I’m in love with Peter Pan.

The reason for it maybe because I love the idea of Neverland. Of not growing up and of not having to face the things that one actually has to deal with as you get older. The harsh realities of life.

Life gets even more shocking everday. As I was worrying about the little things in my life, my friend was going through something life altering. I feel kindda guilty about not sharing those harsh moments with her.

When I turned 18, I didn’t actually think I would be faced with such hardcore realities.
I guess I didn’t know what I was thinking.

(its been ages since I answered these things. I used to love ’em)

1. Are you excited?
– In a weird and whacked out sense: YES.
2. Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship?
– I’ve never even been in a relationship. Tsk tsk.
3. Do you own a gun?
– Nope, what a random question.
4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be?
– Just one. Haha. I think i’m insane. I think too much, I talk to much, I analyze things way too much. Hehe. And im so moody it annoys me.
5. How many letters are in your crush’s name?
– crush of the moment: 4:-)
6.What do you think of hotdogs?
-my hyenas would love this question. Cheesedogs are better though. haha:-)
7.What’s your favorite Christmas song?
– “I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus. Underneath the mistletoe..” well you get the point.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
– milo made by my mom. I sweaarr she makes the best milo drink-ever. Its like magic, it seriously wakes me up.
9. Do you do push-ups?
-nah. Haha.
10. Have you ever done ecstasy?
– NOOOO!!
11. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
– yeah, he’s name’s barney:)
12. Do you like the rain?
-when I’m at home yes. But if you have to be somewhere, it just gets in the way. haha
13.Do you own a knife?
– no, why are you so violent?? sheesh.
14. How do you smell like?
– I don’t like telling people the scent I use. haha:)
15. Do you have A.D.H.D.?
-most of the time.
16. Full initials?
– CBVR
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
– *worried look on face* FINALS IN LESS THAN A MONTH!!!!
– my colds that just wouldn’t go away.
– the law paper that I actually have to do.

18. Name the last 3 things you have bought today.
-coffee. Its only 10 am but count on it tha I will consume more than three today.

19. Name five drinks you regularly drink, inorder most to least.
– COFFEE.
-special coffee from SELECT. I love that coffee! Hmmm…
-water
-dalandan juice<3
-did i say coffee? haha
20. What time did you wake up today?
– 5:20. Erggg.
21. Can you spell?
-fairly well. haha
22. Current worry?
– FINALS. FINALS. FINALS.
23.Current hate?
– zilch.
24. Favorite place to be?
– my room. starbucks. libararies with huge collections of random books. araneta. I MISS IT!!
25. Least favorite place to be?
– come to think of it- none. haha. i am sucha dork. okay, smelly bathrooms.
26. Where would you like to go?
– NOW? The mall, I want to watch a movie or starbucks, haven’t been there in ages!
27. Do you own slippers?
-yeahuh.
28. Where do you think you’ll be in 10 yrs?
– I don’t know yet, but I’m sure I’ll be happy:)
29. Do you burn or tan?
-I’m scared of the sun. Haha:)
30. Yellow or blue?
– Yellow.
31. Would you be a pirate?
-why not? haha:)
33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
-right now? Sexy back by Justin and London Bridge by Fergie. Love it!

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
– boogeyman or a freaky white lady that would get me in my sleep. Riigghht. Haha

35. What’s in your pockets right now?
– nothing, I hardly make use of them. Haha.

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
-my friends and I have been laughing the whole morning so I kindda forgot what was the last one.
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child?
– BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. Whoot Whoot!!:)

39. What are you wearing ryt now?
– school uniform. haha;)

41. Who is your loudest friends?
-we’re all loud. haha:)
42. Who is your most silent friend?
-jelly?? haha:)
43. Does someone have a crush on you
-who cares?
44. Do you wish on stars?
– yeah.
45. What is your favorite book?
– memoirs of a geisha. God is in the small stuff. When God writes your love story. The Solitaire Mystery. Hypocrite in a pouffy white dress. Tuesdays with Morrie. The alchemist.
47. Who is your crush?
– 🙂
48. Song that you want to play in your funeral?
-how morbid. I don’t know yet. haha.
49.what were you doing last 12am?
-sleeping
50. What was the first thing you thought ofwhen you woke up?
– “I AM THE ONE” haha

Life can be so ironic.

There’s this one week wherein everything’s going your way and pfft, the next week, you just wonder where your good luck went or why it ran out. Its ironic, but that’s the cycle of life, who can argue with that right?

I’ve been doing just that MY ENTIRE LIFE. I’ve been arguing with it, trying to resist it and trying to find someone to blame for it. I should’ve known better that it simply doesn’t work that way.

I’ve been reading this book called, “Get over it and on with it” Its a very good book and very enlightening. It teaches us how to deal with the roadblocks that life throws your way everyday, no matter how major or how minor.

The thing with me is this: its the SMALL THINGS THAT FREAK ME OUT.

Those little things that shouldn’t really annoy anyone annoy me. Weird right?

The big things I could let go of, but NOT the little ones. Its something that I should learn to get over. Its unfair and a total waste of time.

I’m learning to deal with it though. I’m dealing with it by couting to ten before I burst into angered flames. It usually works. Like 8 out of 10.

So, I guess, there’s more to life than these crazed things I get myself into.

I was, as usual, listening to my current favorite radio trio: mo, miles and andi 9 when I heard one of the most shocking news I have ever heard in my life: LANCE BASS IS GAY. It isn’t enough that Justin Timberlake is a drug addict. Lance Bass has to be gay too. Just for the record, I was in love with Lance Bass eversince I was in sixth grade. The news totally blew me off and I am upset all over. And get this: HE’S IN A STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH A GUY FROM A REALITY SHOW. And I was worried that I would lose him to Beverly Something of 7th heaven. And yet, I lose him to a GUY. Nothing against gays here ( i love gay people) BUT come on LANCE AND I WERE SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED five years from now!!!

This makes me realize just how grown up I’ve become and how much the world has changed with me. Before, the sight of a new NSYNC video would drive me bonkers, now I think it would just make me relieve the old times. Its crazy to think that five years ago, I was so into thinking that they were the epitome of the perfect guys. I even found a letter from to me that asks me to promise that even if Nsync isn’t “hot” anymore, I would still be into them. Crazy, I know. BUT somehow, for years, that took up most of my daydreaming sessions. Lance would simply sweep me off my feet and take me away. And justin would be married to katie holmes and jc chasez would be engaged to Jennifer Love Hewitt. Yeah, things were easier back then. I was doused into my own dreamland.

I guess reality really has its way of catching up with you. And although I haven’t really thought of Nsync until Justin’s “Sexy back” (i LOVE that song) its kinda sad to actually look back and realize that if this news came out five years ago, an eleven year old me would really really be disappointed.

“What the heck would be the purpose of my blog if I don’t say what I feel. As in what I REALLY feel? Its like sugarcoating my world and trying to present it as perfect. That sucks”

I just thought of that statment right now. I don’t know its weird huh? I mean most of my dear friends who are kind enough to read my blog say that I’m opinionated enough but I think there’s still a part of me that I’m too afraid to share with people. But today, somehow I feel more liberated and I just want to LET IT ALL OUT.

I don’t know what’s with me, but bear with me, will you?

1) I THINK I TALK TOO MUCH.
I just started thinking of it today, like two seconds ago. I don’t think its funny that I can go on and on for like five minutes without stopping. What’s funnier is this: I don’t even know what I’m ranting about I just go go go. I think it annoys the people around me, especially if I’m hyper. That’s when I go on and on and on and on. I think its sickens the people around me. BUT that’s just the way I am. I mean you should worry if I’m not yakking the entire afternoon away. That means something is up. As in something major. Like nathan getting cut from one tree hill. You know drastic things.

2) I FEAR THAT PEOPLE JUDGE ME TOO SOON.
And this is attributed to my smart ass mouth. I think it annoys people that don’t know me. People judge me based on my crazy opinions about life and everything else. AND get this: Just because I say my comments about how someone talks, looks and other whatnots it doesn’t mean I hate them. I just love throwing off comments but I am totally working on shutting up about certain things. And as my friends say, I may look and sound maldita but I AM NOT. I think I don’t treat people in a bitchy way. I DON’T DO THAT UNLESS YOU DO IT TO ME FIRST. But I’m working on that too. Its just too freakin difficult to be MAD AND SULLEN all the time. I think i’m getting to that point in my attitude wherein I JUST DON’T CARE. IF YOU HATE ME, FINE, IF YOU DON’T FINE. I think that’s the only way to go about life. I can’t please people but if they judge just because of who I am on the outside, then they have another think coming.

3) MY LIFE IS WAY TOO BORING.
There’s nothing going on in my life right now. Except for the upcoming finals and the service hours I have to do (can you say “uhoh?”) Nothing major’s happening. Not that I’m complaining, I love the life of no complications-for once. My life is peaceful for once and I don’t think I’m going to come up with my own drama just to mess up the peace. I don’t think I’ll be doing that for awhile.

4) YES, I DID CHANGE BUT NOT FOR THE WORSE
-self explanatory.

5) I AM LOVIN JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE’S “SEXY BACK” AND RIHANNA’S “UNFAITHFUL”
-Justin’s a drug addict. How unmousketter like is that?
6) GREY’S ANATOMY IS THE NEW ONE TREE HILL
-Or maybe not. Now that tree hill season is over for me, grey’s anatomy is quickly catching up. Its so fun. I want to be the doctor, only I cannot stand the sight of blood or anything popping up where its not supposed to. Eww. Forget it. Patrick Dempsey’s hot though. hehe. I still have to catch up on the oc. Gone were the days that I didn’t even miss an episode. Now i’m like a season behind.

7) I WAS ABLE TO SIT THROUGH LAST MONDAY’S SONA
– I had my comments the whole way through that my dad had to hush me up because he couldn’t hear gloria anymore.

Haha. What would life be without my comments, I ask?

NOTHING ABOUT MY LOVELIFE. I DON’T THINK I HAVE ANYTHING SIGNIFICANT TO SHARE JUST YET. HAHA

It has been four days since school and I am bored to bits.

There is absolutely nothing to do. On days like these I wish that I didn’t finish the entire season of one tree hill in just one sitting (I made it sound like food). I’m starting to watch supernaturnal but I guess I am going to consume that in one sitting too. Hohum. Both guys are hot though. haha:-)

I really really miss school. Hmph!:)

Okay. That statement would now seal my singleness.

Okay, this is just weird just before I logged on to blogger, I actually had a lot of things to write about and when I sat down in front of the computer, pooft! all ideas just went down the drain. It must be the freakin weather, its damaging my brain.
***

“stay smart, stay single”

I was going around the mall earlier and I just saw a shirt that said this on display and I wanted to grab it right away… only I didn’t have money so never mind. Next time, I hope. Anyway, that shirt made me think though. Is being single really the smart way to go about it?

I must admit that despite my cynical nature, I do get mushy every once in awhile. Especially after seeing Naley and DunVe (that’s nathan and haley, veronica and duncan for all of you non tvholiocs such as myself) on the tube, i just want to cry and say, “when would I ever have that???”

I’m actually proud of myself that I have gotten past the stage wherein I wanted someone JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE HAD ONE. Instead, I’m in that stage wherein I realized that these relationships actually take time and take more than just oogly eyes and red roses on a bad day. It actually means sharing all of your life’s details with someone else, something I find very unnerving since I’m very obsessive about MY schedule. I cannot have a boyfriend and just drop him if I don’t have the time for it (haha, insensitive beeyotch). HE would be a part of my life and everything would change, shift or alter even if in just a minusicule way.

But that doesn’t mean, I don’t think or wish for it every once in awhile because I do. NO matter how tough I am and how wicked ass my comments are about relationships, I am human after all and I do get caught up in human emotions.

Not that I’m ALONE, I have enough people to last me a lifetime. BUT, there’s the end of the day part. There’s also the time wherein everyone would have someone and I’d have NO ONE.

scary. I know. and PATHETIC.

but as i’ve said, a little honesty about THAT wouldn’t kill me…

but i guess the macroeconomics midterm would.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Sometimes when you’re caught in a jiffy and stuck in depression, you somehow wait for something major to pull you out of it. SOMETHING SO BIG that you’d start thinking, “That’s why everything was going so bad before this, this is the answer to all of that crap”. Like some law of cosmic karma owes us anything.

But more often than not, what brings in the light is not the BIG MAJOR things but the small ones. The small ones that are done out of the goodness of one’s heart. The goodness that doesn’t cause the world to go, “aww, that’s so nice of you”. The ones that most people forget of.

That’s the kind of goodness/kindness that could pull you out of the dark hole. The hope that maybe, despite the crumminess of this unfair and unjust life, there’ s still good people out there and that the only way that could help you out of it would be sharing the goodness too.

Its so much easier to BITCH AROUND PEOPLE you don’t LIKE but it feels better to actually just try to be nice. I’ve realized that in order for one to be truly in bliss, it would be better to stop trying to CONTROL PEOPLE and how they act towards you. Its so much better to just LET THEM BE. If they treat you right, THANK YOU. If not, then that’s thier problem.

“People are only mean when they’re threatened” -Morrie Schwartz

The world has its drama. Everyone has a story to tell, but hardly anyone wants to listen. Everyone wants to talk. I may be a talkative nut who speaks a thousand words a minute, but if the situation calls for it. If its needed to listen. I do listen.

And because of these little things, I realized that i’m HAPPIER.

To begin with, i’ll say this:
i HATE, LOATHE and DESPISE goodbyes.
My sister had to go home last Sunday and it really broke my heart:-(
I think the whole airport scene just blew me away.
I miss my ate:-(
***
Anyway, I was supposed to write this entire entry about how I would rather be better rather than bitter, but I never got around to doing it simply because of this mundane fact:
I had three midterms this week and one of them I have to do later.
Kill me now, will you? HAHAHA.
***
Even if I say that I am not making a big deal out of me being 18 and LEGAL. I actually am. Last Saturday I actually went inside a liquior store and pointed at the sign about not allowing minors and shouted to my dad and younger brother, “I AM LEGAL NOW. THESE GUYS WOULDN’T THROW ME OUT”

My brother and dad wanted to crawl under the grocery bags that they were holding. But I didn’t care. I was so proud of myself. I’m 18!!!!!!!!!!

Without a license though because my dad says how can he trust me with driving if I get lost in grocery stores?

Good point.
***
Despite my busy schedule I just couldn’t stop but finish tree hill’s third season. i LOVED it, except for the fact that haley and nathan are so into each other. it HURTS. Haha. I am sucha wacko but it was a good season. I can’t wait for the next one. YAY!

“It isn’t the the great big pleasures that count the most. It’s making a great deal out of the little ones” -Jean Webster




for more pictures:
unauthorized.multiply.com
-Yes, I’ve updated it after forever. Haha.:-)