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Purpose

So here it goes again, this whole purpose thing and after all the shit that I’ve been through in the past weeks you do sit down and believe that all of that happened because of one grand plan.

It may seem like such a cliche but it isn’t because what is life without those little moments of clarity that makes you understand that all has a divine purpose. That every single thing happening all leads to something beautiful.

Why do we always reject good things? I was watching my life in ruins for the nth time and there’s this one part that said “stop looking for problems look for magic”

I have no idea where all of this is leading and if it’s some kind of mistake but maybe it serve it’s purpose and I’d look back and say “that’s where the puzzle fits”

Something to think about 🙂 good night!!!!

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good times for a change.

so it’s almost the end of the year and you know just like any other cheesy person I know the end of the year is the time to reflect and see how much you’ve changed and whether you were better or worse off this year.

last year, this time around, it was extremely monumental for me. i was teaching my first set of foreign kids and i fell in love with them, with real love and not love that’s defined by good romantic comedies and good novels. Love at that time was defined not by how my students looked (or smelled!) but just how wonderful it was to be able to touch someone’s lives.

Last Christmas was that kind of Christmas.

This Christmas is… a busy Christmas season, bustling from work, giving gifts and running from one party to another. I guess it’s asking for a lot if to have that kind of Christmas two years in a row, since you know I had an entire year to apply whatever it was that I’ve learned last year and that was the sole purpose why it happened.

So this year, i guess, i have something to learn once again.

But you know, i’m not complaining this year was good, there’s a long list of things that I just thank God for.

So many not so great things happened too but I could only draw strength from it and it probably wasn’t such a good year for the world at large, but it was a good year personally.

and it was a good year because:

1) i’m studying again.

2) i found real friends and met new ones who are pretty wicked.

3) i didn’t lose my heart or my mind this time.

4) i’m less uptight.

5) i’ve found the real meaning of life and how to live it.

okay so i really didn’t do great things, i didn’t change the world.. yet, but i hope i made it better even for just one person, but you know i’ve come to realize that i’m a work in progress and in order to change the world around me, i have to learn a thing or two about changing myself. and before that whole falling in love thing actually happens, i guess i have to like myself and we begin the cycle of change once again.
change is wonderful, i welcome it this year with nothing but open arms.
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here i go, wearing my heart on my sleeve..

There’s this myth that I’ve heard of when I was younger: “Never wear your heart on your sleeve. Never show emotion, always play a game. Never show someone that they mean a whole lot to you.”

There’s also a three day rule. There’s also a rule that says you should always be mysterious and there’s another stupid rule that goes when you like someone, always push them away, intimidate them and see if they’re strong enough to stay.
And at 21, i am sick and tired of all these rules. Can’t it be “I-like-you-you-like-me-let’s-hang-out.” Nothing of the stupid, “i’ll-call-her-tonight-act-totally-cool-then-ignore-her-for-the-next-couple-of-days”.
I have no room for it in my life. It’s tiring, pretensious and more often than not, you don’t end up with the person you really want to be with because you’re too busy being stupid. And i’m writing this because i’m sick and tired of all these rules.
I’m sick and tired of feeling deflated because of rejection, in one way or another.
I’m a freakeen woman, not some toy that you play games with.
Most of my guy friends tell me I come too strong because I never play the game and immediately go on deleting someone’s number if he doesn’t reply the first time around.
I don’t fit into a specific stereotype and i’m comfortable with it. I’ve come to realize that I’ve worked so hard just to be blindsided by some idiot who can’t text or call or even reply.
However, that doesn’t mean i’m this fire breathing monster, I still get overly giddy over the simplest things like remembering things we talked about (why do guys always forget?), that certain twinkle in someone’s eye can make my day and a little conversation about nothing can go a long way.
I’m not some monster. I know how to feel and appreciate things.
But what displeases me is the fact that all these wonderful things are tainted once you open up to the reality that none of them are real and it’s all part of this game that the world has been accustomed to for the longest time.
Where’s the truth? Should we spend most part of our days agonizing over the numerous rules that we must do?

Or can we have a better alternative?
Be a man. Say something, but most importantly do something because if you don’t, all these little butterflies that I feel aren’t worth anything at all.
Because just like anything else in my life, you’re only of worth if you don’t try to rip me apart.
(I was supposed to end with that, but come on, why have something in your life that constantly tortures you? I say DELETE THE NUMBER and move on!)

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The Things I Learned From Ted

So I remember this scene from season 3 where Ted walks out of a club with a yellow umbrella that belonged to his future wife and future mother of his two adorable kids without realizing that it was hers.

The closing line from that episode went something like this, “Your mother was in the same club that night, but we haven’t met, which is a good thing, I don’t think she would have liked me, heck, I wouldn’t even like me.”

And after being addicted to it for a week, I’ve realized a few precious lesson from “THE-TV-GUY-I’D-DEFINITELY-MARRY.” (sorry mcdreamy, pacey and nathan scott, we definitely had good times together)

1) It’s okay to be a romantic

– Ted Mosby is perfect because he believes in romance and is the exact opposite of Barney “wait for it” Stinson (who is every single guy that I have met so far). He believes in wooing a girl and he believes in being faithful (SERIOUSLY, IN THIS DAY AND AGE A GUY WHO IS FAITHFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). He’s that type of guy, the guy you take home to mom and although he’s “TED THE CORRECTOR” it’s kind of sweet. So I’m not afraid to say that I do have a romantic side, although all these broken hearts and all these false hopes is turning me over to the dark side (I REALLY HOPE NOT.)

2) It’s okay to go through rotten ones.
-Speaking of broken hearts, Ted has had a lot of them. If he was a real person, I wouldn’t even think of any reason why any girl would want to break his heart (seriously Robin, you are hot, but you are dumb, dumb, dumb!). I mean this perfect creature, why? But I guess it’s okay that Ted went through all these “this-girl-is-the-one-but-they’re-really-not” ladies just so he could actually meet yellow umbrella girl who turns out to be his wife. Pretty amazing that our biggest mistakes are the biggest roadsigns that would lead us to wait for it, “THE ONE”.

3) All these twisted roads lead to someone, or somewhere special.
-No matter how much I love HIMYM (just for the record, I hate abbreviating it like this) there are pretty pointless episodes but it’s okay, I don’t love it any less because all these meaningless episodes actually mean something. It means that no matter how little or insignificant several things are, they all play into this beautiful love story that He is crafting for us. Yes, we get impatient and i’m seriously at a point where I’m just really mad at all guys (except Ted of course, and you, Nicollo!) but other than that, they do get annoying but this is probably a phase. Anyway, not the point, it all means that we’re on this road that leads to somewhere special. We just really need to think that every disappointment would lead to something great. I’m sure of that.

4) It’s never cool to wear red cowboy boots and it’s never cool to kiss Mandy Moore.
– The tramp stamp was just hideous and the boots, oh mi gee, the boots!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But he’s so perfect, which guy can get away with it??? Definitely pulling it off baaabyy.

5) Safe to say, it’s stupid to think that everyone is “the one”
– This is a mistake I personally admit to. You know everything’s great at the beginning but in the middle of it, you realize that “No, this is not the one. This is not working” and yet for some weird reason, you stay at it because you’ve always had this thinking that “this person is the one, what if I let it go?” I think Ted and I (yes, we’re close, he’s my fiance!) has it on backwards. We have to get into something without thinking that this person is the one and if that person is indeed the one then we’ll figure it out along the way, not at the beginning of it.
So I guess teachers were wrong in saying that you don’t learn anything from TV, because all of this life lessons I learned from How I Met Your Mother and I think I’ve totally evolved.
Come to think of it, I have also evolved because of 500 Days of Summer. I think the educational system needs a change. We need to produce Emotionally Competent individuals as well, this way, no one would cry during prom night or any other nights after that.
But that’s a whole other story.
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here. there. everywhere.

I haven’t blogged in two weeks that’s like not being able to speak for two weeks so excuse if this blog would be long.

While I was getting ready to attack my prelim exam tonight, my head once again, in its own started buzzing about current issues that I haven’t had a chance to debate over with my friends. (Arvin, are you listening?!)

  • OH MY TIGER, YOU CHEATED!

– So everyone’s been talking about Tiger Woods. You know it started out as an “accident” then eventually everyone had something to say (yes, i still have the time to go on perez) BUT why is everyone so surprised? I may be a cynic in saying this but seriously, did everyone expect him to be faithful? He’s the richest athlete in the world, I don’t think he’s never been tempted. He’s a guy, what do you expect? Pacquiao, you’re next. HE HE 🙂

  • IT’S DEFINITELY THAT TIME OF THE YEAR AGAIN.

– I found myself getting a little nostalgic on the first day of Christmas since I’ve been reminded that it’s been a year since I’ve meet my little kiddos and I still miss them tremendously. It made me feel optimistic, I do feel that something wonderous would roll around this Christmas season too. I just really need to finalize Christmas gifts. And get more fruitcake.

  • TWO WEEKS. THREE BOYS. DEAL WITH IT.

– So in the past two weeks, I’ve encountered three boys:

1) The “I’m-too-cool-to-be-with-just-any-girl.”

– You know, i’m pretty patient with people, but seriously, I cannot take a guy who thinks he’s a cut above the rest and won’t go out with a girl with a zit. SERIOUSLY.

2) The shiny, sparkly, tempting thing that I really need to ignore.

– He’s beautiful. That’s all I can say.

3) Ted Mosby

– Been extremely addicted to How I Met Your Mother and I have found my perfect match in Ted Mosby. Too bad they never exist in real life.

  • JUSTICE AND WISE DECISIONS.

– With the murder that has occurred in the past couple of weeks, I really can’t say anything more and I’m not an expert but I just really pray for those people weeping right now and those who are in mourning. Really, at the end of the day, it’s about them. Not some stupid dispute regarding politics or anything else. We know what we can do to make a difference, that’s to truly dissect a government official and see if they can actually do something to benefit people and not just thier pockets.

Now back to my prelim.

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cranky panky

It’s been one of those days.

One of those Saturdays where you eat till you barf because there’s this void in your heart that you can’t fill and after eating a ton, you realize that food could not fill it either.

So you feel lonely and fat and we all know from reading way too much magazines and websites that being both of those things mentioned above makes you feel like the biggest shi* on the planet and you just want to run away and hide.

But of course, i’m a responsible employee so I hide away in my office, watch ugly betty, meet targets, answer phone calls and just eat with my officemates.

And eating is not even fun because when you’ve been eating nothing but apples eating doesn’t give you any comfort at all.

So you learn to face it. Nothing is particularly wrong today but you know it’s just really one of those days where all of your insecurities come to play and you don’t know what do with them.
They’re just there, staring you at the face and you’re frozen because you don’t know what to do with it.
But you feel the same breaking of the heart and the same tinge in your stomach.
it’s just there, haunting you, after you thought that it was okay already and you were over certain things that you don’t need.
i know this is a phase and i just had to let it out.
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twinkle, twinkle, twinkle: the things i’ve learned as a grown up so far.

There’s a myth when you’re seven and its this: grownups have all the fun.
“That while your life is basically paralyzed by rules and regulations, grown-ups get to play around with thier new toys and wonderful gadgets. They get to sleep later than 8 PM and watch as much TV as they could. They have many fabulous friends and would often attend the sassiest shindigs. Grown-ups are always happy. They were important and all-knowing, while as kids, we were messy, sloppy and dependent. Grown-ups lived in this magical world where they got everything they want and always looked perfect while doing so”
Fast-forward to fourteen years later and I’ve come to realize that being a grown-up isn’t all that it’s played out to be. Yes, grown-ups can sleep later than eight and watch all the TV that they want but they couldn’t because they’re too busy. And truth is, grown-ups would love to sleep at eight, only if thier busy lives would stop haunting them for awhile to let them rest. And they’re always fabulous because that’s what society expects from them. That’s the status quo, that’s the standard.
In the grown-up world, there are imaginary restrictions and regulations that no one talks about, it’s kept away in idealisms, regrets over the pasts and impossible hopes for the future. Grown-ups make up thier own rules and later on get trapped by them.
There are responsibilities, big ones. Ones that you cannot overlook. And you can never run away from them because running away from them would only make them bigger, like the monster in our closet or the ones hidden under our beds.
And grown-ups don’t always get what they want. And they’re always so happy because they’re pretending that what they have so far is what they have always wanted. But, in reality, nothing in thier life made sense and the decisions that they have made seemed to have taken them away from the dreams that they’ve had when they were seven.
And just like seven year olds, grown-ups had playmates too, but none of them were real. They were like Barbie Dolls, dressed to impress but were only around if they needed you, never when you needed them.
And unlike Barbie, you never get a Ken because he’s either too old, too young, still in school, dropped out of school or he simply broke you heart and never came back to pick up the pieces.
So what do we do?
Stay confined in the four corners of our imaginary walls and never grow up?
Unfortunately, that is not an option and that being an option is a scary thought because at the same time that you go through all of these realistic things, you also go through the richest things you could ever go through in life.
Yes, you experience pain, but you also experience love at its truest form. You meet the most insincere friends, but you’d be surprised at the people who’d be there for you when you need them the most. And you’d be surprised at how wonderful they turn out to be and how wonderful they have made your life to be.
Ken is never perfect, but he’s always perfect for the moment and that smile that he sends your way everytime you think of him is not a bad thing at all.
And we get up every morning wanting to fight, because we all still have that seven year old within us.
Because that seven year old still believes that along the yellow brick road of life, some of our grandest dreams still come true.
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of bruises, laughter and faux broken hearts




So it was Friday the 13th today and for the first time in a long time, I fell, I tripped and I scraped my knee.


At 21 years old, I fell in front of a bunch of kids and laughed at myself while doing so. And I ended up scraping my knee and freaking about it because it might leave a scar (i am vain deal with it). And another embarrassment, my crush was a few feet apart but thankfully he didn’t see.

But that’s not the point of this entry or me telling you about it. For the first time I didn’t feel shy or humiliated, I just felt like laughing at myself, which I did the entire afternoon with my officemates.

It was a good and memorable Friday the 13th. I haven’t had one since the third grade, no pun intended.

**

So my officemate turned good friend, Elyds had her “heart broken” last night and she told us about it over siomai, red pasta, sisig and papaya during lunch time and even though it was just a faux broken heart, we still had a good conversation about it.

And this is what we agreed on, “I wish our hearts would not function until we’ve met the right person and in sync with God’s perfect timing, I wish it would just be dormant and just resurect itself when its God’s time with the right person so we do away with all the messy stuff.”

**

Happy Weekend! God’s always good!


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this doesn’t need a name, you know who you are.


Unbelievable that it’s already Friday.

This week was a happy week, a really happy week filled with little nothingness and giddyness that I haven’t experienced in awhile and you know it was fun.

It just adds to my belief that for something to mean something it doesn’t have to be categorized into a relationship box that can be found on facebook (you know those shitty things that say, “in a relationship with like that defines who i am).

It just has to be something that makes you happy, even for just a time, even just for a split second.

Even if it’s across a crowded room, even if it was so fleeting that you can’t even keep it in your memory for so long and you know that the feelings won’t be the same next week.

If everyone treated feelings/emotions this way, the world would be a happier place 🙂