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The Art of Happiness

II’m turning the big 2-5 in less than a week and I find myself in a rather contemplative mood.

Months prior to turning 25, my life as cliche as it is underwent major changes. And while they are not big ones, they are quite monumental. 
For someone as dramatic as I am, a career shift a month before turning 25 seems fitting. There are no words to explain how i feel about tge transition. And while I have long been known for vividly expressing my emotions over and over again, I take my speechlessness over the new chapter of my life as a good sign because I still naively believe that the best things in life can’t be contained on paper, I can try but words may fail in vividly expressing the emotions inside. 
Long before the transition occurred, I came across Gretchen Rubin’s The Happiness Project. I usually devour books within days, but I’ve been on this one for months and I’m truly enjoying chewing up the pages slowly, making sure the lessons are relished and savored.
I never quite cared about happiness paying too much attention to the end result without realizing that the road to it was sad and forced. I foolishly believed that if I suffered through something, if deserve it more. 
Reading the book at that particular time of my life felt like an epiphany. I realized that the relationships I had reflected the relationships I had with others reflected the one I had with myself. Prior to the eventful day in April, I woke up bored and sad. I knew I had to get off the path I was on but for the longest time was afraid to do so.
God is amazing in putting in situations where we have no other choice but surrender. A cheesy quote once said, “when you’re pushed to the edge that’s when you fly.”
It was a dark time but God led me to the light. 
It was also then that I realized that I was tired of putting up walls out of the fear that people won’t love the flawed version of myself. I wanted clean relationships but those kinds aren’t real and love loves through the mess. 
It’s extremely liberating to know the things I enjoy and the things I don’t. I no  longer apologize for who I am and my dorky choices. I also stopped looking for validation- my happiness was dependent on me, no one else. 
I also learned to take care of my happiness. I listen to myself more because it turns out the only way I can give more of myself was to stop being at war with me. Battling with myself only wasted my time while accepting certain realities gave me the courage to improve who I was. 
I don’t know what 25 holds but i could only wish, hope, and declare that the new chapter of my life will be where I spend each day happy, where I love myself instead of loathing me and when my dreams finally come true. 
This is only the beginning. 
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Friendzoned: Is being just friends really impossible?

A conversation with an acquaintance today got me thinking about kindness and what it means in today’s hi-tech/highly narcissistic (selfie anyone?) generation.  

A post on his social networking site said that kindness has become so rare that some people mistake it for flirting. While I posted a similar quote on my Instagram account a few months back, I couldn’t help but wonder, in today’s casual & “look-at-me” generation, have we truly forgotten about the true meaning of kindness? Do we only extend it to get something or to feel good about ourselves? 

My dream love story have been similar to Joey & Dawson, one built on a lifetime of friendship and blossomed into something real and rare overnight. And while they didn’t end up together, the friendship remained, and that is a beautiful story all on its own. 
I never believed in love at first sight stories simply because to fall in love, one must have a deeper well to fall into,  depth, not shallowness.
Also, growing up with more male cousins and in an environment filled with men made me see them as friends. It wasn’t difficult for me to fall into a conversation and eventually a friendship with them simply because I always felt I was one of the boys. 
They were often raw, and honest and I deeply admired that. It just got tricky in College and soon after. To this day, I’ve had many conceited men think I was flirting simply because I followed, liked or added them as a friend. 
Is that how shallow we have become? Have we magnified ourselves to the point of no return? Can’t it be just like in pre-school where we could all be friends regardless of? When did we start rejecting friendships just because we didn’t see that person in that way? 
doesn’t life become more fulfilling when we welcome relationships instead of rejecting them? Shouldn’t we be happy when someone offers friendship and not think much of it? Shouldn’t we not even think of that until someone actually says it to our face? 

Life is made more beautiful by the tapestry of friendships in our lives, but if we continue to think, wonder, and obsess we will never be able to enjoy them or even live to the fullest. 
Maybe it’s time to put down the “what if” hat and simply accept friendships for what it is – an offer to share interests together, nothing more, nothing less. 
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Jaded

The word “emotionally unavailable” crossed my mind today more times than I could count. 

I used to be so raw about my emotions and used to be so trusting of people, however, lately I’ve been jaded in ways I have never been in my entire life. 
And while I constantly admired the cynical people of literature and movies, I have come to one conclusion: I don’t like to be jaded. 
Despite the many rejections and sad endings of hopeful beginnings, I don’t want to be that kind of girl.
i don’t want to be the girl who has become so dark and jaded that I no longer have room for sunshine in my life. 
I have become so fearful of the possibility of being hurt that I can no longer enjoy the good moments in my life. 
Turning over the dark side didn’t come with warnings. It was a silent creeper taking over days and judgement. 
I say it again, I don’t want to be that girl. 
I still want to believe in the good of people, I still want to believe the people, no matter how flawed are still good. 
I’m fearful that the girl who previously wrote optimistic words in this very blog is gone and replaced by a sinister who enjoyed collecting cats and always looked over her shoulder. 
I don’t want to be wired this way. I want to be strong enough to love, and most importantly be loved. I want to stop making excuses for pushing love away. 
My idealistic view of it is a big wall that pushes people away, and while I wish for people to be worthy of my attention and time, I don’t want to be constantly looking for mistakes. 
Life is all about transitions and as I transition into a new milestone in my life, I  could only hope to find the perfect balance between believing in the good, hoping for the best, and loving people for who they are. 
It’s time to let go of childish idealistic views but still keeping my childlike view of things. 
This entry earned more questions than answers but I’m hoping that as I go on, life would provide me with answers but until then, I keep walking. 
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When I was 7 in an all girls school in Pasig, I had one dream: to read the gospel during Flag Ceremony. 

At 24, I don’t quite remember the reason why I badly wanted to be the one talking on the microphone, but I guess it meant one thing: I loved to talk. 
Forever the early bird, I would spend the hours before the classrooms opened reading my Bible, perfecting every pronunciation and making sure I spoke just right. 
The main point of bringing up this memory was to share my early encounters with passing judgment by reading the verse about pointing out the speck in another’s eye before minding out own.  
However, as I remember my 7 year old heart’s desire to communicate on a bigger platform than usual, I ask myself this question, Did I allow the world to shrink me into oblivion? 

Did negative words spoken upon me and what seemed like daunting failures shrunk my desire to do something that could be great? 
What am I so fearful of? Why can’t I jump off the edge? Have I shrunk to the point of no return?
Would my 7 year old self be sad when she sees me? Will I be a disappointment to her? 
I hope not, but if I am, I hope to God that I get another chance to make her proud of her future self. 
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Eto Na.

If you haven’t been living under the rock in the past week you may have probably heard about:

  1. Charice admitting who she really is and
  2. Richard Poon and Maricar Reyes’ first kiss in the altar

While I highly commend Charice’s bravery, I believe that everything that needs to be said has already been said about the topic. All I can say is that I commend her for speaking so bravely about the woman she loves – which is more than what I can say for most of the men I know.

While a lot of things have also been said about Richard and Maricar, it is an issue quite close to my heart, and while I don’t know them personally, I am absolutely touched by their commitment to wait until they were married.

Growing up in Christian schools and in an overall Christian environment, stories like theirs is no longer news to me.

I was given the book I Kissed Dating Goodbye when I was 13 and proceeded to “kiss” dating goodbye at that age. I soon found myself reading Saving My First Kiss and When God Writes Your Love Story in high school over and over again that it often prompted my classmates to say, “Binabasa mo na naman yan!”


Books that I have read when I was younger promised of stories like this one and while I have been familiar with many of them (and cried over a lot of them), I have never come across one like Maricar’s.

If  you also have not been living under a rock, you would more or less know the major battle Maricar fought a few years back. Her strength as she rose from that sad scandal was inspiring to many but the story that unfolded yesterday got everyone talking about a different video of Maricar’s. 

It is one that is full of hope and one that greatly tells the story of someone redeemed by Jesus.


In a world of puwede na, is it really possible to find an eto na?


Seeing Richard’s dedication to his bride made me realize that maybe a love story as exquisite as theirs was still possible in this world of friends with benefits, endless dates, and multiple partners.

I was crying for joy when I first saw the video, but when I came across their interview on TV patrol, I felt a bit sad.

Maricar, who is like the epitome of BEAUTY was teary eyed when asked about the best thing about Richard. She spoke about feeling “worthy”  and “important” for the very first time ever and I feel that every single woman felt their hearts break a little because they too long to feel worthy of the kind of love that Richard displayed.

With all the men that I have encountered through my friends and some on my own journey, I have always felt unworthy. I was once called “stupid” in a meeting and was even told that I was  too fat to be seen with anyone and while I fought back like any new age woman, I don’t think I ever fully recovered simply because those comments said more than once left me feeling very insecure. As if love had anything to do with one’s weight, looks or any other superficiality.

Just like Maricar, women carry around a sense of unworthiness inside of them and when men like Richard float out of thin air, everyone cries with joy but some of them question it as well, What can a girl do to feel that kind of love? That kind of respect?

The answer is nothing.

Imagine, a creature as perfect as Maricar Reyes was once treated very badly and even she thought that she lacked. I bet she also cried, never imagining that God will replace her tears with so much joy. But that’s the kind of God He is – a God of anything we could ever ask, think, or imagine.

The great thing about Him is that His gifts for us are never based on what we did or didn’t do. And while, He would love for us to stop going from one person or another trying to make someone else responsible for our happiness, He doesn’t condemn us for our past mistakes. His gifts for us are just that – gifts. Nobody can force you to give a brilliant gift to someone, you do it because you love that person and you want what’s best.

The truth is, God has a plan and a perfect fit just for you. And no, you don’t have to be perfect in order to have that kind of love story: you just have to be you because when the day finally comes, the soon to be love of your life will see God’s light in you that can never be bought in a store or lost in the gym.

You see, I once thought that in order for one to discover a love story as such, one should be perfect. Meaning doing things that would make you “worthy” of that great story that  the greatest storyteller of all time was crafting. This was the premise behind the many “nos” that I have said and the many “let’s hang” I turned down (joke, isa lang talaga ang na receive ko na let’s hang, ha ha ha).

The whole time I was thinking, “I have to do good or else He would erase my lovestory,” and so I walked away from friendships that didn’t measure up to the Tim Tebow, Jeremy Lin and Atom Araullo (ha, ha ha, of course may local version!) in my head.

But the truth is, I can manipulate this to my liking. I simply want what God wants for me.


If there is anything that I have learned it’s that what I want often falls short of what God wants for me and while past experiences have left me skeptic and cynical of my own love story, it is stories like Maricar’s and Richard’s that revives my heart back to its core: hope.

It reminds me to not give away my heart too soon. It reminds me that while I understand that the packaging maybe different, there is a core set of non- negotiables that I should stick to. That while it is so easy to fall for the bad boy, it is much more enjoyable to be with someone who understands that commitment I made to someone higher than him.

Trust me ladies, it is worth it to wait for the man who will make you feel secure and not leave you crying every night, wondering where he is or why he isn’t calling. God created you for so much more and it doesn’t matter where you’ve been or what you’ve been through — NOBODY CAN TAKE AWAY THE FACT THAT YOU DESERVE THE VERY BEST!  So don’t allow anyone to make you feel that way.

It is quite important to fight for your worth because often you end up with the things you are strong enough to fight and wait for.

Yes, FIGHT for your worth, more often than not the one who really loves you would treat you right – period. Those who don’t, well, you can always show them the door and never waste a tear again. Don’t sacrifice who you are and how you should be treated for someone who doesn’t even want to treat you right.

God has a plan, don’t let a smooth talker with nothing to back it up take that plan away from you.

So, bring the tissue out and let’s watch this video again, knowing that in time, someone else would be inspired by ours.

One day, you will be someone’s answered prayer.



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The perfect playlist is vital in getting you happy and ready for the day so sharing with you my current faves:

And of course everyone’s song of the moment (but the glee version!):

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Hit Me With Your Best Shot!

“Scripture reassures us, “No one who trusts God like this—heart and soul—will ever regret it.””

                     – Romans 10:11 (The Message) 

This verse truly proved to be true in my life in the past month. Sharing with you an old favorite worship song to remind you that yes you can get through and by the grace of God, you will stand tall!

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Style With A Twist

My baby brother, Carl, hates and I mean hates (borderline abhor!) it when I wear high heels. Even my dad doesn’t get it and my friends don’t either. Most of them say my 5’8 frame should remain in flats but I never really felt edgy in them until I came across Butterfly Twists!

My “I’m not really boring” Christina pair!

Olivia is perfect for my no fuss style!

Now my feet no longer have to hurt (man, those heels are truly a sacrifice for me!) and I no longer trip all the time (yup, obviously I could never balance in those things!). I once thought that I’d have to sacrifice style (I do like my feet to look cute!) for comfort but Butterfly Twist found the perfect blend of style and comfort and here’s a secret I just found out: flats actually make the ankles look skinnier therefore projecting a slender leg look! (Added bonus!)

I have also discovered that I could take as many as three pairs with me (perfect to move from ordinary office day to a lunch meeting to a basketball game!) without a fuss simply because it’s foldable! Okay, I’m super babaw but that really excites me! No more boring feet!

In addition to that, they also have foldable boots! I have always wanted to try wear boots (ala Lauren Conrad or Hilary Duff) but never had the guts to do so until I saw this pretty pair:

So now I can actually enjoy dressing up without the pressure of extremely high heels and while I may be keeping a few for a few special nights here and there, I wouldn’t mind wearing these babies everyday!

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The Ted Mosby Principle



“The Big Plan.”
I first heard of “The Big Plan” enunciated with big quotations when I was a wide eyed seventeen year old college freshman. It came from an opinionated and rather intimidating upperclassman who declared that he was going to earn his first million at 25.
25.
My seventeen year old self couldn’t care less about being 25 or millions. All I wanted was to maintain three things all throughout college: my scholarship, my weight and my sanity.
25 felt so far far away. I figured that by the time I was 25, I’d have it all figured out or have had my act together or something resembling “successful” women I saw on TV but until then, I didn’t give it much thought.
Today, 25 is a good 39 days away and while I may not know whether or not my classmate did earn his first million (or many more), I did know a few more things about life that my 17 year old self would be shocked to discover.
Thing is, the big plan never really is the big plan.

What I’ve realized is this: most of us are just winging it.
While we may all have a “big plan” tucked away in our hearts or at the back of our closets, at the very least, we really don’t know how to get from one point to another.
When we threw our caps at the end of college graduation, we thought that our life would finally finally be the way we imagined it in our heads: perfect, clean and definitely not messy.
We hoped that the future would include the perfect relationship, the perfect job and the perfect set of friends. However, in between bad breakups, crummy bosses and friends who have turned into nothing but pictures on our corkboards, we have come to the conclusion that life definitely isn’t the way we have planned it to be.
Drunk in the ignorance (arrogance) of our youth, we have always thought that life would be the way we want it to be just because we want it to be that way.
Being the professional daydreamer that I am, I have always thought that life was going to be exactly the way I wrote it, without realizing that I don’t have a magical pen to make it all come true, neither did I have a magic eraser that would take away all the parts that I didn’t like.
Truth is, life happens.
That no matter how hard we work or how much of our hearts we invest in our relationships, we fail, we make mistakes, we lose people and we quit jobs we once thought we were meant to excel in.
But then again, while these things may easily discourage us to believe in the process and in the good of life, I’d like to think that it could also easily encourage us to try again.
The worst has already happened. I have already failed before, what else could I face that I couldn’t take head on? My past battles have strengthened me.
I am a big Ted Mosby freak and I always sigh with joy whenever he ends the show with a quote about the universe conspiring to make things that are meant to happenhappen.
Yes, we have lost what we thought was our dream job but wasn’t it really just God moving us to another direction? The direction He meant for us at the beginning? The job that we were meant to really shine and excel in?
Yes, we have lost friendships, but that doesn’t open up more room for self-improvement? Doesn’t that open up more room for real people who would love you no matter how messy your face gets when you cry or how bad your jokes are?
And yes, you have lost the love of your young life, but doesn’t that make us better for the ultimate dream girl/boy?
My wise 19 year old brother once said that one day, we would look back on these life changing moments of our lives and say, “If it weren’t for that disappointment I wouldn’t be exactly where I am right now – where life is good  and as it should be.”
It’s what I call the Ted Mosby principle and whenever I am tempted to give up or give in to the disappointments of life, I look at my very own yellow umbrella and believe that no matter how messy the journey or how painful the current moment is, it is all working out for the good.
My big plan may not be going as planned but the Master Storyteller’s plan hasn’t changed or shifted a bit. He has planned my life even before I  was born and I take great comfort in the fact that no matter how different or painful life is: there is a plan and everything happening is happening to make that purpose materialize.
On days when I couldn’t see a silver lining, I take great pride in my battlescars. That while life may not be clear and the direction I should take next has not been revealed yet, I take joy in the fact that no matter what I have been through in the past, here I am, still standing and that should be something you should celebrate about your life as well.
Sometimes, the best you can do in life is to simply take a deep breath and be thankful that you still have it all together despite the many curveballs life has thrown at you. You should look at the beauty of your own inner strength and thank God for taking care of you enough to make you whole again.
Life isn’t about perfection. It isn’t about a checklist. It isn’t about a perfect story.
Life is all about the in-betweens.
The times you get out of bed after spending so many days holed up in your room, crying and wondering if you still have it in you to fight. The times you get out of your house each day, hoping that this day is better than all your yesterdays so far.
You see, dear, Swedish House Mafia did get it right, Heaven does have a plan for you and while you may not know the plan, know that it is good and that whatever you have gone through in the past has helped in leading you to the plan.
Remember Ted and all those girls he cried over before he finally met her? Remember all the anguish and the times he wanted to give up?  What do you think happened if he did? Then he wouldn’t have a great story to tell and he wouldn’t have battlescars that he would be proud of.
The same goes for you. Your story is still being written, but best believe that the One who has written your story will never give you one that isn’t beautiful, magical or worth telling.
And whenever you feel like giving up, hold on to your yellow umbrella and believe that the best is yet to come, because darling, the future is bright.
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On risks, magic and tying loose ends.

Josie Gellar in one of my most favorite films ever Never Been Kissed once said, “In order to become a good writer, you have to write what you know.” 

From the moment I began writing both in the personal and professional sense, I have always tried to write what I know and in order for my writing to improve, I needed to expand what I knew.

I have been trying to write my own version of The Happiness Project for about a week now and if you know me, a week is a long time and can only mean that I have lost interest all together.

As I tried editing it, I couldn’t quite seem to find the “pull” to finish it. There was no inspiration and I kept on wondering why I started it in the first place.

I don’t know the main gist of this entry, but I haven’t written just to write in a long time and it is important for me to do so.

The first five months of 2013 wasn’t a walk in the park and while my younger self may constantly rehash what happened, adding a few spices of emotion to make the story exciting, my older self refuses to do so. What’s the point of going over stories that make you sad or betrayed or worse, depressed that often leads to binge eating (oh how I wish it lead to binge exercising instead!)?

That’s right nothing. 

You don’t have to be the victim in your story but the hero. Meaning you don’t have to constantly have to tell the story in order to get people on your side.

And while it is no longer vital to go down roads that have hurt, it is quite important to remember the stories — for this is the reason why stories are told — to share stories learned from both the big and small historical stones of our past.

As I type in the words for this entry, I may have finally found its purpose: tying lose ends & remembering the lessons in order to make the hurt worthwhile.


It’s always easy to feel like the victim and while it may be true that people may have hurt me (whether intentional or not), carrying around baggage of anger and bitterness is too much to bear (click similar entry here).

But why do we cry as if we don’t have any control over our lives? Why do we crumble thinking that we’re trapped and couldn’t find a way out?

In the beginning of 2013, I thought I had it all together. I thought I was in control and I thought that everything was going to go the way I planned it to be.

I have always been some sort of a control freak. I like being prepared and I like knowing to some degree what was going to happen to the future so I would not be shocked or surprised. There was nothing spontaneous about me at all and I thought I had it all figured out.

Safe to say, I didn’t.

The wise King Solomon once said, “Many plans are in a man’s heart but it is God’s purpose that prevails” and while I shout “amen” when I came across this verse, I didn’t exactly take it to heart until this year happened.

I had a blueprint for my life, but God had a different one. And while it may have taken a few heartbreaks and surprises for me to reach this new destination, I don’t regret the journey as much.

I won’t lie to you: the circumstances that surrounded the paradigm shift in my life was anything but neat. It was anything but clean and yet it was the push that I needed in order to get on with my life and live the life of my dreams.

God is amazing.

You see, I never really voiced out this particular dream to Him. It was just something at the back of my mind that seeps through whenever I felt disappointed about my previous career path and yet something I didn’t seriously consider until my back was pushed against the wall. I thought I didn’t have what it takes to fulfill that dream so I kept it hidden in the deepest recesses of my heart.

I have never been much of a risk taker. I have always wanted to be sure of what I was getting into and I was always on the safe side. Some may say that this was a type of defense mechanism on my part — that I wanted to be prepared just in case I was going to get hurt.

Well truth is life isn’t clean cut.

The people who you thought would be there for you would one day turn their backs on you and while you may be angry at them, sometimes it’s just best to let it go. Yes, they have hurt you tremendously but that’s okay because you’ve learned valuable lessons you otherwise wouldn’t know about yourself.

That while this may encourage some to build walls, it inspired me to develop a tougher core ready for anything. I guess it is safe to say that I am no longer as thin skinned as I used to be.

Everyone dreams of a perfect life when they are younger: perfect job, perfect set of friends and basically a perfect life. But as you get older and you come across people who are rough around the edges (because they’ve been to different wars as well), you realize that there is no such thing as a perfect life and that no amount of rules could ever give you the perfect life.

The world is broken. People are broken and while focusing on that may bring you to the brink of depression, it can also be a source of hope: that while the world and the people in it maybe broken, it is still a place that is able to produce love in both small and big ways.

The love of Jesus’ can be seen in parents who go through everything to ensure that their kids live a life better than theirs, in an old couple who still hold hands when they cross the street and in the outpouring of help when other people are in need.

I’d like to think that the main reason why we are in love with movies and fairytales is because of the magic it brings. We are creatures who long for magic.

I, for one, have been looking for magic my entire life. I have always been enthralled by the Prince rescuing the girl at the end of the movie or the family who wins after going through several battles together or the high school kids who graduate from college when everyone said they couldn’t (yup, you got me, that’s from Coach Carter).

I love happy endings.

What I didn’t know was that happy endings weren’t perfect endings. 

That while the Prince Charming whisked away the Princess, he wasn’t perfect, he wasn’t even close and the family that won the battle together didn’t include perfect people.

There is no map to the life we are living. There is no guide book and there definitely isn’t a one step formula to it.

I have been an idealist my entire life and while I don’t think I’ll be jumping into the realist boat anytime soon because I believe that if you search for pixie dust, you will find it, I am admittedly floating a little lower than I used to.

I am still definitely daydreaming but I am not one to go crazy or get mad at God when things don’t go my way. I used to be so neurotic about my life and how it should be.

Sometimes all it takes is a leap of faith. 

We may not know the destination but as long as we hold on to the One who does and trust in His goodness — we are well on our way. 

Take the risk. 

We could sit and complain about how boring or sad our lives are or we could do something about it. 

There is nothing to fear! 

If there is anything I have learned is that sometimes all you need to take is a step and the rest would follow. 
It may not be the happy ending in your head but often it is is better than anything we have drummed up ourselves. 

Your dreams will come true one day and there’s a happy ending for you too but until you and I get there, the best we can do is love people, enjoy the journey and keep thanking God for what is and what is to come.

He is the only magic we could ever truly need to the life we only once dreamed to be.