I guess its been awhile since I actually sat down and wrote anything meaningful. To be honest, my family and close friends have been the recepient of my oh-so opinionated reviews on everything including the teen edition, current movies (would you believed I actually loved m.i.3?! haha) and everything else in between.

Thing is I actually have like 5 entries, but then again you can never trust a floppy disk ever again. That’s it, I’m never using one again.

So, how have I been?

…Well, for one thing my whole family has this crazy notion that i’m anorexic/bulimic. Its quite funny and embarassing because I weigh pretty much how I SHOULD weigh, I checked on the internet. My weight compliments my height. It does not help though that I collapsed last saturday, BUT that’s due to PMS and not some eating disorder.

other than that I’M okay. Will blog again soon:) Just dropped by to remind you guys that i am ALIVE. haha:)

I anticipated the summer on the last week of school. I was dreaming about it and thought of things that I would do when I’d finally get all the free time I could muster. Now, 2 weeks into the summer and I tell you this: I’M BORED!

The bum’s life ain’t for me, that’s for sure. I’ve cleaned every inch of my room, color coded all my clothes, bags, books and dvds. I’ve finished two books already and halfway through with my third. I’m about to start my self-imposed spanish lessons and yet i’m still BORED!! I am so jealous of the top 12 housemates who entered big brother’s house last weekend. I know i’ll probably be equally bored but it would be a good experience and the prizes ain’t bad at all!

Highschool friends have that way of making you go back to who you used to be. In my case, its that unself-actual;ized girl who weighed more than your average 16 year old. She had zero confidence to speak of. Whenever I meet up with people from my highschool, I’d always be that loser who never had a date.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my highschool friends dearly, but who I was a year ago isn’t exactly who I am now. Meeting up with these friends still leave a part of me inferior. It makes me perfectly normal system go haywire and disoriented. What is it with highschool friends anyway? Or just highschool in general?

I saw “just friends” last week and I know how the main character feels like. Haha. The movie wasn’t that good (I even forgot the main characters’ names, so yeah, it wasn’t good at all hehe) but I could relate to it. Highschool was loser time for me and I can’t help but feel that way whenever I have lunch with them.
I don’t know if that exactly is a good thing. Familiarity is supposed to be a good thing but right now, I don’t think so. It kindda pulls me back to who I used to be. NOT trying to be dramatic here but yeah, its awkwards to be with these people and realized that yeahuh, you’ve changed but to your hs friends you’ll always be who you were labeled to be at highschool:)

Ecology was disappointing. But good enough anyway. I hope I did well. I mean really I hope my hard work paid off all the studying about mendel and darwin and all that population crap. Whoot. I am such a geek, I was actually studying for that during last friday’s game. It was a great game though but the game last sunday was even better.

Okay, I just had to rant. I have to get back to political science now. Haha;)

Finals is in less than a week and of course i’m freakin out like crazy. Thing is a lot has been happening in my so called life aside from school. Things aren’t as perfect or as perky as I wish it to be. *sigh* and the heat is killing me! haha, everywhere I go its just plain humid.:)

Anyway, I have to go my polisci break is almost up.

Ginebra vs. Coke on Friday.

Go kings. I miss winning! haha:)

I finally got to do things that I really wanted to do over the weekend:
– meet up with karla and camille (karren didn’t show up! boohoo!)
– eat at brown bag cafe (food was excellent!)

I was more than happy to see my gradeschool best friends considering the fact that the only communication we had in the past four years was text messages and friendster (it does have its perks). I enjoyed spending time with them, it was just like the old times and it was as if we were seven again.

Pictures are coming up and more details about the day out. I have to get get back to my ecology class-teeehehe… its natural selection this week.. oh yeah, interesting.

Its absurd of me to be writing about this person because this person has been the reason why my life has been hella messy lately. And this person is also the reason why I’ve realized how much there is for me to improve about myself and made me realized that not everything is what it appears to be. I’m not going to be hella dramatic about this because there’s no point in doing so, but I’m writing this down because now I believe that one person can significantly affect your life without even being in a relationship with them.
This person was a friend or rather, is a friend. This person is one hell of a complex person. I can hardly keep up with this person’s mood swings and innate ability to be inconsistent. This person shows up at the moment that I just arranged my life to resemble how it used to be (it hasn’t been the same eversince btw) and messes everything up again. Picking up the pieces gets harder. Arranging my life and putting it back the way it used to be gets harder and harder after every “tornado”. I don’t know why I don’t bother to put the appropriate pronouns. Its not like people would know who this person is anyway.

I didn’t fall for him, was not in love with him and did not see him in that way. He was just a friend. A friend who made me smile (he has that superpower of making corny jokes seem funny) and he has this uncanny ability to make everyone feel better about themselves. I admired this in him. These traits made me see him as more than just your ordinary party guy. I created a genuine friendship with him in the hope that I could share with him something of importance- my relationship with the Lord. But just like everything in my life, it became too complicated. Too much of it too soon. Again, I don’t think we saw each other in that “sense”. We were just friends, but then again it became too complicated- partly because of me and this nagging fear that I have. I easily get scared. Whenever I get too close to someone, I shy away because I get scared of what might happen. Its wrong, I know. I’m damn scared all the time that its not even funny. I never really sat down and figured out what I’m feeling. All I ever did was just tell myself to stop feeling what I was feeling. I just reminded myself that this was not to be and I ha a lot ahead of me.

I regret making things complicated and I regret making everything hella messy. Its my fault. I admit that and it drives me crazy because I’m too much of a wuss to confront how I feel and do something about it.

There’s a lesson to be learned here though and this is the real reason why I’m writing down this entry. To share with everyone the lessons I’ve learned in my encounter with this person.

First, never say never. Don’t say that you know how things are going before things actually happen. Don’t assume, expect and conclude right away. Most especially if your conclusions are of the negative variety. Be smarter. Listen to the person and not the grapevine.

Second, take the risk. Most opportunities come only once.

Third, as girls we’re given the right to be manipulative and make guys do things they wouldn’t usually do with a snap of a finger. Its fun. But guys get tired too. Appreciate their efforts and make sure that they know that you appreciate their efforts.

Fourth, if you feel love. Go after it. Don’t think. Just go. Cause if you think, soon enough you’d forget about the feeling, get all rational and lose that person completely. And that sucks more trust me.

If you feel it- go for it. Don’t wallow up in fear. Just go for it. Don’t create a barrier. Just GO!

This is probably just one of those transitions in life but I sure learned a lot. So THANKYOU… You know who you are anyway. 🙂

1) i talk to myself … a lot.
2) im deathly afraid of lizards
3) im a text-aholic and im not just saying that to be pacute, i really am. I constantly have to be texting someone, people find it so annoying, but hey, its my peso after all.
4) when im talking to someone, you can hardly tell if im bored. I try to smile and nod my head but in reality- i’m bored to death. It kills to be nice, believe me.
5) despite that, i cant take not being nice though. I try to be nice until everything is way too much to take.
6) i have to have coffee three times a day (or more)
7) the little things annoy me, the ones that don’t really annoy normal people.
8) i dont think im normal either. haha.
9) im fascinated by cartoons, its a crazy obsession.
10) im sick of the oc but one tree hill still amazes me.
11) im spoiled, but im not a brat-i do know my limits!
12) i regret what i say after i blurt the words out. im responsible for my own stupidity. haha.

finals is in three weeks. already did three out of four papers. stressin. glad basketball’s back. i need a distraction.:) next game is on friday vs smb…that would be a good one;)
***
there a lot of things i want to say but id rather keep it to myself.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATHAN!! I MISS YOU!!!:) PICK UP YOUR PHONE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU THE ENTIRE MORNING!!!