Four years ago when one of those Universities asked for an essay on who was the most influential person in my life, without missing a beat, I made an essay on why my mom was the most influential person in my life.

Four years later, I still feel the same way and this blog entry may be three days too late to honor mom but it’s safe to say that with all the great things that my mom has done for us, it’s fair to say that I strive to make everyday mom’s day for her.

I’m grateful to my mom because with all the curveballs that life hurled at me in the past nineteen years of my life, she was always there. Of course, there were a lot of times that I wanted to leave home and just stop listening to her but in the depths of my heart, I knew that she was always right.

She was right about the school I went to.

She was right about the friends that I should avoid.

She was right about the boys who would break my heart.

She was right about what career to take.

I think she was sent on earth to guide me and she’s done amazingly so in the past nineteen years and we may have had arguments but no matter what happens, she’d always be that voice which tells me which way to go and I’d always be grateful.

Belated happy mom’s day mom! I love you and I’m proud to be your daughter 🙂

I have so many things that I want to write about but I don’t know where to start or maybe I’m not convinced that it’s writing about but then again the only place of solace for me has always been my writing so sue me if it gets too personal.

A fact that all of you know by now (that is if you’re a frequent visitor of this blog) is that I’ve never had a boyfriend and I think the major reason why is because I’m still waiting for my prince but in the process of waiting for this prince, I have encountered a lot of frogs along the way.

Because of my nature, I now realize that i’m easily drawn to frogs. I’m easily drawn to guys who tend to take you for granted, leave you and try to win you back. It’s a sick cycle that I no longer want to be a part of anymore.

But i’m going to be twenty soon and you know I think I’d never get out of that cycle but a recent experience made me wiser. It hurt but it served is purpose. Thank God for Joel Osteen, I don’t think I’d be this optimistic without his books and preachings. I’ve matured a whole lot in the past month and i’m proud of myself. It’s just sad that in order for me to grow up, I’d have to lose a few people and a few relationships that really made me smile at one point.

So here’s my resolution for the next two months (until my 20th) I will be staying away from boys. I’ll start focusing on my work, getting to know the Lord more and just enjoying my friends and family.

Bitter?

I think not. I think it’s time for to stop saving other people and take the time to save myself. Take the time to think of me for awhile and stop trying to figure out things for other people. It’s not in a negative sense but I think I need to let my heart rest for awhile and continue to pray and have faith that in the right time, things will come to pass.

My heartfelt thanks to:

Kara: Our conversation changed my perspective and strengthened me.

Nolan: I’d always be grateful to you and you know that. You’re the guy who will forever be constant in my life.

Ms. Len:You are my personal psychiatrist 🙂 thanks!

Being a huge fan of TV shows with seasons, I’ve also associated summer as a time where the characters hide and emerge with a better hairstyle, skinnier or just plain better-looking (Everyone knows that Joshua Jackson gets better looking after every season finale of Dawson’s Creek!)

This is the first time in my life that I didn’t have a summer to speak of. Don’t get me wrong, I feel the ridiculous heat and everyone I know has hit the beach but what I’m saying is that since I’m considered a “working girl” already, the two month summer vacation I’ve enjoyed for the past nineteen years of my life has been scraped. Just like adults, I get up at 6 am everyday to get to work.

What I didn’t realize is that this summer is my summer. This summer has been the summer wherein I have changed the most. I see myself getting more positive everyday, I see myself getting hurt but getting back up without a bruise to speak of. I see myself understanding people more and not letting the little things get to me and this has also been the summer where I started taking risks.

I’ve also dreamed of becoming the girl who would just take risks. One who would stop thinking of what the outcome would be but instead just do something. I guess I never took risks because I was always so fearful. I must admit though that I’m no superwoman yet but the risks that I started taking in the past three weeks proved that I have come a long way.

My sister sent me a text message last Thursday and she told me to take risks, let loose and just live for the first time in my life. Enough worrying about what people are going to say. Maybe it’s time for me to think of myself and stop saving everyone else.

It’s a whole new way to live. I’m still not used to it but I can go to sleep every night knowing that I did my part.

And for those people who say that this thing may not work, I beg to differ because I think all this risk taking has a purpose.

Miracles are waiting everywhere, my heart is singing and I owe that to the summer of 2008. I’ve finally learned to let go of Neverland and step into reality and I’m telling you it feels good!

I haven’t checked my e-mail in about two weeks, I bet Karla is really frustrated with me. I’ve been so busy that I’ve also neglected any other form of entertainment except for Singing Bee which is becoming a new favorite. I also missed the premiere of Pushing Daisies, which is a show that I’ve waited to air for the longest time.

In short, I don’t have a social life anymore, I have also neglected my blog and that may be the reason why my thoughts have been jumping from one situation to another without any clarity. It’s all a mess in my head, there’s no clear line between work and social life, but I know that work is taking up most of my cerebral space.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m enjoying but I guess I’ve been pushing away the other thoughts, which are just as important in the farthest part of my brain to avoid analyzing them. Work has consumed me and the other integral parts of my life have suffered.

Taking Risks

Really, what is it all about anyway? What is taking risks all about anyway? And is taking the risk worth it?

I made a life turning phone call yesterday and let me tell you, when I dialled the person’s number my whole world shook. I got so dizzy and my stomach felt like it was once again on the Jurassic ride in Universal Studios. I’ve never done anything that required so much to lose.

I can’t answer you if I gained anything from that experience but then again as Joel Osteen always says, God takes you out of your comfort zone to take you higher. I’m confused but I’m optimistic that that gut-wrenching phone call served its purpose in my life. I’d look back and say, “Good thing, I made that phone call”

In a twisted way, what I’m trying to say is that sometimes, taking the risk is worth it, even if things don’t turn out the way you want them to, it’s still worth it.

Next challenge please.

Graduation Day 2008

I wasn’t as nostalgic, I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because I’ve been in the “real” world for quite awhile now and I’ve gotten used to it already that there was no fear or anxiety left for me to feel. Honestly, I just felt like a penguin in my black toga. But there’s a sense of accomplishment there, I got through college just fine. I’m going to miss my friends, these are probably the people that would make me laugh on shitty days, the memories would never be forgotten 🙂 Pictures will be posted soon! :p

Relationships

Complicated. Don’t fall into its trap, it’s very messy. I’m very straightforward when it comes to relationships. If it’s black, it’s black. There’s nothing in between. I don’t know if I’m expecting too much but I am a big fan of CLARITY. There must be a line somewhere, God knows that I treat my friends differently from someone special. Why can’t everyone be like that? Can’t people be honest? If you don’t like me, then tell me. People need to grow up. That’s all I can say.

But then again, I don’t think I’d be this affected if he didn’t mean anything to me at all.

If there are two emotions that I’d rid the world of it would be:

A) Insecurity

B) Jealousy/Envy

It doesn’t serve any purpose at all.

Second Servings…

Maybe my mind games went overboard this time. I don’t know why I have this attitude of pushing people away by making them jealous. I guess it’s how I prove if someone likes me or not.

Again, relationships only work for Pacey and Joey for someone as overanalytical as I am, I don’t think they do work as magically.

I have no idea if this blog entry made sense, but hey, I’m alive. 🙂

I had a Nathan Scott in my life for quite awhile.

I was seventeen when I met him and he turned my life around. At 17, I was determined to make him fall in love with me. It was a silly crushand i was infatuated with him for almost for almost three years. He was my Tad Hamilton and no one ever came close.

That infatuation didn’t have any significant basis at all. He was older and we were in the same environment so I had this crazy notion in my head that we were meant to be together even though all we had were random conversations.

Naturally, the dream guy didn’t give me the time of day and it broke my heart. There were other drama antics that ensued but that’s not worth talking about.

The main point of this entry is to say that my dream guy fianlly met his dream girl and I was suprised at how I reacted.

I was happy. It was like, “Hey! This is reality already. We’ll never be together” and finally, I’m over then Kate Bosworth-like crush.

I’m past that stage of my life and I’m free.

I’m growing up and facing the reality that hey, the dream boy does end up with his dream girl but it’s not about your dream boy falling in love with you, it’s about finding that perfect fit and realizing that in life’s own sneaky way, dreams do come true.

It’s realizing that your family is not perfect but at the end of the day, you’re just satisfied with the fact that no matter what happens, they’re there.

Friends do come and go but you’re just grateful that they dropped by to make you smile.

You now realize the rationale behind the cliche, “Beauty comes from the inside” and you’re finally happy with life and where you are.

You smile at people and look forward with hope. After all, you also realize the most important lesson of all: Your Filipino teacher was right, all the shitty things that happened before did serve its purpose.

There’s something to be said about being in love. It consumes you, eats up most of your time and every single mistake hurts although you know that it’s only meant to make you better.

It’s this mix of fear and dread that consumes you from your head to your toe and you’re so afraid that you’re going to lose that wonderful thing that you’re blessed with so you work extra hard.

My dear friends that is how I feel about my job. I’ve never been so in love and so absorbed with something. It’s like I’m finally doing something with my life that’s worthwhile, like I’m adding some sort of value into this world and it makes getting up each morning easier. Which isn’t really a bad feeling let me tell you.

Of course, I’m pressured to do well and of course since I’m such an OC when it comes to my work, I do my work during the Holidays and weekends. But I don’t even mind because that’s how much I’m enjoying it.

I finally found something that I love!!

It’s been keeping me from having a social life though but it’s been worth it.

I wonder if I’d be this passionate when the love of my life comes along… but that’s another story to tell and right now I’m just too busy to even give a damn.

Great weekend everyone!

Something you hate about the person you love:
I hate you for being so adorable. Damn. 😛

Something you wish your mother or father had warned you about:
Friends who leave you for no reason and the guys who lie. On second thought, yes they did warn me about these things.

Something that’s holding you back from achieving your dreams:
Nothing… Nothing or no one’s going to be as important as my dreams. So it’s best for everyone to just get out of the way.

Something you think you could win an award for:
being early! I’m always early!! 🙂

Something you fear more than anything:
Dying unloved 🙁

Something you wish people would understand:
People can’t wait forever. If you want something, go for it. STOP WAITING.

Something that keeps you going everyday:

My God, My faith, my family, my job and my friends:)

Something amazing that happened last summer:

I fell in love, got out of it and moved on 🙂

Something you hate that people say:

“I was too afraid.” get over it.

Something you refuse to pay money for:

Magazines. Their my guilty pleasure but too damn expensive to waste money on.

Something you wish you could have told that person that you never saw again:

You inspire me Kace. I love you 🙂

Something that really stands out about last year:

Growing up, darling. That’s all 🙂

Something you like that everyone else thinks is weird:
Hannah Montana. She’s adorable! 🙂 And the Strawberry Shortcake cartoon. I loove Strawberry Land. haha:)

Something that makes you laugh every time it happens:
Nolan’s impersonations 🙂 I miss it!

Something that makes the problems in your life not seem so bad:
Joel Osteen’s Books. Inside Jokes. Ice Cream. Tortillos. 🙂

Something you do when you’re trying to calm down:
PRAY 🙂

Something you do when you wake up at three AM:
ANALYZE. I’M DOING THAT TOO MUCH!:)

Something you absolutely love about that Certain Person:

I don’t think I love him just yet but for the sake of it: I love his jokes. I love the fact that he’s so smart. I love the fact that he’s not my type. I love the way he runs his hair through his fingers. I love his smile– have you read all american girl? He has that David-type smile 🙂

Something amazing that’s happened this year:
I stopped being so bitter. I let go of past loves that did me no good and forgave people. Moving on. 🙂

Something you love doing on cold rainy days:
Reading good books, watching scary movies and go on a Dawson’s Creek marathon 🙂

Something you listen to when you’re in a really good mood:

Ne-yo. Taylor Swift. Old School Hits 🙂

Something that irritates you more than anything:
People who are so miserable about thier own lives that they want to spread the poison by spreading sh** about other people. Grow up and get a life.. please 🙂 And guys who assume too much, yeah grow up buddy 🙂

Something you’re addicted to/can’t stop doing:
TORTILLOS, PEPSI MAX AND SOFT ICE CREAM. THE BANE OF MY EXSISTENCE! SO BAD BUT SOO GOOD 🙂

Something you had to give up but didn’t want to:
COFFEE:(

Something that really stands out about you:
hmm.. my height? haha! 🙂

Something about you that’s like everyone else:
I have an awesome family 🙂

Something that really stands out about that Certain Person:

have you met him? EVERYTHING. HE’S PERFECT. Just don’t tell him that I said that 🙂

Something that makes you change the channel:

stupid noon time shows!! —urggg! 🙂

Something that really turns you off:
Assuming guys and “heartthrobs” –nothing mysterious about them 😛

Something that really turns you on:
Joshua Jackson’s smile and a guy who keeps running his hair through his fingers! 🙂 HAHA:)

Something that you always run into, trip over:
edge of the stairs…ALL THE TIME:)

Something you wish you could change about your life:

NO REGRETS HONEY:)

Something you think about every night before you go to sleep:
It depends. I usually reflect on my day but usually i’m too tired to even think 🙂 Or usually, I fall asleep praying 🙂

Something that you don’t think will ever change about you:
My ability to compromise 🙂

Something about you that you think will soon change:
My overwhelming jealousy. that’s changing :))

Something that broke your heart as a child:
My dad not wanting me to audition for ang tv :((

Something that really gets your attention:

Aura.

Something that truly disgusts you:
LIZARDS EWWWWWWWW

Something you wish that Certain Person would see in you:

the real reason why I pretend that he doesn’t exist.

Songs.

• You make me smile with that silly humor of yours
• I know when you enter the room and it doesn’t just make my knees go weak, but it makes my heart beat ten times faster.
• I love your jokes. It makes me laugh after you leave the room. (I’ll never admit that you make me laugh to the tips of my toes)
• I love the way you run your hands through your hair, it makes me see you as a kid and not some grown up who has accomplished so much.
• I love the way that you make me burst into a song after every time I see you.
• You remind me what it’s like to be a kid again and that’s something I’d appreciate for a long long time.