Simple Kind of Life- No Doubt

For a long time I was in love
Not only in love
I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didn’t work out, I’m covered in shells
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife
I’m so ashamed, I’ve been so mean
I don’t know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love
You came along, I’m hunting you down
Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?
I always thought I’d be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait
The more selfish that I get
You seem like you’d be a good dad
Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
How’d I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

(Before I start, Jen I super agree with what you said. I think its time for me to let go of past regrets and hurts. I think its finally time for me to move on.=))

Most of the time, as i’ve said in my “stuck in sesame street” entry, I feel left out. As if the whole world’s growing up and I’m not. Most of the time I feel that way but there are also days wherein I think i’ve grown up in more ways than one.
I can now make decisions for myself, I have let go past issues and I have learned to trust in the Lord more. And also, I finally accept people for who they are. I no longer find the change them so they could fit to my liking. I learn to appreciate people more.

And you know what? Im ten times happier.=)

A conversation between Chi and Me a few months back.

Chi: “You know what we should do?
Me: “What?”
Chi: “We should take more risks”

I agreed but at the back of my mind, I was thinking, “Me? Take risks. Yeah, in another lifetime” You see when it comes to my life and my long range goals, everything is in black and white. There’s a plan A, a plan B and a plan C.
Which is why switching schools and courses at the very last minut is totally beyond me. Its so not like me. And I realize, with eyes closed that I am finally taking more risks. Its a mix of emotions, fear being the evident one. But I have my trust in the Lord and in my heart I know this is what He wants for me.

****
I am now officially enrolled at SFC. Taking up Business Administration major Advertising and Public Relations Mangement. A giant leap, heart and brain surgery. But don’t worry I still have major plans. Plan A, Plan B and Plan C. Typical.=)
KC must be so proud. I am finally taking risks. I never knew it could be so fun.
***
“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future,”
Jeremiah29:11

* The other night while watching One Tree Hill, I found myself crying and enraged at Haley (Pao agrees with me with this one) for leaving Nathan. It was as if these characters were real and I was a part of thier whole drama. (So glad Jake is back!)

*While the head of the school I was applying to explained to me how the school works etc etc, I ended up crying. Why? Maybe because I was overwhelmed by the information and the realization that I may be switiching courses and school. It was so embarassing, especially since everyone in the office asked what I was crying about. Seriously, the stopped working and asked what was wrong. It was as if im in kindergarten, not college.

*Vending machines don’t accept hundred peso bills no matter how many times you kick it. I should have known that.

*When taking entracne tests, its better to sit still. Don’t tap, don’t clack your tounge, look outside the windows (the blinds are kindda distracting, I realize) and don’t sigh heavily. Trust me ont his or else, the guy who’s also taking the test will give you dubious looks as if saying, “Ang ingay naman!” Oh, how I rememeber those Lance ssshhhing days!

* When your mom shows you a shirt (its what I have to wear every Friday, since Fridays are “casual” days) that seems to be a little too big for you. Don’t argue or whine like I did. Instead, try it on and you’ll realize that it only looks huge. Oh and don’t do it in a room filled with soon to be school mates. Not such a great impression. How I wish they didn’t notice. Hehe.

*I am an almost adult now so its not such a good idea to tug your dad’s arm while saying, “I want to wwaaaaaaaaaattttch!” Just because you thought you couldn’t tag along when he watches the basketball game (my brother and I did tag along and SMB won-yeehhey!!). Yup, not such a good idea.

* If your younger brother subsequently asks you who your new crush is, its better to just ignore him rather than saying in a rather annoying manner, “Guess Who! Guess Who” over and over. He finally gets annoyed and tackles you. This is so not cute since he is now taller than I am by two inches and thirty pounds heavier.

*I watch cheesy televenovelas while switiching to anything good on ETC, a basketball game and As Told by Ginger. (kapamilya ‘to! haha)


*I can watch a basketball game, an ETC show, cheesy televenovela all at the same time without ever having to miss out on anything significant. If that’s not considered a talent, I don’t know what is. *wink*

* I don’t like “normal” guys. This should be a problem for thirteen year olds and not a self actualized 16 soon to be 17 year old.

Wait a minute… am i even self actualized? =))

“You just have to surrender and deal with reality. Surrender, meaning accepting reality.The quicker you accept reality, the quicker you can deal with it. You can only dealwith reality if you accept and deal with it step by step. Deal with reality here and now.Do not regret too much of the past, and things that didn’t turn out well. Do not befretful of the future because in the end you can only do so much. Sometimes theoutcome is not always a triumph, sometimes you die. Sometimes you fail-manytimes you fail. But it’s the attitude towards the outcome that really defines you.And whatever happens,if you come out whole-in that you know yourself more,with a better relationship with God and other people, even in the most complex contentious,maybe acrimonious of circumstances,then i think you win”
-manuel dayrit, ME magazine

(This is actually an old entry. I got it from my first blog but since I enjoyed reading it so much, im posting it again.hehe)
” I was always looking outside myself for strengh and confidence, but it comes from within. It is there all the time” Jean Nidetch

Innocence truly is bliss. This can be proven by my one digit year old cousins. I have spent the entire day with them (well, not couting the morning since I worked out..harharhar..Btw, if you encounter any wrong spellings/grammars, please excuse me…I’m very tired right now but I have this yearning to write about today’s events..Thanks) and felt myself relishing the dreams/experiences of my childhood. For the past months I have been super busy with exams, college applications, my lovelife and just worrying about the future that I have forgotten how it was like to be just like a child and simply take each day as it comes. The responsibilties do not take away my right to be happy and enjoy life. The day felt like being transported back in time just like they do on those cheesy TV shows about the ghost of christmast past. I have learned lessons today…Just like on those TV shows! hahaha!:) My nine year old cousin Jopat reminded me of how as a kid like himself I have dreamed of my that “perfect” love and how I have waited (still waiting) for my own fairy tale to unfold. He was sharing to me and my younger brother about his girlfriend- he was having one for the very first time. Of course he is too young to know about what a real relationship is like, but the excitement in his eyes are just purely overwhelming. It reminded me of the days wherein “love” was simple and was based on nothing but what your heart says. It need not be complicated..it just has to be real. My cynical self wanted to scold him and tell him that he was too young for such things but I decided against it (believe it or not). If I did scold him, my cousin would probably see me as the witch who burst his bubble. Love- no mastter what form is always new and exciting, especially for those like my cousin. I was plunged back into what love is all about, my cuosin in a way reminded me of myself…My nine year old self who believed that love could truly conquer all. I’m sixteen now and I know better, but still I realized that I should not be cynical about love. Imagine, my nine year old cousin making me realize what my teenage friends wanted to get through my thick headed skull for the longest time! Another unlikely person who taught me a lesson was my three year old cousin Cholo. Exauhsted from the week that has passed, I fell asleep in my grandmother’s room and was awakened by three year old Cholo who barged in while shouting, “masakit!” Since Cholo is my favorite kid in the world, I woke up worried that something must have happened to him. I was surprised to see that he was smiling while pointing at his bruised knee. I got out of my sleepy state and asked him to retell the story, all he said was, “Dulas ako! Cholo dulas pero di iyak! Kaw baka dulas ka din!” He said this with the cutest grin and I got teary eyed, little did this angel know that I had my fair share of “dulas”. He showed me that when your a kid its okay to trip, get bruised…Even if you got hurt, you still have all this energy left to play again- to try again. Something I failed at doing after tripping. While I was getting teary eyed Cholo was too busy playing with my phone and shouting, “Smile si Cholo, ate. Smile si Cholo” as if nothing happened. You go Cholo, get up after tripping and smile while retelling the tale! My grandmother in her own subtle way reminded me that to her and to all my other grandmothers and elders,I’d always be that little kid who for fun enjoyed changing her name! (FYI: When I was a kid, I wanted to be named after the girl who was currently my idol. These names changed from time to time, if you failed to call me that certain name I wouldn’t speak to you. And yes for awhile I was called Cher from Clueless..haha) I was too busy doing my thesis (this was after Cholo dragged me out of the room) when she asked me to sing. Yes, sing! I know I sing any chance I get but still this was different…Hello..infront of all my realtives…not a good idea. So I said that no,i don’t sing but thank you. Eventually, I gave in. Know why? Well, it was because of that look on her face that reminded me so much of me as a kid dancing and acting infront of them. I saw how proud she was of her “not so grown” granddaughter. I sang and the whole time I was singing, she asked what I was so shy about, I had a voice. Hahaha…It made me happy to see her happy…but no, i didn’t sing the second time..hehehe:) What was supposed to be just another day with the relatives turned out to be one of the greatest days that the Lord has planned for me. He made me realize that there are a million things I should be thankful for,that I should stop worrying. That I should give myself a break- the storms have passed. I finally found me. Thank You Lord for turning the ugliest scenarios into life changing experiences. I am finally me. The Drama Queen. The Jester. Blooper Girl. The Kid. Bianca. Carla. Bia. Whatever. The cheesiest person ever. The Frustrated Romantic. Ohwell…’till my next misadventures. ta-ta

If some of my entries seem totally foreign to you, why don’t you try checking out http://unauthorized.blogdrive.com. Maybe, you’d understand me more..
(okay, that sounds like a psycho waiting for jailbait..haha)

There are just some days wherein I feel stuck. As if im not growing up and everyone familiar to me is. As if I was left in this state and my mind does not respond to maturity. In some ways I have grown up, but in some ways I feel as if Im missing something.
Am I too childish? I thought that was a good thing. These thoughts are senseless but not irrational. I have no idea if im not growing up or everyone around me is and they’re just leaving me behind…

happy happy joy joy

Everything Zena taught me about HTML is totally lost on me. My blog is so boring na =’c boo-hoo.=’c