Author: admin

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“Conquer Evil With Good”

I constantly ask myself and those unfortunate people around me when I’m in a foul mood, what’s wrong with the world. I often make a long list of ways that would make this world a better place but what I failed to realize is the fact that I, myself, should start the change.

So, I’ve been trying to:

a) shut up.
b) Not retaliate when people provoke me into fights.
c) Be kind to all human beings.

Last night, those resolutions sorta bombed, no thanks to guys who pick fights with girls.

I was totally totally pissed.

I kindda shouted that he was gay.

Good thing my mom pulled me away before I could kick his a**.

He was a guy who had nothing better to do in life than pick on girls.

Oh please with my boxing lessons and legs made of steel due to the five floors that I have to climb every single day.

I can take him anytime.

Bring it on.

But, I guess that dismisses the whole point of trying to conquer evil with good.

So now I kindda feel bad that I trounced the guy’s ego.

Really, I feel G-U-I-L-T-Y.
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Truth Of The Matter Is…

When I got to school today I didn’t find the gut feel to throw or trample every flower and/or chocolate that I saw and neither did I wear black and/or wore a frown on my face.

I am still disgusted over the fact that people commercialize V-day just to add profits. Okay, okay it’s my course and all, but seriously, isn’t Christmas so much better and more genuine?
I guess you really can’t blame those with special someone-s or be mad over the fact that that kind of love still exsists.
Not bad.

***
I hate multiply.
And just because people use it to show off and trash other people.
***
I love Hilary Duff!!!
I used to love Nicole Ritchie as much but it’s now a lesser kind of love because she stole Hilary’s first love, Joel Madden away.
***
I hate it when guys:
A) Flirt with you even if they’re attached
B) Brag about the exes
C) Brag abotu thier cars
D) Brag about the bars that they’ve been to
Ewwwwww…
A little intelligence please.
Enjoy the rest of the mushy day and if you’re heartbroken or just hate this day…
DON’T TURN ON YOUR RADIO:)

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OH BOY!! It’s THAT time of the year again!!!

And I am not talking about Christmas!!
I am proud to say that I am not obsessing about V-day this year, unlike last year. I haven’t actually noticed the fact that it would be V-day on Wednesday until I read the papers today.

However, it still annoyed me that everything was bout valentine’s day but I am no longer as cynical as I used to be. So allow me to be a bit mushy, okay?

I’m thinking of doing something nice for my parents and my baby brother and send messages to my friends but I would no longer wish and hope, wish and hope, wish and hope.

I am proud to say that I have stopped wishing on destiny. If there would be someone for me, he would appear… at the right time. I don’t have to look for him neither must I change myself and how I look because when he comes he’d like me for who I am and vice versa.

The journey of searching for love that happened three years ago has stopped. I no longer search for it, no longer do I cry over the fact that my crush-of-the moment hasn’t reciprocated my “love” for him. Hard to believe but I also stopped having crushes on REAL GUYS ( Roddick, Timberlake, Federer and my beloved, Dicaprio doesn’t really count), what’s the point of being useless on such useless thing?

This may be an embarrassing thing to say but there was a guy, who wasn’t from school, who I liked for such a long time and there was a time (erk) when I’d get up in the morning and feel so bad because he wasn’t interested. I never told him that I liked him though or did anything to make him feel that he’s special. But I’m the type of person who would just know if a guy doesn’t like me and for a very painful year that consumed my life.
It was stupid.
It was stupid to base my happiness on just that.
The Lord took away the emotions because I asked him to, that person was definitely not for me and He made me realize that.

Maybe that’s the reason why I am not cynical anymore, instead, I’m celebrating because you know what?

I create my own happiness and never again would I depend on a man to make me happy. I can do that on my own, my family can do that for me.

The Lord can do that for me.

And that my friend, is definitely worth smiling about.

Hope you find something to smile about too this week.

Have a great mushy week!:)
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SERIOUSLY??????

DEAR GIRLS (a boy’s comeback)
-taken from Sandie Low

1. Guys hate sluts.
2. “Hey, are you busy?” or “Are you doing something?” ~ two phrases guys open with to stop from stammering on the phone.
3. Guys may be flirting around all day but before they go to sleep, they always think about the girl they truly care about.
4. Before they call, guys try to plan out a little about what they want to say so there aren’t awkward lapses in between the conversation, but once he’s already on the phone and hears her voice— he’s screwed.
5. Guys go gaga over a girl’s smile.
6. Guys will do anything just to get you to notice him.
7. Guys hate it when you talk about your ex-boyfriends or ex love-interests. Unless they’re goin for the let-her-complain-to-you-and-then-have-her-realize-how-wonderful-and-nice-you-are method, he doesn’t wanna have anything to do with the brother.
8. A guy who likes you wants to be the only guy you talk to.
9. Boyfriends need to be reassure that they’re still loved.
10. Don’t talk about your guy friends to your boyfriend.
11. Guys get jealous easily.
12. Guys are more emotional than they’d like people to think.
13. Giving a guy a hanging message like “You know what?!..uh…never mind..” would make him jump to a conclusion that is far from what you are thinking. And he’ll assume he did something wrong and he’ll obsess about it trying to figure it out.
14. Guys are good flatterers when courting but they usually stammer when they talk to a girl they really like.
15. Guys hate asking parents for money to buy girls presents. So they come up with ideas like saving their lunch money for a week. But it never works because guys are always hungry so they end up asking the parents for money anyway.
16. Girls are guys’ weaknesses.
17. Guys are very open about themselves.
18. It’s good to test a guy first before you trust him. But don’t let him wait too long.
19. Your best friend, whom your boyfriend seeks help from about his problems with you may end up being admired by your boyfriend.
20. If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don’t need to give advice.
21. A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you.
22. Guys love you more than you love them if they are serious in your relationships.
23. Guys will brag about anything.
24. Guys use words like hot or cute to describe girls. We rarely use beautiful. If a guy uses that, he likes you.
25. Guys think WAY too much. One small thing a girl does, even if she doesn’t notice it can make the guy think about it for hours, trying to figure out what it meant.
26. Guys seek for advice from girls not other guys. Because most guys think alike, so if one guy’s confused, then we’re all confused.
27. Any guy could write out a rulebook or advice book for flirting, but no guy can write out a book about relationships.
28. Try to be as straightforward as possible.
29. A guy has to experience rejection, because if he’s too-good-never-been-busted, never been in love and hurt, he won’t be mature and grown up.
30. If the guy does something stupid in front of the girl, he will think about it for the next couple days or until the next time he spends time with the girl.
31. No matter how much guys talk about asses and boobs, personality is key.
32. Guys learn from experience not from the romance books that girls read and take as their basis of experience.
33. Guys worry about the thin line between being compassionate and being whipped.
34. If a guy looks unusually calm and laid back, he’s probably faking it and is spazzing inside.
35. When a guy says he is going crazy about the girl, he really is. Guys rarely say that.
36. When a guy asks you to leave him alone, he’s just actually saying, “Please come and listen to me.”
37. Guys don’t really have final decisions.
38. If a guy starts to talk seriously, listen to him. It doesn’t happen that often, so when it does, you know something’s up.
39. If your best guy friend seems to avoid you or is never around when you’re with your boyfriend, he’s probably jealous and likes you.
40. When a guy looks at you for longer than a second, he’s definitely thinking something.
41. Guys like femininity not feebleness.
42. Guys don’t like girls who punch harder than they do.
43. A guy has more problems than you can see with your naked eyes.
44. Don’t be a snob. Guys can be intimidated and give up easily.
45. Everything in moderation. Put on makeup, wear perfume. Just not too much.
46. Guys talk about girls more than girls talk about guys. ( N0T P0SSiBLE l0l )
47. Guys hate rejection, but they hate being led on even more.
48. Guys really think that girls are strange and have unpredictable decisions and are MAD confusing but somehow are drawn even more to them.
49. A guy would give his left nut to be able to read a girl’s mind for a day.
50. No guy can handle all his problems on his own. He’s just too stubborn to admit it.
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You’re Making My Heart *Melt*

(Will not post a video for this entry because it’s kindda weird to have five songs blaring on one entry, the point is totally lost on that one)

JESSE MCCARTNEY IS NOT GAY!

I shouldn’t love you but I want to
I just can’t turn away
I shouldn’t see you
but I can’t move
I can’t look away
I shouldn’t love you but
I want to
I just can’t turn away
I shouldn’t see you
but I can’t move
I can’t look away
And I don’t know how to be fine when I’m not
‘Cause I don’t know how to make a feeling stop
[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feeling’s taking control of me
And I can’t help it
I won’t sit around, I can’t let him win now
Thought you should knowI’ve tried my best to let go of you
But I don’t want toI just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know
It’s getting hard to be around you
There’s so much I can’t say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way
And I don’t know how to be fine when I’m not
‘Cause I don’t know how to make a feeling stop
[Chorus]
This emptiness is killing me
And I’m wondering why I’ve waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I’m waiting here…been waiting here

NELLY DOES IT AGAIN.. FURTADO THAT IS

In the day
In the night
Say it all
Say it right
You either got it
Or you don’t
You either stand or you fall
When your will is broken
When it slips from your hand
When there’s no time for joking
There’s a hole in the plan
Oh you don’t mean nothing at all to me
No you don’t mean nothing at all to me
Do you got what it takes to set me free
Oh you could mean everything to me
I can’t say that I’m not lost and at fault
I can’t say that I don’t love the light and the dark
I can’t say that I don’t know that I am alive
And all of what I feel I could show
You tonite you tonite
From my hands I could give you
Something that I made
From my mouth I could sing you another brick that I laid
From my body I could show you a place God knows
You should know the space is holy
Do you really want to go?

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE<3>
(SONG’S TOO LONG but I still love it! i’ll just enter the most touching lyrics *wink)

Don’t want to think about it
Don’t want to talk about it
I’m just so sick about it
Can’t believe it’s ending this way
Just so confused about it
Feeling the blues about it
I just can’t do without ya
Tell me is this fair?
Is this the way it’s really going down?
Is this how we say goodbye?
Should’ve known better when you came around
That you were gonna make me cryIt’s breaking my heart to watch you run around’
Cause I know that you’re living a lie
That’s okay baby ’cause in time you will find…
What goes around, goes around, goes around
Comes all the way back around

What goes around, goes around, goes around


And the song that really does make my spine tingle

It’s all good,like I could
finally be the one who gets to win
.It’s so real,how I feel
ever since I let you in.
Does it get any better than this?
We’re into something beautiful.
Bein’ with you’s as good as it gets.
It doesn’t get any better…

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The Stupid Of The Month Award Goes To…

All the craziest things happened over the weekend. Which is really weird if you ask me.
Some of them are ultra negative (if you read the papers and watched the game last Sunday, then you probably know why) and are not worth my free blog space at all.

As I write this, I am still wondering if I should write it down since it’s not exactly the smartest experience that all of 20 of us have gone through but still it was just spankin’ hilarious that I couldn’t help but share it with the world (Ate Cheska, SORRY!)

The entire month of January, my family, my extended family and I were utterly excited over the fact that our little angel’s yaya would be on deal or no deal.

I mean SERIOUSLY, WOULDN’T YOU BE JUMPING for joy over the fact that:

A) You’ll be on national television

B) Have all those snooty girls see you and be your friend the next day

C) Get to see “THE” Kris Aqunio *aheomw*

D) The prospect that you’d get the million

E) Choosing the briefcase is damn cool

F) You’ll be seen on national television

So, for the rest of the month, everyone was excited, picking out clothes to wear and all of the fuss included when you wold appear on national TV.

Finally February 05 arrived and we were all so excited that we forgot to think if this whole thing was real or not.

Maybe, i’m getting excited. So i’ll tell the ENTIRE STORY using a timetable to make it an easy read.

9:30 AM: I wake up, eat cereal and watch Cold Case. Still groggy from coming home at around two from the dinner after the game.

10:00: Attempt to work out.

10:07: Give up and watch Cold Case again.

11:15: Mother asks me to get ready

11:20: Fell asleep watching Cold Case. (Danny Pino is still hot though)

11:30: Mother forces me to get up and get dressed. In my mind “ABS, here we come” and constantly choose what briefcase to open first (my choice: 25)

12:00: Arrive at Tita Martiess’ house which is jampacked with people who looked mighty fine. The reason why is because yaya said that there should be twenty people, no more, no less according to the Deal people.

12:30: Eat a GREAT lunch, Ate Cheska said that shuttle would arrive around 3:30

Stupid MIstake One: Someone must have questioned the shuttle thing but instead everyone was too busy getting pretty.

1:00-3:00: Spent playing with Pipay, fixing my hair, clothes etc, playing with pipay, fixing myself (face paint: itch, itch, itch!) and then playing with pipay again.
Around 2:45, I gave up.
I played with Pipay and stopped fixing myself. The routin was tiring!

3:15: Me, Mom, Carl, Cat and Ate Cheska: “Nasaan na ya?”
Yaya “calls” ABS people: “Skyway na daw”

3:30: Still no sign of ABS shuttle bus, make up is melting.

4:00: still no sign. *Sigh*

4:30: Mystery guard calls, ABS is arriving!! Hell Yeah!!!
Tita Lolit’s worried, taping allegedly starts at 5. Oh no!

5:00: After standing outside of Cat’s house for thirty minutes, we realize that maybe.. they’re not in the village at all.

5:15: I fall asleep in Tita Martiess’ room and Ate Cheska frantically calls ABS for the fear that we would be late.

5:30: No Deal Or No Deal Taping on Mondays and no girl by the name of Madel Ortea, who was said to be the “talent coordinator”

5:45: Mom calls Tita Cathy and Tito Epoy.

Not true to the shuttle.
Not true to the twenty people must join.
Not true to the extra thousand bucks if we exceed twenty people.
No deal Or NO Deal tapings on Mondays.

6:00-7:00: Everyone freaks out( yes all twenty of us). Someone is up to something. (We have a theory who’s the culprit, but NO, I’m not yet saying who. Pray that she gets the kick before she creates more damage).

7:00: Finally everyone calms down. Carl, Cat, Ate Cheska and I go to Makati Supermarket.
We ended up cooking and making Gin Pomelo.

8:00-9:00: Ultimate bonding with the twenty or more people at Tita Maritess’ house. We ate, sang and laughed the night away and the entire experience.

So, I guess all’s well that ends well since we managed to be friends with twenty strangers. New friends are always welcome.

However, someone’s up to something and that is NOT COOL at all.


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The Big B

My newspaper day is Friday. Of course I read the newspaper every single day, especially last week when the Australian open was happening (boo delayed telecast!!). But Fridays are different, ever since I was a little girl, I would wait for Friday to come so I could read the Young Star Section which at that time was the only section that I could understand. However, now that I am 18 and almost an adult (elk), I’ve started reading more compelling articles in the other sections but still Friday is still very close to my heart. The writers have come and gone but a few favorites have emerged such as Michelle Katigbak and Francesca Ayala. Their articles yesterday were both very close to home, but I choose Ms. Ayala’s article to write about today.

For one thing, we’ve gone through the same thing.

Losing friends to betrayal, that’s what The Big B means: Betrayal. The article has come at the right time for me because I have been thinking about betrayal ever since I read about what Oprah’s sister did to her for $19,000!! It’s tricky really because most people don’t know when they have crossed the line when it comes to betrayal. Everyone always has some sordid excuse when it comes to doing something inhumane. After they’ve broken a trust, they go on and pretend that its okay, it happens that doesn’t make them a bad person.

I’ve lost so much in my life due to betrayal, ex friends spreading nasty things about me. Friends who go behind my back and steal my crush-of-the-moment, Lance Bass pretending to be straight, or just friends stopping to be friends without any smart reason why.

I have encountered all of these things that I don’t know if I can take so much anymore. The answer is: Betrayal is always present; it’s always lurking around friendships, family and relationships. It doesn’t stop; it just goes on and on and on. My question is, if it’s ever so present, how can one ever handle it?

If I had an answer to that then I’d probably not be writing this entry right now. The closest that I could get to answering that one is by staying away from people, by no longer trusting people with my heart and sincere friendship.

But, what kind of life would I have if that ever happens?

Meaningless.

Again, I’m stumped with an answer. Any form of betrayal cuts through the heart.

But then again: Whatever Doesn’t Kill You Really Does Make You Stronger.

So maybe after all these nonsense stops, I’d get the answer to my question because experience is also the best teacher!
Haha. Clichés all the way.

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Me and Anorexia

No, this is not a hard hitting confession of how much I want to get over anorexia and who to blame for my so-called disease.

This is me talking about an issue that I’ve been bothered about for the longest time.

You see in highschool, I didn’t even know what anoreixa was or maybe I did since I am a huge fan of Karen Carepenter and I knew that she died because of it. But I never gave it a second thought, I assumed that not a lot of girls suffered from such disease and only superstars or top models. I only got interested because after I shed off the baby fat, everyone started calling me bulimic, anorexic or a drug addict (who me? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?). Another reason why I was so interested was because news about girls getting killed or is suffering from anorexia/bulimia were an everyday thing already. This time it weren’t just models or superstars, it was your everyday teenagers like you and me.

Another thing that shocked me was the fact that these girls troubled by such diseases are getting younger and younger. There was a nine year old girl who only ate paper because she wanted to be full but didn’t want to gain weight. The episode of Tyra Banks showcased girls who were all below eleven and who were all afraid that they weren’t skinny enough. These little girls were quoted saying that they’d rather have prominent ribs than have fat thighs and these are mostly SEVEN YEAR OLDS!!!

I was appalled. I am concerned about this issue but I’m not a hypocrite.

YES, I worry about my weight.
YES, I hate being called fat
AND
YES, there was a time that I wasn’t eating.

This is the reason why I am upset with all these young girls who are trying to be thin. It takes so much from you. It robs you of your joy which is all you really needed in the first place in order to feel and be beautiful. It’s a psychological thing wherein you wouldn’t love yourself unless you’re at this size and this weight.

It’s fatal. Not just physically but emotionally and everything else that makes up a person.

Especially a little child.

I heard a stupid thing the other day, one top supermodel said that the reason girls suffer from anorexia is because they have weak families. Now, that is true. Girls who do not have support systems easily find it hard to cope with stress and pressures.

This was the stupid thing that she said, “Girls are striving to be thin not because of media, it’s because of thier families!”

Seriously?????????????????????????????

I know she has a point, but I’m quite missing it.

Bottom line is at the end of the day, all you have is yourself.
Not the people who tell you you’re fat or the people who tell you that you’re too thin.

At the end of the day, it’s just YOU and no one else.

When you get sick, these negative critics won’t be there, they also wouldn’t be crying for you when you die.

It’s just you and your family. The people you love and who love you geninuely.

Not a boyfriend or a friend who constantly comment on how you look.

You can’t change yourself. You can’t constantly say that once society has learned to accept bootylicious women, that’s when you’d stop not eating.

Change comes from within. If you accept who you are then you’d live in a better place.

I know for some, it’s a sensitive issue.

But I’m writing this because I was once close to being the anorexic girl.

I want to save you from that, because if someone saved me, I wouldn’t be as unhappy as I was before.

(disclaimer: I was never a hard hitting anorexic and/or bulimic. I was close to it, but thank God my family was there, if not… I’d rather not think about that.)

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Music, Freedom and frightening weird thoughts.




Have you ever had that feeling of having like ten thousand butterflies relased in your stomach?

I have been having that feeling all day long. I also feel like throwing up and crying all at once which is really the craziest thing I have ever experienced. I have had the weak knees before and the whole world stopping but this feeling is sensational.

Extremely weird and scary at the same time. It’s as if I want to cry and explain whatever this feeling is but I can’t. There are goosebumps all over my body and I really want to tell people about it, but again, I can’t. I don’t want to jinx it (knock on wood), neither do I want to tell people about this so called stupidity. It’s so far from the truth that I don’t want to depend on it but I can’t help it.

Not that it’s a bad feeling because it’s not. But I am not the type to depend on such things. I’ve always been realistic and this is so far from who I am and my beliefs. When it comes to my feelings, I easily get dissapointed. This too shall pass, I know that. But it’s good to write about these things and look back when I finally have my insanity back. But, I tell you, this has been my most genuine entry yet about these specific topic. I always try to stay away from it.

***

As I was going about my daily alone time, I got this fascinating realization about music. I just came to realize that in as much as I have nothing in common with the gods of Hollywood, I actually have on which is music. It’s so surreal to think that the Leonardo DiCaprio could be possible enjoying Dave Matthews Band like me. I guess you get the picture. It’s not really such a big thing but ohwell, it can still make me tingle, you know?

***

I was walking to my International Marketing Class earlier and I was quite surprised to not find that malignant feeling of dread in me. I was walking slower and I was no longer looking at my toes as I was walking. That was the way that I used to walk. Suddenly, I could go about without thinking, “Gad, do I look like a dork in this?

I finally shrug off the feeling of not being perfect enough, not being nice enough…

I was suddenly out of the Lion’s Den that I made for myself. I am finally living in a world that I approve of. I got sick of trying to figure out why people say nasty things about me, why my so-called friends left me and turned thier backs on me and why I don’t have a boyfriend.
I just got tired of thinking of such things and decided to live.
Ths doesn’t mean that I’ll be hanging out at some bar and drink myself to capulate the whole live thing, this world has got things twisted, you know?
I just want to think of the ones that I love and who for some foreign reason, love me back.
I just want to live again.
The dead feeling is finally gone.