and believe it’s true and I repeat, not just in relationships.

The term I will be here for your forever is a crummy promise as well.

For one thing, words don’t speak louder than actions. It’s the other way around and to remind you, forever doesn’t mean just a year. It’s more than that.