Halloween ng mga single

My baby brother, Carl (who’s a good six foot tall and hardly a baby anymore) has his funny moments. The other day he came home and told me that there was such a thing as a Halloween for singles. Dumbfounded, I asked him what he was talking about and he said that he was reading a comic strip earlier and they now called Valentine’s Day as the Halloween for all us singles out there. That made me laugh, nothing was more aptly titled. However, unlike last year, I’m not wearing black this year on Valentine’s Day but I won’t wear red either or maybe I will, I’ll celebrate. To know what I’m celebrating about, do read my next entry.

***

Facets of Love

Once every year, I tend to get mushy but this year I do have something serious to talk about in time for the big “VDAY’.

My great grandmother died last week. She was 88 years old. She was the sweetest ever, she’d always talk to me and invite me to eat and we’d always find something to talk about. And although we’ve all accepted that this time would come, I couldn’t help but feel sad for my Grandmother (who’s more like an Aunt).

She’s fifty years old and she has Down syndrome and my great grandmother was there for her from day one. I don’t think they’ve ever been separated. It broke my heart to see her part with my great grandmother because they were so close.

And that’s when it hit me, the love that my great grandmother felt for my grandmother was so profound and something we overlook these days. We’ve been so caught up with love stories involving a prince charming or a knight in shining armor that we neglect the kind of love that my great grandmother and grandmother shared. You should see them, it’s a wonderful kind of love.

It’s so easy to gripe and complain about not having a significant other. But there are so many facets of love that we are blessed with. Don’t get me wrong, love in that sense should be magnificent or else numerous movies and stories about it won’t be told. But there are everyday love stories that we take for granted, the miraculous wonders that we experience everyday and yet put aside. The ones that don’t fade away, the ones that are unconditional and the ones that stick no matter what.

I’m actually looking forward to the big v day this year because it made me realize just how loved I am and how blessed I am to have such wonderful people around, sharing their love with me without being asked. It’s comforting to know that I don’t have to play some silly game to have that kind of love (okay, I think I’m starting to be cynical already haha!).
What I’m trying to say is that V-day doesn’t have to be as horrific as it used to be. I’m loved and that’s enough.

***
Just for the sake of it

My Ideal Man should have:

Andy Roddick’s Height
Hayden Christensen’s Gaze
Dwayne Johnson’s Smile
Leonardo Di Caprio’s Philanthropic Efforts
Pacey Witter’s Sarcasm, Wit and Humor
Barak Obama’s Charisma, Courage and Smarts
Dawson’s Leery Romanticism
Wentworth Miller’s Eyes
James Lafferty’s Physique
Joel Osteen’s Faith

What a guy huh?

My cellphone has been detained for an unidentifiable amount of time and instead of being annoyed, I feel good.

The cellphone is a glorious device and it has been glued to my fingers ever since I had one at the age of fourteen (probably one of the last people on earth to have one) but instead of feeling naked, I actually feel liberated and less para-nnoying.

Without the constant flexing of my thumb, I can relax and enjoy life’s nothingness. I have read more books that I would have with my phone around-mercilessly beeping with messages waiting to be replied to and calls to be answered. I once rid myself of countless things (even food) just to find the inner peace that I’m feeling now. I didn’t realize that the only thing that I had to give up was my cellphone.

I couldn’t help but feel that my little dilemma has caused a blessing in disguise.

So sorry if I haven’t been replying to your messages, now you understand whyJ

***

Currently:

Currently reading: Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens (Marvelous!)

Next Stop: The Other Boleyn Girl

Currently Watching: Dawson’s Creek Season One

Next Stop: Dawson’s Creek Season Two

Currently Listening to: It won’t be soon before long

Current Mood: Blissful

I have this annoying of habit of saving things in my phone and forgetting about it, it’s like my very own “travel journal” only I keep forgetting to post them

***

This one I saved January 12, 2008:

“For the first time in forever I ate alone at a restaurant. If I could remember clearly when I was five or six I declared to my mom that I’d never eat alone because it was the most tragic thing that could happen to anyone. But my dear six year old self, I beg to differ. At the age of 19, I have come to enjoy the solitude and it compliments my need for silence. Not that I want to be lonely forever but it’s a good feeling and a great way to unwind. It’s been a horrible week. I deserve a break and a treat and a time to unwind and to think.

***
Heath Ledger was found dead last Tuesday (US time). I cannot even explain how sad I am about this. Life is too short. Fall in love. Live Crazy.
and just be HAPPY DAMNIT!

He was such an excellent actor.:(

Current Mood: Dazed. — blame this on myspace.

Yes, my heart’s dazed and not just for one particular reason. I had a highly stimulating conversation with my dad earlier and it feels so good that I’m in that point wherein I’m allowed to tell my dad everything and he just listens. He doesn’t reprimand before I even explain my side, in his brooding way he listens and then agrees.

Yes, my dear friends when you’re an adult, your dad finally agrees with you. But I guess my dad’s always been that way, it’s only now that I get to appreciate that.

My dad knows the real state of my heart and what I’ve decided on over the weekend. My dad also knows that when I say it’s over, then it’s over for me. It doesn’t matter if it didn’t start yet or if I even gave that guy a chance. When I see something that I don’t agree with, it’s done, it’s finito. Again, I don’t know if my stubborness would be an advantage to me in the end. I just don’t like being hurt. I don’t like opening my heart over and over again just to have it trampled on in the end. I like everything in black and white and I hate hate games.

When I say I don’t like a person anymore, nothing in this world can change that. Unless he goes serendipity on me and convinces me that we should be together. Che said that’s a good thing because it makes me stick to my decisions.

But who knows what’s going to happen in the future? And i’m totally going out of topic here so let me try to make the point of this entry clear.

Back to my dad… he agrees with me. My dad’s a realist so I can’t say that my head was in the clouds when I made that decision.

I’m sad, that may be true but I don’t want to be sad and stupid at the same time.

So life’s good… And I do know, cliche as it may sound, the best is yet to come.

I have no idea if this entry made sense but I know it did.

Damn! I’m just so happy. It’s like I finally got my old self back.

Do you know that part in Nanny Diaries where Annie was singing “freedooooommm” on the top of her lungs? As if letting the entire of New York to know that she’s finally free?
That’s exactly how I feel right now. There’s this joy that makes me want to jump and do so much more. I’m finally free and I made a decision that made me sooo proud of 19 year old self. I know I’m going to look back on this decision and actually be happy about it.

I used to be so sad about good-byes but today I’m just so ecstatic about it that I was even dancing while brushing my teeth this morning. I mean, how geeky can you possibly get?

Everything’s going so well for me today and I’m just grateful. I’m grateful for the past five months but it’s time to get up and move on. Find something that would make me happy.

I had two blog entries over the weekend but due to some interruption in my internet connection, I just couldn’t publish them. So maybe I will in the following days, but right now that just doesn’t matter.

It’s time for a brand new start…

Let me hear you say,

“Freedomm.. .Freedooommmm!!”

I’m a geek so sue me.

Costume: Optional. Must look smart all the time.

Rules to playing grown up:

1) Must have a job.

2) Must be in touch with people who actually have jobs of their own.

3) Must stop talking about Britney Spears, High School Musical and your huge crush on Chris Evans.

4) Must start paying for your own bills.

5) Must learn to budget.

6) Must carry around a “jam packed” planner.

7) Must refrain from giggling and cheering too loudly at basketball games. Must act “refined” all the time. It doesn’t matter if cheering at basketball games is the number one thing you love to do.

8) Must spend weekends with friends: stressful week must equate to a very fun weekend which is the only time you “unwind”. Translation of fun weekend: bars. Clubs. Parties. Boys. Drinks. Not: staying at home all weekend watching DVDS until your eyes pop, rereading Nicholas Sparks novels and drinking multiple cups of coffee.

9) Must get over that girlish high school crush which forces you to turn red and become incoherent whenever around the same crush. Grown up girls do not show a trace of emotion around the person that they admire.

10) Must always smile, must always maintain good posture and must only laugh at appropriate times.

11) When you’re grown up, “just friends” is a silly phrase. That hardly ever happens or people just don’t accept that a guy and a girl can be just friends.

Four months into the grown up life and I haven’t gotten the list quite right. I don’t think there’s a surefire way to living the grown up life. All I know is that the rules given above don’t apply to me at all. I still haven’t figured out how to act like a grown up and still haven’t gotten over my very own peter pan complex.

(SO SO SO IN LOVE WITH COLBIE CALLIAT’S “COCO”)

REALIZE

[V1:] Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn’t I, Didn’t I tell you.

But I can’t spell it out for you,
No it’s never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you

[C:] If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we’d be perfect for each other
And will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We’d never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

[V2:] Take time to realize
Oh-oh I’m on your side
Didn’t I, didn’t I tell you.
Take time to realize
This all can pass you by.. Didn’t I tell you

But I can’t spell it out for you,
No its never gonna be that simple
No I can’t spell it out for you.

[C:] If you just realized what I just realized
Then we’d be perfect for each other
Then we’d never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We’d never have to wonder if
We missed out on each other now.

[V3:] It’s not always the same
No it’s never the same
If you don’t feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.

[C:] If you just realized what I just realized
Then we’d be perfect for each other
Then we’d never find another
Just realized what I just realized
We’d never have to wonder
Just realized what I just realized

OoOoOOo

Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now

When I was a pesky junior in high school and have created every single problem related to eros, there was one person who always pounded logic into my head and that was none other than the smartest boy in our class, Arvin.

Arvin has been logical way before it became cool to be logical. Arvin insisted that our fascination with “love” at an early was pointless and it was best not to concentrate on that and it would be a better idea if we just placed the same amount of concentration on better things, like going to college.

Arvin, as wonderful as he is, was constantly teased for his logic. What we didn’t know back then was the fact that Arvin was right all along. After all the crushes were gone and our faux broken hearts were glued back together, Arvin’s little pieces of advice got stuck in our heads and I believe that even though he wasn’t physically present during our college years, his sound advices were always at the back of our minds, guiding our decisions and making sure that in moments of illogical (or put rather bluntly, stupidity) choices, they quietly reminded us of what was needed to be done.

Right after the last summer of high school, everyone drifted apart, doing their own thing. Arvin got too busy getting on the path of victory and I was too busy trying to get out of college alive that we lost touch. Text messages were the only way we communicated since he managed to miss every single reunion we planned.

But just like an angel, out of nowhere, Arvin went on this thing called Yahoo Messenger and we ended up chatting about life.

Arvin, just like all of us, Arvin changed as well. Thank God he took up Psychology in UP. Arvin was an even better shrink than I remembered. I think it was also because he’s been my shrink ever since we were fifteen. He’s had good practice.

Kidding aside, Arvin made me realize more than a few things yesterday. He made me realize that living for tomorrow is silly because tomorrow’s never promised. Arvin pushed me to take the risk. Arvin told me that the Maria Clara act is over and done; he told me that being overly pakipot won’t get me anywhere. Arvin also told me that if you’re happy then that’s all that really matters.

Arvin told me the things that I wanted to hear and yet I knew that he wasn’t sugarcoating. He was still the brilliant Arvin that I ran to every time I had an ugly betty moment in my hands. Arvin was always there and Arvin was always right.

I hope Arvin knows how much he has helped me yesterday and how much he has interjected in the decision that I made yesterday. Arvin is God’s reminder. Arvin is an angel speaking to me and with his help; I believe that I made the right choice.

I also wasn’t sad about my decision because I once took the risk and it made me happy at one point. Arvin made me realize that. Nothing was wasted.

Arvin, you are heaven sent! This blog entry entitles me to another session, free of charge. Haha.

Love you Arvin dearJ

Last Saturday, I was the grinch of all grinches. Maybe it was because of the five margaritas I had the night before or my lack of sleep. Anyone who knows me well knows that I cannot have less than eight hours of sleep (I crashed at three and got up a little after eight).

It may also be because last Saturday, I realized that I had three days left into the New Year and something that I have been wishing for at the beginning of 2007 hasn’t materialized yet. That made me one grumpy camper.

Of course, no one knows about the messy details, except for Donna, who has been my saving grace. I guess I just want happiness in its truest form. I want my prayers to be answered because that has always been the true measure of contentment.

But really, what is contentment?

Contentment is being happy with what you have right now and hoping that one day your prayers would be answered, when the time is finally right. It’s being happy in the fact that you have survived the toughest ordeals that has passed thus making you ready for whatever it is that would ‘challenge’ you next. Contentment is being thankful for the inner peace that you have and realizing that at the end of the day, that’s truly all you need. Contentment is realizing that loving and be loved back is the greatest gift anyone could ask for. Contentment is being thankful for the job that you currently have. Contentment is being thankful for your family and everyone else who brightens up your otherwise bleak days. The secret to any form of happiness is contentment.

After realizing this, God gave me a tender wake up call on the same fateful Saturday and it’s surreal to think that the wake up call came just in time for the New Year. It was as if saying, “Get your act together honey before 2008 so none of this drama follows you in the New Year”. It was so pivotal. I spent the rest of the weekend locked up in my room, watching cute films, crying my heart out and lashing out in my journal. I needed that therapy so I can get a good jumpstart on 2008.

And I did get the good start I needed. Welcoming 2008 with my extended family made me happy and excited over what’s to come next.

2008 will be a great year. I can tell.

The Depths of Me

Five Basic Things
Name:: Carla Bianca Velasquez Ravanes
Nicknames:: Carla, Bia, Bianx
Date of birth:: July 11, 1988
Today’s date:: December 12, 2007
Current location:: office;)

Personality
Are you submissive or rebelious?: submissive but I’ve done my fair share of rebellion:)
Leader or a follower?: Follower? Leader? I never answered that..:)
Responsible or carefree?: responsible
Careless or compassionate?: compassionate!!:)
Talker or a listener?: i’m a talker…heehee… but I do listen when needed
Determined or hesitating?: hesitating on certain aspects of my life *wink*
Trustful or untrusting?: trustful..:P
Dreamer or realist?: DREAMER DREAMER DREAMER
Optimistic or pessimistic?: optimistic:)
Commitment or liberation?: commitment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Guidelines or absolute freedom?: guidelines… i have to have those boundaries:)
Life or love?: LIFE:)

Defining Your World
Family is:: the most important thing to me:)
Marriage is:: possible
Children are:: WONDERFUL…THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN MAKE ME SMILE ON A HORRIBLE DAY:)
Home is:: where the heart is..teheehee:)
Friend is:: someone I can trust, someone I can share absolutely anything with without them judging me:)
Best friend is:: a long lost sister or brother.:)
Love is:: something I have yet to discover:)
Passion is:: what drives someone to do something
Trust is:: very very hard to earn…for me that is;)
Time is:: fair… it’s something that we all have equally. Goes to show that God is a fair God:)
Pain is:: there to teach us something. It serves its purpose so i’m not afraid of it.
Tears are:: a documentation of what we’re feeling. It’s there when we’re overjoyed or really really sad.
Happiness is:: a choice and i’m just not saying that.

Philosophical Questions
Why do “bad” things happen?: Bad things happen because there’s something that we have to learn.
Why do people cry?: People cry because it’s the best way to heal:)
Why pure intensions are sometimes misunderstood?: Because people percieve things differently;)
Why do some people judge by looks, not personality?: That’s what we got used to, no thanks to the media. We’ve been fed a certain standard from day one and we haven’t gotten past that yet.
Why does it sometimes hurt to love?: Because most of the time, love is unrequited.
Why does time fly by so fast?: time only flies so fast if you’re having fun. so if it’s too fast, it means you’re doing something right.

Life Expectations
Do you have any expectations or “requirements” for the “love of your life”?: yes
If yes, what are they? If you said no, why not?: someone who’s stable–in all aspects of his life;)
Who do you want to be in the future, job/career-wise?: I haven’t decided yet.:) I’m too young stop pressuring me!
Do you want a family of your own?: yes:)
Do you want to be super rich? How important are the money for you?: I just want to have enough so I could give the best to my future children and be able to help everyone who needs help..:)
Where do you want to live?: Ireland or Australia:)
Do you want to travel a lot or settle in one place?: YES YES YES;)
What is the highest education you want to obtain?: Doctorate:)

At last…
What should have you been doing instead of this survey?: nothing… completed all my office work already!!:)
Is this for MySpace? Let me guess, yes? Am I right? (LOL): no, multiply:)
Your biggest dream:: be a UN ambassador:)
Do you think of someone specifically at the moment?: YES. HOW DID YOU KNOW?
Is there a person who knows how to make you smile through the tears?: YES:)
Is there someone who makes your heart skip a few beats?: YES?:p
If yes, does that person know about that? If no, I’m sorry…: HEEHEE… I don’t think he knows it yet. I think he has an idea though:P
Finally… do you think that love is blind?: I think love makes people blind… is there much of a difference?

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