I think i’ve said it a couple of times that despite my tough exterior, what other people say about me still have the tendency to hurt me. There are still people who have nothing to do but rant about other people’s lives and make sure that they put other people down just to feel good about themselves. Its a NEVER ENDING CYCLE. What I never realized though is this: EVERYONE IS GOING THROUGH THE SAME SHIT TOO. I don’t think I have the right to go on and on about how bad people are treating me since everyone experiences the same thing. It IS sad but you have to learn to fight against the system and let go of the things that only weigh you down. That’s the only way to go about it, no other way.

Sink or Swim.

Boo those people. I know who i am and that should be enough

1) I’m sick right now. It must be some virus lurking around because all my friends have it too.
2) I haven’t given up coffee. That is the one thing that I CANNOT give up-ever!
3) According to my dad, I am becoming irrationally masungit. I don’t get it though, I’m just not a morning person since I do a million and one things and I want them all to be done before my eleven forty five class on mondays and tuesdays. Being a dumb oc has its disadvantages.
4) I miss basketball. I seriously do. I miss cheering and red bull is in the finals again. Tell me where the justice in that is?!
5) Accounting sucks but i have to work on it more. But that’s alright. Its a challenge.
6) I have ZERO crushes. I swear, its like the first time in 6 months that I don’t find anyone cute or appealing. Maybe, I’ve been burned by arrogant and rude guys too much. barney still rules though.
7) I’m turning 18 in a week… but it feels like i’m just turning 13. I’m not a girl, not yet a woman. Eewww.
8) Inasmuch as I hate to admit it, I believe that I am evolving and I’m changing. I don’t know if that’s a good thing, I hope it is. Its just that I’m finally more comfortable with who I am and more carefree. I think i’m over the people pleasing stage. Boy am I glad.
9) I guess my dad’s right. I am being irrationally masungit, only because suddenly all the schoolwork is piled up. Its annoying, one week nothing to do, the next they bombard you with a million and one things. boo.
10) I’m less critical.. of myself and everyone else.
11) I’m in my law class right now and I can’t see what the teacher is writing on the stupid white board from where I am seated. Garr.
12) Accomplishing one accounting worksheet takes 1 hour and a half for me. Can you say UHOH?
13) my sister and i get along and i LOVE it.
14) it sucks that my youngest brother is more mature and taller than i am.
15) i miss my kuya.
16) guys are jerks. ARROGANT jerks. boo.
17) sam milby’s cute. i like him. haha
18) shit, i don’t believe i just said that. that is such a cliche so much for being an individualist.
19) i have to find time to read hypocrite in a pouffy white dress. it looks so good.
20) maybe…just maybe.i no longer believe in destiny anymore.

Since my sister’s here, we introduce her to a lot of people and take her to a lot of places. And one of the people that we introduced her to today is my my parents’ “kumare” (what a filipino term huh?!). Apparently, she’s a director… to make the long story short, i met sam milby. I really didn’t make sucha big deal out of it until I was face to face with him. And right there and then my heart melted and the world stopped.

Embarassing as it may sound (i am going to hang myself after this entry) I was STARSTRUCK! Ain’t that tad too embarassing to admit? BUT he’s so pretty…LOOK.

he was SO nice and so pretty. i’m in LOVE. really i am. heehee. this was actually a group picture but since we were next to each other, i had to crop it. haha. embarassing noh?
me gushing over mr. big brother.

now that i confessed my ETERNAL kabaduyan with the world, i can go hang myself:)

I promised myself when I got up this morning that I would take so many pictures my phone would just scream “STOP”. That’s what i told myself this morning but its around eight o’clock pm already and I just realized that I only took a total of four pictures. SO much for so much. haha:-)

Before I begin, look at this. Cool huh? its like the first time that i had my nails done that wasn’t in the color of platinum or beige-y. My mom always chose the color for me, but THANKS to my ate, I got this color. Cute noh?

I’ve just been having so much fun since my ate got here. You see when I visited her about three years ago, we really didn’t get along that well yet. It was one of those sister things but now i’m so surprised we get along so well and i just realized how much fun it would be if she just lived her permanently or vice versa. She’s actually teaching me how to dress up less geekee (another word I made up haha) and be a little more carefree about life. And we don’t just talk about clothes, make up and shoes, we talk about LIFE. And its amazing to think that we share a lot of things in common and we go through the same shitty stuff. Oh and now I know another person who is as addicted to starbucks as I am. 🙂

Sometimes, I just don’t understand myself. I know I’m moody but that doesn’t make me heartless. Infact, most of the time,I’m too caught up taking care of other people’s feelings that I forget about my own. Maybe its just my sleepy state and i’m not sure if these feelings or thoughts are even worth validating but ill write them down anyway (that’s what this site is for anyway,right?).

Everyone’s changing and I’m getting left behind OR

everyone’s evolving together EXCEPT ME.

I’m probably caught up in my own way of growing up or im just too self absorbed to realize that everyone else is doing something else. Its kindda confusing but I’M PISSED. I always get left behind, its not even funny anymore.

“sometimes i wish i could be a little kid again, so when life gets tough you can play pretend.. i wanna go back to when santa did exist. when daddy was the only boy you ever kissed. when disney world was the best place to be. when the only movies you watched were rated G. when your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn`t change and all your friends were the same. and everytime you were sad or you had a bad day you could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. when the best place to shop was toys R us. when it was just scary to ride the bus. before you ever had a broken heart and pain of being in love just didn`tstart. i wanna go back to no hurt and no pain. just laughter AND WHEN EVERY0NE LiVES HAPPiLY EVER AFTER”

I had an enormous gradeschool crush on one of those super guy, you know thier kind- chiseled. good looking and the prototype of the “perfect guy” a.ka. SUPERMAN.

Liking my own version of superman brought about my inner Lois Lane in the sense that I was too dazzled with SUPERMAN, that I didn’t realize that he was probably just an CLARK KENT underneath.

BUT TO BE HONEST…. SUPERMAN HE WASN’T. HE WAS ACTUALLY FAR FROM IT.

I do get giddy though whenever we talk and all the things that come along with the normal infatuation but trust me once all the superficiality is gone (it lasts for ten minutes-tops) NOTHING’S THERE.

Our conversations simply didn’t make me THINK and I didn’t have to contain myself from going on and on simply because… well, i wasn’t going on and on. We stare at each other more than talk, which is tad embarassing enough already.

Our conversations BORED ME TO DEATH and in the progress of these conversations, my huge crush on superman simply deteriorated. HE LOOKED SO GOOD ON THE OUTSIDE BUT NOTHING WAS ON THE INSIDE.

I realized that my idealism of superman was more than just boyish good looks. Instead it has to do more with:

-wit
-humor
-personality and most importantly
-brains (not genious smart, just smart will do)

That said, I guess I no longer get crushes other than those I see on TV. Friends say that my standards are too high. I don’t think so, they’re just different from the rest.

I’m actually brave enough to go on the route that hardly any 21st woman chooses the path called: “patience lane”

I no longer want to elaborate because most people argue with me on this one but please AGRESSION is a word I DON’T understand. If a guy likes me for real, he should be the one to make the move and not the other way around.

I’ll continue with my daily life and sometimes think of my superman, but I WON’T SEARCH FOR HIM.

He will come to rescue me at the right time…but until then

barney’s fine with me:)

you’re too arrogant for your own good.

Is it possible to fall in love with a movie? I don’t think it is BUT last night I did. You see, I’m a huge movie buff but it has been quite awhile since I actually fell in love with a movie (last one:memoirs of a geisha). It was SOOOO cute and I was swooning the entire time. Troy’s character just swept me off my feet. The guy can sing and play basketball… how hot is that? haha:)

seriously, you should watch it. its showing again next sunday on disney.

its a fun movie:)