Ten things you wish you could say to 10 different people right now (don’t tell us who it is) :

1. You are my best friend, no matter what happens, it will stay that way.
   
2. I honestly wish you would grow up NOW.
   
3. You are the corniest person on earth, but damn, you are just too funny!
   
4. I get where you’re at. We’ve said a few things that may have damaged our relationship but it can only get better. We grow up and learn things. I hope we can patch up things soon 🙂
5. You are sooo nice and i love you for it!
   
6. Haha! We are twins! My sister from another mother!
   
7. Once a jerk, always a jerk! 🙂
   
8. I wish you were older! You would have been soo perfect if you weren’t seventeen 🙂
9. Darling, ever heard of the song, “I never really loved you anyway?!” Yeah. Get Over it!
   
10. I think I’m in love with you. Is it too late?

Nine things about yourself:

1. I read A LOT. I actually enjoy waiting in a lobby if I have a book with me. Also, I can read one book more than once so you know the price tag is pretty much worth it.
   
2. I love getting kilig. It’s inate. I can act cynical and tough but seriously, that’s me: I’m giddy, giggly and cheesy most of the time.
   
3. I was the odd one out in high school.
   
4. My favorite part of my face is my eyes because they show my depth.
   
5. I love it when guys appreciate my smarts instead of my looks. Okay, i’m not a hypocrite but appreciating what I’ve worked hard for is better than ol those “You look cute in that dress” Doesn’t make sense at all.
   
6. I loathe lizards.
   
7. Ever since I taught those eight korean kids, I’ve been interested in everything Korean: Korean Teledramas, Korean Travel. Just not the food, my stomach isn’t up for anything spicy 😀
   
8. When it comes to guys, I always end up with the one that needs saving. Think Pacey Witter and Nathan Scott and you’ll get my point 😉
9. I still get kilig over Pacey and Joey’s love story. It’s one for the books 🙂

Eight ways to win your heart:

1. Win my family over.
2. Let’s have decent conversations, okay?
   
3. Sing to me 🙂
   
4. Will you cook for me?
   
5. SURPRISE ME 🙂
   
6. HAVE A GOAL. Know what YOU want and follow through.
   
7. Be okay with staying at home on a weekend, eating and simply watching DVD marathons. We can go out to do your thing, but can we enjoy mine?
   
8. Know me, the real me and not some imagination you have in your head and love me for it. Know my quirks, know my weaknesses and fight to stay with me. I’m not the easiest person to love, but STAY awhile and my defenses will all go.

Seven things that cross your mind a lot:

1. work, work, work.
2. My family 🙂
3. Lesson Plans 😉
   
4. My Eight Kiddos 🙂
5. Marketing Concepts 🙂
6. Books I need to be reading 🙂
7. =)

Six little stupid things you want to happen to you before you die:

1. Do something I said I would never do.
   
2. Dance in the rain, sing in the middle of a snowstorm and know how to properly edit in photoshop! 🙂
   
3. Learn how to use photoshop cs2! haha )
4. Meet Bragelina
   
5. Walk on a red carpet
   
6. Fall in love 🙂

Five turn offs:

1. A guy who’s been with everyone.
   
2. Someone who’s afraid to committ
3. A guy who doesn’t know what he wants in life
4. Smokers
   
5. Junkies

Four turn ons:

1. Sense of humor
   
2. Achievement 😉
   
3. Someone who’s happy with what he has but isn’t afraid to drive for more 😉
4. He knows how many smiles I have. HAHAHA 🙂

Three smilies that describe your life:

1. 😀
   
2. =P
3. =)

2 things you wish you never did:

1. April 1, 2008
   
2. Nothing really, everything has its purpose. I’m here, am I? So no regrets 🙂

One confession:

1. Well, I should probably just start first, that you, Josephine Potter, have just wrecked me. In the best possible way, you have absolutely wrecked me. Because you see, I fell in love with you, knowing that there was never any possibility of being with you. Knowing full well that a sizeable chunk of your heart would always be wrapped up in our friend, Dawson. And that much was actually okay with me. Right up to the point that you chose me. Cause then you just turned everything on it’s head. And I got everything that I wanted, and from that day forward, I’ve just been a wreck.

http://perezhilton.com/2009-03-05-james-franco-is-a-sexy-nerd-gets-into-publishing

This serves as a pivotal aha moment for me.

Let’s rewind to a year ago, when a not so nice guy stabbed me in the heart and twisted it right out of me. He was the type of guy who would not only break your heart but also make you feel like the most worthless woman on the face of the earth with no right to feel love, be loved and be somebody.

It was the kind of pain that took me almost a year to get over and forced me to:

A) Gain Weight (I’ve lost them and more, another sure sign, that indeed I am over him)

B) Be insecure ten times over

C) And think that the world is a cruel, empty place.

There’s something to be said about someone breaking your heart, I have dealt with the monster called rejection in high school, but none of those were as cruel as the guy that I am talking about in this particular entry.

I’ve watched enough Dawson’s Creek to understand the cycle of the world, that sometimes the person you’re willing to sacrifice your entire life for (okay, maybe this is a little tad too dramatic) just doesn’t decide to love you back and you know that’s okay. You don’t committ suicide or cry for ages, you simply accept it and the fact that it really has nothing to do with you and move on.

What sucked about this particular monster is the fact that he has this inate need to shout to the world how undeserving you are for obvious reasons.

And you know, not even once did I ever retaliate because I know that the battle is not mine to fight and it isn’t a battle that I would want to fight anyway.

But on most days, I simply wanted to smack myself for even thinking that he was worthy because you know, he was a lot of things but worthy was not one of them.

But then again, I cannot blame this particular juvenile delinquent simply because he taught me a million and one things without knowing it. (I think I already create a book entitled, How to Spot a Jerk in a second)

So you know I went on with my life, not dating anyone because I wanted to get even (who the hell does that anyway? oh yeah, him!) but I just immersed myself in work and other things and I just woke up and suddenly felt better.

Even though, I’m this little angel (I am being sarcastic, you do know that right?), at the back of my mind, I’m still waiting for that aha moment. That aha moment that would seal the deal.

And that moment came about an hour ago courtesy of a really good friend and I really love her for that.

You see when someone rejects you, your inital reaction is, “What’s wrong with me?” but truth is, this question should be asked by the other person instead.

I always thought I was not good enough for him because of a lot of varied reasons that he instilled in my head.

For a year, it’s always been that way, it was my fault, it was how I looked and so on.

But today, today’s the day that I get to say, “Ha! So who’s happy now Smug?”

Now, I can only look back with tears forming in my eyes, not because I’m crying over him but because I’m laughing at how pointless the whole thing was. At how much time and effort I wasted over someone who was not even worth a single cent of my time.

I’m not in the position to condemn the life that he’s leaving but I guess this aha moment comes after the realization that God does have a better plan for my life and far better than I could ever imagine.

Also, this strengthens my belief in the fact that yes, there are battles that you won’t fight but whoever said that no one was fighting on your behalf?

It was a smackin’ good day and I bet all the days after this would be as good, or I dare say, even better.

So kudos to you. I really hope you’re happy.

XO XO.

I was in the middle of doing my lesson plan among other things when my mom called me to thier room just to ask me to watch this TV show (I’m really only consumed by shows that showcase John Llyod Cruz) on ABS-CBN because apparently it can brighten up anyone’s day, including the day of someone who has just been through a whole lot of crap at work.

Thirty minutes into it and I realized what she meant. Abs’ latest attempt at a teleserye is actually one that the country needs. May Bukas Pa is connotes what is needed by the public these days: A reason to hope.

God knows that I do have my problems, but I also understand that there are people out there with even more severe problems than me and that enough is a scary thought. The world is ugly and no amount of complaining is really going to change that, so why even bother?

It rings true, you know? You have to fight harder to stay happy.

After last Sunday, I felt better.

There’s something about being emptied to be filled again that stirs my spirit and moves me.

It’s not that I’m expecting pain to come into my life, I do believe in the power of the secret, but this time, I’m no longer afraid of it.

I’ve stopped wishing for difficult situations to come my way, rather I fight it with all that I have so I’d be stronger for the next battle.

And I’ve also realized that in each battle, you are equipped with more strength and what’s even more important is that you are equipped with a greater sense of wisdom that you pick up from the Godsent people along the way: kids, significant others, cruel bosses (ahem. ahem.), two faced friends and the girl your ex cheats on you with.

Yes, the people we’d rather do without but the people who’d serve a greater purpose in your life as much as those who would pick you up after they break you.

I’ve also reached the point wherein I can be friends with people who once broke my heart, forgive those who haven’t even asked and finally be comfortable in my own skin. It’s okay to be a loner, okay to be a geek, it’s okay to prioritize and have goals.

It’s okay to dream again and it’s okay to take a step back if that’s the only way that you can see the big picture that would push you to move forward.

It’s also okay to admit to yourself that the “perfect guy” that everyone wanted you to be with isn’t the “right guy” for you, he simply was a person who was given to you so you’d know who you are and make you realize what you truly deserve.

It’s okay if people don’t like you because there are more people who are willing to love you.

It’s okay to pace yourself, the world and everything in it, will be yours if you understand that it will happen, one day at a time.

It’s now time to be at peace with the people from high school and who you were. Making amends wouldn’t revert you to who you used to be.

And maybe, just maybe, it’s okay to fall in love with the boy from high school because maybe this time, that man is no longer the boy he used to be but still is the person who loved you when no one else did. 🙂

It’s six thirty PM and I’m at work, yes, you got that right, I’m still working when I should have been home a little over two hours ago.

I just realized something that I work better when I’m inspired and several things inspired me today, including these pictures:

A lot of other things made me laugh today, including a failed attempt to run away from someone selling me something, tripping over a glass door (don’t ask me who does that) and a good lunch at Mocha Blends.

THANKS FOR MAKING ME MISS HIM!

I didn’t realize that the work place can be pretty much like high school.

For one thing, I hate complaining about my job because well, it’s a blessing and there’s this whole thing about loving your job and it loving you back, but seriously (deleted on basis of my contract).

This is exactly what Pastor Paul was talking about earlier, trial, tribulation and the testing of your faith, but i’m not giving up that easily.

Elydia told me that I should learn to see what positive can come out of it and that living our lives should reflect our belief in God. And you know what, I feel better.

I stop for a moment and realize that Marilyn Monroe was right, “Well-behaved women hardly make history”

What I hate the most about small-minded people is the fact that when you speak your mind, you’re a bitch but when you stay quiet, they step all over you, so where does one place herself?

Betrayal cuts gently like a knife but what I don’t understand is the fact that every little intrigue came from one person, before that person came along, everyone was happy and quiet.

So where’s the connection there?

I think it’s time for me to simply take a step back and reevaluate my choices. This is the devil slowly but surely trying to steal my joy and peace but I stand in faith because you know, no matter what you do, I have God in me and no matter what you say out of spite or plain jealousy doesn’t really matter to me.

Live your life, might actually work for once.
Anyway,

I have a confession: I’ve been watching Dawson’s Creek again. It’s probably the third time I’ve seen it and it’s embarassing because I’ve memorized all the lines not to mention the episodes. Also, I have a stack of DVDs waiting for me and I choose to watch one that I’ve devoured many times before.

It’s a total waste of electricity but hey, it’s a guilty pleasure.

One of the reasons why is because of that beautiful guy staring at you at this very moment.

I have no idea but I’ve always been in love with Joshua Jackson. Eversince those Mighty Ducks days, I’ve always admired him and my heart broke when I heard him declaring his love for Diane Kruger.

But I think that made me fall for him more. He is the prime example of a guy I want to be with.

PERFECT!

Failure is the universe’s way of telling you to either try harder or try something else. Nothing more. Nothing less.

-PleaseFindThis.Blogspot.Com

I don’t understand why, how or what brought me to this situation. All I want to do is run to my parents and cry, cry and cry some more. I wanna quit more than anything, but then again, I’m not one of those brats who have unlimited supply of funds at thier beck and call. I want to make something out of myself and staying at home, leisurely spending daddy’s money isn’t the way to do it.

But damnit, does it have to be this difficult?! Does it have to be this inhumane?! Kae told me earlier that life isn’t what we signed up for, but really, is this what I signed up for?

While typing this, I recall all the moments that I stayed up, slaving over a project way before its deadline, I recall missing out on several important events in my life that would be significant because I was studying for an exam I cannot get lesser than a 90 on. I remember all these sweet sacrifices and I look at where I am now and I cannot help but feel like breaking down and wishing that I was back to those days, because those days what I did mattered.

Today, what I’m doing seems trival and insignificant.

I cannot say more but maybe the quote above is true, maybe I’m not where i’m supposed to be anymore. It’s time for me to get up and move on.