There’s something disturbing about me.

I’m more stressed when I’m not doing anything.

My mind gets into overdrive and I start thinking of random things that aren’t really healthy for anyone.

Especially for me, my thoughts always tend to go to overdrive.

I think in a really sick, twisted way, the thrill of a deadline excites me like crazy.

So all day, I’ve been trying to understand Corel and it’s oh so many complexities and I haven’t gotten past importing them. So if you are kind enough to know how this foreign thing works, please message me or something!

I’ve been trying not to write about my misfotune that has happened to me over the weekend, but I can’t help it.

I won’t even go to school today, that makes me extra depressed despite the fact that I could watch Date My Mom today.

Huhuh.

It’s almost our finals and this is the time that my stomach acts up.

*ouch*

I think I’m going to hurl again.

Damn Milk!

The Lord is good… Always.

No, this is not a hard hitting confession of how much I want to get over anorexia and who to blame for my so-called disease.

This is me talking about an issue that I’ve been bothered about for the longest time.

You see in highschool, I didn’t even know what anoreixa was or maybe I did since I am a huge fan of Karen Carepenter and I knew that she died because of it. But I never gave it a second thought, I assumed that not a lot of girls suffered from such disease and only superstars or top models. I only got interested because after I shed off the baby fat, everyone started calling me bulimic, anorexic or a drug addict (who me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?). Another reason why I was so interested was because news about girls getting killed or is suffering from anorexia/bulimia were an everyday thing already. This time it weren’t just models or superstars, it was your everyday teenagers like you and me.

Another thing that shocked me was the fact that these girls troubled by such diseases are getting younger and younger. There was a nine year old girl who only ate paper because she wanted to be full but didn’t want to gain weight. The episode of Tyra Banks showcased girls who were all below eleven and who were all afraid that they weren’t skinny enough. These little girls were quoted saying that they’d rather have prominent ribs than have fat thighs and these are mostly SEVEN YEAR OLDS!!!

I was appalled. I am concerned about this issue but I’m not a hypocrite.

YES, I worry about my weight.
YES, I hate being called fat
AND
YES, there was a time that I wasn’t eating.

This is the reason why I am upset with all these young girls who are trying to be thin. It takes so much from you. It robs you of your joy which is all you really needed in the first place in order to feel and be beautiful. It’s a psychological thing wherein you wouldn’t love yourself unless you’re at this size and this weight.

It’s fatal. Not just physically but emotionally and everything else that makes up a person.

Especially a little child.

I heard a stupid thing the other day, one top supermodel said that the reason girls suffer from anorexia is because they have weak families. Now, that is true. Girls who do not have support systems easily find it hard to cope with stress and pressures.

This was the stupid thing that she said, “Girls are striving to be thin not because of media, it’s because of thier families!”

Seriously?????????????????????????????

I know she has a point, but I’m quite missing it.

Bottom line is at the end of the day, all you have is yourself.
Not the people who tell you you’re fat or the people who tell you that you’re too thin.

At the end of the day, it’s just YOU and no one else.

When you get sick, these negative critics won’t be there, they also wouldn’t be crying for you when you die.

It’s just you and your family. The people you love and who love you geninuely.

Not a boyfriend or a friend who constantly comment on how you look.

You can’t change yourself. You can’t constantly say that once society has learned to accept bootylicious women, that’s when you’d stop not eating.

Change comes from within. If you accept who you are then you’d live in a better place.

I know for some, it’s a sensitive issue.

But I’m writing this because I was once close to being the anorexic girl.

I want to save you from that, because if someone saved me, I wouldn’t be as unhappy as I was before.

(disclaimer: I was never a hard hitting anorexic and/or bulimic. I was close to it, but thank God my family was there, if not… I’d rather not think about that.)

Eversince I started reading Your Best Life Now, I’ve resolved myself to discontinue my negative thinking. There are far better things ahead and thinking negatively will allow the negative to enter my life, so I’ve been resolved to thinking positively. However, life continue to throw hurdles at my way which is why I decided that venting out using my blog would be the greatest answer to all of the frustrations. *btw has my style of writing changed at all?*

***

Forever. Everyone says it. Everyone promises, but does it ever follow through?

No.

And not just in relationships per se, but also when it comes to friendships and everything else.

Remember the friend who promised to be there forever?

Is she still with you today? If she is lucky you. But for most of us, that friend has long gone.

I strongly believe that forever is a term overused. To begin with, forever isn’t realistic. Next week isn’t either. Everyone promises and somewhere, someone gets hurt.

In as much as we know that forever isn’t likely, we still go on and believe it’s true and I repeat, not just in relationships.

The term I will be here for your forever is a crummy promise as well.

For one thing, words don’t speak louder than actions. It’s the other way around and to remind you, forever doesn’t mean just a year. It’s more than that.