I have a confession to make: I used to be extremely skinny. I was 5″8 and weighed half of what I should.

There’s another confession: I also used to have an eating disorder that led to having hyperthyrodisim.

Last Confession: I’m not longer as skinny as I used to be and people from my past made sure that I’m reminded of that. (I would go as far as saying that these people are even happy over the fact that I gained a little, come on, how shallow can you get?) It used to piss me off, but now I just shrug it off.

You see, I revisited that girl. I revisited that gaunt girl and I realized that I had nothing in common with her except our love for Leo. She was unhappy, counted her calories way too much and a little too self-centered.

That girl was so insecure and unsure of herself that she refused to be healthy and measured her worth through the number on the scale.

When I compare myself to her now, I can see the difference.

Not being hypocritical here, I would love to shed a few lbs (for health reasons plus the fact that the gym has been some sort of refuge for me).

But at this moment, I live a fuller life.

I watch what I eat, but my life no longer depends on it, I work out to relieve the stress and my joy radiates. I no longer rely on my weight to feel good about myself. I’m happy and secured (finally!).

I’ve come to realize the adage that my parents have been trying to instill in me from day one, as cliche as it may sound, it’s true: your beauty depends on how you feel on the inside. People wouldn’t be attracted to you if you’re sullen, critical and not at peace with yourself. In fact, these things would only push them away.

My relationship with the Lord has been the center of my life lately and I’ve never been more at peace.

I don’t discount the breakdown though. I needed that break down. I needed to lose myself for awhile and everything that I cared for to cling on to something greater. Which is my relationship with the Lord.

I would love to move forward and leave this place of transition but I’m enjoying where I am. There’s something liberating about starting over and getting reacquainted with yourself.

God’s working slowly but surely in my life.

So, even if i’m no longer a stick thin barbiewart I feel beautiful because whoever said that it was about that anyway.

MY HR Manager is going to kill me.

Because I got so pissed with all the rules (you know it’s one of those days!), I went to work wearing shorts, which I can pretty much debate about since well, most of my officemates come to work wearing skirts, which is really the same thing.

So no I don’t think what I’m wearing is inappropriate. Sue me please.

There’s something deliberately fun about breaking the rules every once in awhile. Not until I get that memo. Yeah, sure whatever.

Told you, I’m in a funk!

***

My friends were talking about growing up. Shine, Kae and then some and it made me think, how much have I grown up in the past year?

A lot, I tell you.

1. I respect authority but no longer afraid.
2. I stopped kissing dating goodbye
3. I’ve learned to value people outside of the little box I’ve created for myself.
4. I expect less from people and demand more from myself.
5. I stopped wanting and wishing for things that I don’t have.

If you want him so much, or if you want to pair your daughter with him GO AHEAD. Stop making my life miserable just because you think i’m so into him.

Please, wasn’t I the one who said no?

I’m the relentless Peter Pan.

I want to be seventeen forever, but seeing that that’s not possible, I decided to forget about it and started making relevant choices about my life.

For one thing, I am delaying Ateneo for a good four months because of the following reasons:

A) Technically, the big bosses didn’t allow me to take my MBA yet. Probably because I haven’t been with the institution for one year. And so instead of defying orders (I can be good at that.), I obey. Darn, ang hirap pala.

B) I want to pay for my own tuition fee. The ‘rents wanted to pay for it but if they do, I realized when will I ever learn the essence of responsibility? I know in my heart that if my dad would be the one to shoulder my tuition the I’ll probably end up spending my hard earned money on senseless, yet adorable things yet again. There are certain things in life that you have to learn the hard way.

**

I had the weirdest dream last night. Darn, that boy’s CUTE.

So how does this constitute as a relevant decision?

Well, I’m letting things go and not insisting on getting what I want. So, no I’m not pulling anything this time.

**

I decided to stick with this job. Even if it’s unfair, demanding and well, filled with catty people. I’m sticking with it because how else would I learn to toughen up if I don’t know how to deal with these people?

It’s all part of growing up.

Besides, I know that the Lord’s fighting my battles for me. That alone, is enough =)

It’s a crime to look that GOOD!!

We were friends way before Posh met Becks. I love you, Soully =) Thanks for my starbucks and the ride!! =)) haha. Spoiled ako eh noh?

To more memories, cheers!!!

Got addicted to the “get more” button!!! This is what happens when you’re not doing anything at work! Try niyo, aminin, super addictive!

The Real You

Here is the analysis:

1. You are a very serious person. You tend to be quiet and well behaved, and you don’t have a great deal of self-confidence. You prefer to be alone rather than with friends and that could make you a little less interesting to certain types of guys. You are very attractive in an individual kind of way, and this means it can take people a little while to get to like you.
2. You really care about other people’s feelings and are quite serious about the issues that affect your life. You are sincere, and your concern for the well-being of others makes many people want to be your friend.
3. You are a bright, cheerful and bubbly person. You are thoughtful and considerate, and like to have fun. Everybody feels comfortable around you because of your pleasant nature. When you walk into a room, people’s eyes are likely to be drawn to you because of your charm.
4. Your peers think of you as a fun person, but sometimes you can be a little irresponsible. You can be somewhat childish, and can try to ignore the fact that you will one day need to really grow up and be a mature adult! Perhaps you could start reading good books; they might help you look at the world in a different light. You do want to be taken seriously, right?
5. Your boyfriend believes that you are a strong and independent person. Your confidence and cheerfulness make you an attractive person to be around, but sometimes you need to pay more attention to what other people, including your boyfriend, are thinking.

What’s your personality love style?

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that’s why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don’t just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person’s personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn’t meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

What Type of Personality Do You have?

Kind and Gentle

Your kindness is your charm – you are also gentle and sweet. Everybody likes to be around people with your personality. Like a psychologist, people like to talk to you to discuss their problems because you are proper and discrete, as well as confident. You look mature and people respect you. People with this kind of character are few and far between.

–in fairness, consistent!

I was listening to Joyce Meyer earlier and I almost fell of my seat when she said this:

“Most of the time, we want what we don’t have simply because other people have it and it looks like they enjoy having it so we pray to have it as well. We prayed for it without knowing that it’s not really meant for us, but we’re stubborn so we continue to plead with God, asking Him to give it to us RIGHT NOW. Then once we have it, we ask Him to take it away.”

Let me just say this: We should have listened the first time, it wouldn’t have caused the same amount of heartache. But then again, we’re stubborn people.

ALADDIN:
– If you were to find a magic lamp with a genie inside, and you were given three wishes, what would you wish for?

1) A new digi cam

2) Tickets to Chris Brown and Rihanna’s Concert!

3) Endless love, peace and happiness for everyone I love. if they’re happy then so am I 🙂

THE UGLY DUCKLING:
–Were you ever “the ugly duckling”?

YOU HAVE NO IDEA!! I was the ugly duckling of the bunch. :))

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS:
-Where would you rather live…?
[ ] a house of straw: ideal for the tropics, beaches, palm trees etc.
[ ] a house of twigs: ideal for log cabin, lakes, woods
[x] a house of bricks: ideal for the city, metropolitan

RUMPLESTILTSKIN:
– Have you ever met someone who could “spin straw into gold” or make something plain and simple beautiful?:
I’m blessed with friends like these: Karla, Robbie, Kae! And my mom, she has that knack of making something look oustanding 🙂

– What name do you like the best?
Madison, Benedict and why, CARLA of course. On second thought, maybe not, Carla is pretty boring. I’d rather go for Cassandra 🙂

BEAUTY AND THE BEAST (DISNEY VERSION):
– Would you consider yourself the beauty or the beast?
I’m a little bit of both. But hopefully, I’m not much of a “beast” anymore. haha 😉

– What color rose is your favourite?
Red 🙂

SNOW WHITE (DISNEY VERSION):
– “Mirror, mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?”

That’s really hard because my preferences change daily. But hands down, Angelina Jolie. Darn that girl’s GORGEOUS:)

– Who do you consider pretty?
My sister. Seriously, when I was growing up, she was the epitome of beauty! 🙂 Leighton Meester, Katie Holmes during her Dawson’s Creek Days (now she just looks scary!), Alexis Bledel and that Brazilian model from ABS, Prescilla Merielles and the other one? Mariana something.

-Handsome?

My gosh. I have a really really long list!!!!!!! 🙂 At the moment, I find Shia Labeouf hot but he’s not really handsome. You know pretty boys just bore me, I’m more of after the aura of the guy. wait, what was the question again? 🙂

-Although in the story, Snow White’s heart is to be taken physically, who, in figurative sense has taken your heart?

City of Angels. Ay naku, I won’t elaborate, but I’m telling you that guy is LOVE!

SLEEPING BEAUTY (DISNEY VERSION):
– Can you handle needles?
Yeah, they’re not so bad 🙂

– Whose kiss would wake you from the sleep?
Shia Labeouf. Andy Roddick. CHACE CRAWFORD. <33 CINDERELLA (DISNEY VERSION):
-Do you have a curfew?
Even now that I’m 20 years old, yes I do have a curfew, but my parents have been more lenient with my lately. I guess they figured it out: If my daughter can handle all the responsibilities of her job then she can pretty much take care of herself! haha 🙂

POCAHONTAS (DISNEY VERSION):
– Are you close to someone from a totally different culture/lifestyle as your own?:
Yeah 🙂
– What do you think it means to “paint with all the colours of the wind”?
LIVE! Stop living inside a box and just LIVE! Experience! Love! Laugh!

THE LITTLE MERMAID (DISNEY VERSION):
– Have you ever wanted to belong to a completely different life than your own?
Hmm. Yes. There are days that I do, but then again, why waste your time right?:)

– Would you give up your voice for someone you love?
NO! haa haa. selfish eh noh?

– Your sight?
For my family… YES. For anyone else. forget it! haha 🙂

– Your hearing?
Refer to the one above please 😉

MULAN (DISNEY VERSION):
– How far would you go to save someone you love?
What’s up with all the disney version?! It’s a disney survey so its the disney version!! haha 🙂 Anyway, as far as letting him go. :)) Haha. cheesy. That’s like mature love in action!!!:)

– Do you agree with what your society believes?
I’ve always had issues with what society believes 😉

– Do you think you have found your identity?

Yes 🙂

– Is what you see in your reflection the real you?

Yes. But you know there’s a lot that the surface does not cover 😉

LION KING
– What, do you believe, is your place in the world?

I’m still trying to figure that thing out but I hope that you know one day, I end up making a significance in people’s lives. Like I impacted them somehow. 🙂

BAMBI
– Have you ever had to deal with the death of someone very close to you?

Yes 🙁 KC, you are still missed.

ROBIN HOOD
– What do you think is the best gift you can give to someone?
opening my heart to someone is probably the best gift I could give because I hardly do that. I’m always guarded so it’s a big deal if I take a leap of faith with someone 🙂

-What’s your hair cut like?

layered.

-How do you wear your hair?

I have perfected the “i just got out of bed look!” hahaha 🙂

ALICE IN WONDERLAND
– If you could find a world all your own what would you want it to be like?

A place where envy and greed don’t exsist. A place where everyone gets what they want. A place where everything beautiful was placed alongside each other and a place where everyone was happy. Everyone was content. 🙂

PETER PAN
– If you could always remain young, would you?

Yes. I’d love to be young forever 🙂
– Do you wish on stars?

Yes and most of the time, they do come true 🙂

THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF
– Has a lie you told ever gotten you into a dangerous situation?

YES

THE JUNGLE BOOK
– Do you like animals?

so and so 🙂

KING MIDAS
– Do you prefer gold or silver?

GOLD 🙂

THE FROG PRINCE
– How many “frogs have you kissed to find a prince” or rather, how many bad relationships/ failed crushes have you been in?
1 failed almost there relationship. Boo 🙂

LADY AND THE TRAMP
– Do you think there is any truth to the saying, “opposites attract”?:
No. Read boundaries of dating and you would know what I said no 🙂

PINOCCHIO
– Can you tell when someone is lying to you?

YES. I’m very good at detecting liars!

– What’s the biggest lie you have ever told?

hahahaha

– Do you lie often?

Hmmm I stopped :p

THE PRINCE AND THE PAUPER
– Who is someone you wish you could trade places with for awhile to see what it’s like to lead their life?:

Blair Waldorf 🙂

THE LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD
– What are some obstacles you have faced?

Where do I begin, honey?

– Do you like the colour red?

I LOOOVEEE IT!

– Do you have a favourite item of clothing?

YES 🙂

THE GINGERBREAD MAN
– Are you a fast runner?
no! haha. i’m too clumsy for my own good 🙂

LITTLE MISS MUPPET
– Are you afraid of spiders?

not really

THE TORTOISE AND THE HARE
– Do you think you are a busybody or do you prefer to go with life as it comes?
hmm… a little bit of both.

THE FOX AND THE HOUND
– Does the death of living things bother you?

yes

– Are you a dog person?

no!

HERCULES
– Do you consider yourself to be a strong person?

YES

THE LITTLE RED HEN
– What is something you prize that you have worked hard for?

My relationships. Awards I got in college and well, my job 🙂

THE SHOEMAKER AND THE ELVES
– Could you use any help right now?

Yeah, in some areas of my life 😉

– What is the greatest way someone else has helped you?

There have been a lot of good people in my life. I’ve been blessed 🙂

GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BEARS
– Are you a picky person?
NO BUT WHEN IT COMES TO GUYS THAT’S A BIG FAT YES!

THE PRINCESS AND THE PEA
– Do you consider yourself to be vain?
me? vain? are you kidding? AHAHAHAHAH:)

THE SIX SWANS
– If you could transform into any animal, what would it be?
An eagle ;)) hahahahaha

TOM THUMB
– Would you rather be very short, or very tall?
very tall. most days, i feel that i’m already very tall 🙂

THE LION AND THE MOUSE
– What difference do you want to make in the world?

I want all kids born to be able to finish their education. That’s something that everyone deserves to have.

-If you were blind, what would you miss seeing most?
THE WORLD. We take it for granted but yes, it’s extremely beautiful 🙂