I promised myself when I got up this morning that I would take so many pictures my phone would just scream “STOP”. That’s what i told myself this morning but its around eight o’clock pm already and I just realized that I only took a total of four pictures. SO much for so much. haha:-)

Before I begin, look at this. Cool huh? its like the first time that i had my nails done that wasn’t in the color of platinum or beige-y. My mom always chose the color for me, but THANKS to my ate, I got this color. Cute noh?

I’ve just been having so much fun since my ate got here. You see when I visited her about three years ago, we really didn’t get along that well yet. It was one of those sister things but now i’m so surprised we get along so well and i just realized how much fun it would be if she just lived her permanently or vice versa. She’s actually teaching me how to dress up less geekee (another word I made up haha) and be a little more carefree about life. And we don’t just talk about clothes, make up and shoes, we talk about LIFE. And its amazing to think that we share a lot of things in common and we go through the same shitty stuff. Oh and now I know another person who is as addicted to starbucks as I am. 🙂

Sometimes, I just don’t understand myself. I know I’m moody but that doesn’t make me heartless. Infact, most of the time,I’m too caught up taking care of other people’s feelings that I forget about my own. Maybe its just my sleepy state and i’m not sure if these feelings or thoughts are even worth validating but ill write them down anyway (that’s what this site is for anyway,right?).

Everyone’s changing and I’m getting left behind OR

everyone’s evolving together EXCEPT ME.

I’m probably caught up in my own way of growing up or im just too self absorbed to realize that everyone else is doing something else. Its kindda confusing but I’M PISSED. I always get left behind, its not even funny anymore.

“sometimes i wish i could be a little kid again, so when life gets tough you can play pretend.. i wanna go back to when santa did exist. when daddy was the only boy you ever kissed. when disney world was the best place to be. when the only movies you watched were rated G. when your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn`t change and all your friends were the same. and everytime you were sad or you had a bad day you could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. when the best place to shop was toys R us. when it was just scary to ride the bus. before you ever had a broken heart and pain of being in love just didn`tstart. i wanna go back to no hurt and no pain. just laughter AND WHEN EVERY0NE LiVES HAPPiLY EVER AFTER”

I had an enormous gradeschool crush on one of those super guy, you know thier kind- chiseled. good looking and the prototype of the “perfect guy” a.ka. SUPERMAN.

Liking my own version of superman brought about my inner Lois Lane in the sense that I was too dazzled with SUPERMAN, that I didn’t realize that he was probably just an CLARK KENT underneath.

BUT TO BE HONEST…. SUPERMAN HE WASN’T. HE WAS ACTUALLY FAR FROM IT.

I do get giddy though whenever we talk and all the things that come along with the normal infatuation but trust me once all the superficiality is gone (it lasts for ten minutes-tops) NOTHING’S THERE.

Our conversations simply didn’t make me THINK and I didn’t have to contain myself from going on and on simply because… well, i wasn’t going on and on. We stare at each other more than talk, which is tad embarassing enough already.

Our conversations BORED ME TO DEATH and in the progress of these conversations, my huge crush on superman simply deteriorated. HE LOOKED SO GOOD ON THE OUTSIDE BUT NOTHING WAS ON THE INSIDE.

I realized that my idealism of superman was more than just boyish good looks. Instead it has to do more with:

-wit
-humor
-personality and most importantly
-brains (not genious smart, just smart will do)

That said, I guess I no longer get crushes other than those I see on TV. Friends say that my standards are too high. I don’t think so, they’re just different from the rest.

I’m actually brave enough to go on the route that hardly any 21st woman chooses the path called: “patience lane”

I no longer want to elaborate because most people argue with me on this one but please AGRESSION is a word I DON’T understand. If a guy likes me for real, he should be the one to make the move and not the other way around.

I’ll continue with my daily life and sometimes think of my superman, but I WON’T SEARCH FOR HIM.

He will come to rescue me at the right time…but until then

barney’s fine with me:)

you’re too arrogant for your own good.

Is it possible to fall in love with a movie? I don’t think it is BUT last night I did. You see, I’m a huge movie buff but it has been quite awhile since I actually fell in love with a movie (last one:memoirs of a geisha). It was SOOOO cute and I was swooning the entire time. Troy’s character just swept me off my feet. The guy can sing and play basketball… how hot is that? haha:)

seriously, you should watch it. its showing again next sunday on disney.

its a fun movie:)

Life isn’t really being nice to me at this moment. There are a lot of little things that have been piling up and I swear its driving me crazy and testing my faith. To begin with, I lost the elections. The individualist that I am doesn’t really care and just credit whatever happened to my life’s many experiences. However, I have only been an individualist for the past five years and I’ve been HUMAN for almost 18 years. What I’m trying to say here is that I still have my human emotions and although I hate to admit it, not being liked still pushed the wrong buttons a bit. It just really made me sad and upset but I realized that doing so would not really get me anywhere? Being bitter and mad would just validate whatever rumors people may have spread about me. I really don’t know where this entry is going because for once, I’m allowing myself to just write, write and write. I am upset and hurt. Somehow, losing made me realize that people don’t like me. HOWEVER, my family and REAL friends got me out of the drama queen mode and made me realize the reality of life.

Reality is, life isn’t perfect. Neither is it fair or kind. In fact its HARSH. Bad things happen to good people. No matter how nice one person is, people are going to hate you and say nasty things about you. Even if you be REAL to people and treat them the way you want to be treated, doesn’t mean that they’ll treat you in the same way. In fact, most of the time, just because you’re nice, they think that gives them the right to walk all over you. Yes, its true: LIFE SUCKS. Life hurts, life kills, life is going to keep throwing you curveballs and the only thing you can do is STAND UP AND FIGHT. Show people that even if you’re defeated you can still stand up and tell people that you’re okay. Scratch tell, instead you should SHOW people that you’re okay.

Looking back, I guess I’m more thankful for the times that I got hurt or got disappointed. Doesn’t mean that I don’t want the happy times, in fact, I do. Its just that during those time when everything’s so messed up, that’s when one starts over. That’s when one starts to go back from the beginning and reevaluate one’s life and one’s relationship with the Lord. Sometimes, its so easy to just lose faith and get mad. Its harder to accept things as they are and its harder to be nice to those who have done you wrong. That’s the reason why people hardly take that path. With the Lord’s help, I hope I could be strong enough to take that path. I’m hurting now and the circumstances didn’t really turn around after this entry, but I feel better because I know that at the end of the day, the Lord knows what He’s doing and there’s something better out there for me. All I have to do is pray for those people who continue to bring me down and pray that I surpass them. I’ll pray that I conquer evil by doing good.

Okay, my sermon’s over. HAHA. Ain’t it good to let it all out? Hahaha. Tomorrow’s a new week, then a new month. I know everything will fall into place soon. And then my entries would definitely be better.

I was having dinner at a family friend’s house last night and a tita of mine stated the fact why coffee is bad for you:

a) it causes premature wrinkles (uhoh)
b)it causes pimples to dry up longer
c) and its a depressant.

Whoa. Maybe, that’s the reason why i am such a dramaqueen. I CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF ME STOP DRINKING COFFEE, ESPECIALLY IF ITS STARBUCKS.

But i’m challenging myself . I should try not drinking four cups a day. I should try tea. Ha. Somthing new. It may actually help me change my persepective.

I’m missing coffee already.

I’m not sure if i’ve mentioned it before but im actually running for PRO. I should have killed myself earlier. You see, popularity games such as the student council is the one thing that i’ve been against since I was in 5th grade. Ookay, okay, I was involved in classroom student councils but that was it. I mean hello, people don’t like those positions anyway.

So, that being said. What I was doing yesterday infront of the ENTIRE student body dishing out a speech that was probably putting people to sleep?

I DON’T KNOW.

You see, the whole running for student council thing looked so good at the beginning, like during the initial stage. Like the planning and the posters and all that. I SO thought I had brooke davis’ guts. BUT I guess, lucas scott isn’t the only thing missing in my life. Haha.

I watned to concede right there and then but that would mean QUITTING. And that is one thing that I hate most, next to failure.

I should know by now that failure isn’t really a bad thing.

BUT I wish people would just play FAIR.

I don’t think fair is bitchin’ out the party during your speech.

Most of you are probably thnking, “Wtf? you’re in college!”

MY ANSWER:
” I know right!”

I swear there were like two girls from the other party who kept on bitchin instead of saying what changes they wanted to see and what made them qualified to run the so called race.

They just complained about how long our speeches were and were giving us the evil eye the entire time. If I weren’t mature enough I would’ve smacked them right in the head (oh, you don’t know how I wished to do that)

Now, I just don’t care at all. And im not just saying that, I mean it. It doesn’t matter if I win or lose. I’m just happy that the stupid popularity game hasn’t sucked me into something that I’m not. I’m grateful that yesterday’s situation reminded me of who I am and what I want. I don’t care if people don’t see me as “cool” or if guys don’t think i’m “hot” (I don’t have to flirt with every guy on the block to gain some sort of validation).

Politics are SO dirty, even for a school as small as ours. Its absolutely crazy if people get TOO PERSONAL. Get a life.

Mr. Accounting is my new boyfriend.
It took me an entire weekend to answer two problems. It took me a whole day just to balance two accounts. How dumb is that? Math is not my strongest subject, but at least I got it down right. It would’ve been more frustrating if I didn’t get it right after I spent all that time on it. THANKFULLY, I understand it already. GIve me that accounting homework and I can do it.:-)

I guess, spending that much time on accounting is actually a good thing. The whole not entering the semis thing is still kindda depressing… *sigh*.

or maybe its pms again:-)