It has been four days since school and I am bored to bits.

There is absolutely nothing to do. On days like these I wish that I didn’t finish the entire season of one tree hill in just one sitting (I made it sound like food). I’m starting to watch supernaturnal but I guess I am going to consume that in one sitting too. Hohum. Both guys are hot though. haha:-)

I really really miss school. Hmph!:)

Okay. That statement would now seal my singleness.

Okay, this is just weird just before I logged on to blogger, I actually had a lot of things to write about and when I sat down in front of the computer, pooft! all ideas just went down the drain. It must be the freakin weather, its damaging my brain.
***

“stay smart, stay single”

I was going around the mall earlier and I just saw a shirt that said this on display and I wanted to grab it right away… only I didn’t have money so never mind. Next time, I hope. Anyway, that shirt made me think though. Is being single really the smart way to go about it?

I must admit that despite my cynical nature, I do get mushy every once in awhile. Especially after seeing Naley and DunVe (that’s nathan and haley, veronica and duncan for all of you non tvholiocs such as myself) on the tube, i just want to cry and say, “when would I ever have that???”

I’m actually proud of myself that I have gotten past the stage wherein I wanted someone JUST BECAUSE EVERYONE HAD ONE. Instead, I’m in that stage wherein I realized that these relationships actually take time and take more than just oogly eyes and red roses on a bad day. It actually means sharing all of your life’s details with someone else, something I find very unnerving since I’m very obsessive about MY schedule. I cannot have a boyfriend and just drop him if I don’t have the time for it (haha, insensitive beeyotch). HE would be a part of my life and everything would change, shift or alter even if in just a minusicule way.

But that doesn’t mean, I don’t think or wish for it every once in awhile because I do. NO matter how tough I am and how wicked ass my comments are about relationships, I am human after all and I do get caught up in human emotions.

Not that I’m ALONE, I have enough people to last me a lifetime. BUT, there’s the end of the day part. There’s also the time wherein everyone would have someone and I’d have NO ONE.

scary. I know. and PATHETIC.

but as i’ve said, a little honesty about THAT wouldn’t kill me…

but i guess the macroeconomics midterm would.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Sometimes when you’re caught in a jiffy and stuck in depression, you somehow wait for something major to pull you out of it. SOMETHING SO BIG that you’d start thinking, “That’s why everything was going so bad before this, this is the answer to all of that crap”. Like some law of cosmic karma owes us anything.

But more often than not, what brings in the light is not the BIG MAJOR things but the small ones. The small ones that are done out of the goodness of one’s heart. The goodness that doesn’t cause the world to go, “aww, that’s so nice of you”. The ones that most people forget of.

That’s the kind of goodness/kindness that could pull you out of the dark hole. The hope that maybe, despite the crumminess of this unfair and unjust life, there’ s still good people out there and that the only way that could help you out of it would be sharing the goodness too.

Its so much easier to BITCH AROUND PEOPLE you don’t LIKE but it feels better to actually just try to be nice. I’ve realized that in order for one to be truly in bliss, it would be better to stop trying to CONTROL PEOPLE and how they act towards you. Its so much better to just LET THEM BE. If they treat you right, THANK YOU. If not, then that’s thier problem.

“People are only mean when they’re threatened” -Morrie Schwartz

The world has its drama. Everyone has a story to tell, but hardly anyone wants to listen. Everyone wants to talk. I may be a talkative nut who speaks a thousand words a minute, but if the situation calls for it. If its needed to listen. I do listen.

And because of these little things, I realized that i’m HAPPIER.

To begin with, i’ll say this:
i HATE, LOATHE and DESPISE goodbyes.
My sister had to go home last Sunday and it really broke my heart:-(
I think the whole airport scene just blew me away.
I miss my ate:-(
***
Anyway, I was supposed to write this entire entry about how I would rather be better rather than bitter, but I never got around to doing it simply because of this mundane fact:
I had three midterms this week and one of them I have to do later.
Kill me now, will you? HAHAHA.
***
Even if I say that I am not making a big deal out of me being 18 and LEGAL. I actually am. Last Saturday I actually went inside a liquior store and pointed at the sign about not allowing minors and shouted to my dad and younger brother, “I AM LEGAL NOW. THESE GUYS WOULDN’T THROW ME OUT”

My brother and dad wanted to crawl under the grocery bags that they were holding. But I didn’t care. I was so proud of myself. I’m 18!!!!!!!!!!

Without a license though because my dad says how can he trust me with driving if I get lost in grocery stores?

Good point.
***
Despite my busy schedule I just couldn’t stop but finish tree hill’s third season. i LOVED it, except for the fact that haley and nathan are so into each other. it HURTS. Haha. I am sucha wacko but it was a good season. I can’t wait for the next one. YAY!

“It isn’t the the great big pleasures that count the most. It’s making a great deal out of the little ones” -Jean Webster




for more pictures:
unauthorized.multiply.com
-Yes, I’ve updated it after forever. Haha.:-)

Would you believe that I’m hitting the big 1-8 in less than five hours? I should feel oh so grown up already. I’m legal in less than five hours and yet I don’t feel 18ish AT ALL. I feel more like 13 rather than 18. In some aspects of my life, I’m totally grown up. I mean its scary that I know what I SHOULD be doing a year from now and I KNOW what I should be doing and what I should NOT be spending time on. THE BORING side of life I think I pretty much got it covered. The FUN side, now that’s something I need to work on. My idea of fun so far consists of barney, tv shows (new favorite, GREY’S ANATOMY) and lotsa books, blogging and basketball. Other than that, I think i’m stuck in toddler world. BUT that’s okay, since I’m finally confident with who I am and all that self actualization crap and besides, I’m already smart mouthed enough, its enough to piss people off.

***
So, how did I spend the weekend before my big 1-8?

WASTED…

and dehaydrated and SICK.
No, I didn’t go drinking (was supposed to go with my sister, damn virus!) instead I was stuck at home because of the flu that has been going around since last week.

I was getting chills all of Friday and Saturday night. Getting sick isn’t funny. Especially when your parents think that the reason you’re sick is because you’re anorexic. Told you it isn’t funny because they force you to eat the entire weekend which I think adds more to my being sick than helping me recover.

For the first time in my college career, I was absent. That got me really depressed. BOO!
***
NO expectations for my 18th. I’m just happy to be alive and not anorexic. Haha.:-)
I’M ALVIE. TO more birthdays. CHEERS!

Its sucha cliché, I know. Just today, I read two articles on the very same topic but that doesn’t stop me from writing down my own version of the topic. To begin with, the movie was cute. Batman Begins and Spiderman still top my superhero movie list, but Superman makes one amazed simply because he can stop anything and do anything he wants. Not to mention, that there is now a superboy existing and Lois Lane, no matter what she does is in love with the man of steel. If that isn’t worth gushing over then I don’t know what is.

We need superman simply because the idea of him just makes everything else more bearable. As if it gives us that sort of hope, that when things turn dire, there would be someone to save us from it. That if run out of options, there would be that majestic hero to sweep us of our feet and rescue us, making everything okay.
HOWEVER, if you have seen the movie, you would realize that Superman isn’t as super as we all would like to think. Kryptonite isn’t his only weakness, there’s also Lois Lane, SuperBoy and his biological father. He was hurt by Lois Lane moving on and was hurt when he couldn’t contact his father anymore. NO matter how powerful superman is, even his super powers that everyone wishes to have couldn’t protect him from normal human emotions that we all humans feel.

We need superman to save us from wars, accidents and other things that could harm us physically. But I guess, what we never realized is this: Superman could never save us from the emotional hurt that we all go through every once in awhile. Physical pain, we can easily get over it but the emotional ones, the only person who can save us from all the emotional pain is ourselves and no one else. Even superman himself couldn’t save himself from all the emotional crap he was going through.

So, I guess we do need superman these days since violence is spurting everywhere and the world has indeed been cruel, but we must remember that we ourselves our superheroes in our own right. We all have things to deal with and we get through them a little bruised and hurt but nonetheless OKAY. That is super enough for me. Surviving each hurt and moving on is something that we do ourselves. So the next time that you feel the need to call on Superman because you’re caught in a jiffy, take a deep breath, pray for God’s strength, remember the other jiffies you’ve been through and you’ll realize that with or without Superman, each problem would be solved.

Unless of course you’re falling from a building- now that’s a totally different story.

I must be really old fashioned or totally out of date, but excuse me from saying this:
“I don’t get the friends with benefits deal”.
I mean, when my friends get into it, I respect thier decisions, but that doesn’t mean that I actually get what they’re trying to do. It’s pretty much like how Ellie felt about it when Peyton told her about the whole friends with benefits deal. Its kindda surprising to me, but saying that makes me feel like I’m 50 and not soon to be 18. I should understand these things and embrace them, but its all to huge of a deal for me, I don’t think I can simply let it go.

I understand being friends first, but making out and sleeping with someone without having to commit is pure BS to me. These things are precious and the least that you could ask from your partner is their commitment. Guys, I could probably understand, but girls? Its in our nature to be jealous and demand more from our partners- commitment being one of them. I know, even if these girls try to conceal beneath the new trend in dating, they could never conceal the hurt and the agony they go through every time their new friends with benefits partner is friends with benefiting with someone else. Relationships require time and a certain amount of responsibility, its not something you try on and leave hanging.

Girls deserve more than this friends with benefits crap. If a guy couldn’t give you commitment, then he isn’t worth anything at all. Its better to know your worth and make sure that you get what you deserve. I know, sounding preachy again, but please I for one, don’t spend all the time looking good and looking okay just so some guy could come up to me and suggest the whole friends with benefits thing. I couldn’t give up something I’ve been saving for someone who wouldn’t give me the time of the day unless he needs it.

if i wasn’t so computer dumb, i would edit haley’s picture OUT OF THERE and replace it with MY picture. HA. nathan is HOT even when he’s half a picture. heehee:-)