…because they are too busy being busy.

My hands are freezing at the moment! It’s too cold in the office (so cold that you cannot think anymore) and it’s just weird because when you step out, sweltering heat will hit you. People are probably wondering why I’m wearing my New York-esque sweater to work. Sadly, it’s not because I just want to look nice but because I’m afraid that I will no longer survive without it.

***

My trainer is a big-time scamm-er. He messes with the weighing scale at the gym so that people will buy these fat burning pills from him. TSK! I understand his needs, but come on, to let people think that they are not losing after spending two hours in the gym for four days every week is just plain disturbing! If that gym wasn’t so close to home, I would have left a long time ago!

***

Just randomly thought of this: What Do You Think of Torpe Guys?

I think they’re kindda sweet. The fact that they can hardly speak when you’re around is something new compared to those guys who are way to airy for thier own good.

The thing with me is that I can be very very moody.

It’s always been that way, maybe it’s rooted from insecurity or in a way, self-hate but I don’t like thinking that extreme. I think maybe, some people just push your buttons the wrong way and you can’t help but feel a certain amount of anger or irritation.

This is especially true for people who love to interrupt you when you have several deadlines to meet, have not eaten a decent meal and have not been to the gym (I don’t know why, it just coincides).

I know it’s all about self control but on most days, you just turn into a monster (this is especially true if im on a diet). And this is something that I am proud of, I hate it when I turn into a monster and unleash my wrath unknowingly.

But trust me, some people are just plain annoying and irritating!

But then again, I shouldn’t put all the blame on them since again, it all falls down to respect and discipline.

I do respect people but there are just “argg” moments, but you know what helps in restraining my sometimes displaced anger?

The guilt that I feel afterwards. So you know just what the quote says, I do sin but in no wy am I a devil.

I’m working on it though.

I simply don’t want to be a bitch anymore… unless its called for.

*evilaugh*

KIDDING!

I haven’t written in my blog all week. Shocker, I know.

I’ve been busy doing the right things that I didn’t even realize that it was already Friday =) The geek that I am, I absolutely have no plans for this weekend… yet.

All I know is that I need to get new glasses PRONTO. I’ve strained my eyes too much.

I had my second class yesterday and there are still a few quirks to be ironed out but nonethelss, it was fun and sooooo fulfilling.

So you know I got my spark back, the one I lost for awhile. =)

I’M HAPPY IN MORE WAYS THAN ONE AND FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS BORN, THERE ARE SIMPLY NO WORDS TO DESCRIBE IT.

hey take a lookie at this old photo that resurfaced on my computer:

I’m likeeen it. He’s cute, don’t you think?! *thisismeshrieking!!!*

*Saved this in my phone last night 🙂 *

Someone told me that one day you’ll just wake up and it would stop hurting. One day, you’ll wake up and realize which things are important and which aren’t.

You’re important, just not right now.

So you know the Lord did answer my prayers. So before I go to sleep last night, let me gloat for a minute and be happy that that day was today. 🙂

My closest friends know that I’ve been contemplating on doing something crazy towards the end of 2009 and I’m deadset on actually doing it until I went to church yesterday. Something in me stirred and I broke down.

Something’s telling me that what I thought was best for me may not be God’s best for me. So i’ll continue to pray for it.

Have a good week 🙂

I have this confession (don’t you just love ’em?!): I’m a College Professor now.

You can laugh. You can cry. You can say “say what?” more than one time. Go ahead because I did the same things when I found out.

It’s hard to explain how I felt when I stepped into the really cold classroom. I was nervous because I realized that Microsoft Office 07′ is not really compatible with Microsoft Office ’03 and that I needed speakers and forgot about them.

Those little tidbits made me feel less nervous, it made me think less about my first class-ever and made me focus on the logistics.

It was my first day and it’s to early to tell but let me tell you this when I got on the teaching platform, I was on a roll.

Thank God for that teaching position because I have come to realize that I no longer need to visit a Psychiatrist and waste ridiculous money on them (half-joking) to feel good.

Teaching is my new therapy.

It’s nice to be in a room with people my age at the very least and just be refreshed by the good vibes that they brought in with them. I don’t want to think too far out into the future of my class (it is one whole semester after all!) but I do hope I get to impart some slapstick Advertising wisdom without being the terror teacher that everyone dreads.

It’s a new field though and discipline can be very tricky. I’ll take it a day at a time.

TWILIGHT MOVIE OUT IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS.

I’M SOO HAPPY.

“Butterflies in my tummy,

A song in my head

My palms are sweating and my heart’s beating.

You seem too good to be true and yet I touch you

And with tears on my fingertips, in this moment, I know you are real”

Love Always,

C.

A few months ago, I was content, I was happy and all the aspects of my life were good.

Then the whole world shook—everything that I’ve based my life’s pride and happiness on was gone.

So I learned two things:

A) My life’s definition of happiness was pretty shallow

B) Yes, it broke me but it made me feel alive because for the first time in ages, I wasn’t lax and I felt something REAL.

-This being said, I’m probably a sucker for pain because it revives me in a way nothing else can so if you’ll ask me if I’ll trade this kind of feeling to get whatever I lost back, I’d be quick to say no.

Someone asked me this yesterday: If there’s one thing you learned about love that you’d like to share?

Answer: “It’s always always worth it. There will be tears and there will be that one love that will pierce your heart but it strengthens you for the love that’s going to stay. The love that changes your life will break you but the love that heals you is very much worth the pain.”

So, what’s your take on it?

I caught Taylor Swift on E! last night and she was asked if she was happily single, the pretty blonde said, “No I’m just single, but I couldn’t wait for the time when I could say that I’m happily single.” It shocked my subconcious because I, myself am wondering if I am truly happily single like I always say that I am. She also said, “I’ll meet someone wonderful and I’ll forget about the boy who broke my heart in 25 second phone call when I was 18″

Same goes for the boy who brought me down so many times to feel good about his egoistic self.

That’s just girl power at its finest.

I thought all the bitter girl power was enough for one night but then I was jolted in the middle of my sleep and I suddenly felt scared because the pain was very familiar to the one I felt when hewhoisntevenworthtobenamed broke my heart a few months ago.

I was scared because for awhile there, I allowed the pain to be a reoccuring one. I allowed myself to be drenched every single time and I was afraid because I felt that I was doing it all over again since I opened a window of opportunity when I forgave him.

I realized that eventhough I forgave him for my sake, he still does not deserve a spot in my life. He had so many chances and he chose to break my heart. To be honest, I’m still not over that pain, it’s still there, haunting me.

I’ve never been the same since that boy broke my heart. It’s a sign of weakness to admit, some of my friends say but I digress, I think it’s a sign of courage to admit that you’ve been hurt badly, because you’ve stepped out of denial (God knows I’ve been living there long enough!)

I’ve come to realize that he doesn’t deserve a place in my life. He didn’t even earn it, he just thought that the spot would always be open. I’ve also come to realize that moving on doesn’t mean being with someone new.

I think the real sign that you’ve moved on is if you could do it on your own and not expect someoen to take care of your broken heart. It’s time to own up, this is my broken heart, my mess and it’s my responsibility to fix it.

And fixing it means that you will no longer be part of my life.

I went into an emotional rage again earlier and it’s not because of any of the following:

A) I’ve been listening to Beyonce’s If I Were A Boy and Adele’s Chasing Pavements all day

B) I encountered you again yesterday. Okay, for the record not everything in this blog is about YOU.

Truth is, the kids came back to school yesterday and even though they can truly drive one insane. It made me go back to the reason why I applied for this job in the first place. It’s always fresh and to see kids on a day-to-day basis keeps me young (ahem ahem).

So back to what I was saying, I went into an emotional rage earlier because I saw a young, probably sweet boy who was eating alone and for some weird reason it just wrenched my heart. Why?

Because nobody deserves to be alone and i’m not saying this in the shallow sense of the word, but in a deeper, psychological sense. I hated seeing that boy alone because you know there’s a lot of residue in being emotionally battered when you’re in school.

I’m not saying that eating alone will turn a person into a monster, but there’s something about being excluded that just wrenches my heart.

I’ve never been the popular girl. I’ve always been this ecclectic creature who never minced her words (maybe the reason why I keep a blog?) but i’ve been emotionally bullied so many times when I was younger by peers (oddly enough some even turned into trusted friends) that its something that I don’t wish for anyone, most especially kids.

So, just in random thinking, I’ve come to realize that this is going to be my cause from now on. I have no idea how I’m going to uplift this specific cause (suggestions anyone?) but if I do make one person less lonely then i’ll be a very very happy person.

I think I went through specific situations in life (not attending prom for instance) for a reason and that’s to become more sensitive of others (well, I’m not sensitive of other people all the time, hey, i am human after all) and to spread some sort of love.

I almost cried earlier because of what I saw. Another wish: I hope kids will be less of evil spawns. I’m telling you: It’s difficult to be a kid these days with the things that they do to each other.

If in some way, I could make it stop, I will surely will.

Just because being emotionally tormented produces evil people in the world who would eventually produce evil spawns and the tragedy continues.

Next Stop: AN END TO POVERTY PLEASE 😉