“The world is full of guys. Don’t be a guy, BE A MAN”.:-)

I love kindergarten. You want to know why? Simply because of the fact that girls and guys can be friends with each other without thinking of cooties or being more than friends.

Everything was so simple back then and I wonder most of the time where all those simplicity has gone once grade school has entered the picture.

The thing with me is this: I’m generally close to guys.

Some may regard me as a flirt or something else more demeaning but the fact of the matter is that I grew up a daddy’s girl and literally grew up with guys. I don’t have girl cousins and my dad’s job has created an environment for me that was mostly dominated by males. This is the reason why I am at ease with guys and get along with them better.

Plain and Simple. I’m just close to guys and see them as my brothers so I really have no idea why guys because of that fact tend to think that just because I’m nice to them or text them often, I’m already head over heels in love with them.

It must be the ego speaking but seriously, WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??????!!!!

Just because I’m nice to a guy and ask him how he’s doing every once in awhile doesn’t mean that I AM IN LOVE WITH HIM. That’s how I am with my girl friends and I don’t think my girl friends think that I am infatuated with them.

It’s kindda sad because I have encountered FOUR guys who think that way in the past ten months of 2006 and it’s extremely sad. I don’t know why guys are like that, I don’t want to generalize them into one category but still it’s SAD.

Now, I’m more cautious with guys especially those who continually brag to their friends that I LIKE THEM and HEAD OVER HEELS hearting them.

It’s pathetic… seriously.

Sometimes I just want to smack their faces and ask them if ever there was a time that I actually told them that I “heart” them. I wonder what makes them so assuming, it’s sordidly annoying.

A friend of mine asked me last week why I didn’t have a boy friend yet and I failed to tell him the reason why. The reason why I don’t have a boy friend is because of the fact that guys are JERKS. Well, maybe not all of them, but most of them and those who aren’t are married, taken or just not interested in relationships at all (good for you amigo!).

I haven’t found one man enough to JUST ASK ME straightforward if I like him or not and not ruin the friendship entirely.

Aside from this little quirk that I hate, I love guys. They’re the greatest friends one could ever have so if ever you are one of my bestest guy friends, I’m sorry, you know how I am with these things. HE HE HE.:-)

I just hope that they’d get over the ego and I know I am not the only girl who goes through these things, so for those of you who enjoy assuming, JUST STOP okay?
I know you know who you are, so if ever you’re reading this, I only have this to say:

GET OVER IT BUDDY.

“People are like stained glass windows, they sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light within”

– Elizabeth Kabler Ross

As usual, I was going through the Philippine Star’s Sunday edition and I came across an article that this guy wrote (excuse the bad memory) about keeping the faith during the toughest of times and allowing one’s belief to follow through. Also, one of the quotes I cam across in Jackie Lou Blanco’s article said something about remaining beautiful despite of the darkest of days.

Both articles made me feel sick to my stomach and guilty as hell. Yes, I’ve been going through tough times but I have failed to keep the faith and I don’t think I’ve done anything that even resembles “beautiful”.

It may be safe to say that I wanted to retaliate. I guess it’s part of our animal instinct to retaliate when you get hurt, or get ganged up on, or be fooled (or made appear like a fool). You want them to feel the same things that you’d experienced.

But breaking even is only good in profits. Revenge makes everything else messier and in the end, no one wins.

Sad enough, I think my faith wavered. This isn’t something that I am proud of but then again, it’s the truth.

Everything in my life right now is just plain confusing and I don’t know what to cling to anymore. Before, during tough times there was one aspect of my life that I could cling on to, but now everything is just one giant mess.

The light has somehow died, but in a good way. I guess when everything’s a mess, you struggle to make some sense out of everything and you start again to pick up the pieces and try not to make the same mistakes (that would be foolish of me).

Cliché as it may sound, you learn and then you live again. Bruised, but better.

Now, I hope that this would be my last emo entry, I’m starting to be happy again and no one can take that away from me.

Not this time.

Hell no!

• FACT OR FICTION: I have quit my 4-6 cups of coffee a day habit

– Fiction. I was in the bar last Tuesday during my break for Buyer Behavior and Ms. Jenny started talking about the dangers of coffee. It makes you all wrinkely when you’re older and it makes your heart beat about ten times faster amongst others. It scared the hell out of me for like ten seconds because I don’t want to look like crumpled paper when I’m 40 but then again that was only for ten seconds. I think its kindda sad to think that I love coffee more than my face, what’s the use of plastic surgery if no one would end up using it. Haha. Kidding.:)

• FACT OR FICTION: I’m over the whole failure of my coffee bean and tea leaf advertisment/report that I did last Monday

– FICTION. I spent about a month on that report and for my professor and classmates to just shoot it down hurts. I know its constructive critcism but they could’ve given me some slack and understanding. Talking about it just hurts more.

• FACT OR FICTION: I go through guys like dirty laundry

– FICTION. I’m apalled by this comment about me. Seriously, how could anyone say that about me? It’s just plain crazy. I’m like commitment girl(just look at the ring I’m wearing!). Okay, so I do have my set of crushes but its not like I go to all of these crushes and just tell them how I feel and then just drop them. Most of the time, they don’t even know I exist so I don’t know what the whole drama is about!

• FACT OR FICTION: When I like someone, I run away

– FACT. Enough said, its embarassing enough!

• FACT OR FICTION: I’m anorexic and/or bulimic

– FICTION. Once and for all, I just want to say that I do not have an eating disorder. I just want people to stop thinking that. I consume more oreos than anyone on the planet so Just leave me alone. I’m not anorexic and/or bulimic. If I was my parents would kill me first.

1) Fallen in love with Wentworth Miller.
– My 2 year old infatuation with Nathan Scott has ended. My mom says that I’ve matured in my taste in boys. Move over high school jocks, I’m into inmates now. HA HA HA,
2) Learned to appreciate “solitude”
– Alone time is great time. I embrace solitude more and more these past few weeks. I enjoy the company of friends and the other people that I love but solitude isn’t something that I’m afraid of anymore. Nothing beats a hot cup of coffee, my journal and/or a good book.
3) Not stopped talking to myself
– I do it ALL THE TIME. It’s starting to freak people out! My 13 year old brother disowns me now; he says I’m too old to have an imaginary friend. He doesn’t fail to wrestle me when I reiterate my point that the whole point of barney is to put kids’ wild imagination into good use. He doesn’t find humor in this comment, which leads to more wrestling which isn’t really funny because he is about 5 inches and about 60 lbs heavier.
4) A 13 year old brother
– Oh no he’s not longer the toddler who constantly tags along asking for my BSB tapes instead he is a grown “man” (that’s what he looks to me now) and has been in a relationship for about 9 months. Crazy. Whatever happened to the “when ate gets a bf that’s when you get a gf”. You know what I told him when I said this fact to him? “When is that ever going to happen??” Go figure.
5) Declared Tyra Banks my role model after Angelina Jolie, Natalie Portman and Jada Pinkett Smith
– Self-explanatory. Oh and Jennifer Love Hewitt because she dated Alec Baldwin AND Wentworth Miller. Can you spell L-U-C-K-Y?
6) Given my hair its much needed “OOMMMPPPHHH”
– Just in time for the new term, I’ve gotten streaks for my hair now, I have finally gotten the guts to do it.
7) Gotten over my shy side
– Finally!! I can talk to anyone anywhere.. BRING IT! (Except maybe if he’s 6 foot 3, wears a pink shirt and smiles all the time. When he’s around, I’m plain speechless *wink*)
8) Been nicer to people
– Agree with me on this or ELSE?? Haha, told you I’m nicer.
9) Realized that in order to stay smart and happy, one must STAY SINGLE.
– Enough said. Period.
10) Been addicted to Crime Suspense channel
– So long ETC, Law and Order, Bones, Cold Case and the like are way better than any emo show! Whoot Whoot! Being a crime scene investigator is on top of my “ I WANT TO BE LIST’ next to being a surgeon and getting married to Dr. Mc Dreamy or Kreav. Whoot whoot!!!!

Modesty aside, I give rockin’ advice. Trust me when I say this. I swear to you, people come up to me all the time asking me what’s the best thing to do if ever they’re stuck in a specific predicament. What sucks is when it’s my time to ask for advice, I just listen to it but I don’t take it to heart. I hardly listen to it. I still do what I would’ve done in the first place, which I know is just plain wrong.

However, in the past week, I’ve realized that advices are given to be used. So that is exactly what I am going to do. Use the advice that my mom has been giving me for ages: SHUT UP.

The thing is when you get hurt, the best thing that you could do is retaliate and for girls, it ain’t fist fighting, but the use of words to hurt other people. You backstab as much as you can until finally the other person’s reputation is ruined. To say at the very least, backstabbers are the lowest of the low and I used to be one of them.

But not anymore. As of this moment, I am no longer doing that. I am listening to my mother’s advice, I am shutting up. Unless, these people actually say it to my face, I choose to shut up. I would no longer explain myself to anyone since I firmly believe that I don’t have to explain my choices.

So in as much as I want to be mad at the world and hate it entirely, I won’t.

Maybe this is the Lord’s way of preparing me for greater things ahead. This is His way of allowing me to finally stand up on both feet and let go of the things that have been bringing me down.

I don’t understand the situations of my life and I have no idea how I am able to face each day. Its through His strength that I can go on.

See, Life is wonderful. All you have to do is just look at the right places.

If you don’t like what you’re reading on my blog then don’t visit this site. It’s all about live and let live:) If you’re so hostile then DON’T take the time to read my blog=)

chill amigo!

“Have fun. I don’t kid myself. Life is very fragile, and success doesn’t change that. If, anything success makes it more fragile. Anything can change, without warning, and that’s why I try not to take any of what’s happened too seriously”
-Donald Trump

“Keep Strong, if possible, if any case, keep cool”
–Sir Basil Liddel

Ever since I was a little kid, I have always been told that being alone is wrong. I have also be reminded that in order to BE cool, you MUST be surrounded with people 24/7, preferably people other THAN your family. No man is an island, and friends are a must.

I can’t say that I totally DISAGREE but I can’t say that I totally AGREE either. Here I go again with the either/ors of life that I can’t seem to decide on. But this is what I learned so far: being alone ain’t all that bad.

For one thing, being alone entails you to be away from all that drama that people seem to be so much fond of. I have noticed these past few days that in order to enjoy life, you must be a bitch. Whoever said this principle must have some screws loose. Enjoying life is all about minding one’s business and focusing on your own. The world is problematic enough as it is, focusing and antagonizing over other people’s businesses may be way too stressful all in the same. Insisting on hurting other people’s feelings may be difficult and all way too much to handle, but if that is what makes people happy then so be it. Point of the story is: being alone takes you away from all of these crap that we don’t NEED to deal with.

BUT, I feel that I have spoken about the point so many times that I don’t think I need another blog entry about that.

Being alone also allows one to reflect on who she really is and realize who and what they don’t want to have around. Sometimes, you get so used to doing something or being surrounded by the same people that you fail to realize that that’s not exactly what you want or its something that you have outgrown.

This is my blog and I have the right to actually write about what’s really going on in my life, BUT I don’t want to be dumping my problems on those people who are nice enough to visit this site. Everyone needs a little optimism.

Something that I think of often is this saying, “Time passes by when you’re having fun”. It’s something you notice when you were a kid and realized that just when you thought of a really clever game with your playmate that your parents tell you that you need to go ho Or home or when you’re watching a really good show and your dad calls you in because its already your bed time, those things make realize that just when you’re having fun, that’s when its time to leave or time to go to bed. When you’re watching a good show or playing a clever game, you never think, “Oh, this is taking so long”. You never dread it or you never anticipate its ending.

Just like life, when you’re going through good times, you can never get enough of it, but when you’re going through bad times, you wish like hell that you’d get through it soon. We often wonder where all the fairness in the world has gone and we fail to remember the law of equilibrium. Come on, you know that, give Economics some credit. When one goes up, one must come down to create balance. Just like life, in as much as I would LOVE to rant, cry and whine about how my life has been going so far, I’d rather not to.

Because in me is that hope, that after this storm, there would definitely be more rainbows to greet me. But before that time comes, I wouldn’t mind spending time indoors wherein Grey’s Anatomy makes me feel a whole lot better.

Oh and yeah, the whole dark cloud and silver lining thing, it’s actually true.

I’m 18, in the United States, my parents should have kicked me out of the house and I should be working my shifts at In & Out already.

But I’m not in the United States and not yet required to work in order to pay for my education, fortunately.

Truth is this:

I’m 18 and I’m still living with my parents.
I still don’t know how to drive and I still don’t have my license. (I can hear y’all saying “loser now)
I never had a boyfriend.
My parents can still drag me to places without hearing my complaints.
I don’t party all night and I don’t go home drunk (not that that’s something I actually would want to do-please)
Point is this: I never rebelled against my parents since I was eleven (you should have met me in my middle school days, I swear, it was rebellion at its peak).
My idea of fun is watching basketball games on the weekends, making sure my baby brother gets his homework done, reading good books and watching TV all day long.
I’ve never sneaked out and not planning to.

Yes, my parents may be lucky with this one. I don’t even answer back, I just get a little whiney when I don’t get what I want but other than that, I’m pretty much a freakin’ good girl.

Most of my friends ask me why I’m such a good daughter. And most of the times, I don’t know what to answer. Maybe saying that “I like doing what’s right” doesn’t just make the cut. There must be some hardcore explanation and I haven’t found one yet.

This is the purpose of this entry. I’m trying to search for an explanation on why I’m such a cookie cut daughter, but I haven’t found an answer just yet.

All I know is this: my parents have gone through a lot just so I could be where I am now. My parents have never done anything damaging to me. Always there in every school play, always checked my homework, always made sure that my tuition fee was paid and made sure that I was on the right track.
I guess, its safe to say that my parents sacrificed a lot just so they could keep an eye on us 24/7.

I could never repay all these sacrifices by being a full on rebel bitch. Not that I have anything against those who have the guts to be such, but that’s not just me. I like doing good and I don’t like being scolded. My parents have enough on their mind to worry about me and the little knick knacks of my life.

In a way, I am probably sacrificing a lot too. I don’t go out as much as I could and I probably don’t have any hard core stories to tell my children about my teenage years (not that I want kids. At the moment, no), but maybe this life is the good life for now. I can’t afford any foolish mistakes. I have to graduate soon and go get another degree before I turn 24.

All the partying I could attend once I finish with school. All the boys in the world I would give time to when I graduate. And all the places I would visit when I finally have my own money to spend and I would take my family with me.

My grandmother called from the States last week and she mentioned something to me that hit home, “There are many fishes in the sea. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve made better decisions” Funny thing that was exactly what my mother said about a month ago.

A lot of fishes in the sea, why hurry? What you sow is what you reap. I’m planting all these hard work right now so I could enjoy the fruits later on.

My life might be hella boring right now. But whoever said that boring wasn’t fun anyway?

Most people characterize me as a “bitch” simply because I speak my mind and refuse to adhere to anyone else’s definition of me. Okay, now that sounds so much like something that would land on my friendster account, but I’m serious here.

I am not a bitch but I do speak my mind and I refuse to adhere to anyone else’s definition of me. Big difference right? If you treat me with respect, I respond with the same respect. If you treat me badly, I do not retaliate; instead I shy away and ignore the whole damn issue. I cannot please everyone, so I make do with the people that I CAN please. That’s not exactly rocket science.

Thing is, I like being nice to people and I LOVE making people happy. It’s just something in me that clicks when people are happy. It’s like a natural drug. Everything seems lighter when everyone is happy and no one is being a grinch. It’s so much easier that way. I mean, we all have our own stuff to deal with; being mean to other people or being grumpy all the time won’t exactly fix anything. Being with other people should be fun and not a chore. What’s the whole point of trying to deal with people when you’re not having fun?

It’s all about respect though. When you don’t like a person doesn’t mean you totally have to be mean to them. If they talk to you, that’s fine, if not, that’s fine too. Damn if you do, damn if you don’t.

This is the reason why I don’t get why people perceive me as fake or a bitch. I don’t think I’m fake, I just believe that everyone has something to say and everyone has the right to be treated with respect.

I don’t think I can go around sneering at people all the time. I would just rather not talk about it.

And what the heck is it about cliques? We’re in college already. I will hang out with whomever I want to hang out with. College is all about meeting new people and being constrained in one group is not the way to go about it.

I swear I just hope that people would get a life and grow up. It would do them good.

Heck, it would do EVERYONE good.

Remember Live and Let Live?

It works;)

It has been said before that the only constant thing in life is change. However, we choose to ignore this saying and continue to expect for the things in our life to remain the same. Parents wish that their kids would not move out, children hope against hope for their best friend to stay by their side at all times and lovers pray that things between them would remain as it was when they first started their relationship.

When we think of change, we think of MAJOR things that would shatter our existence. What we don’t realize is the fact that change comes in a subtle manner, concealed by the daily chatter and happenings of life. We fail to realize that change comes like a thief in the night and we wake up the next day and realize that everything we’ve invested our time on has been gone, washed away and never to return again.

In more ways the one, it’s scary and it’s terrifying to think that in a blink of an eye everything could change.

As we face the agony of loosing something or someone that we wished would be there for a very long time, we keep on thinking that CHANGE is a bad thing and something that takes away all the beautiful things in our life. What we fail to realize is the fact that change… leads to the good things that we have just lost.

Kind of confusing and ironic to think about, but it all boils down to this: change is all about moving forward, of propelling into the future and being forced to face the unknown.

Often times, its scary but at the uttermost part of it, its damn exciting, because it gives you that ray of hope, that maybe tomorrow, the tide of change would actually bring something better than what we have today.