If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
You want to change the world
There’s nothing to it
Come with me
And you’ll be in a world of pure imagination
Take a look and you’ll see into your imagination
We’ll begin with a spin
Traveling in a world of my creation
What you’ll see will defy explanation
If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
You want to change the world
There’s nothing to it
Thre is no life i know
To compare with pure imagination
Living there you’ll be free
If you truly wish to be

I always read the first few chapters of this book called “forgive and forget, healing the hurts we don’t deserve” but I never got around to finishing it. (Sadly, Harry Potter seems more appealing to me at this point). But what I always remember from this book is that it taught me a thing or two about forgiving. We cannot forgive someone who has hurt us, but we can choose to let it go. Well, over the weekend that’s what I’ve done. You see inasmuch as the Lord has blessed me by sending me to SFC, the tyrants would always be there. By this, I mean the people who work day and night to piss me off. You see there is this one particular group at my school, a group I’ve never had conversations with and yet they loathe the sight of me. I have no idea for all this childish hatin’ and while venting out to my mom yesterday, I couldn’t help but feel a rage of anger. These people (oh how I wish I could say their names!) keep on belittling me and a friend of mine. Why? Well, maybe because they think we are not rich, pretty or popular enough. Whatever, this is not how I want to be judged. I don’t want to be judged based on my these superficialities, but then again I am not like most people (which is why I’m often classified as “odd”) but still rejection, whatever form and where it comes from, hurts. I was so mad and of course resorted to making sumbong to my much loved trust worthy friends, but then a conversation with Ces made me realize a few things.
The Lord has blessed me with so much. And despite a few setbacks, He Has manifested in my life and being mad at these people would only seem ungrateful. The Purpose Driven Life said that we should love the people who are “unlovable”. It’s the hardest thing in the world and I’m a far cry from loving them, but I am ignoring them. For the people who’ve known me and my temper when it comes to these things, they might find this impossible, but the Lord has changed me. I must admit, I am still ticked off by these people and I constantly think, “Who the hell are they to judge me?” but then I stop myself. I’d rather focus on the beauty that this life has offered me, I cannot have it all, but I’ll take whatever is given. To these girls who cannot help but dislike me, well, its your problem, not mine. I just hope that us not liking each other is enough, I hope you don’t go about and spread things about me, not that people would care to listen since we’re in COLLEGE. I just hope you live your “extravagantly” beautiful lives and leave me and my weirdness in our lonesome. I hope you find happiness, cause from my point of view that is what your life sourly lacks. Oh yeah, thank you because now I know how cruel people can truly be and yet despite that I stand strong. 🙂

I’ve been having dreams lately. A lot of them involving people from both the past and the present. Having people from my present doesn’t really scare me. What scares me is having people from the past. Having one particular person from my past haunt me. We’re friends now, which is how it should be. But for the past few days I’ve been caught in the middle of a web of ironies and coincidences and in a way, its pulling me back. The emotions im feeling right now are scaring me. I don’t want to get into something that could considerably hurt me again. I want to enjoy the company of my friends and family and take care of myself. I want to be with him, but if the Lord’s plan does not include Him, then I shall let go. For the past three years its been sucha mess and I’ve hurt people on the way as well. I just want to let go, I think we deserve better.
Speaking of people from my present. Its funny, three months have passed and I haven’t felt a wave of “ero” emotions (as Arvin puts it). But I must be honest, I’ve been attracted to someone and although its not harmful… it could be distracting. At the beginning of the year when I promised myself that I don’t want to involve myself anymore, I didn’t realize that I meant it. In as much as I would want to get lost again in a wave of emotions.. I stop myself because this time I’ve set my priorities and I know which comes first. Again, there goes the law of equilibrium. One must go up and one must go down, I’m willing to sacrifice my love life. And yes, the mush in me still believes that someday, when the time is right… My Prince in a white horse would come save me. Not that I need saving, but then again, that is another story. *wink*

Finals is finally over. Its been three days since my last Final and still I still haven’t fully recovered from it. It was a far cry from how finals were conducted before in my dear alma mater. It was so so different. It felt like a challenge, but I know that they only way I got through with it was because of the Lord’s strength. It was only because of Him that I was able to get through all the information into my head.
So first term is over. Three months just passed and it still feels like yesterday. I am now recharging by reading Harry Potter and the half blood prince (omg! I can’t stop reading! Hahaha) and watching watching watching (I so <3 <3 veronica mars… hahaha!), things I can’t spend much time on when the second term starts.
You know what? Its so important to be able to enjoy what you’re doing and call me a geek, but I so love studying.
Hahaha… 😉

The bells were ringing…
my world was spinning
my mind was frozen.
there has been a moment like this once before
and it didn’t end so well.



but I must admit, the feeling isn’t so bad,
its just scary that’s all.
i missed feeling this way.
it just scares the hell out of me.
something so beautiful,
eventually turns out ugly in the end.
so i’d turn away from this for now,
i’m not ready for that yet.

People always say that everyone has thier inner demon/rebel or however you may want to call it. Its inside everyone, even the nicest,sweetest and most adorable creatures on earth and unfortunatley… me.
Inasmuch as I try (empahsize on the word “try” please) to get along with everyone (even that witch who loathes me for no apparent reason acceptable), there’s still that “rebel” inside of me that’s screaming to get out. As a kid, I always found ways to release my inner rebel (punching my classmate’s eye using a cupcake, pulling my busmate’s hair and being called to the principal’s office every once and awhile).
I’m matured now but i must admit there are sill a lot of “peeves” that trigger my inner rebel to come out. I just realized that I can’t stand to be around people “I loathe”. I can never be plastic, if I hate you, it shows, but that doesn’t mean I go around hating people, that’s too pathetic. I hate for a reason (uhmmm…unlike…some witch who looks exactly like her broomstick…wahaha!) but eventually it goes away.
I can’t stay made long, but I cant repress my anger either. I say what I want and share my opinions no matter who’s listening.
I’m not sharing this because i’m proud of my inner rebel but im sharing it because antoher pet peeve of mine is when people take me for granted. I’m not a doormat and I’m not nice all the time.
I’m human… a real one at that.
*wink*

Lord, help me please;)

I think it was during our business math class that I innocently started surfing for people on friendster (how lame, i know hehehe) and I came across someone. That someone was interesting. Really interesting.
Ohwell…too late for that huh?

haha… its our math class and my classmates are reporting.
its math, do i even have to tell you that im
BORED?
nah not really;p

I know most of my past entries were really shallow. Nothing like my first blog. I don’t put in as much as I used to. I still write a lot though, just that I keep these thoughts to myself ( well actually my real journal keeps that.) And maybe its cause i’m super busy too. Too busy to just sit down and dwell on things.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t think things over anymore. I do, I just have different priorities right now. I mean how could I dwell on something so petty when i have six subjects to study for?! All of the information couldn’t fit in my brain anymore and I don’t want to stress myself more than I already am.
A lot has happened in my first term and i do mean a lot. I still get my moody hits. It comes every now and then, but its subtler this time. Instead of me freaking out everytime my moodiness comes, I just keep still and eventually i let it go.
I’ve grown up a lot. Its a good thing but growing up could be so boring. There’s a kid in me thats screaming to get out. I miss my kiddie self but at the same time so proud that I am where I am now.
I’m not a hypocrite, I must admit that I miss feeling “in love” (im not sure thou if i’ve ever been in love but the idea of it maybe). I miss having something to look forward to. But then again, reality is knocking on my door already. Its time for me to let go. I still visit it from time to time though, its just that right now i don’t have the time.
Growing up can be so…tiring. But the fruits of it is fun. Ahhh? What am I saying?
I have joy now. Meaning that it isn’t as fickle as my happiness. It’s always there. No matter how moody I get, its just there.
And that kind of balances everything out.
Kind of.
hhahahaha.