I have no idea how to begin this entry. I really dont. I dont want to be all mushy about it since I promised that ill just let it go. But as I always say… this is my blog and this may be my only way to vent.

You see, I like you. I really do. I believe that you’re not what people assume you to be. I have faith but that faith is not strong enough for me to fight for you. There’s someone else who genuinely likes you and Im not that person. I just don’t know what I want really, simply because right now, its not a priority. I care but I guess that isnt enough. I really enjoy your company but again that’s not enough.

Its not that I’m giving you away, its just that I can feel her pain and i can see that she cant live without you. Just do your thing with her.

I’ll be okay and trust me, Im not bruised that badly. Its just me being dramatic, which is pretty normal… so please, Im more than okay.:)

If you need a friend… you know where to find me. cause right now… that is all I can offer. *wink*

I got reinspired to blog again. I mean I haven’t stopped blogging but I haven’t blogged as much as I used to (haha… I know that’s a good thing for other people). Anyway, I was reading my highschool blog which was filled with so much drama that I wanted to puke and hide away from pure embarassment. Everything I spoke of was SO shallow and it spoke of all my faux heartaches. Haha. Okay, maybe during that time it made sense but now… What the hell was I talking about? haha.

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Another reason why I haven’t been able to blog a lot is because there’s really nothing to write about unless you want to listen to all the marketing and international communication and advertising research that has filled my life latley. Haha. But wait, I’ve been honest in my previous entries concerning my heart. But don’t take that seriously… I was just infatuated. You should know me by now… I get way too emotional on things and just forget about it the next week. I’m not being bratty here, I just don’t take things seriously. I mean in relation to matters of the heart, right now. . I don’t want to be consumed by it. Okay, people dont want to heart this they’ve had enough from the oc and tree hill… TREE HILL SEASON AIRS SOOON!!!!! I can’t wait!
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A shout out to those people who never fail to text me. Your messages never fail to make me smile and brighten my dad with just one message. I super appreciate the messages… THANK YOU!:)
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Ginbera has a game on wednesday!! I can hardly wait! Its been a month without basketball… that maybe the reason why everything is so damn messy. Haha. I’ll be getting my much needed distraction soon. Ha! GOOOOOO GINEBRA!!! We’ll get ’em this season!!
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My friends are now talking about cars… uhh…. im lost… can’t relate. haha.
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I missed FD 3!! durrrnnnn!!! I wonder if they have the pirated dvd of it already… haha… shhhh… i don’t really support piracy… i just love ryan merriman way too much…haha.. yeah whatever carla.

Last weekend, I had raccoon eyes and to dissappoint its not because I spent the whole weekend crying or anything lame like that (haha…as if I haven’t done that before). I had raccoon eyes because I failed to properly take out the mascara that masked my eyelashes for parents’ night. Low and behold people I danced on parents’ night. Its the first time I’ve dawned the stage since my highschool replica days. Whoot. My legs were cold and shaking. I missed a few steps but nonetheless, I was alright. Haha. I will upload the mortifiying video within this week. Haha.

The Philippines is more chaotic than usual. These days its quite normal to go Makati or something and see everyone walking on the streets and shouting the normal, “Gloria resign” mantra. Its crazy, i’ve seen this all before back when I was in sixth grade. Only back then it was “erap resign” and what’s even crazier is the fact that the people screaming erap resign are the exact people asking gloria to step down. They’re stuck in thier own telenovela that simply drives everyone to the brink of insanity. Haay. Its the same old story all over again. It can get so tiring, ya know? There are other things to do and more people to help most especially with all the tragedies striking the country these past few weeks. These power tripping people should start focusing on that. All they ever think about are themselves and its so sick.
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Basketball season is about to start and boy am I glad! 🙂 Okay, I just had to say that.
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Nolan was looking at this website of baby names and carla actually means, “a strong woman” Hmm.. I guess that explains a lot. Hihi.
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I hardly realize the fact that talking to my dad actually clears my head and makes me feel better about my life right now and the choices that I have been making lately. He reminds me of what’s important and makes me see things for what they really are. I love my dad. I don’t say it often and we argue often but I know he knows that. Talking to him last night on our way home made everything fall into place. I guess all would be better in the end. Time fixes things. All I have to do is wait.

I don’t like to write anything negative anymore on my blog. It simply does not bring good vibrations. Okay, now I sound like some freakin’ psychic. Haha. Hmmm… Life’s been shaky really but at the same time its been fun as well. Its a rollercoaster ride and I can account that to my emotions. You see I don’t want to sweat the small stuff anymore, I just want to let it go and be happy with my life and what I have. Sometimes its so easy to get caught up in all the negativity that I cannot see my life for what it is and all the wonders that it has. Happiness is a choice and at the end of the day, I just really want to be happy with my life and with what I have.
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I just realized over the weekend that no matter what happens your family would never leave you. Cliche- I know but it has been proven so many times already. Last weekend when I was crying my heart out over my heart’s little frustrations the only thing that could comfort me were my mom’s words of encouragement and her famous ube. That made me weekend better. These little things can shake you but im glad that my family’s there to make things better:)
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Regret is something that everyone should live with. I wish I didn’t have to though. Its an annoying feeling. I hate feeling this way. I hate the fact that I could’ve done something about it. It was right there and I pushed it away. Okay, maybe its not for me. But I should learn to overcome this crazy and paranoid fear of mine. I don’t know if im just being selfish or being a brat. I don’t understand myself at times. Relationships and carla don’t work well together and I should learn to live with that.
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Things will get better. If I just let go of the little things that don’t matter.
BASKETBALL’s a week away. I CANNOT WAIT!!!!:)

Thanks for making us smile nol:)

“say that you don’t care and I’ll walk away, say you don’t give a damn and I won’t stay. But if you feel the same way that I feel. Babe you gotta show it cause I want to know it.”

I haven’t written a indepth entry inawhile. All that I’ve been writing are merely bits and pieces of my life and how it has been lately. Its been good actually. Kindda messy but good. But then again if that is all I’m ever going to write then maybe I should’ve just stopped blogging. I haven’t been as honest or as open as I used to be and that’s what Im trying to do right now. My life as of February 22, 2006 in a nutshell.
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Before I begin I would like to offer my prayers to those huge number of people who died over the last month. I pray for thier families as well, that the Lord grant them strength and peace to get over this terrible ideal.
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How’s school life? Hmm… Same old same old. School is bittersweet. Its so damn stressful but its fulfilling. I’m totally ga-ga over my ecology midterm that’s happening tomorrow. I’m so stressed over it, my teacher didn’t give us pointers and I’m totally lost on what to study for. I’m nerve-wrecked. I care so much about my grades and it scares the hell out of me if I don’t do well. I know im sucha geek, a paranoid one at that but I hate the feeling of thinking that I could’ve done better. So there school isn’t so bad. Its the same old story. I love school and being beaten up by it. Its the greatest high. I’m a geek- so sue me.
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Fam life is okay and stable. My parents and i don’t get into arguments as much as we used to (those were the days, huh?) and I’m trying very hard to be a good older sister. Carl is in that stage of his life and I don’t want to control him and not experience things on his own. But still he shouldn’t make foolish mistakes. Being an older sister is a hard job but someone’s got to do it, right? Haha. Good thing carl listens to me and does not shut me out. I don’t nag- that’s probably the reason why. Anyway, im missing my older siblings SO MUCH!! I wish they come home for my 18th. Crap, that reminds me, I’m an adult soon. boo-hoot.
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I just saw the movie of Memoirs of a Geisha. I loved it. It made me cry buckets. I loved sayuri-san’s character amazing. I can’t wait to see other movies coming out soon. RYAN MERRIMAN is in the new FD movie…AHHHH!! i CANT WAITT!! Excuse the gradeschool infatuation…hehe. Oh and tree hill season three soon on ETC. Whoot! I cant wait!:)
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So, I guess I couldn’t end this entry without writing anything about my heart and how it has been. Well. . . My heart has begun to feel again. Its been closed off for quite awhile now and lately it has been opening up to the idea of feeling. Only thing that’s stopping me is the fact that I’m too damn scared for my own good. I truly want to be consumed by something that I cannot control and I want to get lost in it but… there’s a huge but and its creating this barrier that’s stopping me from giving in into this feeling. I think I said more than I should and the realization is making me even more scared. But there at least I’m allowing myself to feel…which is something new. I’m taking the risk.

I changed my mind, I don’t think I want to recount everything that happened yesterday in BF. It was so sad though because the guy was a major prick and it wasn’t my mom’s fault. Just to assure those who were worried- we’re okay, it was only the passenger side of the car that got hurt. Haha. I’m so worried how can I place a “haha” at a time like this? Okay. Getting ahead of myself and becoming a bit dramatic. Tee-hee.
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I saw MTV homecoming yesterday and it featured Christian Bautista at our- tada- highschool. Seeing it made me feel sad. As much as I hate to admit it- I miss highschool. Haay. I guess its just like how the song goes, “don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got till its gone” Hehe.
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I miss basketball!!!! Gurrr!!!

It just keeps getting worse. Details to follow after my Ecology class.