I haven’t used blogspot for more than two years and I absolutely missed it. Multiply was all good but I realized that it took the sweetness out of good old blogging.

I recieved a miracle today.

One that I have been waiting for for awhile now and you know sometimes when you’re waiting for a prayer to be answered you always think of how you’re going to feel, how you’re going to react, but when it’s answered, you realized that you’re not as ecstatic as you expected you would be.

It’s not because you’re not grateful for the opportunity or the answered prayer, it’s simply because you knew that your prayered was going to be answered in the first place so it didn’t come as a surprise.

So thank you Lord for the answered prayer.

**
I was emailing Karla (as usual) and I told her about wanting something that’s not good for you (CHOCOLATES! COFFEE!).

I think someone becomes more interesting when people try to warn you against that person. Maybe you’re curious because you want to know the reason why people are so against him in the first place.

I know this sound so idiotic. But well, we all have our weaknesses.

i absolutely missed you.

1) Happy Birthday KC! I didn’t forget, I just know that you’re better off in Heaven where you don’t get old. I was thinking of you earlier and it made me smile because I know you’re convincing the angels to join facebook and watch 90210. You’re charming them with your laughter and your giggles and I bet you’re making them eat A LOT of chocolates. I still miss you Kace, but as I always say you’re at a better place.

2) I want a friend who’d be my friend forever.

3) I can’t believe it but I’ll miss you guys when I leave. :p

4) Looking back, it was for the best. It will be a year soon and with all the humiliation, pain and rejection, i’d like to think that it was worth it. You made me a better person and because of that, I’d always be grateful. Smile when you think of me.

5) I’m not trying to steal him away, okay? I wouldn’t even dream of it. You guys are cute together, hope you’re happy. I just hope that you won’t be imprisoned into something just because people expect you too.

6) I’m happy that we’re friends again! You’re cool and you get me.

7) I have a crush on YOU. I haven’t had a crush in awhile and it’s so weird because you’re not my type at all!

8) I’d love to have that insane lovestory. Really. I want to have a story to tell.

9) You’re my kuya, i’m proud of you and i’d always look up to you. I love you. I hope you know that.

10) You’ll find me one day.

11) Mr. Man with a yellow cap, I’ve liked you since I was fifteen. Give my heart a break, why don’t you?

12) God wants my life to be a testimony so I’m turning my life around, its His strength that enables me to do great things.

13) I’m proud to be your daughter, you’ll get your breakthrough soon.

14) You are my best friend. I hate it when you’re upset.

15) You’ll do great.

16) Love the one you’re with. We’ll have our time someday.

“They’re dimming the street lights
You’re perfect for me why aren’t you here tonight?
I’m waiting alone now so come on and come out and pull me near
Shine, shine, shine
Hey Stephen I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well they’re beautiful but would they write a song for you”

I saw you today, just like I knew I would when I wrote that entry this morning.

You were the miracle that I was praying for. The whole world didn’t turn around, although I felt this stillness in my heart that could only be described as the right thing.

But now’s the wrong time for it, so I’m caught in a slump and I’m instant messaging beshy instead so he’d knock some sense into me. But he didn’t, I think besh believes in the same things I believe in.

And let me tell you this early on, he likes you! He thinks your cool and that’s saying something.

The only sad thing about this is that you’re in a no-win situation.

Although, I have faith that if things are meant to happen, they will fall into place without us having to hurt other people.

You know what Joel Osteen says, if God placed a dream in your heart, He will let it come to pass.

I’m praying for direction, guidance and wisdom for the both of us because at this point, that’s all I can do and write a song for you, really that’s all.

Church was amazing today.

The Lord just talks to you and you realize that you get it.

Please let this be my miracle. 🙂 Thank you for that miracle today.

So I’ve been a drama queen lately.

And i’m not overanalyzing it or exaggerating here, i’m telling the truth. In the past four months, I have no idea who I have become.

When I stepped out of my Tagaytay experience, I promised myself that I would learn to love people more and be less judgemental. I guess it’s always easier said than done because the moment I had this resolution of turning my life around and sticking a lifestyle that was selfless rather than self-centered, life hurdles my way that completely tests me and extremely pushes me to my limit and I won’t be a hypocrite, I turned into a monster.

You see, before you truly understand who I have become, you have to understand where I have been.

I’ve always been the meek daughter and the sister who always gets pushed around. Being the middle child, I’d like to believe that this is a syndrome that a lot of people can relate to. I’ve always thought that it was better to not say anything and keep it all bottled in.

I guess in my adolescent mind, it was the best way to go, I thought that if I keep it bottled up inside, it will go away on its own.

But, somehow all the years of bitterness inside of me has festered and instead of letting it out and letting it go early on, I chose to let it fester. Partly because I really didn’t know what to do with it, so I just let it sit there.

And now, it found a way to seep out of my heart, but not at the best way possible.

I must admit, I was a bit immature in the way I handled things and there are better ways to handle specific situations.

There’s no way justifying it, but I guess you can put the blame on me being non-confrontational my entire life. I used sit in a corner, cry to myself and write in my journal.

I used to think that not facing specific situations meant that the situations would go away and that’d be the end of it.

But you know it finds a way to ruin you and for the past four months, it has gotten to the core of me and it has found a way to ruin special relationships in my life.

The thing is, I used to be a people pleaser and trying to please everyone by being who they wanted me to be, which, if you haven’t tried it, is difficult because at the end of the day, you’d look at yourself in the mirror and not like who you’re seeing.

I think the first step to realizing that you can get better is realizing that you have a problem.

So you know, I think it comes with accepting the fact that I can’t be perfect all the time.

It gets so tiring to want to be perfect all the time. I guess I’m just realizing that I’m beautiful, flawed and all, that I’ve made some random mistakes that may have hurt people that I love, but they probably don’t know that they hurt me ten times over.

I wish they knew how sorry I was, but I hope they understand, that deep down, the difficulty lies in forgiving myself.

Once a perfectionist, always a perfectionist! Which can be a good trait, but at times, such as now, it can be unnerving and can totally break you apart.

I know life gets better from here. You get hurt and you heal. Cycle of life.

“Most of the time, love consumes then it reaches the point that it suffocates you.

You get hurt because you think that love turns everyone into a superhero, when in fact, they’re flawed, just like you.

I learned that today.

Because no matter how much you love a person, you should learn to love yourself too and not rely on them to make you feel good about yourself.

You stand up on your own two feet and simply remind yourself that although they make you happy, they don’t complete you.

Because, on most days, on your good days, you’re complete enough, while on those nasty days, you’d realize that you’re strong enough to stand up on your own.

So kudos to inner strength that you didn’t even know you had.”

“I think the main reason why people aren’t as great as they should be is because they have this lie going on inside of them. A lie that tricks them into believing that we can’t have all that we want in life and we only get so much because it won’t be fair to get everything we wish for.

Which is a bunch of bull because when you work hard enough and put your faith into action, you’d realize that you have the right to get everything you want and everything you wish for.

And you know when you don’t get it, smile, you’re in luck partner because the one up there is more creative than we could ever be.

So a toast to greatness”