Okay. So who exactly is that girl?

Well, that’s me as of yesterday. I finally had my “virgin” hair colored.

Funny. I am seventeen and have only started my kakikayan stage.

I use concealer now (well, only because people have been bothering me about my “addict look”).

So there. I did it for me and not because I wanted to be cool (aheem).

Ohmg! I actually enjoy this stuff. Hahaha:)

An accident happened during the break of my contemp advg class earlier. The hinges of the lightning came off and fell on an empty chair. It could’ve caused major head injuries on the person seated on that chair.


That was my chair.

I am still shaken over it. If it fell five minutes earlier… I don’t even want to think about it.

Thank you Lord.

Sometimes, it takes moments like this one to realized how blessed one is.

Kings finally won last night:) It was so amazing. Now that is what I call basketball:)) hooot-hooott!;)

More about the game and all the exciting events soon. I just had to write down to tell you about the amazing win!:) Oh and I saw my two babies last night. They’re all so grown up and cute;)

More later.

Ideally, I pictured my high school years to be just like Rachel Leigh Cook’s in She’s All That. I also thought of myself as this geek who would later turn into a princess once my prince charming has come way.
High School is way over and still no prince charming in sight.

Ideally, I pictured myself at 17 as someone who is so sure of herself, insecurities could no longer bother her and life is picture perfect, one that even teen princess, Jennifer Love Hewitt would envy. (Give me a break, I was 13 when I made this assumption).
I’m seventeen, no where near perfection, although I am happy with myself, insecurities do come once and awhile to shake my otherwise normal existence.

Ideally, I saw myself at every cool party. Being the life of the party and going to one every week would make my teenage years perfect.
To begin with, I don’t even enjoy parties where drinking and making out is involved so I don’t care if I go or even if I’m invited to one.

Ideally, I want a guy to sweep me off my feet and make Romeo from Romeo and Juliet look like a wuss. I want a guy to introduce himself the minute he sees me and from that perfect moment, our friendship would start that would later on turn into a blossoming love story. One that has never been seen since Ever After was released. I would be courted and it would take a while before I give my “yes”.
To add to the humiliation of this stupid idealism, there was a specific guy involved. I did meet that guy but no sparks flew. I seriously had everything planned out, where our first date would be, how he would admit to liking me after a year of friendship. Yes, that’s me, the freak.
And also, I realized that courtship is a stupid ritual done by utterly superficial people. I actually think that dating is more appropriate. But I still don’t think that you should use dating as an excuse of getting…*tooot* without commitment, that IS one idealism that is totally totally irrational and dense.

Ideally, I dreamt of being asked to the prom in front of a lot of people. I so wanted that “proposal” to be during the flag ceremony back in high school. I would gush and say yes and feel like the prettiest person on earth.
If you’ve read some of my past entries then you probably know what happened to my prom.

Ideally, I just wanted life to be perfect. I want everything into place the minute I turned sixteen. I believed that everyone I would come in contact with would be good friends and my Freddie Prinze jr. has already arrived.
I’m seventeen and as I’ve said a million times, life isn’t perfect. I’ve realized that not everything in this universe revolves around me and that life wasn’t always as perfect as those made for TV movies I’m so fond of.

Life is difficult. Life is never perfect and was never intended to be.
That, I realized. I also realized that nothing would ever fit my out of this world idealisms. When I look at these idealisms now, I simply laugh at my innocence and folly(?).
This realization may be why I’ve been easier to myself and life in general. I no longer try to “cookie cut” the bad parts of my life just so I could pretend that everything is colorful and perfect. I’ve been living that life for so long and I’m sick of it. I make mistakes, I am a huge klutz and often speak without thinking when nervous. That’s me and if people love me for it, thank you, if not… well, I love you na nga lang. Hahaha. This is my life and I’m not ashamed to be transparent about it. I don’t intend to pretend to be perfect just so people could feel inferior. I have my good days and my bad days, I’ve learned to live with it.

Also, I realized that my criteria of perfection for my very own Freddie Prinze Jr. could never be filled by anyone on this planet. I was asking too much. I expected too much and hardly had tolerance for those who didn’t quite fit the criteria. Ideally, I wanted a relationship that would never hurt me. I chose to stay away because I didn’t want to get hurt. I was afraid of being hurt so I rather stay in my enclosed world drooling over Matt Long and Michael Rosenbaum. For the longest time, that was enough for me. Until, I snapped out of it and realized that how could I ever grow if I didn’t take the risk? A good friend of mine, Kara Arigo, also told me that I shouldn’t be afraid of pain because this is what would teach me compassion and the like. She was right. I should stop being a cynic. I should take the risk.

Which is why, slowly, I’m trying to let my guard down. It may take awhile to break down what took me years building, but at least I’ve already made the first step.

The Choco Duo Hyenas finally got to watch the game last Friday. (Hoot hoot, let’s go Kings. Kings won last Friday vs. Red Bull, next game is on Wednesday.) It was so fun (two words: “Sizzling Plate”) But of course since the duos were together, we noticed things out of the ordinary for us but prolly normal for the other people. But still, I swear there were a lot of screws loose. Off the court I mean.

1) EVERYBODY WAS DRESSED ALIKE.
I swear. Everyone were in halter tops, tank tops, tube tops and any other tops that doesn’t HIDE skin. Waaaayyyy low rise jeans toppled off with a HUGE BELT plus super high high heels, its plain danger to see them walk. Okay, to be nice some girls had the right and looked good in them but the others… Ho hum, I’m shutting up. Also, they all had face paint on, I’m so glad that with the not so good air conditioning at Cuneta, their faces didn’t melt.
“Saan ang party? Todo porma ah. Eh parang you’re just going to sit down and cheer once in awhile. At ba’t ang daming clown? Teka…may party nga ata.”
Tsk Tsk.

2) MOTHERS ACTUALLY ENCOURAGE THEIR DAUGHTERS TO MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH PLAYERS THUS MAKING THEM POTENTIAL GIRLFRIENDS.
As if the thought isn’t revolting enough, I’m going to explain. Minutes before the second game started, 2 girls and a mother plopped on the seats in front of us. Aside from them talking while standing up (hello.. I actually want to see what’s going on), what made me notice them is the fact that they were all wearing white shirts, make up that covered their faces and not accentuated them and had belts and sashes ( what if you watch a game, should you be wearing these accessories mentioned? Someone must’ve passed an order I missed to receive. Hehehe) It was as if their cheeks were going to blow up because it was so RED. I continued on with the game, until I overheard this conversation (who wouldn’t hear it? They chose to talk during the time the crowd wasn’t roaring.)

PUFFY POPSICLE GIRL 1: “Ma, maganda na ba ko?”
MOTHER OF PPG: “Oo naman.”
PPG 1: “Picture tayo ma!”
(And they go on clicking and clicking until…)

MOTHER OF PPG (In a high pitched tone, as if kinikilig): “Anak! Nakatingin sayo ung isang player!!!”
(As if this news would pay off the Philippines, the girl looks delighted and starts looking back at the said player. You know the drill. The “butterfly” eyes and such. Finally, the timeout ends and they go on with their conversation)

PPG 1: “Grabe! Tinignan niya ko!!” (flutter of eyes, the reason why I call them the “butterfly” eyes)
Finally, the crowds take pity on my ears and drowns out one of the stupidest conversations I’ve ever heard. That’s when Duo and I started talking about why these girls were all fully made up to enjoy a game and here are the conclusions we came up with.

NEWSFLASH:
Girls want to look “beautiful and model-like” because they want these players to look at them and praise them and all those cheesy stupid things people do when “infatuated”. Girls, listen up. I don’t think the best time to meet basketball players is during a game. It isn’t as if they’d jump out of the court just to introduce themselves. I don’t think anyone is stupid enough to risk their…oh, what’s that again? Oh yeah THEIR JOB just so he could praise you for your beauty (which is actually praising Mac or Revlon or whatever makeup you girls use). Hey, they’ve got to earn a living after all. Guys are egoistic enough in general, what more if they have all these girls falling at their feet? Oh yeah, ego meter going WAY UP THERE. Girls, come on…even WE don’t like guys who flirt with everyone. Who takes a flirt seriously huh? Show me that person and I will surely whack that person in the head. It’s pure logic. If that person can do it to you (be aggressive and flirty and such) what assurance do you have that they wouldn’t do it to the next HOT PERSON who comes along?

CONCLUSION 2:
You don’t have to try so hard to get noticed. Look your best at the simplest way possible. Accentuate your best features but don’t spend every waking moment trying to catch the next hot guy at tow (not just basketball players here). It won’t do you any good. You’d only get hurt because HELLO nobody gets EVERYONE. Even as girls, not all of us finds Brad Pitt hot. We only need ONE GUY NOT TWENTY FIVE! And also because when you bump into him, trust me on this, he wouldn’t care if you’re wearing face paint or not, instead he’ll just have this nerve ignited and know that you’re the one. How would this happen? Well, if something is meant to happen…it will! And you know what? If its for real … no matter what SEVENTEEN magazine says… then it simply won’t depend on how you look or how much junk you spread on your face. At the end of the day… it’s all about substance baby!

About two weeks ago, my International Management class was held in Starbucks and I couldn’t help but notice that cup that Nolan was drinking from had the name Vince on it. Being the curious jooper that I am, I couldn’t help but ask why it was for “vince” and not “Nolan”. What I didn’t realize was that there is such an engaging story about it. Believe me Nolan does a good reenactment on why he uses the name “Vince” inside a Starbucks store.

Nolan (as the Starbucks Cashier): “Name Sir?”
Nolan (as himself): “NOLAN”
Nolan(as SC): “Donald?”
Nolan (as himself): “NO-LA-N”
Nolan(as SC): “Ronald?”
Nolan (as himself): “Oo na”
Nolan (as SC): “Rolan?”

Nolan with an exasperated sigh smiles and ends his story with this, “Kaya Vince na lang.”

Good one, Nol. What makes it funnier is the fact that this is actually true.
And we’re paying a hundred dollars a cup. *sigh*
It must be in the beans.

***
While buying water at a stall in Megamall (oohhh, I love megmall hehe!)
Me: “Miss, one water pelase”
Lady: “1 ma’am. Yes, ma’am”
Me: “Okay…thanks”
(Lady disappears behind the counter to get my water when she pops her head right back up)
Lady: “Ma’am…dalawa?”

Hindi…naku hindi!

****
During one of the our classes last week, my friends and I got into a pretty amusing conversation about how truly pinoy a Filipino can be. Read on to get what I mean and please don’t tell me you haven’t done these things even once in your life.

Sopinoy antic 1:

Girl 1: “What does specific mean?”
Girl 2: “Ung spin-specify mo.”

Uh…so, ano nga meaning?
Sopinoyantic 2:
Kid: “Ma, how do you spell Democracy?”
Mom: “DE-MO-CRA-CY”

Uhh… I know the pronounciation…spell nga eh… Haay naku, magtetext na lang ako.

Sopinoy antic 3:

Boy 1: “When’s our project due?”
Boy 2: “Next next next week”

Ah, sana sinabi mo nalang 3 weeks from now. Ginulo mo pa ang kausap mo.

Haay tayong mga Pinoy. We are really born with this supreme gift of humor. We make each other laugh without trying.
No wonder Pinoy Big Brother is sucha hit. Btw, why does every sentence begin with dude at the Pinoy Big Brother house? (or rather “dood” as pronounced by some). Is that some type of protocol or something? What if you don’t say “dude” (or “dood”) you get evicted. Tsk Tsk, kaya naman pala naaalis si Racquel. Haha.

I love that show.

( I am writing this entry now that I have the guts to actually do so. I’ve been meaning to write about this for ages but never seem to have the guts to do so. The things I am about to share are quite embarrassing actually but then again… it’s the truth and its part of my life and this is my blog. Oh you know the drill… I know this entry is so chick flick-ish but guess what, they actually happen.)

Have you ever been called psychotic behind your back just because you never fail to show people how you feel, no matter what those feelings consist of?
I HAVE.

Have you ever experienced a time wherein almost all of your batch mates turned their backs on you just because of a few “rotten apples” who started spreading totally untrue rumors about you?
I HAVE

Have you encountered people who did nothing but put you down and make you feel unworthy?
I HAVE

Have you ever been an outcast because you chose to be who you are?
I HAVE

Have you ever been lonelier than lonely because you never had real friends and all of them just simply walked all over you and took you for granted?
I HAVE

Have you ever stayed at home on prom night watching “meet the fockers” just because teachers and students alike worked day and night to make you feel that you don’t deserve to be beautiful even on prom night and that you weren’t worthy of such attention?IN AS MUCH AS IT IS SO NEVER BEEN KISSED AND IM SO ASHAMED OF CRACKING UNDER PRESSURE… I HAVE AND HEY I MADE A STATEMENT. HA!

Have you ever given your heart to someone who you thought liked you back until he gave in to peer pressure and wasn’t man enough to fight for his feelings? (Everyone was telling him that liking me is the lowest of the low move for him)
UNFORTUNATLEY … I HAVE.

Have you decided to write this entry in order to finally let go of the pain, the rejection, the hurt and move on to a new chapter of your life?
OBVIOUSLY…I HAVE.

To the very few people who have been my “real friends” . . . thank you! Kristy Thomas from the baby sitters club was right, you could count them using one hand. You know who you are.
To Jeremy Luz, Anthony Laborte, Genesis Tolentino and the rest of your posse, thanks for the years of torment and torture. Thanks for starting the rumors that I was psychotic back in sophomore year, a thing I had to live with until I graduated. Thank you so much cause because of you guys and your innate lack of sensitivity, I am so much better. My faith in the Lord is stronger and I have learned never to treat people like shit because they don’t have certain things or don’t have such conformist attitudes. I know it’s a thing of the past but still I want to thank you. If it weren’t for you, I would probably be some snobbish conformist bitch who can’t speak her mind and have no idea what she wants. Some clone who have no direction whatsoever. I have regard for everyone around me and treat them well, no matter who they are. Thank You. Thanks too to those fudging teachers who didn’t teach me anything and yet had the guts to put me down and made me miss the last prom of my life. I don’t regret not going though. Again, I am stronger because of all your “lait” and the likes of it. Oh and I hope that next time you don’t try poking into the students’ personal lives and don’t tell them who they should or should not be with.

And to YOU, who had my heart for the entire time I was at that school, crushed it, tore it apart, degraded me and oh… spread rumors about me…. THANK YOU. When I look back now, I realize how much you made me feel as if I was don’t deserve anyone’s affection just because I’m nowhere near your damn definition of perfection. I just hope now you don’t listen to what your friends say and stand up for what you want in life, newsflash: they won’t always be there. Thank you because despite all the bull you’ve put me through I realized that though I am far from perfection… I still deserved to be appreciated for who I am and this isn’t conceit. Every person on this planet deserves that and no one deserves being degraded. Again thank you and despite everything you’ve done to me, I hope you find someone who fits that damn criteria of perfection. (Good luck, buddy!)

As I wipe the last tear I’d ever cry for these people, I end this entry. After I publish this… its over. I am no longer looking back.
My new life awaits me…
Goodbye to these people and move on…
After all…
It’s about time, isn’t it?

Artist: James Blunt
Album: Back To Bedlam
Title: You’re Beautiful
My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I’m sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won’t lose no sleep on that,
‘Cause I’ve got a plan.
You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw you face in a crowded place
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don’t think that I’ll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful.
You’re beautiful, it’s true.
I saw you face in a crowded place,
And I don’t know what to do,
‘Cause I’ll never be with you.You’re beautiful.

My life at the moment isn’t perfect. There are still frustrations and dissapointments and the list continues. But you know what?
I actually enjoy my life now.
I was reading my blog from last year and you know what?
It totally made me sad. I cannot believe I’ve ever been that sad in my life.
That I felt that alone and unwanted.
Right now, the Lord has blessed me with so much.
Or maybe that I’ve always been blessed but it was my attitude.
The answer to that intriguing question is something I would never know.
I’m just really happy now.
And yes I do have my days…but I never allow it to ruin me,
or what the Lord has blessed me with.
I continue praying that the Lord would continue to bless me and everyone I love.
Life is finally shedding colors.
Finally.
Anyway, Pao dropped by the house last night and he reminded me of something…rather someone I’d rather forget. But finally, I’ve found closure…

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hardI’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of youI learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraidI lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it outI cannot cry

-Because of you,
Kelly Clarkson

I really wanted to get tennis lessons. As in I badly wanted it until I found out how much it costs…

Five hundred forty pesos for an hour of tennis.

TSSS!

I’m fine with my jump rope…thank you!