Wee, I can’t detail it because I can’t find words to express it but thank you, Lord, this is what dreams are made of =)
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Flats in Bloom
If you recall about three months ago, I wrote about my latest style find, Butterfly Twists. You know those foldable flats that go with just about ANY outfit!
As you know the boys in the house (ie: my dad and my very opinionated little brother) dislikes it when I fit my 5’8 frame into heels and at the end of the day, I agree with them when I see my feet in blisters š
The reason why I disliked wearing flats (I’m often stuffed in my sneakers) was because they were never as cute, and I often felt plain while wearing them. This is the reason why I jumped over the moon when I realized that my very own Prince William designed incredibly comfortable flats for on the go women everywhere.
Okay, he really isn’t my Prince William, but you HAVE to see him! (Photos after the jump!)
Anyway, the story behind Butterfly Twists is that a group of four men lost a bet and had to wear six inch heels for a day. They finally realized the excruciating pain of having to walk in them, took pity, and ta da Butterfly Twists!
Butterfly Twists is the perfect fit for the modern independent Filipina lifestyle because seriously with all that we are doing, we really need good shoes to take care of our feet.
So with that being said, the Autumn – Winter 2013 Collection was launched in Straight Up Bar, Seda Hotel, BGC.
It was a fun afternoon event with all of the fashion bigs in the industry. There was a even a spectacular short fashion show with such gorgeous models. It was truly an awesome, Betty moment for me, and I’d have to commend my workmates for doing everything with make up, pretty dresses, and huge smiles on! It’s a blessing to be working alongside such smart and intelligent women.
To know more about Butterfly Twists, you know the drill, like them on Facebook Butterfly Twists and enjoy the photos!
Betty in the Ballgame
I just game from a basketball game, and while I do cheer like a boy, I am very much still a girl (somewhere here, deep inside).
If there’s one thing I learned over the years, it’s this, basketball arenas are filled with the most beautiful people I have ever encountered. And aside from being extremely beautiful, they are also impeccably dressed and so successful in their own right, it’s enough for a person to go gaga.
And while there have been times, on really crappy days that i did feel like I could never measure up but on my good days, I just often think they’re extremely inspiring. those girls actually exist!
I often aspired to be just like them, with the way they float (not even walk) with ease and confidence that I could only dream of.
I thought had to dress a certain way and look a certain way, I often walked around with my shoulders hunched, thinking I couldn’t float if I was still who I was (you know, guarded and Betty La Fea-ish).
I wore dresses where I couldn’t breathe and walked in heels that made me feel like I was tight roping my way through. I wore my contact lenses though they it poked my eye a lot and today, I just realized fark that shizz.
I’m done. I immediately got out of my tight dress that felt HORRENDOUS and slipped into my favorite pair of colorful shoes, my boyfriend shirt (which doesn’t belong to a boyfriend :p), and put on my big glasses.
And it felt amazing to be just me, to be my very own Betty in the land of Barbies and to be happy in it.
And if you can’t find the beauty in my big glasses, then I really don’t need you in my life because for the first time in my life, I actually like being me.
When Gratitude Met My Attitude
What a week it has been for Metro Manila.
Similar to the effect of Ondoy in 2009, Maring entered the country over the weekend and stayed until this morning leaving Metro Manila in a wide array of chaos. Banks were closed, streets were impassable, and people were once again distressed over the mess. The weekend stretched to five, with most people spending their days inside their homes out of the fear that the floods would consume them once they step out.
Generally, I enjoy staying at home, there’s nothing I love more than disappearing in my own space doing nothing & everything in between. However, I also get into the bad habit of overthinking and analyzing, developing a web of what ifs. My web doesn’t really consider my reality, it just goes on and creates its own.
While I won’t bore you with the details of it, I could share with you the shame I’ve felt after I’ve realized how foolish my thoughts have been.
I’ve been questioning God and pestering him about areas of my life that stood still without even realizing other areas were flourishing with answered prayers. I just had to take a step back (thisclose to pinching myself) when I realized that there are so many things in my life I only once dreamed of.
God has been so faithful, and I allowed my brattiness, and bitterness take over without realizing I am blessed with so much. Pretty much like the little annoying child in Kindergarten, I foolishly believed I had to have it all to be happy.
Again, I won’t bore you with the details but for awhile there I thought that the only way I could be happy was to get what someone else had. That the only way to know that God was working was to have it all, all at once.
It was also foolish of me to believe that someone else having it meant I’ll never have it. I turned life into a competition and I was crumbling from all the pressure I put on myself. I didn’t believe that what is for me will be for me in God’s beautiful time. I am not in a race, and there is no time limit or deadline.
Life just is. Moments are ordained accordingly and trusting God meant trusting that He knows what is best for me and when the best time is for me to have it.
Waiting on God is not an easy feat, especially for someone as ADD as me, but all it takes is just being grateful, something I have foolishly forgotten.
It all begins with a little thank you, and hopefully in the days to come, I seek to see what I have, instead of what I lack.
Cracked Edges
I once thought that being ready for love meant a multitude of things- like being perfect, or at the very least, being a size two.
In a culture where we are bombarded by images of who we should be and who deserves love based on how we look, it’s so easy to think that the messy & ordinary don’t have a shot at all. So we fall into the paradigm of wanting to be perfect because when we finally get our act, together, it will come.
I never quite realized that by putting up a front, and a mask we never take off, we lose the essence of love and what it stands for.
Love isn’t perfect, and neither does it only choose the “ready” because in truth, when are we really ready? Nobody is ever ready for what it causes the heart to endure, but often we are ready for the one that is worth it.
In fact love, the real kind, goes beyond that kind of superficiality. Love understands the silly, neurotic parts of who we are and surprisingly so, chooses to love us.
Love sees how we look in the morning, and when we dance and still thinks we’re adorable. Love is a perfect mix of hope, answered prayers, and an anxiety of losing it.
Love captures your heart and makes your heart drop without any warning. But it’s the good kind.
Because of my neurotic type A personality, I’ve always wanted things in my life to be in a classified box, with no mess and all in order. I’ve always been terrified to show the crazy parts of me out of the fear that nobody wants a mess. I’m slowly learning to see the beauty of life through the cracked edges.
But life & love are never neat or in a straight line, I’ve read that so many times and yet never truly got it until tonight.
I don’t know the point of this cheesy, so unlike me entry, but maybe for the first time ever, I’m realizing that life and the people in it might be entirely different than what I pictured it, but maybe, just maybe it could be better.
It feels nice to write again from my ā¤ after so long of just letting it all in. May our week be filled with answered prayers, and little “I can’t believe you did that God” moments.
It’s a good life.
To my sister on her wedding day,
Dearest Ate,
While Iām sad that I canāt be there on your special day, I am also bursting with joy. I have always expressed myself better through this platform, so excuse me for using social media but I would really like to share with the world how happy I am for you.
As Iāve told you before, you have always been the most beautiful person I have ever met and ever since I was a little child, I have always strived to be like you. Your strength over the years has inspired me and I really am joyful because you have found your happily ever after.
God is truly good, He has blessed you with the man of your dreams and I canāt wait for you to start your family. I also canāt wait to meet and spoil my future nephews and nieces.
Itās a new season for you and AJ and I pray that this new season will bring you more joy than tears and more love that you have even imagined. Iām so blessed to have heard your love story first hand and despite my skepticism, it has made me believe that maybe a God-crafted love story is still out there. :p
As a new chapter of your life begins, I am grateful that God answered mamaās prayers. I have told you before that you deserve all the beautiful things in the world, and that includes you waking up happy everyday. Please thank AJ for me also for loving you and please tell him to always be good or else. (hehe)
I love you sister and I truly wish to be there for you, but since I canāt I would like to give to you this song as a gift. I have always loved the lyrics of this song and I know you would love it too. =)
I love you, Ate and I truly wish for nothing but the very best for you and Aj. I am proud to be your little sister.
Loving you across the miles,
Carla
A little hi
I haven’t forgotten you bloggy! Just in the process of upgrading my blog! It will be up and running in a few weeks!
Until then!
a little hello!
I haven’t been blogging lately, and I truly apologize to my three readers who are not members of my family, or random spammers. Nevertheless, life is going good but still in the middle of processing the changes but will soon post about it and more here soon (and for those asking, nope, getting married isn’t one of those changes, happily single folks!).
For the meantime, sharing with you a Joel Osteen video that just hits the nail on the head. Here’s to new changes, moving forward, and leaving the vengeance (and not even wanting it anymore) to the Lord:
Looking over you
you don’t know my name yet
by the time you looked away
I already knew I couldn’t fake it
I got this need for you
For mending my bleeding heart
I know the meaning right away
The only yesterday were worlds apart.
I think I may love you
If you give me sometime.
Choices
I have come to realize that life is all about choices.
Weāve bookmarked quotes, read books on the topic, watched TV shows, and yelled amen when it was preached in church. We know this. We know that life is not a series of events that just happen, out of the blue but a long series of yeses and nos we made along the way. One yes could mean an entirely different outcome while a no may close a door forever.
Iām never indecisive. I strongly believe in making choices immediately without blinking an eye because while I know that consequences to choices made are critical and should be given much thought, time is of the essence. I donāt understand the point of overanalyzing or overthinking an answer to a question, I just go for it and hope that life will go the way that it should.
So far, so good.
What I failed to realize however is this: the causes of my pain is dependent on my choices as well. I never realized that I could stop playing the victim, that while people so close to my heart have hurt me repeatedly, I can choose to stand up and say, āThis wonāt hurt me anymore.ā
I thought the only way to stand up to someone who has been so emotionally abusive for so long was to scream and shout (naks, mala Britney Spears and Will I am) and make my emotions felt. But screaming & shouting only fueled the fire for that person to hurt me more. It gave the person reasons to put me down, and use words to destroy me.
For someone who told me they loved me, squashing my happiness was rapidly becoming a hobby. No effort was recognized, and every little mistake criticized. For the longest time, I longed for a love that would just appreciate, and yet I have found myself constantly attracted to people who treated me the same way. People I had to please and who easily turned their backs on me the moment I did something that they didnāt approve of.
It was a pattern obvious in my life, and I accepted it without realizing that I had a choice about it. I had a choice to avoid these people by all means, and choose people who love me for me. Most importantly, I had the choice to constantly try to please people by saying yes all the time or I could be brave enough to say no once in a while, with the fear that people would leave me if I didnāt give in.
I didnāt realize that the years of being told I couldnāt & I wasn’t good enough took its toll. I suddenly became deathly afraid of people, and I showed in ways that werenāt so nice. I didnāt realize then that they were all connected. As a teenager, I couldnāt understand why I was so angry all the time, and why I needed the attention. Everyone else was the problem, not me.
Today, I realize it was a cycle that was being repeated, but today, I also realized that itās a cycle that I had the power to stop it.
It was a bad habit: only developing friendships with unattainable people because I felt that I could never be deserving of someone nice, heck even someone who was even remotely polite. Starved of love (for the lack of a better term), I often find myself surprised when people actually want to be friends with me. And whenever relationships fail, itās my fault. I never, not even once considered that maybe, it wasnāt all me.
Again, it was a choice. I could choose to let this pattern in my life continue. I could constantly hang my head low, consumed by insecurities, afraid of intimacy, and afraid to share the real me because I felt I wasnāt good enough. I could continue to apologize for things I didnāt even do or I could simply accept that sometimes you donāt get the love you deserve.
Sometimes, the people who are supposed to understand you, love you, and appreciate you donāt. I could spend my entire life fighting against it, or I could simply accept it for what it is and move on.
Denying what is only prolongs the pain and all the baggage that goes with it. Quiet, reserved strength that accepts people for who they are and what they can or canāt give you is what gets you to the next chapter of your life minus all the baggage of years past. I could spend a large amount of years crying over what has not been given or I can choose to say thank the Big Man up there that at least I still have the rest of my life ahead to make up for what has or hasnāt happened before.
I could constantly allow people to hurt me or let them go and simply be thankful for the rare moments they show their love. They have issues of their own, but Iām in charge of my happiness now and I no longer expect them to contribute to mine.
I guess, this is the beginning to the liberating love I once defined as impossible. Itās a love that bears, endures, and accepts all things. Itās the love that no longer punishes when not returned nor is it a love that forces me to please someone who is difficult to please.
Maybe, by realizing all this and putting it on virtual paper, I am finally giving myself the choice to not get hurt. That maybe, I no longer have to flinch every time Iām treated differently than I should be, every time Iām criticized, put down, blamed, or simply looked over. I could spend years crying, blaming, and shrinking, or I could look past it, accept the reality and no longer be surprised by it.
Words may fail me today, but my heart understands the words Iāve strung in the past hour.
Itās time to stop fighting battles I know I would never win, and stop competing for a prize I would never win.
Itās time to stop asking people to complete me, and love me the way I think they should, and simply accept that the love of the One who created the Universe is more than enough for me, and most importantly, He breathed in me a different kind of strength that can face life head on with a smile on my face and a spring in my step.
Itās also time for me to accept something Iāve never thought was possible: Iām not irreparable beyond repair, and the words Iāve heard and will hear from the people Iāve given my heart to, will not take that fact away from me.
Iām not a lost cause and I am worthy to be loved.
Finally, I am beginning to see the light and I hope in my heart, that you do too.
