The entire week I have been asking myself whether or not, I should be mad, angry and bitter. Trust me when I say that I’ve been actually contemplating it. I’ve been contemplating to get mad at the world because it hasn’t been good to me.

But, I don’t think I have the right to do so because it’s treating my family right and you know me, as long as my family’s good I am.

The past three days has had its up and downs and I’ve come to realize that you can’t have everything.

There’s that whole understanding of equilibrium, one that I’ve come to know in my earlier days have resurfaced in my brain once again and I feel better.

Right now, I want to kick that person who said my tummy’s big. She said it to the entire class!

But then again, my best friend for ten years tell me to stop and I listen.

Darling, equilbrium.


All of a sudden, the world’s wonderful.

I’ll be okay.

“Oh, It’s taking so long,
I could be wrong,
I could be ready,
But if I take my heart’s advice,
I should assume, it’s still unsteady,
I am in repair
I’m not together
But I’m getting there”

******

Before I went to sleep last night, there was a billion and one thoughts buzzing into my head about what I should blog about, but when I got up this morning all those thoughts disappeared on me and I might be “blog-less” again for the first day of March.

But, hang on, the heavens are finally being good to me, because I remember one major thing that I really wanted to blog about late last night.


ENVY.

I watched The Prestige last night and at the beginning of the movie, it was a bit boring since I knew nothing about magic, but towards the end, I was so glad that I had the time to actually watch.

The movie evoked the consequences of envy, greed and jealousy.
It’s very dangerous and it tends to ruin the lives of those who are envious of other people.

A person who is filled envy is bound to make everyone miserable just because they are.

They badly want to have what the other person has that they don’t realize what’s right in front of them.

Somehow, they must always be better than everyone, than the person that they hate the most.

Hate is a powerful world.

But envy ruins things.

Other than destroying one’s self confidence, it ruins people’s relationships as well.

We must understand though, that envy doesn’t ruin other people’s lives as much as it ruins the person who’s filled with wrath.

Some people might think that by stealing one’s friend, boyfriend or material things, that person can be happy.

At the beginning of such distortion, maybe…

However, at the end of the day, when you lie in bed..

All you think of is that you’d never be satisfied and this is because you can never be the person you envy.

All you have is YOURSELF. And no matter how many partners you have, how many friends, how many achievements– you would never be truly happy unless you accept who you are.

No one can ask you to do that, no on can force you to do that.

I know it’s just nine in the morning and this is heavy stuff, but I hope it helps.

You see, envy doesn’t hit just the Cruella De Vils of the world, it hits everyone. It tries to destroy family relationships and what could be a good friendship.

Trust me, just like Anguier.

I went through it too.

It doesn’t do anyone, any good.

AT ALL.

Yesterday I wrote a really long entry about how a specific girl has been saying nasty things not just about me but also my family and my lovelife-which is pretty pathetic, because despite my huge admiration for Mark Wahlberg, Edward Burns, Roger Federer and of course, Leonardo Dicaprio, I don’t need a guy to complete me or my life. My life is just fine.

(BTW, I DELETED THE SAID ENTRY. JUST NOT WORTH IT)

In highschool it was pretty much peer pressure that pushed me to have a date for MY first prom night, but I learned my lesson early since I didn’t attend our final prom. It’s stupid to depend my life or the validation of who I am on a guy and it’s not conceit.

To set the record straight I am not sucha huge cynic and that I don’t entertain having guys in my life but my point is this: I’m not the type who would hate my life just because I don’t have a man who would love me and all those mushy stuff. Yes, it’s probably a good feeling and it might be a must for one to go through that even once..

BUT,

I won’t die just because a guy is not into me or whatever.

Sorry to say,

That’s pathetic.

I’ m not trying to be all out mean here. I enjoy it when my friends have lovelifes to speak of, but it’s never been an issue for me.

So, I guess that has not been an insult for me. No biggie.


Maybe someday, I’d meet someone but I’m not going to start living my life when he comes, if it happens, it happens.

And no, I’m not a sad girl because of that.

Also, if ever I do have one, I wouldn’t acutally parade them around or post a gazillion pictures of us on any of the “friends network” well because it’s MY LIFE and I don’t need to parade a guy around so people could see that I am worth someone’s attention.

Again, it’s not being so sure of myself.

I just know that the Lord is in me.

That’s worth being confident about. Don’t you think?

To those of you who have been nice enough to actually read my life’s nothingness, you would probably sick of hearing me say that I AM IN LOVE WITH ONE TREE HILL. I have been in love with the said show eversince I was fourteen and Nathan Scott has been my dreamboat from that time as well. I was determined to marry Nathan Scott.

Now, a lot has happened over the past eighteen years and I have come across different TV shows that I have come to love but not one show has ever come close to One Tree Hill.

Every season makes me fall for Tree Hill harder and I hope that when I finally come around to getting a boyfriend, I’m hoping that I’d have that same dedication as I have with Tree Hill.

Come on, it’s not everyday that you get excited over something or cry over something- happy tears, that is. Or constantly learn something new.

I guess the main reason why I wrote this article is due to the fact that I think my love for one tree hill is one of the metaphors to describe my would be lovelife.

Somehow, I guess, I am asking for a lot.

***
“Sometimes pain becomes such a huge part of your life that you expect it to always be there…because you can’t remember a time in your life when it wasn’t. But then one day you feel something else-something that feels wrong, only because it’s so unfamiliar. And in that moment you realize…you’re happy.”

“Happiness comes in many forms-in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else’s dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It’s okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be.”

“Have you ever wondered what marks our time here-if one life can really make an impact on the world or if the choices we make matter? Sometimes in order to move forward, you have to go back…in this case, just a few minutes.”

“Have you ever wondered what marks our time here-if one life can really make an impact on the world or if the choices we make matter? I believe they do. And I believe that one man can change many lives-for better or worse.”

“There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment who will you be? Will you let down your defenses and find solace in someone unexpected? Will you reach out? Will you face your greatest fears bravely or move forward with faith? Or will you succumb to the darkness in your soul?”

“Did you ever look at a picture of yourself and see a stranger in the background? It makes you wonder how many people have pictures of you, how many moments of other people’s lives we’ve been in. Were we part of someone’s life when their dream came true, or were we there when their dreams died? Did we keep trying to get in, as if we were somehow destined to be there? Or did the shot take us by surprise? Just think, you could be a big part of someone else’s life, and not even know it.”

“There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. Afraid. Confused. Without a roadmap. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days. Of course, when faced with the unknown, most of us would rather turn around and go back. But once in awhile people push on to something better-something found just beyond the pain of going it alone and just beyond the bravery and courage it takes to let someone in. Or to give someone a second chance.Something beyond the quiet persistence of a dream. Because it’s only when you’re tested that you discover who you truly are. And it’s only when you’re tested that you discover who you can be. The person you want to be does exist, somewhere on the other side of hard work, faith and belief, and beyond heartache and fear of what lies ahead.”

Stephen King wrote: Time takes it all. Whether you want it to or not, time takes it all away, time bares it away. And in the end, there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.

“At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just not facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world, six billion souls. And sometimes…all you need is one.” “Nathan, it’s been said that there’s one word that will free us from the weight and the pain of life. And that word is love. And I believe that. That doesn’t mean that it hasn’t been hard, or that it won’t be. It just means that I’ve found a stillness and a bravery in myself when I’m with you. You make me brave. And I will love you until the end of time. This I vow to you today.”

I’m going to find another you (hell yeah, I am!!)

It’s really over, you made your stand
You got me crying, as well as you planned
But when my loneliness is through, I’m gonna find another you

You take your sweaters
You take your
might have your reasons but you will never have my rhymes
I’m gonna sing my way away from blue
I’m gonna find another you

When I was your lover
No one else would do
If I’m forced to find another, I hope she looks like you
Yeah and she’s nicer too
So go on baby
Make your little get away
My pride will keep me company
And you just gave yours all away
Now I’m gonna dress myself for two
Once for me and once for someone new
I’m gonna do somethings you wouldn’t let me do
Oh I’m gonna find another you


Slow dancing in a burning room

It’s not a silly little moment
It’s not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dyin breath of
This love we’ve been workin on

Can’t seem to hold you like
I want to
So I can feel you in my arms
Nobody’s gonna come and save you
We pulled too many false alarms
We’re goin down
And you can see it too
We’re goin down
And you know that we’re doomed
My dear We’re slow dancing in a burnin room
I was the one you always dreamed of
You were the one I tried to draw
How dare you say it’s nothing to me
Baby, you’re the only light I ever saw
I’ll make the most of all the sadness
You’ll be a bitch because you can
You try to hit me just hurt me
So you leave me feeling dirty
Because you can’t understand
We’re goin down
And you can see it too
We’re goin down
And you know that we’re doomed
My dear
We’re slow dancing in a burnin room
Go cry about it why don’t you


Vultures
Some of us, We’re hardly ever here
The rest of us, we’re born to disappear
How do I stop myself from
Being just a number will I hold my head
To keep from going under
Down to the wireI wanted water but
But I’ll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I’ll come through
Like I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me,testing me
How did they find me here
What do they want from me
All of these vultures hiding
Right outside my door
I hear them whisperin
They’re tryin to ride it out
Cause they’ve never gone this long
Without a kill before
Down to the wireI wanted water butI’ll walk through the fire
If this is what it takes
To take me even higher
Then I’ll come throughLike I do
When the world keeps
Testing me, testing me, testing me
Wheels upI got to leave this evening
Can’t seem to shake these vultures
Off of my trail
Power is made, by power being taken
So I keep on running
To protect my situation

(Also listen to James Morrison -who is another genius)